


The Love Story of the “Only Sons” (Fin.)

by Maki_Jss



Category: X1 (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-22
Updated: 2020-05-07
Packaged: 2021-02-18 08:02:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 90,868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21524422
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maki_Jss/pseuds/Maki_Jss
Summary: *Alternate Universe*  Both being the "only child" in their families, Cho Seungyoun and Kim Wooseok meet as trainees from different companies in Seoul and start a turbulent relationship involving love, dreams, families, and everything that's in between.
Relationships: Cho Seungyeon | Seungyoun/Kim Wooseok | Wooshin
Comments: 124
Kudos: 144





	1. Chapter 1

Cho Seungyoun is the only son in his family. His parents have a business in the Philippines, and he spent his childhood alone in Seoul. He later developed an enthusiasm for soccer, so his parents sent him to Brazil during his teenage years. He got bored after finishing soccer school and decided to come back to South Korea to pursue a path in the entertainment industry, preferably as an idol. Due to his turbulent life journey, he has made friends from all walks of life and enjoyed an unfettered lifestyle filled with countless nights in the bars, pubs, and karaoke rooms.

Compared to Cho Seungyoun, Kim Wooseok, who is also the only son in his family, has a much simpler life. His parents are both university professors; thus, he really did not have much freedom during his childhood. He should only focus on study, getting good grades in school, and bringing honor to the family. So, he really did not have much time to play with other kids. Or should we say, he didn’t even have many friends. Eventually, he became “that kid in the neighborhood” who was the role model for all the other kids around. However, a child growing up like this would oftentimes have a rebellious heart. Indeed, after graduating from high school, Wooseok went to a trainee audition in Seoul and was accepted immediately. Of course, his parents soon found out, beat him up, and dragged him back home. Yet the company known as T Media really did not want to lose a potential star like him, so even the CEO went to Wooseok’s hometown to persuade his parents, and eventually gained the couple’s trust and brought Wooseok back to Seoul.

It was a little bit dramatic for Seungyoun and Wooseok’s first encounter. One day, around midnight, Seungyoun and his friends were out on the street after finishing a BBQ party. They were loud, attracting some passengers’ despised looks. However, for some reason Seungyoun looked toward the bus station at one point, and spotted a boy who was crouching on the floor and seemed quite miserable, perhaps in pain.  
It was at this moment, Seungyoun realized that he couldn’t take his eye off him.  
“You know him?” A friend noticed Seungyoun’s sudden silence.  
“You guys go to the next place first. I’m coming later,” said Seungyoun, who then walked towards the boy.

“Hey, are you okay?” Seungyoun bent down and asked.  
Perhaps didn’t expect anyone to approach him, Wooseok slowly looked up, only to find a pair of worrisome eyes looking straight into his.  
The flowing time seemed to have stopped for a moment.  
Wooseok’s eyes were red and watery as if he’s going to cry at any minute. He looked at the guy in front of him, whose eyes still contained some smile that he perhaps forgot to retract from his last conversation. Even facing a stranger, he seemed nice.  
They were very close. Maybe a person passing by would think they were high school classmates waiting for the bus together.

“I’m fine. Thanks.” Wooseok said.  
“Really? I thought you were going to cry?” Seungyoun persisted, “Go home. It’s not safe to cry alone here at this time of the day.” Seungyoun looked at this boy more carefully this time and wondered if he was some kind of second-generation rich kid due to his clean and elegant temperament. Even though Seungyoun himself was literally one, he was more like the dandy, playboy kind of son.  
“Yes, I’m fine. Maybe I’m just tired…” Wooseok said, weakly.  
“Tired? What did you do?”  
“I’m a trainee, I just finished today’s practice and was about to go home. And then… I had a stomachache.”  
“Why don’t you tell me earlier? I have meds.” Said Seungyoun, who opened his handbag and found some pills, “Do you need water? I can go buy one for you.” He then looked at the convenience store not far away.  
Wooseok did not expect this “punk boy” to be so gentle and caring to a stranger, so he was kind of surprised. He looked at him without saying a word.  
“Ah, don’t look at me like this. I’m so scared when someone cries in front of me. Come on, take the pill.”  
Wooseok’s bottle of water was just next to him, so he took the pill and swallowed it.  
Seungyoun watched this pretty boy have several more sips of water before he finally smiled again. “This pill is really good. I always take it. You’ll feel better in no time. There, there,” as if he’s patting a little brother.  
Is this how you feel when you have a bigger brother? Wooseok secretly told himself.

“It’s quite late. I wonder if there’s still public transportation. Maybe you should take a taxi home.” Seungyoun said.  
“I was about to walk home.”  
“Is your home far from here?”  
“About… 20 minutes’ walk?”  
“I’ll walk you home then.”  
Seungyoun was surprised that he actually said that, that he would walk this boy home since they literally just met. Also, Seungyoun felt that this boy did not seem that young, probably a high school student or something, so technically, he did not need a companion to go home. But for some reason, Seungyoun recalled their eye contacts just now, and all he wanted to do was to spend a little more time with him, he wanted to protect him.  
“What?” Wooseok apparently did not expect this to happen, so he looked startled.  
“Well, I have nothing to do anyways. Take it easy. I’m not going to kidnap you. So, where do you live?”  
Wooseok had a slight smile on his face and said, “I know you are not a bad person.” Otherwise, he wouldn’t take that pill in the first place.  
Seungyoun smiled with relief when he saw this boy’s expression getting a little bit delightful, so he asked, “Are you feeling better now?”  
“Yea, this med really works! Thank you.”

The two were walking in the dark and quiet sidewalk.  
“So, you are a trainee?” Seungyoun inquired.  
“Yes.”  
“So am I.”  
“What? Really?” Wooseok looked at him in disbelief, and the next thing he noticed: darn it. Another tall person. Why is everyone taller than him?  
“Yea, am I not like one?” Seungyoun said, “Oh well, I understand. Your face is more like an ‘idol.’”  
“No, don’t say that. It was just a little unexpected.” Wooseok got a little panic even though Seungyoun was just joking. He rushed to change the topic, “So, how old are you, if I may ask?”  
“I was born in 1996. You?”  
“What? Me too!” Wooseok inhaled, and he saw the taller boy also had a surprised facial expression.  
“I thought I could be a hyung. But we are actually the same age?” Seungyoun yelled.  
“Well… seems like that.”  
For some reason, Wooseok was actually a little disappointed. Perhaps deep down in his heart, he wanted to have an older brother who is more optimistic, outgoing, taking more initiatives, appear to save him whenever he needs. But that may be too much to ask, he thought.

Just when Wooseok was wandering in his mind, he suddenly felt that the boy grabbed his shoulder, dragging him inward. Wooseok lost his mind, and then saw a speeding sports bike passing through.  
“Damn. Many bikers are practicing at night in this neighborhood. At least ring a bell or something?” Seungyoun grumbled. And the next thing he did was to exchange position with Wooseok so that Wooseok was walking on the inside of the sidewalk.  
Though he seemed like a punk, he’s actually a nice guy, Wooseok again confirmed his first impression.

And then they arrived at Wooseok's apartment.  
“This is where I live.” Wooseok stopped before entering the building.  
“Ok, then I’m leaving. You can take the rest of the meds. I have a lot at home. But don’t take any if you don’t feel hurt.” Seungyoun carefully reminded him.  
“Oh… thank you.” Wooseok touched his glasses as if he was feeling embarrassed.  
“Good night. And practice well Wooseok! Fighting!” Seungyoun waved his arms and disappeared in Wooseok’s watch. And Wooseok suddenly wondered how came this person knew his name? Yet he himself didn’t know his?

Luckily, the second encounter came really fast; it was during a music festival in the suburbs of Seoul. The music festival was quite a mess since it was outdoor, and the lineups included many idol groups from different agencies.  
But even in such a chaos, Cho Seungyoun the mood-maker would always become the center of the crowd. And because of his high pitched voice, Kim Wooseok, who was also there that day to be the back dancer of a debuted group from his company, immediately noticed him. 

Though not 100% sure and have loads of people in front of him in the backstage, Wooseok still tried to jump up and see if that was who he thought it was. And yes, it was him. He had his hair all up to the back today, which made him seem younger than the last time they met at night. Wooseok was grateful that he wore contact lenses today, so that he could see him talking and laughing happily with his friends in the front of the large crowd.  
“What are you looking at?” Wooseok’s teammate Lee Jinhyuk saw him jumping up and down like a rabbit, thus asked.  
“I… I probably see someone I know from another company.”  
“Who?” Jinhyuk wondered while watching over to the direction where Wooseok was looking at. He was so tall that it didn’t take him long to find that guy, and said, “Wait, you mean Cho Seungyoun?”  
“You know him?” Wooseok doubted.  
“Yea, he’s from Yuehua. I have a friend who knows him, and I saw his photo with him before. That is a playful guy. I mean, he knows everyone. So he’s your friend?”  
“Ok I see…” Wooseok chewed on Jinhyuk’s words and suddenly felt a little upset. Maybe because his own personality was just too different from a “playful guy” so it would probably be hard to really befriend him. But anyway, they only met once.  
“Hey, if he’s your friend, you should go and say hi later. Now we need to prepare for the stage.” Jinhyuk pulled Wooseok out of his contemplation.  
“No, I mean, we are not really friends.” Wooseok shook his head, and then ran with Jinhyuk to the senbaes.

Wooseok had fun that day on the stage. Although he was only a back dancer, he enjoyed the applause from the crowd. It made him hopeful.  
Also, even though he was curious about Seungyoun’s stage, he did not have the time to watch it because it was when they had to prepare for their own shows.

Meanwhile, Seungyoun immediately joined the festive crowd after finishing his back-dancing job, becoming a total fan. Hence, as he was about to forget the boy who had a stomachache from that night, he came across him again.

In fact, as soon as Seungyoun saw that boy on stage, he remembered everything, particularly that beautiful face. Even though there are many good-looking guys in the industry, this boy is different, almost too good to be true. What makes him special is that he has this kind of child-like, pure disposition, as if he has never really entered the real world. Plus his pair of watery doe eyes, who would forget about that? Seungyoun was pretty sure that if a guy like him debut one day, the whole industry will experience a shake. But the only drawback about him was his height. He would be too perfect if he could be taller, Seungyoun thought.  
But when he saw this boy on stage, he realized that the height didn’t affect him much, because he had incredibly long legs and excelled body proportion. Just by standing there, it was enough to attract attention.  
“Wow, I see my friend!” Seungyoun shouted because it was quite loud at the festival.  
“What? Who? I mean who is NOT your friend in this world?” Seungyoun’s teammate joked.  
“Shut up. You see the back-dancer there? On the right? That is my friend. Isn’t he pretty?” Seungyoun pointed at the stage.  
“Ok fine. Your pretty friend.”  
Seungyoun knew his teammate had no interest in this, so he didn’t mention this “friend” anymore but ran directly to the backstage once the current performance ended, even though that meant he had to push away tons of people in his way.

The backstage looked even messier than before. Dancers, random clothes, equipment, trash… everyone was talking and everything was lying around. Seungyoun was told that they could just go home after work, but many dancers still chose to stay to see a top band at the end which was about to happen. Thus, a stream of people again came into Seungyoun’s way as they rushed outward to the audience. Seungyoun was almost swallowed by this huge wave of people, but the good thing was, the backstage was finally quiet.  
Seungyoun actually had no idea if he could meet Wooseok again, he wasn’t even sure if Wooseok ran to see the final show with the crazy crowd just now. But he decided to keep walking past the tents for different agencies and artists just to test his luck. Finally, he saw T Media’s. By the way, he knew Wooseok’s name because he saw his name sticker on the water bottle the first night they met. And on the water bottle, it said T Media. However, the tent was empty. No one was inside.

Seungyoun stood there and suddenly burst into a self-pathetic laughter. He realized that he didn’t even know why he wanted to see Wooseok so much all of a sudden. The past few minutes were so random. In fact, he could maybe call 2/3 of today’s dancers as “friend,” but he just wanted to see Wooseok, in person, and talk to him, to make sure that Wooseok still remembers him. Yes, he wanted to be remembered by Wooseok.

“Cho… Seungyoun?”  
As Seungyoun was laughing at his own spontaneity, he heard someone calling his name. He turned around, and that was the one he was longing to see.  
“Ah! Wooseok!” Seungyoun almost jumped to him, and gave him a big hug, “Long time no see! This is great!”  
Wooseok was totally startled by this sudden move and he almost couldn’t breathe due to this tight hug by a guy who is much taller and stronger than him.  
“Why don’t you tell me you’re going to be here today? How have you been? Is your stomach still hurting?” Seungyoun asked a series of questions quickly, not even giving the other the time to answer.  
Well, I don't have your number... Wooseok thought at first, but instead, he smiled as if he didn't care that much, “Haha, if I still feel the stomach pain, then that would be a problem.” But he was really happy at the moment because he realized that Seungyoun remembered him.  
“Let’s exchange our numbers! Maybe we will meet again at a different stage.” Seungyoun said with excitement.  
“Ok. But I don’t use my cellphone that often,” said Wooseok.

“By the way, I saw your stage just now. It was so good. Wooseok you were really out there stealing the vibe.” Seungyoun praised.  
“Really?” Wooseok’s eyes broadened upon hearing this. It is always nice to be seen. But he also apologized immediately, “Sorry I couldn’t see your stage. I was preparing in the backstage at the time.”  
“It’s ok. No worries. Wooseok, I’m serious, you have power on stage.”  
“Ok stop praising me!” Wooseok was too flattered as he never heard anyone adoring his performance this much. He was a little embarrassed. But he thought maybe Seungyoun was the only person who actually saw him today since he was only a back-dancer. This made him happy for some reason.  
But for what reason?  
Wooseok started to feel vigilant at the same time.

“Well… as compensation, I will go to see your stage one day.” Wooseok changed the topic.  
“Really? Ok. Then I’ll let you know if I have another event.” The smile on Seungyoun’s face could probably make flowers bloom right now.  
“I’m leaving with my company’s van. How about you?” Wooseok suddenly remembered that he had a mission.  
“I’m jealous. My company just let us be. We are kinda free now.”  
“Then… ok… they actually asked me to come back and pick up some bags so that’s why I’m here.”  
“Ok!” Seungyoun spared the space and let him go inside the tent. He watched Wooseok while the latter was struggling to hang several backpacks on his not-so-wide shoulders.  
And when Wooseok came out of the tent, he found that Seungyoun was probably watching him the entire time.  
“What’s the matter?” He asked.  
“Nothing. Do you need help?”  
“No thanks. They are quite empty. Well… I’m off then.” Wooseok didn’t have a hand to wave goodbye so he just turned his back to Seungyoun and walked toward the exit.  
Seungyoun crossed his arms, watching this boy (who’s actually the same age as his) with a small frame who managed to carry several big bags and sometimes even had to sprint a bit to make sure they didn’t fall.  
How can someone be this cute? –He thought to himself with a grin on his face. 

***

Cho Seungyoun is the kind of person who would be emotional about the things at hand, but also has short attention span to even be serious about them, because he’s just into too many things. Therefore, even though he exchanged number and social media with Wooseok, he never remembered to contact him in the following month. For one thing, he’s busy as a trainee; for another, he has a lot of “social activities” with his friends from all walks of life. 

Kim Wooseok, on the other hand, is a “prince.” Although he has a quite modest self-assessment, he indeed has a high pride also. So, if others don’t contact him first, he would never take the initiative. The first few days since they met at the music festival, he would somehow anticipate something from Seungyoun every night when he returned to his apartment. But later on, since nothing ever came, he started to feel funny about himself: why would I care? 

Life as a trainee could be boring. Wooseok’s company seldom gives the trainees free time. Thus, the trainees wouldn’t go out very much unless it is just for a quick meal. Sometimes Wooseok wonders if he has made the right decision to come to Seoul because he had many big fights with his parents for allowing him to pursue a totally untraditional path. But since he won, there’s no way back really. And whenever he sees his senbaes’ stages, he told himself to stay hopeful. He will debut one day. The good days will come.

In fact, there has been some rumors around T Media saying it may debut another boy group soon. The trainees are excited, even the slackers begin to pull all-nighters in the company's training room. Also, since the monthly evaluation is coming up, no one really leaves the company by the end of the month.  
Before becoming a trainee, Wooseok had never lived a strenuous life like this. Since he is the only child, his parents really treat him like a little prince. All he needed to do was to study hard. Coming from a family of higher education, he is well educated, well behaved, and knows what he should be doing. So since he made the rebellious decision to become a trainee, he was prepared to work extremely hard, maybe harder than anyone else because he did not have any background. It turns out, a smart kid would learn everything fast and do everything well.  
It is funny though, he’s literally working towards something intangible, yet he would probably sacrifice his life for it.  
But that’s the life of a trainee in Seoul. If he’s still at home being a good college student at this point, he might think what he’s now going through is crazy. But once in this environment, everything starts to make sense. He needs to debut as an idol, he needs to be recognized by the world. That’s his only goal. 

It was until he collapsed in the shower room in the company that he finally had time to take a break, in the hospital.  
And then, for the third time, he met Cho Seungyoun.

“Wow, isn’t this Kim Wooseok!” When Wooseok is asleep on a chair while taking his injection, he suddenly hears someone calling his name. He struggles to open his eyes just a little, and through the blurry eyesight, he believes he sees a tall guy not far away, whose right arm is covered in cast.  
And that voice sounds again, “How come you are here?”  
Oh, that high pitched voice, must be Cho Seungyoun then. Even though they haven’t met each other for almost two months, Wooseok still remembers that voice.  
Next thing Wooseok knows, Seungyoun sits next to him and starts to scan him.  
Seungyoun observes Wooseok: the beautiful face, just a little paler than the last time they met. And he has dyed his hair into reddish color this time. He looks weak, leaning towards the corner of the wall, slightly smiling? Perhaps?  
“You must be working too hard,” Seungyoun says with a sense of understanding, that’s why he ends up here taking drips.  
“And you? Working too hard and broke your bone?” Wooseok was feeling weak, but he managed to respond while glancing at Seungyoun’s casted arm.  
“Well, yea. I was doing breaking dance and broke it. But it’s ok.” Seungyoun said flightily.  
“Then you definitely worked hard than I did," said Wooseok.  
“Anyone accompanying you?” Seungyoun asked.  
“A staff from my company sent me here, but I let him leave since it’s no big deal. I’ll go home after this injection.”  
“I’ll wait for you then.” Seungyoun decides quickly.  
Wooseok now feels a little surprised, he opens his tiring eyes finally and says, “You don’t have to. Don’t you have other things to do?”  
“I’m like this now. I need to rest for a month. What kind of ‘things’ do I have to do, really?” Seungyoun shrugged.  
“But I don’t want to bother you.” Wooseok, being that elegant “prince,” is telling the truth.  
“You are not bothering me.”  
“But I think this injection is going to take a while…”  
“Can’t you make it faster?” Seungyoun says while facetiously starting to speed up the controller on the tube, yet immediately received a sour look from Wooseok.  
“I’m kidding.” A warm smile appears on Seungyoun’s face, it’s like the sunshine outside the hospital window, even though he must be in pain, Wooseok thinks, he has a cast on his arm, after all.

“Should I let you rest, or you want me to talk with you?” Seungyoun continues to “bother” Wooseok.  
“If I say ‘I want to rest,’ will you really leave me alone?” Wooseok jokes.  
And the two of them both smile, with each looking in a different direction. 

This is weirdly satisfying. Wooseok thinks. He doesn’t know why, but Seungyoun gives him a different feeling. It’s a feeling that can ease his stress when being around him, it’s a feeling of simply look into the sky and let out a long breath. He senses there must be something that can connect them, but he doesn’t know what yet.  
Meanwhile, Seungyoun feels that, too. He doesn’t know exactly what it is, but being with Wooseok, he feels different and relaxed. He believes that he’s a person who can hang out with all kinds of people, most of the time, he enjoys the loud ones though. But now with Wooseok by his side, he really enjoys the silence. He just wants to sit here with him and forgets about all his problems. 

After Wooseok finished the injection, it is already 8pm. It's Fall, and the weather starts to get chilly. They both feel hungry, so they stop by a simple family restaurant behind the hospital building, order some ordinary dishes.  
Wooseok has a few sips of soup before realizing that Seungyoun has been struggling to eat due to his injured arm. Actually, Seungyoun almost flipped the soup bowl.  
“Oh look at you.” Wooseok says, “Can you do it?”  
“NO! I can’t.” Seungyoun is frustrated, “Gosh, I just realized I have to live with my left hand. What should I do!”  
His voice is a little exaggerating, but enough to make Wooseok panic. Wooseok wants to comfort him but doesn’t know how. And then, unconsciously maybe, he uses the chopsticks to pick up some pork from the plate and send it to Seungyoun’s mouth.  
Seungyoun takes it.  
And Wooseok is stunned.

But Seungyoun seems to be totally okay with it. He excitedly swallows the pork and says, “Wooseok, you are SO nice to me! What should I do without you! Ahh—I want more!” He opens his mouth again, apparently doing an aegyo.  
Wooseok feels embarrassed about what he did just now, and he doesn’t expect Seungyoun to take it this way. But he looks around and picks some more food using his chopsticks again, and sends the food into Seungyoun’s mouth.  
“Ahm!” Seungyoun happily takes all.

Wooseok wonders if he is being crazy. How can he feed another male in public like this? Even though the restaurant literally has nobody except them right now. Although it makes total sense to feed someone who cannot eat by himself, it still makes him embarrassed. Moreover, how can Seungyoun act like he’s enjoying it? Wooseok doesn’t understand.

“Ok, you can eat. I’ll try on my own.” Seungyoun senses Wooseok’s uneasiness and says. But Wooseok, who’d rather hold his “mysterious” impression in public, suddenly gets offended by the fact that Seungyoun actually reads his thoughts. So he changes his mind.  
“It’s fine. I’ll feed you.” Wooseok switches to a spoon, filled it with a lot of food from the plates, and even adds rice, and sends the whole thing towards Seungyoun’s face.  
Seungyoun is a little surprised by Wooseok’s sudden action, he stares at the full spoon for a while, judging if he can really swallow the whole thing at once, but then he does.  
Hence, the whole situation somehow becomes a “punishment game.” Wooseok keeps on feeding Seungyoun with the spoon, and Seungyoun takes every bite. Wooseok gradually feels satisfied, even though he doesn’t know the reason exactly.  
Finally, Seungyoun overeats and begs Wooseok to stop. He throws himself on the table and laughs hysterically.  
Wooseok also wants to laugh, but he tries to hold it, so he pretends to look outside the window to hide his grin.  
“Are you full now? Then I’m going to eat.” Wooseok says.  
“Oh, yea go ahead. The foods are getting cold if you don’t eat soon.” Seungyoun stops laughing and says.  
Honestly, Seungyoun doesn’t know that Wooseok also has a naughty side in his personality. He thought Wooseok was just a well-behaved angel or something, spoiled by his parents probably. But then he realizes there is only a thin line between an angel and a devil.  
Yet look at him eating by himself across the table, he still looks like an angel, Seungyoun thinks to himself. 

The two leave the restaurant.  
“Ah, I haven’t felt this full in a long time.” Seungyoun yawns, “And you surprised me, Wooseok. How can you be that evil!”  
Wooseok now begins to feel flustered again. He is not sure how close they are, but recalling what they just did, Wooseok suddenly feels regret. He must have revealed too much about his personality in front of Seungyoun, which may damage his impression as a sophisticated man.  
Yet what Wooseok ends up saying is, “Because you were too loud, I must feed you first so that I can eat myself.”  
Seungyoun laughs, “But that was fun. I’m happy. Wooseok is an interesting guy.”  
“Oh, now you know that?” Wooseok responds.  
“See, this is where I think you are cute. There's a gap in you. Very cute.”  
Wooseok stunned. He doesn’t know why everything he has said today was different from what was in his mind, and now hearing a guy calling him “cute,” he cannot handle it anymore, “Ok, we should go home,” said him in panic.  
“Don’t. It’s rare to hang out at this time of the day as a trainee, right? Let’s do something else!” Seungyoun insists.  
“You’re injured. Where do you want to go?” Wooseok can’t believe that he’s still being this high-tensioned.  
“Let’s see the night view of Seoul!”  
“What? Are we dating?” Wooseok exclaims but again, immediately regrets what he just said.  
But it seems Seungyoun really takes that question in, he thinks for a while and says, “Seems like that.”  
Wooseok has nothing to say now. He knows Seungyoun is just being playful. He can get that in his personality now. But honestly, he just wants to go back to the practice room, since he missed a day already and the monthly evaluation is coming up soon.

Suddenly, a gust of wind comes, blowing up the leaves around them. In seconds, the two are surrounded by the flying sheets in the empty street. The leaves are eventually blown away, leaving a spot on the ground lit up by the streetlamp. The space is just like a small stage now. 

At this moment, Wooseok notices that Seungyoun, who is standing beside him, is staring at that spot blankly. For some reason, seeing him like this makes Wooseok worried. He tilts his head and carefully asks, “Are you okay?”  
It feels like three seconds have passed before Seungyoun finally speaks, “Oh, I’m good.”  
But nothing has changed. The light, the shadow, and the sad expression on Seungyoun's face.  
“Hey,” Wooseok calls again, trying to say something, but he loses his thoughts by merely looking at Seungyoun right now.  
But Seungyoun eventually looks up as if waking up from a daydream. And his facial expression lights up again as if nothing has happened: “Ok, let’s go home. I’ll take subway No.1, how about you? I believe it’s 2?”  
“I…” Wooseok hesitates. He feels a little disappointed. He thought that Seungyoun might want to stay with him longer, or at least make some jokes like he always did. But nothing, he just said go home. Well, having expectation means losing, Wooseok tells himself, and says, “Yea, let’s go home.”  
At least they can walk to the subway station together. 

After swiping their transit cards, they need to go on separate ways. The air between them suddenly feels weird, or at least for Wooseok, it feels so. They just stumbled upon each other in the hospital after two months, had supper together, chatted, and somewhat had fun, right? But why does he feel that Seungyoun looks so far and foreign when they have to part now?

“Hey, Seungyoun.” Wooseok finally initiates, “Contact me… if you want.” He realizes that he still cannot surrender to say, “I’ll contact you.”  
“Oh, ok!” Seungyoun answers in a delightful tone.  
“And… take care of your injured arm. I hope you get better soon. You know, you have stages waiting for you.”  
“Of course.” Seungyoun smiles.  
“Then, I’ll go that way. Bye-bye.” Wooseok can’t think of other things to say, so he waves his hand casually while turning around to blend himself with the crowd.

Seungyoun stands there watching Wooseok leaving. He’s tiny, Seungyoun reaffirms since he can easily lose track of Wooseok when the latter is blended with people in this busy station. Seungyoun stretches his neck to see him off until he really disappears within his sight. 

“I don’t have any stage anymore.” Seungyoun finally breaks down, “I was going to debut next month. But now look at me, the ultimate fool, I got myself injured. I won’t have a stage anymore.”  
Seungyoun has a wry smile on his face. He then raises his left hand to wipe away a drop of tear that is almost about to fall. 

~To be continued.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wooseok is trying to comfort Seungyoun, who loses his opportunity to debut. But Seunyoun eventually takes the initiative again.

So that’s it. Simple and straight: Seungyoun was about to debut next month, but he broke his arm. His company Yuehua then replaced him with another trainee.  
This may sound ridiculous, but it really isn’t, at least for Seungyoun. He knows the rumor about another trainee in the company who has a “strong background,” probably related to the government or something. This person was not good enough to debut, so the company tried every way to put him off. However, with Seungyoun’s injury and another push from this trainee’s parents, Yuehua finally gave in and replaced him. Yuehua told Seungyoun that there may be another debut opportunity next year, which is just a few months away, so he should just wait a little bit more. But Seungyoun knows that this is just the company trying to comfort him because this is not the first time that such things happened to him. About two years ago, there was another debut opportunity, yet the company said he was too young. Seungyoun knows full well the corrupted and immature business model of Yuehua, but he has chosen to keep the contract because he just wants a place to stay.

In fact, when he heard about the news of eliminating him from the debut group, he was at the hospital changing medicines for his broken arm. Learning the news on the phone, he suddenly had no idea how to react. And it was at that moment he suddenly saw Wooseok, who was also in the hospital taking an injection. So for Seungyoun, seeing Wooseok was like meeting a lifesaver when he needed the most--since he just wanted someone to distract him from the bad news. It turned out, Wooseok did help him feel better, at least he was calm and relaxed when sitting next to him. Not to mention that Wooseok even made him laugh in the restaurant later that day. However, when it was time to part, Seungyoun finally had a breakdown, especially after seeing Wooseok turning his back to him in the subway station. The depression and desperation all swarmed into his chest. Maybe he should just give up, he thought. After all, he has so many hobbies, he has money, and as long as he lives, his parents will always send money every month from the Philippines. However, he also knows that if he cannot debut and give up this dream, he will never forgive himself, and his family and the society will never respect him. 

But he has been dealing with too many rejections already, and it seems that he always has to see other people turning their backs to him. Recalling the time when his father left him in the soccer school in Brazil, the time when other trainees left him for the bigger stages, and now, the closest chance of debut has shut him off… If he sees another person showing their back to him, he would probably cry. 

Meanwhile, Wooseok earned first place in the month evaluation, and that’s two months in a row. However, there is nothing about debut for them, as the rumor said. He thought maybe it was just the company wanting them to practice hard, so it sent out the fake news. But it does frustrate him.  
He would be lying if he says he doesn’t get mad at the company at all. He’s not an angel or a saint, after all. Although he knows his senbaes had practiced for seven or eight years before debut and that he only practiced a little more than a year, he also believes that time has changed now, and this kind of long wait before debut doesn't happen that much anymore. Also, since he doesn’t have much experience of dancing, he’s being practicing really hard, trying to race against the time. But how many people in the decision-making room of this company really knows? Perhaps these people with money just want to send them to the market when it’s a nice day or something. Yet because he knows this too well, he has to follow the rules in order to debut. Once debut, he can have more choices. 

And as Wooseok keeps talking himself out of frustration, he hears about the news of Yuehua’s new group one day.  
It is morning, and all the trainees are having breakfast together while watching TV. Suddenly, Jinhyuk approaches Wooseok and whispers: “You know what, the new group of Yuehua doesn’t have Cho Seungyoun in it.”  
“What? That’s impossible.” Wooseok rustles in disbelief. He knows that Seungyoun has been in Yuehua for many years and that the company is not that big. Also, he’s not that young as a trainee, so he should be able to debut this time.  
“I know right?” said Jinhyuk, “There must be something. Do you think he may have done something wrong right before the debut? Like something forbidden?”  
“No way!” Wooseok says resolutely. Then he realizes that Seungyoun has broken his arm so that may be the cause. But that shouldn’t prevent him from debut, right? Or is the industry really that cruel?  
“Do you know something? I feel like you know.” Jinhyuk is quite sensitive.  
“No, nothing. I just think that he should be able to debut already.” Wooseok explains.  
“Well, trainees can hardly decide their fates, you know.” Jinhyuk sighs and leaves.  
Wooseok sits there, and all of a sudden, he remembers the sad expression on Seungyoun’s face last time they met. Does that mean Seungyoun already knew he would not be able to debut on that day? He wonders. 

Wooseok was absent-minded the entire morning during the singing lesson, and was even picked out by the teacher. During the lunch break, he and the other trainees watched the music video of Yuehua’s new group together. It was ok, no one really caught his attention from the mv. Or maybe it’s just because Cho Seungyoun was not in there.  
This is rare, but Wooseok leaves for the apartment after lunch. He doesn’t know why the fact that Seungyoun didn’t debut makes him sad, as if it happened to him. Maybe because he feels like he should have sensed something and comforted Seungyoun earlier. 

Once entering his room, Wooseok immediately pulls out his cellphone from the drawer, opens the chatting app, and finds Seungyoun’s name.  
There is actually two messages from the next day after they met last time.  
Seungyoun said, “Morning. Fighting!” And Wooseok responded, “Yes, I know.” Although Seungyoun would never know that Wooseok actually thought for a long time before drafting that short response.  
Now Wooseok looks at that “Yes, I know,” and again, has no idea what to say to him. Maybe whatever he sends will sound like he knows about Seungyoun’s failure to debut, and that may make him feel like he’s being sympathetic? No one wants to receive sympathy in a situation like this, right? However, he knows that he wants to see Seungyoun now.  
I have to take the initiative once, he tells himself. 

“Has your arm recovered?” 30 minutes have passed, and Wooseok finally hit the “send” button on the app. He immediately puts his cellphone under the pillow. Is he going to respond quickly? Is he taking some rest now? Eating lunch? Practicing? Wooseok gets nervous as he guesses the possibilities. Wait, how come I’m being this impulsive? This is not me…  
Good thing, his cellphone soon vibrates.  
“I’m fine now. The doctor took off my cast last week.”  
Great. Wooseok murmurs. And his phone vibrates again.  
“Do you have time today? I’m going to the hospital to get some meds. Wanna come?”  
“Yes, I do.” Without thinking twice, Wooseok replies in no time. 

Since Wooseok is the top trainee who has just received his second “monthly No.1” in a row, the company actually wants him to take some rest. Thus, Wooseok only tells Jinhyuk that he’ll be leaving for the afternoon and then leaves for the hospital.  
The moment he ascends the stairs at the subway station, he sees Seungyoun, who is standing there in the crowd with an orange beanie and a dark green oversized hoodie. He’s tall, so he’s so easy to spot.  
And Seungyoun sees Wooseok at the same time. In fact, they both feel ecstatic by locating the other in the crowd.  
“Actually, I was just asking, I thought you were practicing or something so you wouldn’t have time to come out. Turns out… Well anyway, long time no see.” Seungyoun says while pulling Wooseok’s shoulder to his chest.  
“Yea… I have a day off today.” Wooseok says.  
“Really? That’s rare.” After saying this, Seungyoun wonders if Wooseok would feel uncomfortable being squeezed by his arm, so he releases.  
The two start walking. This time, Seungyoun naturally stands on the side near the street.  
Wooseok glances at Seungyoun from the side, he feels that Seungyoun doesn’t look that depressed. He’s smiling, at least.  
They arrived at the hospital without talking too much. But when Seungyoun leans toward the counter to get his medicine, Wooseok suddenly notices the tattoo on his wrist, a sad face emoji plus a smiley face emoji.  
As he loses his thoughts by seeing the tattoo, Seungyoun calls him: “Hey, I'm done. Let’s go. What are you thinking?”  
“Does it hurt?” Wooseok asks, out of nowhere.  
“What?” Seungyoun is confused.  
“Your wrist.” Wooseok points at that tattoo using his eyes.  
“Oh, this one? No, not really.” Seungyoun raises his writ and looks at it as well, “this place is ok. But if you tattoo on where the skin is thin, it would hurt more.”  
“Did you just get it? I don’t think you had it last time we met.” Wooseok continues to ask, in a careful and curious voice.  
Seungyoun hesitates for a bit, but then answers, “Yea, I just had this one last week right after I removed my cast.”  
“Do you have other tattoos?”  
“Yea, why? Do you want to see them?” Seungyoun recalls his other tattoos, which are covered under his clothes, so he says flightily.  
“Do people get addicted to tattooing?” Wooseok doesn’t mind Seungyoun’s playful tone and asks calmly.  
“Hmm… probably yes? But each tattoo must have a special meaning, I think.”  
“Then how about this one?” Wooseok waves his own wrist.  
“Well… I was just… commemorating the removal of my first cast.” Seungyoun lies, and he knows this sounds fake. 

Among Wooseok’s friends, none of them have tattoos. He used to think only punks do that, so when he just found out Seungyoun’s, he was a little surprised. However, as he starts to decipher the meaning of the two emojis, he suddenly feels a little sad. This man has a soft heart, for sure.  
Upon realizing this, Wooseok stops asking questions and changes to another topic: “Let’s go, go where?”  
“What? Is this a date?” Seungyoun jokes again, though it doesn’t really sound funny in the current context.  
Although Wooseok planned to come here and comfort Seungyoun, now he really thinks Seungyoun may not need such comfort, since he looks fine. So he speaks instead: “Let’s go shopping then. I haven’t bought new clothes for a long time."

There aren’t many people in the shopping district on a weekday. Although Wooseok said he wanted to buy clothes, he didn’t really mean to. I just wanted to take a walk and look around the shops with Seungyoun.  
“Hey, Wooseok, this suits you well.” Seungyoun seems to be the one who’s more excited about shopping. He would always choose some clothes for Wooseok and put them against his body in front of a mirror, even though they apparently have totally different tastes in fashion.  
“Are you sure?” Wooseok looks at the one Seungyoun is showing to him, which is a bright yellow hoodie.  
“Yea, why not? It suits you!”  
“This looks like it’s for a security guard. It’s gonna flash in the dark.”  
“Wooseok-ah, don’t you think you should wear something bright sometimes? You always wear grey or white, and your mood will be like those colors.”  
“But I don’t think I need THAT bright color,” says Wooseok, “Are you afraid that I’ll be hit by a car at night or something?”  
“Haha,” Seungyoun laughed, “Our Wooseok is really funny sometimes.”  
What do you mean by “our Wooseok”? Wooseok complains quietly. But as he sees Seungyoun being so cheery, he lets out a sigh of contentment.  
He’s not going to buy that hoodie, of course. But Seungyoun keeps suggesting clothes for him as if he's making some pranks. Wooseok starts to lose his patience and steps up to pinch his waist jestingly. Seungyoun dodges and bumps into a lady passing by, and he anxiously apologizes to her. Wooseok starts to laugh at him, thinking that he’s like a comedian or something. 

If they just hang out like this, it feels like they have known each other for a long time. Wooseok ponders.

“Don’t you want to buy something?” Wooseok asks while sipping on his iced coffee, which he bought just now.  
“Me? I come here quite often.” Seungyoun answers.  
“Oh, ok…” Wooseok takes another sip, with a thoughtful expression on his face. 

A lazy afternoon in fall feels so warm, even a little bit hot. Seungyoun rolls up his sleeves, and again, Wooseok sees that new tattoo on his wrist. Meanwhile, Seungyoun walks beside him while checking himself up in the windows of the stores every now and then as if he really hasn’t been affected by not debuting.  
Am I worrying too much then? Wooseok wonders, maybe Seungyoun really doesn’t care? But that’s not possible… right? Even a slacker in the training room would want to debut. And if he indeed doesn’t care much about debut, then am I thinking wrong about him? However, why would I have expectations for him? I haven’t even been debuted yet… Wooseok can't stop thinking about this whole situation while biting on his straw. 

Suddenly, he hears a familiar melody coming from above.  
He uses “familiar” because he just listened to it a few hours ago in his company with the other trainees. It is the new Yuehua group's song, and the mv is being played on the LED screen on the façade of a big shopping mall across the street.  
The two of them spontaneously stopped to watch the mv. Many people on the sidewalk also stopped.  
Halfway through the song, Wooseok suddenly realizes that Seungyoun is humming the tune. Though his voice is really low, the way he sings with it sounds as if he knows everything about it, like he even owns the song.  
Wooseok’s heart squeezes a bit. 

The mv ends, the crowd even give an applause. Seungyoun also shouts out in excitement. However, when Wooseok looks up at him, he only sees a smile on Seungyoun’s face that is by no means happy, it’s kind of reluctant, painful, and complicated. This man, Wooseok sighs, he really shows everything on his face.  
“Are you alright?” Wooseok can’t help but asks.  
“Ah… to be honest? I’m dying,” though Seungyoun stills keeps that strange smile on his face, he continues, “I shouldn’t have seen this.”  
Now Wooseok doesn’t know how to respond.  
“I’m frustrated now. Why did I break my arm? If only I hadn't got injured…”  
Oh, bingo. Wooseok thinks to himself. 

“I actually participated in producing this song,” Seungyoun says.  
“Really?” Wooseok is surprised.  
“Well… never mind. This means I still participated in it somehow, right?” Seungyoun sighs and then grins, which seems brighter than the previous one.  
But this doesn’t make Wooseok smile. The ice in his coffee has melted, and now his hand is wet and cold.  
From the red, frustrated face, to the yellow, smiley face—that’s the Cho Seungyoun standing next to him right now, just like his new tattoo on the wrist. He wanted to overcome the pain by using the most painful method, i.e., tattooing it into his body, making the feeling and the memory unforgettable. Cho Seungyoun, do you always treat yourself like this?

“Hey, does it hurt?” Wooseok asks again without looking at Seungyoun.  
Unsurprisingly, the taller one doesn’t respond this time.  
Wooseok starts to walk. And as he passes a narrow alley, he decides to step in. He leans against the wall, looking at the sky and letting out a long sigh.  
Seungyoun follows in and leans on the other side of the alley with his head down.  
Wooseok then looks at Seungyoun and suddenly feels an impulse hitting him. He wants to save Seungyoun, even though he has nothing at all. 

To his surprise, Seungyoun is the one who first leans forward and rests his head on Wooseok’s shoulder. Wooseok is shocked, but then stiffly raises his hand, thinks for a few seconds, and finally embraces Seungyoun’s back, even slowly patting his soft hair. He immediately smells the woody scent from his neck, senses the weight of another person's head on his body. This all feels foreign, but for some reason, natural.  
Like a lazy cat, Seungyoun rubs his head on Wooseok’s shoulder, with light and whiny sound.  
“You idiot.” Wooseok whispers.  
“Hmm?”  
“Are you crying?”  
And yes, Wooseok feels the head on his body nods a little in response. 

Wooseok doesn’t really know what to do next. He seldom has this kind of body contact with his friends, and he can’t even recall any friend who cried in front of him. But to be honest, he doesn’t have many friends.  
“Ah… why are you so stupid!” Wooseok tries to comfort him by putting another hand on Seungyoun’s back, hugging him tighter and patting him in the back again, “There, there. You’ll be fine. You are fine. Is our Seungyoun a crybaby?” Wooseok reassures him in a gentle voice as if talking to a pet.  
And he feels that Seungyoun nods again on his shoulder.  
Oh, ok, I see. Wooseok smiles, and then closes his eyes.  
This feels strange.  
His heart races.  
And he just wants to smile. 

And the next thing he knows, Seungyoun lifts his head up a little bit, lining the bridge of his nose with Wooseok’s neckline. Wooseok is unprepared, or maybe frightened to be exact. He feels itchy by Seungyoun’s breaths, and he knows that their necks, ears, everything, are so close right now.  
“Hey… wh… what are you doing?” Wooseok mutters nervously.  
“Nothing… just getting some comfort.” Seungyoun murmurs, “Just a little while and I’ll be fine.”

Wooseok doesn’t know what to do on the one hand, and probably doesn’t want to know how, on the other hand. He realizes that he hasn’t been receiving warmth or energy from another person for a long time, and he doesn’t have memory about embrace or hugs. Throughout his life, he’s been all by himself. Other people or things are none of his business. Now, being a trainee is like giving up everything and trying to be reborn. And he sometimes feels that his spirit is slowly leaving his body, becoming an onlooker.  
However, a hug like this has finally dragged his wandering spirit back to his body. It tells him that “you are you,” and "all your emotions are well preserved in your shell. So please, don’t make them sad." 

Not sure how long has passed, but definitely long enough for Wooseok to even get used to this hug. Both of them have been cured, for sure, in this quiet, secret alley.  
“Feeling better?” Wooseok finally asks, but once he speaks, he realizes that his voice is a little husky.  
“Yea. I’ve charged myself well.” Seungyoun says.  
“Fully charged?” Wooseok says teasingly.  
“Hmm… maybe need a bit more.”  
“So what will you do?”  
“Oh shit, it seems I’ve attached to you. I can’t pull myself away from you now.” Seungyoun continues to make fun. 

It is at this moment that Wooseok realizes that he’s blushing like crazy. He just wanted to give some comfort to Seungyoun in the first place, but why his heart feels like it is going to explode now? If they really stop this hug right now, Seungyoun will definitely see him being all red, and that’ll be embarrassing.  
However, he doesn’t know that Seungyoun has already felt the heat, long time ago. 

“What shall I do?” Seungyoun asks, more like asking himself.  
“What do you mean?” Wooseok responds.  
“I’m worried that without you, I may be done for.”  
“?”  
“I mean, I may have a crush on you. I don’t want to let go.”

Wooseok is astounded. What does this mean? What is “I don’t want to let go?” He becomes so panicky that he wants to escape from Seungyoun’s embrace.  
Seeing him getting agitated, Seungyoun releases his arms. And they back to the position of each occupying one side of the alley wall.  
Seungyoun has to admit that what he just said was out of nowhere, totally spontaneous. Probably due to the rising level of adrenaline in this narrow space, or because he really needed someone and Wooseok happened to be here, he felt impulsive, moved, attached, thankful, and thus, affection.  
Seungyoun doesn’t hide his feelings most of the time, so he told Wooseok. However, Wooseok has never confronted a situation like this. He doesn’t even know where to look now, which makes Seungyoun feel a little guilty.  
“Sorry, Wooseok. Am I scaring you?”  
“No… I mean… I don’t know.” Wooseok shies away, he thinks his heart is beating, but his brain is dead.  
“Have you ever been confessed by a guy?”  
“No… nope.”  
“So you don’t like it then?”  
Wooseok shakes his head fiercely. He doesn’t know. He just suddenly wants to cry so much. Is this some kind of new prank?  
“Then, tell me, what are you thinking now?” Seungyoun continues to push him in a soft voice, which makes Wooseok feel defensive. So he raises his head and looks straight into Seungyoun’s eyes.  
He looks like a helpless rabbit, Seungyoun ruminates, looking at Wooseok’s watery eyes and tightly pressed lips. Man, he is so beautiful, he might take my life. 

“So, I mean, can I pursue you?” Seungyoun explains, this time more straightforwardly. 

~ To be continued.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The unexpected kiss.

Seungyoun is waiting for an absolute “yes.” Because why not? Since the day they met, there has been some kind of special chemistry going on. Isn’t that obvious? Isn’t Wooseok always glancing him secretly when they walk together? Don’t they meet up whenever they want to see each other? Isn’t this enough to build a relationship then? And after all, wouldn’t it be nice just to develop a more intimate relationship with Wooseok?

But Wooseok answers, “Are you out of your mind? Is this some kind of prank?”  
Seungyoun is confused, “How come? Do I look like I’m out of my mind?”  
“I think,” Wooseok clears his throat, “there’s something wrong with your current state of mind. I’m sure.” He tries to hide the fact that his heart beats crazy fast right now and continues, “I know you may be going through a hard time recently, and you want someone to accompany you. If you need me, I can come. But this has nothing to do with ‘love,’ right? Any friend would help you out when you need them. And, both of us are men.”  
“What year is this? Can’t a man be in love with another man?” Seungyoun asks.  
“No that’s not what I meant. I mean, I’m not lonely enough to be needing a… a boyfriend.” Wooseok doesn’t know what he’s saying anymore, in fact.  
“But I have many friends already,” Seungyoun says, “I don’t want to put you in the same category.”

Wooseok is a little swayed. He knows that he likes Seungyoun because whenever he thinks about him, his heart races. However, it’s probably not "love." Moreover, he feels scared by suddenly facing Seungyoun’s proactive “pursuit.” It doesn’t feel right.  
“You are already my friend without ‘pursuing’ me,” Wooseok explains.  
“But if I pursue you and succeed. You will be mine and mine only."  
“Oh gosh, Seungyoun, how can you be this cheesy?” Wooseok can’t believe what he just heard. How come the two of them ended up like this?

“Wooseok, do you like being with me just like right now?” Seungyoun seems to have stepped back a little.  
“Well, I guess, yea?”  
“Then you just need to keep being ‘you,’ and I will just use my own method to like you a little bit more. That’s it. That’s all I want to do.”  
Wooseok stuns, he looks at Seungyoun into the eyes, and quickly, a thought comes to his mind, which scares him even—you have already earned my heart. What do you want me to do?

But no. Wooseok reminds himself that he cannot surrender like this right now. Wake up, Wooseok!  
So he tries to calm down and says, “Are you always an impulsive person like this? It’s normal to develop affection to the person who’s nice to you when you feel helpless. But once we all become busy, we will just forget about each other and we will never contact each other just like before.”  
“So you mean, you can accept me, but you are afraid I will not contact you one day?” Seungyoun reads Wooseok this way.  
Damn Cho Seungyoun, why are you being so rude right now? Wooseok curses in his mind, and he becomes anxious, “No! I was saying, you should let yourself calm down. You just meet me a few times. I am just a trainee from another company who is also a male. And I’ll keep being a trainee until I debut. That’s all. Don’t rely on your impulse, Seungyoun.” Wooseok immediately regrets after saying the word “debut” out loud. Is it going to hurt Seungyoun?

However, this thought is immediately stopped when he suddenly feels that his lips are covered by Seungyoun’s, totally unexpectedly.  
Seungyoun grabs his wrists and pushes him back against the wall, kissing him carefully. For the first time in his life, Wooseok feels his lips are being bitten by another person. And next, he feels a warm and soft object extends into his mouth, touching his tongue. He opens his eyes wide, but he feels blank. He realizes that he’s probably being kissed, almost being forced. But he doesn’t know what to do because all he can focus on right now is the feeling on his lips and in his mouth. He can even hear some moans, even though he’s not sure from whom or where. He feels breathless. But Seungyoun just wouldn’t stop and even locks his wrists much tighter.  
Wooseok senses the heat around them, and he still couldn’t manage to move his body. Strangely, he gradually feels more and more comfortable, and finally closes his eyes.  
And the kiss ends. Seungyoun leaves Wooseok’s lips. And Wooseok seems so lost that he couldn’t come back to reality.

Seungyoun stares at him and thinks that he’s so beautiful with this nervous and frightened expression after an abrupt kiss. Wooseok now breathes carefully like a vulnerable little bird, with his chest rises and falls quickly. This makes Seungyoun’s heart itchy.  
“Wooseok? Wooseokie?” Seungyoun tries to call him.  
Wooseok hears it, but he doesn’t want to respond. His eyes are full of tears right now. However, he doesn’t want to slap Seungyoun in the face. In fact, he’s just terrified, but he doesn’t hate what just happened.

“Wooseokie?” Seungyoun keeps calling his name fondly. He thinks that Wooseok is mad, but he doesn’t know how to make him less angry. All he knows is that just now when he saw Wooseok’s pink, plushy lips, he wanted to lay a kiss on them.  
And next thing, Seungyoun feels that his chest has been hit harshly… by Wooseok’s head.  
“Why don’t you be dead already??? Do you think you can do whatever you want? Do you treat everyone like this? You are so unreasonable! You think you can do whatever when you feel bad? Do you kiss anyone you want? Are you an animal or uncivilized???”  
“I’m sorry.” Seungyoun apologizes, not necessarily in a sincere tone.  
Wooseok is mad: “Sorry is not enough! Gosh, what kind of person are you???”  
“Sorry, I’m just an unreasonable ‘only son’ in my family. I’m sorry, Wooseokie, forgive me!”  
“What the hell? I’m also the ‘only son,’ but you think ‘only son’ can do whatever they want? Whoever that's in a relationship with you must be so damn pathetic!” Wooseok seldom curses, but he does this time.  
“Well… you are probably right.” Seungyoun shrugs; he even pauses for a while as if he’s counting his previous lovers.  
And this makes Wooseok even madder. What the hell? How many times has he done the same thing to other people? But then he wonders, why would I be mad? Am I being jealous?

Wooseok cannot handle his messy thoughts anymore, and he stepped on Seungyoun’s shoes for the lack of better ways to vent his feeling. Seungyoun jumps back a little bit but manages to hold Wooseok’s arm before falling.  
Wooseok has to look at Seungyoun’s eyes in this position again. But this time, in this quick and hurried glance, he feels something different.  
He feels the urge to admit that this is the guy he likes. Yes, he like Seungyoun.  
I’m so doomed. Seriously.  
So I’m the one who’s out of his mind. Wooseok thinks, this is ridiculous, unheard-of. How can I, Kim Wooseok, fall in love with a guy???  
Wooseok pauses and has a complicated expression on his face.

“Hey, what are you thinking? You seem lost.” Seungyoun asks, keeping the position of holding Wooseok’s arm.  
“Don’t you know better?” Wooseok answers furiously.  
“So like I told you, you just need to keep being yourself. And I’ll do the part of liking you more.”  
“Does this do anything good for me? And for you?” Wooseok asks.  
“Hmm… I don’t know.” Seungyoun is honest.  
“I’m so mad at you. You know that, right?”  
“Don’t be like that, Wooseok. Don’t turn your back to me.” Seungyoun begs, but in a joking tone.  
“You are crazy!” Wooseok now really feels helpless, “what do you want me to do?”  
“If possible, to love Cho Seungyoun a little more?” Seungyoun says shamelessly.  
“And then? We are going back to our practice rooms and working towards debut. Never talk to each other again?”  
“Oh Wooseok, do you have to think that much? Just chill and be happy, won’t you?”  
“That’s not possible. Are you an idiot? We are both males. And I’m about to be in a relationship with a guy! What should I do? I have no idea!”  
“Oh, so you are worried about that? It’s okay, I’ll teach you.” Seungyoun grins as he’s thinking ahead about something else.  
“Shut up!” Wooseok kinda senses the evilness in his smile.  
“So, you accepted me, right?”  
“What?”  
“Date me. You just said it. See, now I don’t even have you pursue you.”  
“Gosh, can I just kill you already?” Wooseok is so mad at the fact that Seungyoun’s being so witty and catches every flaw in his words. But on the other hand, he’s sort of correct about everything.  
Wooseok starts to walk, he’s tired of this conversation and just wants to leave this narrow alley.

“How about this?” Suddenly, Seungyoun’s voice comes from his back again. And Wooseok turns around automatically.  
“Once debut, we break up.”  
“What?”  
“Either of us debut, we break up. So now we have a ‘deadline.’ Does this make you feel better?” Seungyoun’s expression becomes more serious as he speaks.  
Wooseok stares into his eyes again, this time seeing a face with an apologetic smile, which, for some reason, makes his heart stop beating for a second.  
 _Cho Seungyoun, don’t show that face to me, please. You look sad. I feel like you are going to hurt yourself or something. And this expression makes me afraid that I’ll be losing you…_

“Ok. Deal.” Wooseok says, his eyes shine like the reflection of stars in a lake, which will disperse with just a gust of wind.

***

Wooseok doesn’t remember how he arrives home that day.  
He has never thought about being “in a relationship” with Seungyoun before, although he knows he cares about him more than others. Why can’t we just be friends? Why did he kiss me? Wooseok ponders while lying in his bed.  
He doesn’t like the feeling of being led or controlled by others. But when he recalls what happened in that alley, he remembers Seungyoun’s spontaneity, which made him so powerless and submissive. Worse, when he sees Seungyoun, he would always develop an urge to “save him” and “to take care of him.” He still wants to make sure that Seungyoun is okay, and that makes him reassured.  
What kind of emotion is this?

His roommate Jinhyuk then comes back and sees that Wooseok is covering his head with a pillow.  
“Are you committing suicide?” Jinhyuk jokes.  
“Don’t mind me,” Wooseok says. He can’t tell him that he just accepted a guy’s pursuit, right? And now his phone vibrates.  
“Are you home? I miss you.” That’s a message from Seungyoun.  
Wooseok seems to have got an electric shock. He throws his phone across the room and screams internally.  
“Are you really okay?” Jinhyuk worries.  
Wooseok then jumps out of his bed and picks up his phone, turns it off, locks it in the drawer, before telling Jinhyuk, “I’m going back to the practice room.”  
“What? At this time? There's no one there.”  
“I know. It’s ok. Don’t need to leave the door for me. I’ll be there all night.”  
“Seriously, what happened?”  
Without answering Jinhyuk, Wooseok slams the door and leaves.

He goes for a run around the company building, which is just a ten-minute walk from his apartment, and he finally feels calmer. He wants to be more honest with his feelings for Seungyoun, even though that means he needs to put down his pride a little more.  
He really spends the whole night in the practice room, taking a nap when sleepy. The next day the teacher comes in and is freaked out by the fact that Wooseok is lying on the floor, thinking that he must have practiced so hard that he fainted again.  
Wooseok abruptly wakes up and then sneezes. Gosh, am I this weak? He wonders, don’t tell me now I’ve got a cold?

Three days later, since Wooseok is still sneezing in the dance room, the teacher asks him to go back and takes some rest.  
He hasn’t checked his phone for three days, and when he finally decides to check it again, he only finds that Seungyoun has left numerous messages as the phone vibrates furiously in his hand.  
And it seems that the most recent message was sent two hours ago, reading: “Wooseok, I’m in the coffee shop across the street of your company. I’m waiting for you.” With a cheesy emoji.  
What? Wooseok is surprised, and he checks the time one more time before replying, “Are you still there? I just got my phone.”  
He waits for another ten minutes and not getting any response.  
He is a little worried, to be honest. He wanders in his room and thinks that he really should be staying in his room and taking a rest. But what if Seungyoun is still there waiting for him? Although it may be ok just to leave him be there all by himself, Wooseok realizes that he kinda wants to see him.  
So eventually, he puts on his jackets, wears a mask, and runs to that coffee shop.

There are many people in the coffee shop at this time of the day. Wooseok looks around and couldn’t find Seungyoun. So he must have left then?  
Suddenly, he hears that familiar voice calling his name. The sound seems to have come from a tall sofa behind him. So he walks towards that sofa and sees Seungyoun instantly. He’s wearing a grey sweater today with a pair of glasses on, and he’s working with his laptop. Wooseok has to admit that he looks fluffy and huggable today.  
But how did Seungyoun know that he came in?  
“I saw you when you were on the other side of the street,” Seungyoun answers as if he has heard Wooseok’s mind.  
“Oh, ok,” Wooseok says while sits on the other side across a teapoy, trying to act natural. But he also coughs while sitting down.  
“You got a cold?” Seungyoun asks.  
“Yea. So what are you doing here?”  
“I come to see you. I miss you. I think you said you wouldn't bring your phone to the practice room, so I just came here waiting for you.”  
Wooseok is not sure how to react to this, so he says, “What if I don’t come?”  
“Then I’ll just spend the day here by myself. It’s a nice coffee shop, after all.”  
“Oh, that’s good.” Wooseok feels less guilty now.  
“I’m making music, actually. Do you want to hear?” Seungyoun says while passing an Airpod to Wooseok.  
Wooseok takes it but doesn’t plug it in immediately. Instead, he asks, “Do you make music often?”  
“Yes. Didn’t I tell you that I participated in the production of the debut song for my company’s new group? My company is small and it makes me do random stuff all the time. Since I know how to make music, they just let me do whatever I want.”  
Wooseok nods his head and puts the Airpod into his ear. To his surprise, the music is not like the pop genre with a currently popular EDM vibe, but more of an alternative style, ambient or shoegaze, to be exact.  
“So you like this kind of music?” Wooseok raises his head and asks.  
“Hmm... I like all kinds of music. Oh wait, Wooseok, don’t look at me like this.” Seungyoun suddenly demands.  
“What?” Wooseok is perplexed.  
Seungyoun looks at Wooseok across the teapoy. He is wearing a mask now, so only his big and watery eyes are shown, which made him so cute to Seungyoun.  
“What?” Wooseok asks again.  
And next thing he knows, Seungyoun suddenly stands up, leans forward, and kisses him on the mask.  
What the? Wooseok is startled and pushes Seungyoun away, making the latter almost fall off his sofa.  
“Why are you out of your mind again?” Wooseok whispers but with a clearly angry tone.  
“I just want to kiss you. You are too cute!”  
And now some people pass them by, Wooseok instantly looks outside the window and mumbles, “don’t you see where we are right now?”  
“Oh, so you want to go somewhere else for this?” Seungyoun grins.  
And unsurprisingly, Wooseok gives him a detested look.  
“I’m sick. I don’t feel well. I just come here to check on you and then I'll leave,” Wooseok says.  
“But we haven’t seen each other for three days! Aren’t we in a relationship? We should meet more often.”  
“Honestly, Cho Seungyoun. Don’t you think this is unrealistic? I mean, we are both trainees and busy. I know you may have more free time, but you should still be busy, right? How can we handle a ‘relationship’?”  
“As long as we want to maintain it,” says Seungyoun confidently, “You promised me to date me, and we will break up once either of us debuts.” Seungyoun holds Wooseok’s hand while saying this.  
Wooseok doesn’t resist though. But he frowns and says, “Thank you for giving me a reason to work hard for debut then.”  
“You’ll make it.” Seungyoun cheers, “That’s why I want to see you more often now.”  
For some reason, Wooseok thinks that makes sense.

“Ok, so what shall we do now?” Wooseok asks.  
“By the way, I meant to ask you last time, have you ever dated someone?” Seungyoun answers with another question. And now Wooseok wants to kick him again because, no, he has never been in a relationship before.  
Although Wooseok was quite popular among girls in high school, like receiving love letters in his locker regularly, he never really cared of them since his parents only wanted him to excel in studies. He used to read some of the letters but would comment on how bad they were written. And later on, he just threw them away. Now he kinda wants to apologize to those girls, especially because what the hell, he’s now dating a guy!

“No, never. Any problem?” Wooseok answers Seungyoun.  
“Oh god!” Seungyoun exclaims.  
“What now?”  
“So I’m your first love? Ahhh, I’m so excited. I must have saved the galaxy or something in my past life.”  
Damn his playful mouth! Wooseok complains, even though he is oddly satisfied by his words.

“So, I think you should go. I may pass my sickness to you.” Wooseok clears his throat and says.  
“It’s ok. I dance everyday and am healthy. I won’t be affected.”  
“Like I don’t dance everyday?” Wooseok yells.  
Seungyoun laughs. He finds Wooseok even cuter when he’s a bit mad.  
“Ok, then tell me, what do we do now that we are… boyfriends? Is this any different from just being friends?”  
“Oh, you are such a good boy,” Seungyoun sighs, “We can kiss, cuddle, and go to bed and make ou…”  
“Wait wait wait stop!” Wooseok panics. Of course he knows what a couple would do, but he has never thought that far, and probably they will break up by then.  
Seungyoun laughs again; he’s teasing him for sure. But he contemplates and says, “Well, first of all, we need to go somewhere with fewer people. How about… going to my home?”  
“What?” Wooseok utters in disbelief.

~ To be continued.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Drowning deeper.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***I have to change the rating of this fic to M at this point because as much as I wanted to avoid translating some R18 content, I realized that the chapter wouldn't make sense that way, sometimes. ***

Half an hour later, Wooseok is sitting on the carpet in Seungyoun’s home.  
Seungyoun lives by himself in a high-end apartment in Gangnam. The apartment looks trendy, for there are toy collections, CD stacks, soccer players’ posters. This reminds Wooseok that Seungyoun once hold him that he used to play soccer in Brazil. It must be hard for a kid to stay aboard all by himself, Wooseok thinks, since he was probably being taken care of extensively by his parents at the same time, just like a prince.  
Seungyoun asks Wooseok to make himself at home while he goes into the kitchen. A while later, he comes back with a bottle of lemon water.  
“Drink this. You have a cold, so you need some Vitamin C.” Seungyoun says while delivering that bottle to Wooseok.  
“Wouldn’t it be better just to take some pills?” Wooseok wonders, and suddenly, he remembers the first time they met, Seungyoun gave him some pills.  
“I don’t think I have medicine for cold though.” Seungyoun shrugs, “I only have meds for stomach.”  
“Your stomach is weak? since you only have that at home?” Wooseok asks.  
Seungyoun rises a light grin on his face and says, “Well, I was by myself overseas for years, remember. So I didn’t observe my ingredients and got some stomach problems. But it’s not that serious, no worries.”  
Clearly, Wooseok was right earlier. They had quite different lives as teenagers.

“Oh, wait a second.” Seungyoun suddenly remembers something and walks into his room.  
“What are you doing?”  
“Just my music. I want to play some for you.”  
“Ok,” Wooseok says lightheartedly. He feels that everything so far seems normal. In fact, he was worried on the way to Seungyoun’s home because he was afraid the latter would do something to him like in the alley the other day. But they were just talking random stuff on the way. Wooseok now feels a little embarrassed for his presumption. He actually feels quite comfy right now. 

There are some lifestyle magazines on the table in front of Wooseok. He flips open and sees that Seungyoun has highlighted something, mostly about gourmet and travel destinations. That’s kind of cute, he thinks.

Seungyoun finally comes out from his room with a CD in his hand. He puts it into the music player, and once the music starts, he comes over and sits beside Wooseok on the carpet. They begin to listen, none of them talk.

It’s a similar style with the one Wooseok heard at the coffee shop just now, very soft, ambient, different from what one would assume made by Seungyoun by looking at his outgoing personality. But Wooseok knows that the façade is not everything about him since he has seen Seungyoun with the most depressed expression on his face. Wooseok doesn’t know what kind of thoughts went through Seungyoun’s mind when he was making such music. What made him have this duality? Is he ever going to find out?  
As Wooseok wonders, he embraces himself. He doesn’t like the feeling of “not knowing,” but he doesn’t understand why he really wants to know.

“Any comments?” Seungyoun asks.  
“I feel like drowning,” Wooseok ruminates.  
“Drowning into my moods?”  
“Maybe… it feels comfortable but…”  
“But?”  
“But I don’t know what you want to convey.”  
“Wooseok, do you care about that?” Seungyoun looks down on the floor with a grin on his face.  
“Of course I do.”  
“Why?”  
Wooseok silences. He doesn’t want to just tell him that he wants to get to know him more. He’s afraid if he says that, he would lose control of himself. In fact, Wooseok has always had this concern: he wants to express himself, but not sure in what way. Because he thinks being honest will make him vulnerable, too exposed, and thus he’ll be in a submissive position, which he doesn’t like.  
“I’m happy as long as you care. I know you care about me,” Seungyoun seems to have noticed Wooseok’s reluctance and skips the topic in this way.  
“Don’t be so arrogant,” Wooseok shuts him down.

The entire living room is filled with soft and ambient music. The light is dim, the temperature is just fine. Since Wooseok still has a cold, he starts to feel sleepy. And he knows Seungyoun is texting or surfing the Internet using his phone next to him.

After a while, Wooseok suddenly leans on Seungyoun’s shoulder because he feels tired, and he desperately needs a pillow or something in such a comfortable atmosphere.  
Seungyoun is obviously surprised when Wooseok’s head hits his shoulder, but he goes ahead to sit closer. He feels relaxed for no reason when Wooseok is around, and he knows that’s why he needs him. Hence, he cannot help but kisses Wooseok’s head lovingly, as if he’s protecting his beloved doll.  
Wooseok senses the kiss on his head, and though he doesn’t have the strength to say anything, he actually feels happy, or some kind of pleasant feeling that he’s never experienced before.  
Seungyoun then starts to check his phone again. Wooseok suddenly feels disappointed, and perhaps, he wants more attention, so he murmurs, “Hug me, Seungyoun.”

Seungyoun is shocked. He can’t believe Wooseok actually said that. But of course, he puts down his phone and gives Wooseok a tight and warm hug, talking into his ears affectionately: “What’s wrong? Why are you suddenly being needy?”  
“No, I'm not,” Wooseok says. But yes, he’s drowning right now.

“If you keep doing this, you know I’m gonna eat you,” Seungyoun says, meanwhile turns Wooseok’s body to face himself.  
Due to sickness, Wooseok looks quite tired but attractive. His face is red, and his breath is unstable. All these, however, turn Seungyoun on.  
He tries to get closer to Wooseok’s face and sniffs near his lips as if asking for permission.  
Wooseok knows that Seungyoun wants to kiss him again, but he says, “Don’t you dare to do that.”  
However, the air around them is just too suggestive right now. Wooseok is relaxed, and Seungyoun is desperate.  
“Just one kiss,” Seungyoun says, and then presses his lips onto Wooseok’s.

Even though Wooseok just said “don’t you dare,” he didn’t mean to resist. He just wanted to say that out so that technically, he had shown his subjectivity. But he would eventually accept that kiss because it is just too comfortable. Seungyoun’s good at it.  
The kiss tastes like a mixture of sweet and sour, just like the lemon water he drank. Wooseok then feels Seungyoun’s tongue, wet and warm. But he decides to push it out.  
Seungyoun seems surprised that Wooseok could protest using his tongue, he smirks, looking at him affectionately.  
“You just said one kiss,” Wooseok says with a winning smile on his face, and then squinting at Seungyoun.  
However, Seungyoun quickly lays his entire body over Wooseok's, speaking to him in a sexy and low voice: “Who taught you this?”  
Though astonished, Wooseok didn’t show fright. He actually feels safe by having another person’s body covering his from above. He cannot help but extends his chin a little bit as if asking for another kiss.  
And of course, Seungyoun gives him what he wants.

As the kiss continues, the two finally fall and lay on the carpet, with Seungyoun on top. He’s worried that he would be too heavy for Wooseok so he tries to put more weight on his arms, leaving some space in between their bodies. He continues to kiss Wooseok, calling him to open his mouth a bit more.  
Wooseok is feeling addicted. Maybe because he’s sick and has a running nose, so sometimes he feels breathless. But Seungyoun would give him a short break to breathe, rather than being so aggressive like the last time in the alley. Thus, Wooseok gradually knows that he wants more, something deeper.  
So this is what kiss feels, he thinks to himself, and unconsciously raises his arms, gripping Seungyoun’s neckline.  
“You really never been in a relationship before? Have you ever made out with others? How can you be so good at this?” Seungyoun is kinda aroused by Wooseok's smooth gestures around his neck. Wooseok’s fingers are cold, which sends some feeling through his spine. He can’t help but takes off his sweater before doing the next thing.  
Wooseok hears the term “make out” and suddenly becomes alerted. He immediately opens his eyes and says, “No. I never…”  
“Never what?”  
“I have never… made out with others.”  
“Damn, you wanna take my life right now or what?” Seungyoun is so aroused by now, “So you want it? You are making me hard.”  
“No!” Wooseok states firmly. He knows the atmosphere is right, but he’s not going that far. He’s not ready, definitely not.  
“Then what shall we do? You are really making me hard.”  
Now Wooseok feels Seungyoun’s half-hard private part against his body.  
“But I don’t want to,” Wooseok is scared, so he resists. How can he say “yes”? No way! However, he looks at Seungyoun’s face above his again. His eyes are foggy, mouth slightly open, his curly hair bounces, and he’s looking at his pupils with love.  
He’s handsome, Wooseok thinks… so that means if he wants me, I can always see this expression?  
Wooseok wonders and automatically raises his arms again, pulling Seungyoun even closer, and kisses him first this time.  
Oh, I must be crazy.

“Don’t you feel anything? I mean, your lower body?" Seungyoun finishes that kiss and asks. But without hearing any answer, he starts to put his hands under Wooseok’s clothes, and then pulling his shirt up, exposing that pale and thin torso to himself.  
Wooseok feels itchy and cold, so he starts to kick randomly, but next thing, Seungyoun starts to kiss his chest. Wooseok lets out a moan, which makes Seungyoun quite satisfied.  
“No. Don’t.” Wooseok begs, breathing roughly.  
“You know how dirty you look right now?” Seungyoun teases.  
“But I said ‘no!’” Wooseok keeps protesting, “I want to kill you Cho Seungyoun!” But the voice ends up becoming another moan.  
“But you’re getting hard, too.” Seungyoun says, putting his hand on Wooseok’s private part, “He’s more candid than you, it seems.”  
Wooseok is embarrassed and starts to kick in the air again, hating the fact that he cannot kick Seungyoun in the balls right now.

Although Seungyoun’s being mischievous, he’s not going to do those things without Wooseok’s permission. However, at this point, both of them need to vent for sure. So he picks Wooseok up, going straight to the bathroom, and sits him on the washstand. Next, he starts to unzip his own pants.  
Wooseok is scared to death, he’s kicking nonstop.  
“Don’t be afraid, dear, don’t. I’m not going to hurt you.”  
“Cho Seungyoun, don’t touch me!” Wooseok cries.  
And Seungyoun suddenly feels guilty. Yes, he’s probably a jerk.  
“Then can you do it yourself?” Seungyoun asks carefully.  
“Hmm… Yes.” Wooseok mumbles.  
“Really?” Seungyoun kisses Wooseok again just to comfort him.  
But the kiss is really the last frontier. Wooseok collapses on his chest and starts to cry.  
“There, there. Don’t be nervous. We are both guys, I understand. I can help you.” Upon saying, Seungyoun starts to unzip Wooseok’s pants, letting out his cock and beginning to help him vent the stress there.  
Wooseok hits his head against Seungyoun’s chest. He cannot look at anything; he just can’t. He kinda wants to kill himself right now.

Not sure how long has passed, they've both reached the point of ejaculation, and Wooseok again collapsed in Seungyoun’s body. In fact, he’s holding Seungyoun’s neck tightly and doesn’t want to release or to look up. He feels so intimidated and ashamed.  
“It’s ok, Wooseokie. It’s done. It’s all my fault. I’m sorry.” Seungyoun pats his back.  
Wooseok still doesn’t want to move from the current position.  
“We are both men, ok? Even if I don’t do this to you. You would sometimes do it yourself, right? It’s totally normal. Now I’m going out, you take a shower, okay?”

“Apologize.” Wooseok suddenly says, still burying himself in Seungyoun’s chest, “Apologize to me.”  
“Ok, ok. It’s all my fault. I’m doing too much to you.”  
“Say that 100 times,” Wooseok demands in a whiny tone.  
“Ok. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry…” Seungyoun just keeps patting him in the back while softly apologizes.  
And that gentleness makes Wooseok feel complicated.  
“Stop!” Wooseok only hears about ten times and couldn’t bear it anymore, “So this is how you want to ‘date me’?” He asks.  
Seungyoun actually contemplates upon the question, and explains, “I just… want to get closer to you.”  
Wooseok now gets calmer, though he still doesn’t want to look at Seungyoun in the eye.  
After a while, Wooseok finally says, or more like compromises, “Next time if you want to do anything to me, tell me in advance.”

***

For Wooseok, the biggest difference after being in a relationship with Seungyoun is that he would leave the practice room earlier than before. He would go back to the apartment, which he shares with Jinhyuk, and talks briefly with Seungyoun on the chatting app. Sometimes if he’s too tired or not having a good mood, he would just type “good night.”  
On weekends, the trainees technically have one day off, so the two of them would go for dinner.  
After what happened at Seungyoun’s house the other day, Seungyoun never did anything that would make Wooseok consider improper. However, they do kiss a lot, because Wooseok likes it. Though he’d still be super shy, he enjoys it. Sometimes though, Seungyoun would put his hands under Wooseok’s clothes while kissing him, but would soon be grabbed by Wooseok’s hands and be pushed out of his body. Seungyoun thus realizes that Wooseok actually has more strength than he thought.

It makes Wooseok feels strange to suddenly sharing his life with another person. Although they don’t meet that often, just weekly, he still thinks that his life has changed because there is this one person who claims that Kim Wooseok is “his.” This person is waiting for him every night online, making his dull life as a trainee starts to have some highlights. Wooseok smiles more, which makes Jinhyuk feel suspicious sometimes.  
Seungyoun does bring him a lot of happiness though. The way he talks, does things, and just his facial expressions can all make Wooseok laugh. More importantly, Wooseok thinks that Seungyoun really treasures him. This makes him comfortable and feeling loved.  
Who doesn’t want to be loved? Especially for someone like Wooseok. He’s kinda being overly loved by his parents since the day he was born, though later on, the love was given under the condition of him getting a good grade at school. And when he comes to Seoul to pursue a career as a trainee, he loses all his connections back home, having no friend, and simply feeling lonely. Nevertheless, having Seungyoun in his life means there’s someone who can always find his charming points, say good things about him, even though Wooseok thinks he's just cheering him up, he still takes all the compliments. 

One Sunday night, Seungyoun calls in again even though they just met.  
“Oh my god, Wooseok. I miss you so much! Can we meet again tomorrow?”  
“No. Once per week is fine for me.”  
“What? No… Then show your face to me now. Turn on the camera.” Seungyoun insists.  
Wooseok thinks for a while and turns the camera on to start a video conversation. But the moment he sees Seungyoun, he gets regret.  
Seungyoun is half-naked, sitting in front of the camera with a towel on his head, probably just finished shower. Meanwhile, Wooseok is actually holding a toothbrush. He somehow feels embarrassed. It’s not that Wooseok has never seen someone half-naked, but for some reason, he feels shy and doesn’t know where to look.  
“Wow, our Wooseokie is brushing teeth, huh? So cute!” Unsurprisingly, Seungyoun starts by praising him again for… brushing teeth.  
“What?” Wooseok cannot believe he can even call him cute when seeing him brushing teeth. So he turned the camera off, rinses his mouth, walks back to his room, closes the door, and gets on to his bed. He then redials a video call to Seungyoun with his headphones on.  
“Hey what happened just now?” Seungyoun asks.  
“Nothing. I was brushing my teeth and it was inconvenient to talk.” Wooseok says indifferently.  
“It suddenly cut off, and I thought something might have happened to you. Or, were you feeling shy seeing me naked?” The second part of the question was purely a tease.  
Now Wooseok knows where he hates Seungyoun the most: he doesn’t give him face, meaning, he always says things that accurately uncovers Wooseok’s secrets, making him so exposed and embarrassed. But as for now, he feels more comfortable looking at him and doesn’t know why just now he was so shy seeing him without a cloth on.  
“It’s November, don’t you feel cold? You may get sick.” Wooseok suddenly realizes and asks.  
“I’m so moved. My Wooseokie cares about me so much!” Seungyoun says.  
“Shut up. Isn’t it common sense?”  
“But if I’m sick, I don’t need to go to practice. Then I can come to see you. How about that?” Seungyoun says facetiously.  
However, Wooseok doesn't seem to take it that way as he immediately frowns, “I’m telling you. If you are slacking off because you are dating me. Then I’m going to end this relationship, and I’ll be hating you.”  
“Ok, ok, I was just kidding,” seeing Wooseok being serious, Seungyoun immediately explains, “I know you are always working hard. And I’ll make sure not to fall behind, ok?”  
“Then go and wear something for me.” Wooseok demands.  
“Wait for me.” Seungyoun stands up and leaves the camera.  
It is at that moment that Wooseok finds out he has another tattoo on his left arm. And it seems there’s another one on his waist. Wooseok’s not sure because the camera view glitches.  
And then Seungyoun comes back, wearing a flowery t-shirt and says, “Now you satisfied? Oh, and don’t worry about my hair, it’s almost dry.”  
Wooseok nods his head, but now he’s looking at Seungyoun’s tattoo on the arm. It’s actually nice to do a video talk because you can see wherever you want to see, and the person across the line wouldn’t know exactly where you are looking.  
“You have another tattoo on the inner side of your left arm?” Wooseok asks.  
“Yea. You don’t know that?”  
“I’ve never seen you wear short sleeves, how would I know?”  
“But last time when you were at my home…” Seungyoun says halfway and doesn’t finish the sentence, as he suddenly remembers that even though he ends up pulling off his sweater that day, Wooseok was probably too nervous and never really looked at him. Not to mention noticing how many tattoos he has.  
“You really care about my tattoos?” Seungyoun asks.  
“Hmm no, just wondering. You said you would show me the other ones once, remember?”  
“If you come to my bed, I’ll show you all of them.” Seungyoun teases again.  
“Shut up!” Wooseok covers his face, “It’s none of my business.”  
“You’ll see them eventually.” Seungyoun smiles.  
But Wooseok feels strange. He doesn’t like the feeling of not knowing.

They end the video call, Wooseok thinks for a while and still cannot get over some things in his head. So he sends a message to Seungyoun: “I’m coming to your home this weekend.”  
“Come for sex?” Seungyoun responds immediately.  
“Coming to kill you, you bastard!” Wooseok gets offended by Seungyoun’s dirty jokes sometimes.  
“Haha sorry. Yea, just come! Come whenever you like!” Seungyoun replies, “Or I can go to pick you up.”  
“Let me make this clear. If you do something improper like the last time… I’m definitely going to kill you!”  
“Ok, I know. Don’t be so mad at me, Wooseokie! Like I said, you can come to my place whenever you want.”  
Wooseok sees the message and smiles. Seungyoun is cute, even though he wants to punch him sometimes.

“What’s wrong with you? Are you seeing someone?”  
Out of nowhere, Jinhyuk’s voice appears and scares Wooseok. He looks up and sees Jinhyuk, whose leaning on his door, looking curious. Apparently, Jinhyuk must have seen him smiling at his phone.  
“What’s wrong with you then? Why are you checking on me everyday?” Wooseok asks, though not really mad at him.  
“I was just wondering if you’ve been dating some girl. You’ve been acting suspicious recently.”  
“No,” Wooseok tries to look calm, “I was just looking at some memes online.”  
“You don’t have to lie to me, really. It’s actually ok if you are dating someone right now. A lot of trainees do. It’s boring being a trainee, and nobody knows us, after all. But remember, once debut, we cannot date anyone.”  
“Ok, stop guessing. Now can you turn off the lights for me, please?” Wooseok says.  
As the lights are off, Wooseok ruminates Jinhyuk’s words. It’s true, once debut as idols, they should not be dating. But he and Cho Seungyoun are going to break up anyways when either of them debuts.

The next week, Wooseok is not doing well. He’s not so concentrated in the practice room, and he’s learning speed becomes slow. He even forgets about lyrics, something that would never happen before. Why??? Wooseok doesn’t like the feeling of losing, so he tries to pull some all-nighters to catch up; however, this only makes him perform worse the next day.  
When staying at the practice room all night, Woosoek would bring his cellphone with him, so that he can contact Seungyoun when he’s taking a rest. Actually, Seungyoun has been busy this week, too, as he’s always in the company at night as well. On a Friday night, Wooseok calls Seungyoun while taking a break.  
“You are pulling an all-nighter again?” Seungyoun is surprised because he knows it’s been a few days.  
“Yea. I’m not doing well this week. I need to practice more.”  
“Anything happened? Are you unhappy?”  
“No, nothing serious.”  
“You know, it’s ok if you learn a little bit slow. Isn’t that normal? You are always being hard on yourself, but you know, you are doing your best already.” Seungyoun tries to comfort.  
“Hmm.” Wooseok now realizes the reason he wants to call Seungyoun is that he wants to hear his comforting words. He doesn’t know since when he becomes so attached to such indulgence.  
“How are you? Are you practicing now?” Wooseok asks in a somewhat lazy and satisfying tone.  
“Yea, let me show you this room,” Seungyoun holds his phone and walks around to show Wooseok what’s on his side.  
“I don’t see any difference from a normal practice room,” Wooseok doesn’t seem impressed.  
“The windows are big, bigger than yours, I’m sure. Wow, it’s 3am already? I’m afraid a ghost will appear at any minute,” Seungyoun exclaims, trying to make Wooseok laugh.  
“You idiot.” Wooseok rubs his eyes while smiling at Seungyoun’s childishly words, “You are scarier than a ghost.”  
“Anyhow, I’m going back to practice. Kiss me, and I’ll hang up.” Seungyoun says.  
“Are you dreaming?” Wooseok shouts, but he then decides to kiss his index finger, and then presses that finger onto the camera, “I’ll see you the day after tomorrow then.”

As soon as Wooseok hangs up the video call, he collapses on the floor and covers his face, thinking that he must be crazy. How come he likes Seungyoun, a guy, this much??? What’s so good about him? Is it because he’s been thinking about Seungyoun so much that he performs worse this week? But no, he hasn’t been thinking that much about him! He'll never admit. 

The more he wonders, the weirder he feels. No one shall shake his determination to debut, no one. And how come when he agreed to be Seungyoun’s boyfriend, he didn’t even think about the possible consequence of having a relationship right now? He’s been a very diligent person who would be super focused on achieving his goals, no matter how hard that could be. He’s been the top student in the class, top trainee in the cohort, and basically, he’s good at almost everything. But how come he’s not good at this… dealing with Seungyoun?  
And look at Seungyoun, he must have had numerous relationships before. He seems experienced. Meanwhile, he’s also an excellent trainee. He dances well, sings well, he can compose, and he was about to debut if it was not for that injury. Wooseok suddenly feels pressured, he’d rather die if he cannot debut when the next opportunity comes in his company.

However, Wooseok suddenly realizes another thing: if they don’t debut together, then who’s going to debut first? After all, they can't debut together since they are not even in the same company. So the one who’s behind is going to be “abandoned,” right? And whoever that is, he's going to be heartbroken…

The sad ending has already been determined on the day they decided to be together.

~ To be continued.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The fear and determination

Wooseok wakes up early on Sunday. It is a clouded day, probably going to rain at any minute. However, when he thinks about the cozy atmosphere at Seungyoun's apartment, he feels he has made a good decision to visit there today. Seungyoun is probably sleeping in right now, he thinks, because he would always get up at noon in their previous Sunday dates.

Just when he wonders what to do in the morning, he receives a message from Seungyoun: "Can you come by yourself today? I'm afraid I can't come to pick you up."

"I didn't ask for you to pick me up anyways," Wooseok replies quickly while looking at the clock on the wall. It's only 8 o'clock. How come Seungyoun wakes up so early today? Although he wants to ask, he also doesn't want to seem like he cares that much.

"You still remember how to get to my place, right?" Seungyoun asks.

"Of course. I'm coming later." Wooseok answers.

Wooseok dresses himself up warmly and goes downstairs later in the morning. And outside his apartment building, he bumps into Jinhyuk, who just finishes jogging.

"Going to see your girlfriend again?" Jinhyuk asks with a knowing smile on his face.

"No, my relatives are here in Seoul, I'm seeing them today," Wooseok lies.

On his way to Seungyoun's apartment, Wooseok keeps rehearsing in mind what he would say and do. However, whatever he thinks, it always comes back to the embarrassing thing they did last time in the bathroom. Of course, there had never been any person who "helped" him masturbate, and he really hated Seungyoun for doing that. But it already happened, and he just couldn't get it out of his head. His face reddens even in the subway, but thankfully, he can hide his face in his big fluffy scarf.

It will NEVER happen again! He thinks. Nevertheless, he is also scared because he knew his private part was getting hard when Seungyoun kissed him before that thing happened.

This thought makes Wooseok nervous. He knows too well that he's falling for Seungyoun deeper and deeper each day. He wants to be kissed and hugged by him. He misses Seungyoun's warmth. He wants Seungyoun to look at him in the eye. He enjoys the feeling of being needed. 

_Damn, am I that in need of love? How much love do I want to receive from him? Since when did I become such a needy and lonely person?_

But to be frank, Wooseok has always been lonely. As the only child in his family, he had been telling himself that it's okay to be alone, but that was actually him hiding the disappointment in his mind. During his childhood, he was never a popular kid because others thought he was too perfect and thus intimidating. They isolated him, some saying that he was arrogant, while others saying that he was just too unapproachable. Moreover, due to his strict parents, he learned to be okay with such isolation and did not waste his time caring about whether others liked him or not.

But since he became a trainee, he had to learn how to "serve" the fans. The company even offers a class for this. They have to know their most attractive angle, the way to put up a killing smile, and what kind of words would make fans happy. Although at first, Wooseok felt uncomfortable as if he's selling his soul, he got adjusted to it later on and could actually do it well. And then he realized that he had been feeling empty the whole time. He's lonely, lonelier than he thinks.

That's why he feels that Seungyoun has saved him. The first time they met, Seungyoun paid attention to him--a total stranger--who was crouching on the floor in a bus station. Since then, Seungyoun seems to always appear when he feels lonely and sees right through his thoughts, knowing what he wants without asking. Seungyoun even hugs and kisses him, as if he really needs him.

And Wooseok honestly loves it.

Because of that, Wooseok begins to think that he has really sold his soul to the devil.

He likes Seungyoun not only for his delightful smile that can melt the snow but also for his depth that can suddenly turn him into a totally different person: quiet, thoughtful, even depressive. And for some reason, Wooseok feels the pain in himself and thinks that it is addictive. He believes that Seungyoun must have hidden so many sorrows in his heart, probably as painful as tattooing something into the skin.

Does he really need me though? Wooseok wonders, or am I actually the person who is always asking things from him? If so, is he going to hate me? Wooseok doesn't know why these questions suddenly strike him hard.

It takes about 30 minutes to go to the nearest subway station to Seungyoun's apartment. And then one needs to walk for about 15 minutes uphill to that high-end block. However, as soon as Wooseok gets out of the station, it starts to rain heavily.

He wants to wait for the rain to stop, but it just gets heavier. He remains inside for another 10 minutes and finally decides to run out of the station. His cardigan is not waterproof; however, he doesn't want to bother Seungyoun to come pick him up. He's not that weak to ask for another man to send an umbrella when it's raining.

Wooseok finally arrives at the entrance of the high-rise, all soaked. He then presses the apartment number on the panel, waiting to be let in.

However, after pressing the button three times, there is still no response.

Wooseok becomes concerned, he checks the name on the button, and yes, it says Cho Seungyoun. But why he's not answering?

The rain is pouring, Woosoek stands under a narrow roof which actually cannot protect him from the rain at all. He pulls out his phone from the pocket, opens the chatting app, and calls Seungyoun. But nobody answers.

He then steps back and looks up at the fifth floor where Seungyoun's room is, but the curtain is shut.

What happened to him? –Wooseok panics. He even thinks about calling the police. But suddenly, a frightening thought comes to his mind: Does he no longer want me?

Now when he thinks about it, Seungyoun was up surprisingly early this morning, promised to pick him up but didn't. Isn't that weird? They were excited about meeting today on last night's phone call, but why Seungyoun's not responding all of a sudden?

 _I am the one being pursued, and why am I feeling insecure right now?_ Wooseok is standing in the rain and laughing at himself bitterly. After all, he doesn't know Seungyoun that well, does he? He's been guessing about Seungyoun's mood, his personality. The "Seungyoun" he likes is probably the "Seungyoun" in his imagination.

Wooseok then types in the chatting app: "Hey, are you still alive?"

Yet the message doesn't even show a "read."

What the…?

Wooseok's heart is now beating fast; he doesn't know why he's so unconfident around Seungyoun. He shouldn't be like this.

At this time, a man walks by. Wooseok leaves the path to him and sees that it is an elder uncle who lives in the same apartment.

"You wanna come in?" The man asks. To him, this is basically a tiny boy all soaked up in the rain.

Wooseok is a little shocked by the sudden invite.

"Are you looking for your friend here?" The uncle continues.

"Well… yea." Wooseok answers.

"Then come on in! You are drenched." The uncle opens the door using his card and waves at Wooseok to let him in. He thinks this little boy doesn't look suspicious, and he seems so weak in the rain.

After Wooseok follows him in, the uncle asks before entering his own unit: "So which floor are you going?"

"Fifth floor," Wooseok answers politely. And he immediately senses a complicated look on this old man's face. Wooseok doesn't always pay attention to other people's expressions, but somehow he notices and feels unsure about it.

Wooseok takes the elevator and hits the fifth floor. Once the elevator reopens, he sees that the door to Seungyoun's unit is unlatched. He walks to it carefully and knocks, whispering, "Seungyoun, are you in there?"

No response.

Now Wooseok has no other choice but to step inside. 

Even though it's about noon, it is so dark in the living room because of the weather. The living room looks fine though, still quite tidy. However, Wooseok notices that Seungyoun's bedroom is shut.

He suddenly has all kinds of terrible assumptions in his head, so he rushes to that door and opens it while shouting: "Seungyoun!"

And there he sees him, sitting on the floor, inclining on the big French window in the room. It's so dark that Wooseok cannot see his face clearly. But he knows, Seungyoun is alive.

"What the hell are you doing??? I was about to call the police!" He yells, "Don't you know that I'm coming? Why didn't you answer my call? Are you fooling me around?"

However, Wooseok couldn't continue his angry speech because he really wants to cry.

What the hell? Isn't it weird? Why he's the one falling for Seungyoun now? Didn't Seungyoun confess to him first?

The room is quiet for another while, and then Seungyoun finally stands up and walks toward Wooseok.

The next thing, Wooseok is in Seungyoun's arms, even though his body is so wet. He has been scared to death that Seungyoun would hurt himself alone at home, but now he knows he's safe and sound, at least.

While being embraced, Wooseok let himself sink into that familiar feeling of warmth and security. And he feels that Seungyoun leans forward and puts his chin on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry, Wooseok. I'm really sorry." Seungyoun whispers while holding Wooseok tighter. Wooseok almost feels breathless.

"What… What's wrong, Seungyoun?" The hug is actually quite abrupt so Wooseok's hands are still against Seungyoun's chest. It's not the most comfortable position for sure, but he thinks it's fine, at least he's in his arms.

"Sorry, it's something that I don't want to tell you… Are you gonna hate me for this?" Seungyoun says.

"Why? Why can't you tell me? How much have you revealed to me, anyway?" Wooseok is not a saint, he still feels sad when Seungyoun hides something from him.

"Because the thing is unrelated to you," Seungyoun says softly, "but, thanks for coming. Thanks for being here. I really need you right now." He releases Wooseok upon saying this, grabs the shorter's hands and puts them around his waist, and hugs him again.

"You are ridiculous, you know?" Wooseok whines. However, he finds that no matter how unfair he feels, he can never get mad at Seungyoun. As long as he's being held, he can forgive Seungyoun's willfulness and unpredictability. He blames himself for being this whipped, but he's more terrified if Seungyoun would dump him.

"Wooseok, can you stay with me today?" Seungyoun asks.

"Sure. That's why I'm here." 

"Then… can we make out?" Seungyoun's voice is still soft, but this time almost like begging.

"……"

Wooseok is pretty sure that Seungyoun could hear his heartbeats right now. To be honest, he has thought about the possibility of having sex with Seungyoun in the past few days, mainly because of what happened in the bathroom last time. However, he's scared. He has never had sex before, he's afraid of the unknown.

Maybe because he just doesn't know what to do when in a relationship.

But Seungyoun seems to be the one. Seungyoun wants him more than anyone else in this world. Isn't this enough to put himself in his hands? Wooseok wonders.

So Wooseok raises his head, without saying a word, and kisses Seungyoun's lips; he then detaches, looking nervous, and then leans forward to kiss him again.

Seungyoun's lips are thin, every time Wooseok kisses them, he feels slightly wistful. And he loves this feeling.

Seungyoun responds to Wooseok's kiss in satisfaction. He knows that Wooseok is trying, he's making up his mind to give it a try. Seungyoun thus pushes him against the wall and takes the initiative to press his lover's lips harder.

"Seung… Seungyoun. My clothes are wet… It's not… comfortable," Wooseok moans while trying hard to speak amidst the kiss, which is growing deeper.

"I know. I'm getting wet because of you," Seungyoun mutters to Wooseok's ear, "I'm sorry. I should have picked you up. I'm really sorry." He apologizes again.

"Where's your cellphone? Why didn't you pick it up?" Wooseok asks.

"I broke it."

"Why?"

Perhaps doesn't want to answer that question, Seungyoun kisses Wooseok again.

Their breaths are getting chaotic, and their bodies rub against each other. Seungyoun starts to move Wooseok to the direction of the bathroom while maintaining the tight hug. 

At this moment, Wooseok really loses it all. 

The two kisses more in the bathroom. Seungyoun bites the lower lip of Wooseok's and mumbles, "Let's just continue, okay?"

Wooseok knows what he means, but he says again, "My clothes are wet and…" His body is pressed against the washstand, and he cannot really move. 

"Then take your clothes off," Seungyoun says while pulling the shorter up.

Wooseok is wearing a hoodie inside that cardigan. He takes the cardigan off but then decides to spread his arms, suggesting Seungyoun to pull the hoodie off of his head.

Seungyoun smiles, lovingly, "Are you a baby?" And then he pulls Wooseok's hoodie off.

Wooseok's body is thin but not boney. He has beautiful curves and slender waist. Seungyoun contemplates for a while without doing anything.

Wooseok cannot stand being looked at in such a sensual way, he uses his hands to cover Seungyoun's eyes.

"What are you doing?" Seungyoun says, knowingly.

"Don't look at me like a pervert!" Wooseok protests.

Seungyoun smirks, pulling down a big tower from the rack behind him and throwing it onto Wooseok's head. He rubs his hair ferociously and hugs him again, "I think you are dry enough. I can't wait, babe." He then gives Wooseok another, more violent kiss, and then takes off his own shirts.

"You want to see my other tattoo, right?" Seungyoun suddenly holds Wooseok's hand to trace a sophisticated gun tattoo on his lower body.

Wooseok looks at it, says, "You are a pervert."

"Isn't it arousing when you see it?" Seungyoun asks with a somewhat evil smile, and without further speaking, he starts to suck Wooseok's earlobe on the right.

Wooseok clutches, the sound of Seungyoun's sucking comes right into his ears and makes him bloody red all over. He then feels that his ear is being pulled and bitten. But he cannot do anything about it.

"Wooseokie, you know how beautiful your ears are?" Seungyoun murmurs affectionately.

"How… how would I know? I can't see them." Wooseok tries hard to respond to this weird compliment. And then he feels that Seungyoun starts to massage his torso. As frightened as he is, he grabs Seungyoun's wrists.

"You promised to have sex with me, right?" Seungyoun feels the slight resistance in Wooseok and asks again for permission.

"Yea… yes… but I… I don't want to do it here…" Wooseok says shyly.

Seungyoun's lips have now moved down to Wooseok's neckline already, and upon hearing this, he says, "Okay, let's go to bed then." He holds Wooseok up and walks into his bedroom, and then almost throwing him into his soft king-size bed. Then he gets on him, gazing at the smaller man from above. It is still quite dark in the room, but Wooseok's watery eyes seem to be shining in the dark.

"Hmm… let me see… where should I eat first…" Seungyoun speaks to himself.

That day, Wooseok had sex for the first time in his life, and it was with a guy.

He couldn't stop crying in the end before falling asleep.

And Seungyoun looked at him with affection. He hummed, "How can you be so beautiful, my love."

~ TBC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yea I skipped the R18 part in this chapter because I didn't want to translate it 😂. Free feel to fantasize.😂


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Story of the family, story of the past

Wooseok had a dream, in that dream he woke up, finding himself covered by white and clean sheets, and there was nobody besides him.

He wakes up in terror, and the first word that comes out of his mouth is—Seungyoun.

But Seungyoun is lying next to him, looking at him while having an affectionate smile on his face. This is too good to be true. Wooseok thinks in his mind.

However, Wooseok becomes shy by recalling what they have done in bed earlier. He hides his face into the pillow because he knows if Seungyoun lies another loving look at him, he's going to burn.

"You slept well," Seungyoun says, caressing the shorter's hair. Seeing that he has no response, Seungyoun extends his arm around Wooseok to give him a hug. And there, Wooseok is in his arms again, without any hesitation or resistance. Seungyoun can't help but kisses his head gently, whispering, "What should I do? You are so precious. I want to hold you forever."

"It's enough," Wooseok stops him, "What time is it?"

"Almost 5pm." Seungyoun rolls to the side of the bed and checks the clock on the bedside table.

"Ah… Then I did sleep for a long time," Wooseok says while looking at another tattoo on Seungyoun's back. He then put his head against that tattoo. He doesn't know why, every time he sees Seungyoun's back, he wants to get closer, even attach to it.

"I think you are actually quite clingy, huh?" Seungyoun teases.

"Why do you have so many tattoos…" Wooseok doesn't respond but keeps muttering his own question.

"I told you before, It's like having some record. Different things, different meanings."

"Can't you record in other ways? I think this is painful."

"It's painful, so I won't forget."

Upon hearing this, Wooseok suddenly relates to the feeling when they had sex, and his face reddens.

"Isn't it better to talk things out with other people? Do you often keep things to yourself?" Wooseok takes a deep breath to calm down and asks.

"Well… maybe because I don't want to bother others. And for the pain of a tattoo, it will go away really soon. So why would I waste other people's time to talk about my own things?"

"But what if others _want_ you to 'bother them?" Wooseok insists.

"You had a point," Seungyoun affirms, but that's it. No further comments.

They stay in bed for another while before Seungyoun finally lets Wooseok go. However, as soon as Wooseok's feet hit the floor, he almost tripped, and he then feels a weird sore in his lower body, and he knows where that's coming from.

"You look like a penguin right now," Seungyoun smiles. He comes over trying to lend a hand, but Wooseok shuns him away. Seungyoun then sits on the edge of the bed and watches the shorter man walking carefully. He can't help but laughs, "Is it that serious? How do you go home then? Do you want to stay here overnight?"

"Who do you think caused this?" Wooseok protests, "And I'm going home NOW!"

"Okay, okay. It's all my fault," Seungyoun apologizes but clearly in a joking way, "I can drive you home."

"You have a car?" Wooseok looks surprised.

"Yea. But I don't normally drive because you know, Seoul's traffic."

Yea, Wooseok almost forgets that Seungyoun is a rich kid growing up in Seoul's most affluent neighborhood, who doesn't have to worry about money at all.

"Okay," Wooseok accepts the offer. After all, he feels so painful, and it's definitely going to be hard to get home by subway.

When it gets dark, Wooseok is sitting next to Seungyoun in his fancy dark blue sportscar. The neon and billboards in the center of the capital city keeps passing by his eyes, making him wonderous and thoughtful. For some reason, he feels that even though they had sex, that's not exactly what he wants from Seungyoun. Or, does he want too much from him?

"What are you thinking?" Seungyoun notices Wooseok's silence.

"Emm… I was just thinking… why do you have so many things in the drawer of your bedside table…"

"What?" Seungyoun can't stop laughing, "What do you mean? The condoms? The lube?"

Wooseok nods shyly.

"Haha, don't you have? Don't your roommate have? Oh, that reminds me, your roommate doesn't want to sleep with you, or does he?"

"Stop, Seungyoun!" Wooseok yells in disbelief, "What's in your mind? I'd never like a guy before meeting you!" But he immediately regrets what he just said.

But Seungyoun's already getting overjoyed, "That's great to know."

Wooseok sighs, he lowers his voice again and says, "What I meant was… did you have… I mean before me… how many… "He couldn't finish this question, but Seungyoun is smart enough to get what he wants to know.

"Well, I cannot give you a satisfactory answer, I'm afraid," Seungyoun gets a little more serious, "You know. I'm a man. And I have certain needs."

"Don't say it like I'm not a man," Wooseok says with a complicated smile. He looks outside the window again.

"No that's not what I mean; I mean, I know you've never had a relationship. But I had. So I can't lie about that to you, right? But right now, I'm only dating you, trust me. You are my one and only."

"You know, you sound like a jerk right now," Wooseok says. But actually, he feels a little regret to ask that question because Seungyoun is right. It's just him who doesn't have experience. And he can't prevent other people from having a relationship or erase their past relationships. Also, he doesn't want Seungyoun to feel like he cares too much and always wants to check on him.

"Don't overthink, okay?" Seungyoun comforts Wooseok by sparing one hand from the steering wheel to pat his shoulder.

"I just feel a little weird for… not knowing… "Wooseok says in the smallest voice.

And they arrive at Wooseok's apartment. Seungyoun parks the car and looks at Wooseok in the eyes again, "But knowing everything is painful too, don't you think?"

Seungyoun now seems extremely serious, which makes Wooseok speechless. But then Seungyoun smiles again. He gives Wooseok a big hug and cups his cheeks to press a kiss on his lips, "Maybe we won't have much time together, but I want you to be happy with me. Promise me, okay?"

Wooseok stuns. He almost forgets that their relationship is deemed to end from the very beginning. And he is just another lover in Seungyoun's life, after many he had, and before many more that will come. He's just a passerby then, just another person who slept in his bed.

Wooseok has never felt this sad or wronged, to be exact. He wants to cry, but he manages to hold it.

"Okay, I'm leaving. Working hard next week!" Seungyoun opens the door for Wooseok.

And Wooseok runs away, without looking back.

When Wooseok enters his apartment unit, he finds that Jinhyuk is standing in the living room as if he's been waiting for him.

"Wooseok, are you dating a sugar mummy or what? I saw that sportscar! Wow."

"Shut up." Wooseok shushes him and walks straight into his bedroom.

However, Jinhyuk has good eyesight, and he sees the kiss marks on Wooseok's neck. He follows him and puts on a more serious tone, "You know, it's okay to just 'have some fun' but don't sink into it."

"You sound like my mom now," Wooseok says, "Don't mind me. I know." And he closes the door.

Sure, yea, everyone is just 'having some fun' today, right? And not to mention both of them are trainees, they will never have a long stable relationship.

That night, Wooseok calls home for the first time in a long while.

"What's wrong, my baby?" His mother answers the phone, "We thought you might be busy, so we never called you. But are you okay?"

"Yea, I've been busy. Sorry I haven't called in a while."

"Well, no news is good news," says mom, "but honestly, I thought about it, if you can't debut soon, you should just come home and keep studying."

"That again," Wooseok sighs, "Well, I will have good news soon. I've heard about rumors."

"You know, if it were not your company's CEO being so persistent and made a scene in our house to attract so many neighbors that day, I would definitely not letting you be a 'trainee' in Seoul. As a mother, I only want you to be successful. I'm hoping you be the best. Every day I see the news about the entertainment industry and I'm terrified. It's chaotic and toxic. The men and women are so messed up. I really don't know if I should let you stay there."

Now Wooseok suddenly remembers why he doesn't like to call home. Because every time, it will end up like this, with his mother lecturing. His parents are both professors so that has been his fate. He tried to escape by coming to Seoul, but he can't escape permanently.

And his mother continues, "Wooseok, you are a pure kid. Don't get bad, okay?"

What is pure? What is bad? Wooseok hears these words and becomes irritated instantly. But his mother adds:

"You are our only child. You are from a family of higher education. So essentially, we should have no relationship with the entertainment industry. Actually, if you can't become an idol, you are more than capable of getting a university degree. Then you can find all kinds of good jobs in the world. Well, I know I have given birth to such a good looking boy who can definitely be a star. But you should think about your future. You are no longer a kid. You clear?"

……

Wooseok stops listening and asking himself internally why in the world did he make this phone call at first place? His mother is still "preaching," and she even had to praise herself for giving birth to a handsome son, aka himself. She says that he's "pure," and the next minute, she says he's "not a kid anymore." What the heck?

Finally, Wooseok finds a chance to hang up the phone. He now feels so annoyed and cannot even think about the distress caused by Seungyoun a while ago. Okay, then maybe this call to mom is not that bad then, at least it makes him irritated by something else now.

However, that's not really the case. As soon as Wooseok lies on his bed, he thinks of the sex scenes he had with Seungyoun. He was being desired by another man. He was being kissed, caressed, touched, fucked… and it really didn't feel bad at all.

Now Wooseok has a strange smile on his face. He puts his index finger on his mouth as if he can still feel the burned kiss from Seungyoun from hours ago.

If parents know about what he did today, they might both have a heart attack. Upon thinking this, Wooseok weirdly feels better, and he even feels Seungyoun's unknown relationships before him were not so revolting anymore.

***

However, after they had sex, they didn't contact each other for more than a week. No one took the initiative, no one appeared first. The kiss marks faded, the feeling in the mouth began to disappear. And Wooseok realized again that he probably only needed himself to keep warm.

Winter is here. The yellow leaves are all falling on the ground, leaving the trees leading to Wooseok's company looking barren and dry. 

Wooseok walks to the practice room with a newly bought scarf around his neck. Today Jinhyuk walks with him, and they both feel so sleepy. Winter sucks.

As soon as they finishs setting up the microphones and speakers in the practice room, they hear some cheers from outside. It turns out that their senbae group comes back today. Although they are not much older than Wooseok, the gap between "debuted" and "trainee" is just as deep as the Mariana Trench. Wooseok doesn't like to be as eagerly attentive as the other trainees towards their elders, so he just briefly says hi and goes back to the practice room by himself.

Wooseok doesn't have much expression when he's practicing alone. Although they have to learn to control their expressions and he's actually good at it, he doesn't do it when nobody is around. In fact, he has been cool for the most part of his life. People called him cold or pretentious, but only he knew that it was not true. He just didn't like the feeling of being judged; he was escaping from the possibility of being judged by isolating himself. Deep inside his heart, he is always afraid to be compared. Under his parent's repression, he has become a perfectionist who cannot even bear other people's slightest criticism of him. Therefore, the only way to avoid that was to try to be perfect and making people shut up.

However, is there "perfection"? Isn't it just a relative concept? Trainees have to be judged by others regularly, being knocked down on a daily basis. So the frustration and anger in the beginning eventually become a compromise. Wooseok comforts himself by saying that as long as he doesn't care, he won't get hurt, even though this "doesn't care" would just be him lying to himself.

Yet there will be someone who will appear to break his rules, to expose his lies, to see through his insecure eyes, and to make him grow up. This person may come late, but he will eventually come.

He is Cho Seungyoun.

Just by looking at him, Wooseok knows the world can have different ways to spin around. His carefreeness, his gentleness, all have lit up Wooseok's world. More importantly, Seungyoun makes him feel that the shackles fettering his spirit can become meaningless when confronted with love.

_ If I don't care, I won't get hurt. —but how can I not care? _

***

Seungyoun sneezes the first thing in the morning when he steps outside. It's so cold, and he even forgets his favorite beanie. But the good thing is that he will have to take a long subway ride to his company so he can stay warm most of the time.

When he arrives at the company, he stumbles upon the newly debuted group, including the one who literally took his position. He just smiles at them, saying hi and good morning.

Actually, a little before a week ago, he was all busy in the practice room because he was helping the dance teacher to make a new choreography for this group. Most people would get mad about the way he's been treated by Yuehua. But for some reason, Seungyoun's okay with it. Not that he's not angry, but it's like he doesn't give a damn anymore. And now, he tells himself that maybe not debuting is a good thing because otherwise, he might not be in a relationship with Wooseok now.

Since he cannot debut soon, he just comes to the company every day, either to hang out or make some music. The courses for trainees are too basic for him, and he has taken them many times already.

He goes into a small room where he would always be alone and make music. He opens all the software in the computer and types in the browser to check his email. And there is a new email stating, "If you want, you can come here. You've liked here before, right?"

Seungyoun let out a "tsk" and closes the inbox. And then he pulls out a demo in the composing software. It is a _bossa nova_ style music, which immediately brings some lightheartedness to this gloomy day. He can almost see the sunshine and palm trees, the ocean, people binging and drinking on the beach, playing the guitar outside the bars—yes, that's his teenage years in Brazil.

When he was young, he once told his parents that he wanted to be a soccer player. Since his parents were in the Philippines doing business and had no time taking care of him anyways, they decided to let him pursue that career. They contacted a Korean agency and sent him to a soccer school in Rio De Janeiro.

It took him 23 hours and 40 minutes from Seoul to Rio. It's been many years, and this number has never ceased to exist in his head. He saw it on the screen in front of his seat during that trip. He was so excited about the future ahead, but damn, that was a long-ass trip.

His father accompanied him there only because he had a business with a local company in San Paolo, so basically his father left as soon as the teacher from the soccer school took this little boy in. Seungyoun didn't even speak any Portuguese, but he was ready to start a new life.

The city on the Tropic of Capricorn, with no distinct four seasons like Seoul and had the exact opposite summer and winter times. It was always rainy and then the sun came back again scorching his skin.

But there was music. Everything felt free and beautiful. Thus, even though the language was hard, even though the soccer training got boring sometimes, Seungyoun would always feel satisfied. He got adjusted to life in Brazil quite easily. Well, perhaps he's always a lucky guy who, even drifting on the ocean, can always find a ship heading home.

And that first "home" was Ra. Or let's call him Ra, a boy who taught him _bossa nova_ when everyone else was enjoying samba.

The two were of the same age, used to live on opposite sides of the earth. And one of them traveled almost 24 hours to reach the other, bringing him a totally different world.

Ra was of Korean and Brazilian mixed blood. He was as tall as Seungyoun, had a beautiful darkish skin and slightly curving hair. He had that shy and quiet side of an Asian boy though. Ra's parents were also doing business in foreign countries, leaving the young boy at home all the time. But different from Seungyoun, Ra didn't like soccer. He was forced by his parents to come here. He loved music more. He bought an mp3 by saving up months' of pocket money. He would use the computer in the classroom to download songs when no one was around. And then he would listen to his mp3 in bed at lunch break or at night.

Ra didn't speak much, didn't smile or cry. He finished everything at training decently, but with almost no emotion. One day, Ra broke his leg while practicing a new trick, Seungyoun, who happened to be nearest to him, helped to send him to the hospital. And that was when they became close.

Since that day, Seungyoun, the warmhearted boy, would help Ra wash clothes, get food, and even help him take a bath.

Although Ra was quiet, his eyes would always send a message that he wanted to be read, to be understood. As an empathetic teenager, Seungyoun just could tell. So whenever he saw Ra sat by himself, he would stop whatever he was doing and approach him. Now when he thinks about it, he has always been the boy who would reach out to a helpless stranger and ask, "are you okay?"

The music that Ra liked was so different from what Seungyoun had known. Ra liked _bossa nova_ , soul, and blues. Seungyoun would sway his head and body while listening to these songs and then looked at Ra, who sat there like a stone, in total astonishment. He once asked, "Why are you looking so sad when listening to such a delightful song?"

Ra didn't answer, but he would tilt his head and look at Seungyoun in the eye. His eye would shine, like the little stars reflected in a quiet, deserted lake.

"Okay, fine," Seungyoun shrugged, "It's up to you." But he would then embrace Ra's shoulder, leading him to swing with himself while patting, "Are you missing home? You see, my home is sooooo far away, and I don't miss it at all."

Ra began to laugh more. Whenever he downloaded new music, he would pull Seungyoun aside during break and share an earplug with him. The two boys in the same age, the same height, would lean against the shabby grey wall where the shadows of the vines would shed. They looked at their long shadows on the sand, enjoying the foreign but pleasant songs in their ears.

"I like it." Seungyoun would always smile and comment, "Maybe you can make some music like this one day."

"No, I can't. I don't have the talent," Ra said quietly, "I have nothing."

"If you like it. You should try it. How about once you graduate from this soccer school, you go to do the things you really like?" Seungyoun suggested enthusiastically.

"How about you, then?" Ra asked.

"Me? I don't really know what I like now, actually." Seungyoun confessed.

And when their graduation day approached, one day, Ra leaned his head on Seungyoun's shoulder, whispered to him, "I wish you could be here with me forever. I wish we could be friends forever."

"Of course. I'm your friend forever. I'm waiting for you in Korea. Come visit me one day!" And then Seungyoun gave Ra a CD and said, "This is for you. If you like music, you should try it."

"If I like you, should I try?" Ra suddenly said.

"What? Try what?" Seungyoun was confused.

And then, he received the first kiss in his life, from Ra. 

This exotic looking boy, whose eyelashes were incredibly long and flashy. His mouth tasted sweet, like the coconut candy they just shared.

"What… does this mean?" Seungyoun asked, not exactly sure he just experienced.

"It means 'don't forget me.'" Ra smiled and left Seungyoun alone in the spot.

And with this episode, Seungyoun flew another 24 hours to Seoul, a city where he still had to live by himself.

_ "It means 'don't forget me.'" _ The sentence would swing in his head at some lonely nights, and would appear in his head when later on he was kissing some other guys.

Maybe that was just a friendly kiss from a foreign friend, but for Seungyoun, it was also like the lighthouse in the sea, intuitively telling him where he should go. 

But distance is the biggest enemy of memories. And it is always easy to hide the true self. As Seungyoun got older, all the pretendings became real. And he has gradually built himself an inviting and happy-looking forge that accepts people from all walks of life to come in and party.

However, life remains lonely. Seungyoun found himself changed. He learned to record the emotions, to find creativity in empathy. And he realized that he had never been a happy person, because happiness was so temporary, and eventually everything seemed like a pity. He felt like he was just absorbing nutrition from hanging out with different people at different parties. But in this repeating life, everything was meaningless, just like the parties--after the drunkenness, leaving a mess.

And then, somewhat dramatically, Kim Wooseok appears in his life. Wooseok's starry eyes would always look straight into his and dig out the deepest emotions in Seungyoun's heart. Wooseok would ask whether he's okay, or does it hurt, but always in a cautious way, giving Seungyoun a lot of respect and space to either breathe or escape. Under Wooseok's little pride is a careful and tender heart. Seungyoun can tell that Woosoek always wants to approach but is afraid to get hurt. However, his impulse to love has been revealed in every detail of his cute actions.

Seungyoun hasn't met anyone like this in a long time. In his heart, Wooseok is the one who needs to be taken care of; but instead, he is using every bit of energy to protect Seungyoun. And only when Wooseok is being kissed can he be more honest, as he would uncourteously let out his tongue, grip the fringe of Seungyoun's shirt, as if he's afraid that the taller will disappear.

_ How can I let my loneliness hurt you, Wooseokie? _

Just when Seungyoun thought his life was about to get back on track, he received an email one day out of nowhere. The sender's name looked familiar yet remote at the same time. He checked for a few times, and suddenly his heart raced.

There was no title for the email. And when Seungyoun opened it, he saw a music file. It was a _bossa nova_ style, pure music. As it began to play, the hot summer of Rio, the coffee shop that they hadn't been to, the vague memory of the soccer field, the red flowers on the shabby wall, the first kiss from a beautiful boy, and the goodbye he forgot to say… were all flying out of the rhythm and flowing in front of Seungyoun.

And when the song ended, Seungyoun found out it was titled "Adeus," "goodbye" in Portuguese.

And later that week, on a Sunday, he received another email from the soccer school, with the news of Ra passing away due to suicide.

"He's been suffering from severe depression. And now he's up in heaven watching us from above."

That day, Seoul had the most torrential rain since fall came. The gloomy sky was about to fall down at any minute. Seungyoun thought Ra was just a protagonist in his teenage memory, but everything about the two of them started to get larger all of a sudden.

_ "Wooseok, can you stay with me today?" _

_ "Sure. That's why I'm here."  _

_ "Then… can we make out?" _

_ I'm sorry, Wooseok. Loneliness hurts, after all.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know there's an original character here but I hope you don't mind. Honestly, this is one of my favorite chapters in the fic, I was crying while writing it in Chinese. Seungyoun makes me so emotional sometimes and that definitely can be revealed in the story. T^T


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Getting better at it

For ten days in a row, Seungyoun went to his company to make music so that he could distract himself from the death of Ra. In fact, he hadn't contacted Ra in years. No matter how close people are, once there is a distance, the relationship fades. Not to mention that they were only 13 or 14 years old when they first met. The feeling was pure, and the distance was the farthest on earth.

But few days after Ra's death, Seungyoun realized that it was not the death that made him devastated but the collapse of a Utopia in his mind, which he had carefully built up throughout the years. Of course, later on, he knew his feeling for Ra was not "love," but the existence of Ra had become some kind of spiritual sustenance for him. And Seungyoun also got inspiration from keeping that secret from Brazil.

Even though Seungyoun couldn't remember much about their conversations or the name of their favorite shops, this beautiful and pure boy that he met in the southern hemisphere had always been accompanying him and helping him to romanticize his vague memories. Everything they shared was like a sweet but pitiful dream that later on filled Seungyoun's loneliness, supported him in his empty home in Seoul, and made sure that he would not completely lose himself in those meaningless dates and parties with other wealthy friends. Seungyoun relied on Ra as if he's a spiritual pillar, and Seungyoun would constantly go back to their nonexistent memories to romanticize them and create a perfect lover deep inside his mind. 

But there is one thing about his encounter with Ra that has changed Seungyoun or at least Seungyoun would attribute it to Ra: that he would never ever date a woman. 

Indeed, up to today, all his previous dates or just someone to spend a night with, were men.

Seungyoun knew full well that there was something abnormal in his emotional attachment to his distorted memory about Ra, since he realized that Ra had already become a sign for him. However, when this spiritual pillar suddenly fell, he found himself weak, anxious, and desperate. So that was why Seungyoun asked for sex from Wooseok on that day, since that was the only thing that came to his head when he saw Wooseok appeared at his door, just when he needed someone the most.

However, the sex also left a bitter taste in Seungyoun's mouth, because he wasn't sure if he was just taking advantage of Wooseok. But he knew that he loved him, for sure.

This feeling of guilt has prevented him from contacting Wooseok after that day. So he stayed in the studio and integrated Ra's posthumous song into his new works as if that would bury his memories about Ra altogether. Yes, he wanted to destroy his castle named "Ra."

On the other hand, it is about time for Wooseok to take another monthly evaluation. Time really flies, except the news about debut seems forever pending.

Wooseok lies on the floor in the practice room, looking at the clock on the wall. It is already 2am. He really doesn't have to practice that hard since he's already too familiar with everything. However, he doesn't know what to do if he goes back to the apartment since Seungyoun would not call him anyways. And because they had sex, Wooseok doesn't want to be the one to contact him first. _Am I being dumped?_ Wooseok wonders, but fortunately, he needs to focus on the evaluation test before worrying about what really goes on between them.

And honestly, Wooseok would not lose when it comes to the competition of "who's more stubborn." He has always been afraid to be the one who has a weaker state of mind. So if he's really being dumped by Seungyoun after they had sex, he would just pretend nothing had happened. Well, that's just how he tried to convince himself; in fact, it is impossible to get over this memory easily. Wooseok actually has been thinking about Seungyoun all the time besides in the practice room.

And to be exact, he also misses Seungyoun's body. No matter how sad Seungyoun has made him feel, he cannot dislike him. 

Wooseok really doesn't understand why he can easily forgive everything that Seungyoun has done to him. Leaving him in the rain, not answering his calls, and acting like the world had deceived him when he broke into that door.

What kind of person is he, really? Wooseok wonders. And he suddenly remembers the old man living on the first floor of Seungyoun's apartment building, who had a strange look when he mentioned "fifth floor," as if there lived some kind of smuggler or drug dealer. 

Seungyoun is indeed mysterious sometimes, and that makes Wooseok angry and frustrated. However, the problem is, whenever Wooseok sees Seungyoun being sad or depressed, he can't let that mood pass through his own head. He wants to go forward and hug him. Wooseok doesn't know why he always develops sympathy for Seungyoun, and he doesn't know where this feeling is coming from and heading.

Darn it, Seungyoun you bastard! Wooseok rolls on the floor, cursing to the air.

On the 11th day, Wooseok finally cannot bear it anymore. After finishing the month evaluation, their cohort goes to have dinner together and then the karaoke. It is so loud in that breathless karaoke room and Wooseok feels bored. He checks his phone and suddenly discovers that Seungyoun has just posted a new song on his social media, and the location shows he's at Yuehua.

What the hell? He seems fine then? Wooseok becomes a little triggered. He tells Jinhyuk, "I'm leaving. You guys have fun."

Jinhyuk looks at him in suspicion: "You going to your girlfriend's?"

Wooseok doesn't explain anything and slips away amidst the noisy party.

It would be safer to contact Seungyoun first, but Wooseok feels quite mad and he just wants to get there as soon as possible. However, when he arrives near Yuehua, he starts to feel a little regret. He wonders if he should call Seungyoun since he cannot just walk into Yuehua's building. And what if Seungyoun's not here now?

Meanwhile, Seungyoun is actually on the third floor, cleaning up things and about to go home. It is 10pm, there is no one except him and the security guard on the first floor of the company. Seungyoun's been in the heated room for the entire day and finally decides to take some fresh air. He walks to the window, opens it, and yawns. And at that moment, he suddenly sees someone familiar standing across the street. That person is in a short, yellow winter coat, wearing the hood, and thus almost looks like a cute little bun. Seungyoun thinks for a moment and realizes: Isn't this Wooseok??

And the little bun also looks up, yet apparently couldn't see well since he can only squint at the window where Seungyoun is currently standing by.

Seungyoun lets out a little laugh and picks up an eraser on the table near him to throw at Wooseok.

"Ouch!" He immediately hears a frightening sound.

"Wooseokie!" And then Seungyoun yells to the outside. It feels strange, as soon as he calls Wooseok's name, he feels relieved, as if all the troubles and depressions in the past few days have disappeared.

Wooseok hears the familiar voice and realizes that it is Seungyoun up there. However, he feels embarrassed because he doesn't know what to do now.

Seungyoun hurriedly puts all his stuff in the bag and runs downstairs. He sees Wooseok on the other side of the glass door, looking confused. He is so cute--Seungyoun thinks, and he hasn't been feeling this happy in a long time. He opens the door and instantly gives his little bun a big hug, even rubbing his head on Wooseok's.

Wooseok freaks out. What the hell is going on? Why is he looking like nothing had happened between them? Although having these questions in mind, Wooseok defenselessly finds himself ready to forgive Seungyoun again.

"Let go of me!" Wooseok tries to push him away, "Why are you acting crazy! I can't move!"

"Wooseokie, thanks for coming! I'm so happy right now!" Seungyoun says and means it.

The two keep this hug for another while, and Seungyoun sniffs Wooseok's collar and asks, "Did you smoke? I smell cigarette on you."

"What? No. I was in a karaoke room so it is probably from someone else who was smoking."

Seungyoun sniffs again and smiles, "I see. So these days my Wooseok has some friends to hang out with, huh? That's good to know. So it is ok that you left them and come for me?"

What? Wooseok gets so confused about Seungyoun's words and actions sometimes. Why is he suddenly acting like a big brother or something?

"You never contact me, and it seems you are doing so well?" Wooseok doesn't answer and instead complains.

"Sorry," Seungyoun lowers his voice and apologizes, "Well, you know, after that thing happened… I wasn't sure how to face you."

Upon hearing this, Wooseok blushes and swallows all the questions he had before coming here. He knows that Seungyoun means the night that they had sex. 

However, he does have one thing to ask, "So, if I don't come, you will never contact me?" 

"Umm… maybe I'll do in a few days?" Seungyoun says.

"You're a jerk, really." Wooseok accuses while pushing Seungyoun away, "You know, I used never to contact someone first. Who do you think you are? Doing 'those' to me and then disappear? How should I make sense of this situation???"

"Ah…" Seungyoun now realizes the emotional struggle in Wooseok and he feels bad, "I'm really sorry, Wooseok. You know, sometimes I'm just clumsy and I don't know what to say… Sorry. Please, what should I do to make you forgive me?"

Wooseok knows Seungyoun is just doing his normal aegyo again. He's mad on the one hand, but not really mad on the other. He looks at Seungyoun from such a close distance, thinking that his crescent eyes and smile are so lovely.

"I just want to you to love yourself more," Wooseok doesn't know why this sentence comes out of his mouth so naturally.

"What?" Seungyoun is obviously surprised by the answer.

"I said, love yourself more." Wooseok repeats, this time trying to act like he doesn't care.

Seungyoun stuns for a few seconds as if he's trying to realize the meaning in Wooseok's words fully. And he finally yells in joy, "Oh my, Wooseok, how can you treat me so nicely!" And he gives another hug to him.

The security guard who's not far from them suddenly coughs, which makes the two realize that they are not the only ones here.

"Let's go," Seungyoun says to Wooseok.

"Go where?"

"My home."

"Do what?"

"Just stay with me tonight. You must have a day off tomorrow, right? That's why you guys were at a karaoke today?" Seungyoun utters.

"What?" Wooseok can't believe Seungyoun is asking him to spend the night at his place again, "What do you mean? Going to your place? Sleep with you again?" Wooseok exclaims in disbelief and instantly realizes that his voice might be too loud. 

He was planning to come here just to ask Seungyoun what was going on and where were they in this relationship. But why is it ended up like this now??? Wooseok wants to ask, but is stopped by a quick kiss from Seungyoun.

"Damn. Ok, fine…" Wooseok just can't be mean to him.

***

As soon as the two leave the Yuehua complex, Seungyoun suddenly pushes Wooseok against the wall and starts kissing him.

"Ah… wait…" Wooseok lets out some moans, pushing Seungyoun slightly but just couldn't fight against the latter's deepened kiss, and honestly, he's ok with it.

Since they started dating, they tried to meet at least once a week, sometimes Seungyoun would sneak out and meet Wooseok outside the latter's company building, but this time it's been more than ten days, and it feels like forever. Hence, both of them are a little needy, and the kiss just intensifies at the shady side of the street at night. Seungyoun tries his best to be gentle by caressing Wooseok's head, but a while later, both of them smell the blood. 

"Did I bite you too hard?" Seungyoun stops and pulls up Wooseok's chin, gazing at his lips carefully. The corner of his mouth is indeed bleeding, not serious though. And actually Seungyoun becomes more aroused by the scene because Wooseok's face is now all red and he breathes heavily. So Seungyoun goes ahead and wipes the blood using his tongue, which makes Wooseok startled. He looks at Seungyoun with eyes wide open, like a frightened cat.

"Does it hurt?" Seungyoun then becomes gentler.

Wooseok just nods. But he actually feels good about the kiss just now.

"Ok I'll call a cab. Let's go home first." Seungyoun pulls out his cellphone and Wooseok finds out that he does change to the latest version cellphone since he said he threw the other one away last time.

The couple sits together in the backseat of the taxi. Wooseok puts his coat on his laps and asks if Seungyoun feels cold since he always wears little. Seungyoun just holds the smaller's hand on the seat and whispers, "Nope."

They just sit in the back without saying a word, and they both feel comfortable about it. Wooseok sometimes glances at Seungyoun as he always does. And suddenly Seungyoun leans towards him, almost causing him a minor heart attack because Wooseok thought that Seungyoun was going to kiss him in the cab, but thank god that didn't happen.

However, that is not the end of it, as Seungyoun suddenly moves his hand under the coat and reaches the inner side of Wooseok's laps. Wooseok gasps and stares at Seungyoun fiercely. Seungyoun grins at him and eventually receives a pain on one foot as Wooseok steps on his shoe angrily.

The driver seems to have noticed the fuss in the back so he looks into the back mirror. Wooseok sees that and becomes even madder. He honestly just wants to get out and punch Seungyoun in the head.

When they arrive at Seungyoun's apartment, it is already midnight. Wooseok looks up and finds that most units are dark now.

"Are your neighbors all seniors?" Wooseok asks.

"Yes, you are right."

"So, will you cause trouble to your neighbors by living here?"

"Of course not! What are you thinking?" Seungyoun replies, "Actually, my parents bought this apartment as a retirement retreat for themselves. It's located on a nice block. Not far from the city center but it's still quiet and convenient, don't you think? But since I'm in Seoul, I just asked them to let me move in here."

"So where do your parents live now?" Wooseok keeps wondering.

"Haven't I told you that they are in the Philippines most of the time?"

"So you guys don't see each other often?" Although Wooseok knows Seungyoun was sent aboard at a young age, he doesn't know that he is now in Seoul yet is still far away from his parents.

"Let's just go inside first and talk about parents or whatever," Seungyoun cuts the conversation and hugs Wooseok from the back, walking him into the apartment building.

"Wait, let me make something clear first. I will just sleep at your place, nothing else. I want to go home early tomorrow morning so no one will notice," Wooseok suddenly remembers to say this. 

"What? No~~~~" Seungyoun holds him tighter and murmurs into Wooseok's sensitive ear, "Let's make out. Let's make out multiple times."

Wooseok almost couldn't stand on his feet. He blushes right away and says, "Don… don't be stupid. I just… come here to accompany you."

The light suddenly goes out in the hallway, and the somewhat turned-on Seungyoun abruptly starts to suck Wooseok's earlobe. Wooseok inhales nervously, this is too much for him as he could hear the sensual sound right in his ears.

Thankfully the elevator comes down, and the ding sound activates the light on the hallway again. But at this moment, the unit door on the first floor opens. It is the old man who let Wooseok in last time. He holds two garbage bags on his hand, apparently coming out to throw them away.

Seungyoun sends a respectful smile to the old man, and then holds Wooseok's waist to walk him into the elevator.

Once the elevator door closes, Seungyoun starts to laugh. Wooseok looks at him and asks, "Do you think he saw us?"

"What? Saw me kissing you? I don't think so. But this uncle really hates me," Seungyoun says, still with a grin on his face.

"Why?" Wooseok actually senses it that last time.

"I don't know. Maybe because whenever I'm drunk and taking people home, I would always bump into him. You know, there are so many seniors in this building, but why only him! Every time! And at midnight!" However, he immediately realizes that he shouldn't have said that. And yes, although the elevator door already opens on the fifth floor, he notices that Wooseok doesn't want to go out but looks at him irritably, obviously due to the words he just said.

"Every time? Taking people home?" Wooseok questions.

"No… not many times."

"Drunk and taking people home?"

"No, they did not happen simultaneously," Seungyoun explains in panic. To end this awkward situation, he just drags Wooseok out of the elevator, pulling him into his chest and says, "Ask no more. I'm not as bad as you think. Trust me, ok?"

Wooseok doesn't respond. He actually blames himself for asking since he doesn't want to be so bitchy and asking about Seungyoun's past. He has talked himself through this already. However, he just couldn't help sometimes.

"Sorry, actually, I don't really care," Wooseok says, even though he's not sure if that's sincere.

"Gosh, I felt so cold I almost died!" Upon entering the room, Seungyoun proclaims and runs to turn on the heat. Wooseok looks at him, wondering why he didn't wear more clothes in the first place.

"Honestly, I really want to sleep now. So don't do anything weird to me tonight!" Wooseok repeats.

"Ok, ok. I know! Do you want to take a shower though? You go first, and I'll send you a towel later."

"Well… ok." Wooseok hesitated for a second and complied. He has the habit to take a shower before bed anyways.

The bathroom is so spacious in Seungyoun's apartment. Wooseok stands in the shower room, looking into the void. He doesn't know how many people have been to this place and taken a shower here. The more he wonders, the more he hates to think about it. And he's also angry because he may be the only one who is serious in this relationship.

And then, Wooseok hears the knock on the door. He walks outside the shower room carefully and opens the slightest crack on the door to receive a t-shirt and a towel from Seungyoun's hand.

"Relax, I'm not coming to rape you," Seungyoun jokes outside.

Annoyed by his words, Wooseok immediately locks the door. He glares at Seungyoun's t-shirt and thinks, it's so big. Damn, why is everyone so tall?

When Wooseok walks out of the bathroom, he sees that Seungyoun is checking the cellphone on the sofa. There is only an atmospheric light in the living room, which makes the entire space so soothing and comfortable. Seungyoun is showered in the warm yellow light, looking soft and gentle. Wooseok doubts if that's because he just walks out of the misty bathroom so he adds some boyfriend filter to Seungyoun.

"I'm done. Can I use your bed?" Wooseok asks.

"Sure. You go first and I'll come later." Seungyoun answers, but he's eyes still locked on his phone.

And for some reason, this makes Wooseok mad. Perhaps he's still not entirely recovered from the "how many people have been here" question, and he doesn't like people looking at the phone while he's talking. So he walks towards Seungyoun and stands in front of him: "What are you doing now?"

Seungyoun now raises his head, only finding Wooseok fresh out of shower is standing in front of him wearing his oversized t-shirt. Seungyoun can't help but moves his eyes to Wooseok's pale and plump legs. He feels his heart might have stopped for a second.

"Are you on purpose?" Seungyoun asks.

"What?"

"Come to seduce me like this?" Seungyoun mutters while throwing his cellphone away. Next, he pulls Wooseok's arms towards him, landing the shorter on his laps. Wooseok is cooperate enough to let his body fall onto Seungyoun's. Seungyoun knows that Wooseok has strength, and if it's this easy to drag him, that means he is ok with it.

Now, the fresh smell of shampoo swirls around the two of them. In fact, Wooseok was really here to vent his anger at Seungyoun, but as soon as he got close to him, he felt something has been ignited. The atmosphere is so good, and the temperature in the room is comfy, Wooseok rests his chin on Seungyoun's shoulder and whispers, "Yes." 

He misses this body, he really does.

Wooseok squeezes his two legs a little to find a more comfortable position on Seungyoun's laps, and he leans forward and kisses him just gently.

Seungyoun senses the changes in Wooseok. He thinks that Wooseok has become more proactive, probably because they slept together last time. Seungyoun squints his eyes in satisfaction and enjoys this unexperienced kiss from Wooseok. Also, because he knows there's a small scar on Wooseok's lower lip from just now, he doesn't want to go too aggressively.

Wooseok keeps kissing Seungyoun like a little bird sampling his food. And it's probably the cutest kiss that Seungyoun has ever had. When their lips part, they both start to giggle. Seungyoun then takes the initiative to send a deeper kiss while being very careful. And when they part again, Wooseok suddenly feels the belated embarrassment.

"What do you want? You are so clingy tonight," Seungyoun asks, somewhat knowingly.

But Wooseok just hugs him and shakes his head on the taller man's shoulder.

"Who just said he didn't want to make out tonight? He actually wants it, right?" Seungyoun keeps teasing him.

And Wooseok shakes his head again.

"Really? So this is enough?"

"Yes," Wooseok responds.

"Ok, fine. We are not going to do anything. Now you go to bed first." Seungyoun says, while easily stands up from the sofa while holding Wooseok in his arms. Wooseok locks his legs around Seungyoun's waist to not falling off.

But as soon as Seungyoun moves him into the bedroom, he suddenly slams the door using his one foot and turns around to press Wooseok onto the back of the door. _Are you kidding me? We are like this already and we are not going to make out?_

Wooseok feels dizzy just by being in such an intimate position with Seungyoun. He feels there is a milky way in his head. And he finally yields and whispers, "Fine. I surrender. I want you. Now you go take a shower, quick."

Seungyoun smirks, his eyes glow like a wolf in the dark. He lays Wooseok in his bed and presses a lusty kiss on his forehead, then goes out towards the bathroom. 

Wooseok lies in bed by himself and thinks that he must be crazy. Or, perhaps since he accepted Seungyoun's pursuit, he has been crazy (for him) ever since.

Wooseok covers his face and rolls on this super comfortable king-size bed, and then reaches out, trying to turn on the light. However, he accidentally shoves a pile of paper onto the floor.

Out of curiosity, he glances at the papers, and it is a draft contract. The title shows "Y Company," which is a nationally renowned entertainment company known for its multimedia investments and talent management. It represents famous actors, actresses, singers, TV hosts, athletes, and basically all kinds of professionals, except that it doesn't produce k-pop groups.

What is this? Wooseok wonders and puts the paper back onto the table. He then rolls back to the center of the bed, staring at the light, and somehow feeling empty.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It takes me some time to put myself together and finish translating this one. Had a really bad day and somehow lost motivation... But anyways, I'm always thankful for all your comments and likes. And I feel better today. :)

When Seungyoun enters his room after taking a shower, he sees that Wooseok is staring at the ceiling with eyes wide open.

"What are you looking at?"

And then Wooseok turns his head to stare at Seungyoun. Although the contract had him wondered, he was too lazy to think about it at this point.

Seeing Wooseok being silent, Seungyoun walks towards him and pinches his cheeks. So soft, like a marshmallow. So Seungyoun decides to pinche more with a loving smile on his face. 

And completely off guard, Seungyoun found his finer inside Wooseok's mouth. It is not a real bite though, more like a kitten playing around with his owner, testing the limit of when his owner would get mad.

Seungyoun is dazed for a second, and then he sees Wooseok who is beginning to suck that finger, and looking straight into his eyes.

"God, where did you learn this?" Seungyoun asks in surprise.

Hearing this, Wooseok is oddly feeling satisfied because it seems that he has made Seungyoun happy this way. So he licks that finger again, somewhat invitingly, before letting it go.

And Seungyoun is aroused. He kneels down beside the bed to kiss Wooseok, or maybe more accurately, devouring his plump lips.

And that tiny scar on Wooseok's lip from earlier cracks again. He gasps and slightly pushes Seungyoun's chest that is coming closer to his.

Seungyoun smells the blood and stops the kiss, he raises his body from Wooseok and asks, "Does it hurt? I can get you some ointment or band-aid or something."

"No, don't go. Just… don't kiss my mouth then," Wooseok begs, he's afraid that Seungyoun is leaving. However, he then realizes that he's words were probably too suggestive.

Seungyoun is, of course, happy that he doesn't need to leave the scene and look for a band-aid. So he immediately climbs up to his bed and hovers above Wooseok's body, whispering, "Let's just use this position today. Let me see you all the way, ok?"

Wooseok turns his head aside, which equals a "yes" actually. Seungyoun licks the lower lip of his and starts to roll up Wooseok's shirt, which is actually his, and it looks oversized on the smaller man's body.

Wooseok just looks so tiny beneath him. And Seungyoun thinks he can probably just use his hands to circle Wooseok's waist. He then starts to use his fingers to wander around Wooseok's pale torso while lowering himself.

Wooseok has zero-tolerance of itchiness, so when he's being touched, he can't help but squeeze his body and make little whining sounds. Seungyoun kisses his neck and says, "Good baby, don't move that like."

Wooseok loves how affectionate Seungyoun calls him, using different appellations each time. So he tries his best to stay still. After all, he has a strong will to make Seungyoun happy, that's all he wants to do.

Seungyoun sucks Wooseok's nipples before raising his head to recheck Wooseok's expression. And he sees Wooseok's cherry-like month is slightly shaking. And he immediately wants to taste that, even though the scar is still there. So he climbs up a little and looks at Wooseok in the eyes. The shorter man immediately knows what his boyfriend wants, and he closes his eye, giving him an ok sign.

Seungyoun leans down to kiss the bloody red lips. Wooseok is such a good baby that he would probably listen to whatever Seungyoun is requesting. Maybe because he has no experience before, he's always being reticent in bed, but his face still shows a discontented expression. He would often open his mouth and breathing like a fish just out of water, which excites Seungyoun, and also making the taller man cherish the little one more.

"Kitten, you are being so good to me. Tell me, how much do you love me?" Seungyoun speaks to the cat under him.

"You idiot. I don't like…" Wooseok dodges his necks while it is being caressed by another round of kisses.

"Ok, fine. I know. You don't love me. But how come you get wet so easily already?" Seungyoun says lightheartedly while reaching his finger to the lower body of Wooseok's. The words make Wooseok so embarrassed and he wants to bury himself right now, yet the feeling of Seungyoun almost getting a finger inside him makes him whine, "You fool! I… I am not… Ahh… Don't touch me there…"

But this is, of course, useless protest, since it will only make Seungyoun more thrilled to diligently explore the private parts where he hasn't touched for more than 10 days.

"How do we make out if I don't 'touch there?'" Soungyoun grins and his voice is just too sensual for Wooseok to handle. Wooseok keeps panting and moaning, and Seungyoun honestly just wants to cling their bodies together. He rubs Wooseok's cock, which is quite hard like his right now, and traces the texture on it. And without any notice, Seungyoun spread Wooseok's legs wider and put them around his body. Wooseok gasps, this is so new to him, and he feels like he's exposed everything to Seungyoun, not just his holes, but also his heart, his lungs, his arteries and veins, everything. He feels shy and scared because he can see Seungyoun's face clearly--how he looks at his most intimate places with excitement and desire. Wooseok can't take a look anymore, and he covers his eyes with his arm.

Seungyoun's heart skips a bit when he sees Wooseok like this. He knows his little kitten is scared. So he bends down and kisses his chest and stomach, "Babe, you are so beautiful, don't hide, let me look at you, ok?"

Wooseok shakes his head while still having that arm on his eyes. Seungyoun smiles fondly. Actually, the shy Wooseok in bed is even better for him, making him wanting to enter his body right now and ram it so that Wooseok will get more bashful. 

"Hmm, ok, I'm coming in," Seungyoun says, "You know you are so good today, I didn't have to use my fingers much, and your hole is quite ready for me."

Seungyoun says things so unrestrained in bed, which makes Wooseok uncomfortable. But what should he do? He loves him.

The feeling of a thing that doesn't belong to him drilling inside his ass is getting fiercer, little by little. Wooseok knows his inner thigh is being pressed by Seungyoun from shaking uncontrollably, and also that way his hole is available to Seungyoun to the fullest. However, he feels more like his body is split in half and that he is lying on a cutting board or something waiting for his fate to come. But part of him is not afraid because he believes that Seungyoun will not really kill him. He knows Seungyoun just wants him, and that may hurt a little, and that's ok. If he still has the spirit to say something now, he may ask Seungyoun to tell him, "don't be afraid," just like the first time they made love. But it seems Seungyoun doesn't have the spare time to comfort him anymore. He's holding his penis and carefully inserting it to Wooseok's hole, and then he slowly rotates inside, trying to find the most comfortable spot for himself.

"Ngh… Ah…" Wooseok gets it, he can't help but let out a broken whine. And he hears Seungyoun does something similar. Next, Woseok senses Seungyoun's thing inside his ass is getting even bigger, filling his walls. He's not sure. His lower body starts to shake and cramp, and he just feels like he's totally out of control. He cannot hold his body, the way it is bouncing and moving, he's just totally lost and being exposed, his thoughts become dispersed and jumbled.

And when Seungyoun entirely plugs in and begins thrusting, in and out, Wooseok's conscious suddenly comes back due to the violent fraction within his body. He finally throws his arms away from his face because he can't hold of his body parts anymore. Nothing feels like his anymore. It's all Seungyoun's, Seungyoun can do whatever to him. Wooseok gasps with another round of thrusting, and he unconsciously extends his arms, trying to reach Seungyoun's neck and shoulders to grab something to stabilize himself. And as soon as he gets hold of Seungyoun's body, he feels like a drifting boat finally finds an anchor.

But he's been in the storm. There's no pattern. He doesn't know when the next wave is coming. The only thing he knows is that he's going to be overturned anyway. He can do nothing but grab that strong back as if his life depends on it.

"Ah… ugh…. Ahhh….. Seungyounie…" Wooseok screams his name.

"Yes? What?" Seungyoun is still hitting inside Wooseok's ass and asks, "You like it? You like the spot? Tell me!"

"Seung… Seungyounie…" Wooseok can't really answer him because he has lost his thoughts and has been crying, which is a purely physiological reaction. But for some reason, the words burst out of his mouth without even going through his brain, "I want… I want it deeper…"

Seungyoun was startled and aroused even more upon hearing this. So he pulls out, and then rams in again using as much strength as he could, "Babe, kitten, love, is this deep? Deep enough? Comfy? Want more, huh?"

Wooseok shrieks. He seems to nod or shake his head, no one knows, and he cries, "Yes, here. I want it here, more!"

"You are needy today," Seungyoun smirks while breathing heavily. He puts Wooseok's body down again and pulls both of the shorter man's legs onto his shoulder and starts to penetrate him again and again. The splashing and clacking sound of their skins and the fluids in between them make them go wild and eventually lose it. 

They go on to make out several times, much harder than the first time in bed. Seungyoun actually carries Wooseok to the bathroom to clean at one point, but once they go back to bed, they just start another round. Wooseok probably loses his conscious at some point, he doesn't know. But he still could see Seungyoun's misted eyes above him, appreciating his tears, perhaps. And then Wooseok would fall, for dozens of times, or even more. He wants to give his whole to Seungyoun, he wants Seungyoun to possess him, everything about him.

Seungyoun could tell Wooseok's love for him just by looking at those watery doe eyes. He knows how pure and innocent Wooseok is, and his eyes would never lie. Even the slightest wishes would reveal from them. Seungyoun knows Wooseok is in love with him, for sure, even though he's the one who confessed first. Wooseok is definitely drowning, maybe more than he is. Is it because this is Wooseok's first love? Maybe. Seungyoun looks at those honest eyes and thinks how fortunate he is to possess this tiny man. And he is willing to give him more until the two become one.

At the end of this long night, Wooseok, who probably already loses his mind hundreds of times, suddenly cries out loud. He's sitting on Seungyoun's lap, holding his back. It's not the physiological tears from sex, but the saddest exclamations. It's like a mental breakdown, like it is the end of the world.

Seungyoun doesn't say anything. He doesn't ask why. He just holds Wooseok tight, kisses his ears and hair, murmuring to himself, "You are a crybaby too. Must you've hidden a lot in your mind? So when we break up, are you going to cry like this, too?"

Apparently, Wooseok didn't get up early as planned the night before. When he wakes up, the sunbeam has already hit his eyes hard. He rolls on the bed and realizes he's body feels like broken into pieces. The sore is worse than last time. Honestly, he doesn't remember how many times they made out and came last night, but he slightly remembers he might have cried. And then he touches his swollen eyes and feels the puffiness and soreness.

"Cho Seungyoun," he closes his eyes and whispers the name of his love.

"Hm? You are up?" An arm stretches from the taller man and pats on the shorter's head. This makes Wooseok feeling secure.

"Is…is it noon already?" Wooseok asks with a tiny voice.

"No, only 9. But I assume it's later than you planned? Are you going to go now?"

"Let me think… no… we had the monthly eval yesterday, and today we have a day off…" Wooseok utters.

"Then why you insisted on going home early last night?"

Wooseok pouts with a sense of satisfaction, and he moves his body towards Seungyoun closer under the comforter, putting the tips of his toes on the taller man's leg. The warmth from this man, he wants it.

 _Oh, what should I do with this overindulgence?_ Wooseok thinks to himself.

But Wooseok really wakes up fully when he suddenly hears the sound of flipping papers. And that reminds him, he saw a contract the night before by Seungyoun's bed. Now Seungyoun is reading it, next to him.

"What's that?" Wooseok asks while still burying his face in Seungyoun's arm.

"Nothing. Just Y Company, you know? They want me to join them. But actually, it was a friend of mine who referred me."

"Oh…" Wooseok replies, "So are you going to leave Yuehua? Is Y Company going to debut a group?"

"No. If I go there, I'll just work at the music production line. So, stay in the back. I figured since I may not debut as an idol, I may just go there doing something different."

"Are you going to give up being an idol?" Wooseok gasps in alarmingly. He now looks at Seungyoun, whose eyes are still fixed on the papers.

But his question is interrupted by the buzz of Seungyoun's cellphone. The latter grabs his phone from the bedside table, looks at the message, and sighs.

"Wooseokie, do you like the music I made? The ones I showed you before?" Seungyoun puts down his phone again and asks Wooseok.

"I like them. Your songs are… special… not mainstream…" Wooseok contemplates. But he actually holds back another comment, which is: they made me sad.

"But whichever way I go, it may seem 'not mainstream,'" Seungyoun shrugs, "Or maybe I should just inherit my parents' company in the Philippines, they send me emails every day asking if I want to do that." Seungyoun smiles and says, half-jokingly.

Wooseok doesn't know what to reply. He just wonders why he still feels so distant from Seungyoun, even though they had sex, even though they are boyfrriends, even though he's literally next to him right now. 

Perhaps there's some jealousy in this. Wooseok ponders. He is jealous of Seungyoun's talent, his choices, the fact that he has many friends, and that he knows a lot about the hidden world than he does.

Wooseok keeps silence for a while, and then mumbles, more like to himself, "A life with many choices must be hard…"

"Well, I think it's hard to 'give up' anything," Seungyoun actually hears and answers. He then looks at Wooseok, his doll-like lover, and finds him having a pair of red puffy eyes from crying last night.

*

Wooseok doesn't ask Seungyoun to drive him home that day. Although his body is still painful, he decides to go back alone and not to make a scene (to Jinhyuk). Seungyoun doesn't hold him back, but just gives him a quiet hug and reminds him to go home safely and take a good rest. It is strange that once they leave that king-size bed, everything backs to normal, if not formal. It's like two of them both have grown some new thoughts in mind. And Wooseok is not sure how long this time is going to last.

Unsurprisingly, Jinhyuk is at home when Wooseok gets in the door. Perhaps he was drunk last night, so he slept on the couch. Jinhyuk is so tall that his entire right leg is actually hanging on the floor. But Wooseok's noise of coming home does wake him up. He opens his eyes and brushes his head with his fingers fiercely, "So, you are back?"

"Yes, I'm back. Are you ok? You look post-drunk." Wooseok says while placing his jacket on the hanger.

"I feel awful actually… and I don't remember who sent me back."

"I'll get you some water," Wooseok goes to the kitchen and pours a cup of water, sending it in front of Jinhyuk, "You know if you can't drink much, you shouldn't. Good thing we don't have to practice today."

"How about you? Staying over at your girlfriend's?" Jinhyuk changes the topic.

"No," Wooseok denies. But it sounds like a blatant lie to Jinhyuk.

"I'm actually quite surprised," Jinhyuk drinks the water and stares at Wooseok, "I thought you wouldn't date anyone during this time, as a trainee."

Wooseok raises his head and looks at Jinhyuk looking bewildered. But then he realizes that he actually confirms that he's dating someone by showing this look.

"You've been practicing hard, so I thought you only wanted to debut and never thought of anything else. And you see, you have a perfect visual, so I thought you wouldn't be interested in anyone, no matter how beautiful that person is," Jinhyuk explains.

"I… I don't know," Wooseok lowers his head again, "Actually, I'm… not happy."

Jinhyuk scans his roommate. The Kim Wooseok he knows is a beautiful and pure little guy who is always quiet, observant, but hardly wants to reveal what's in his mind to others. So this is one of the few cases that Wooseok actually says his feeling out to his roommate, that he's "not happy."

"Come here," Jinhyuk opens his arms, "Come to your hyung." Indeed, Jinhyuk treats him like a dongsaeng, a younger brother.

And Wooseok looks at him in shock.

"I'm just going to give you a hug! Come on. You cried, right? Look at your swollen eyes my dear." And there, Jinhyuk kneels down to the carpet and gives Wooseok a big hug, full of empathy and sympathy.

Wooseok doesn't shy away. This somewhat unexpected kindness from his roommate is not often, but is coming at the right time. Meanwhile, Wooseok wonders if he has revealed too much to Jinhyuk just now, and he's not sure if he will later feel regret.

"Wooseok-ah, you really like my younger brother sometimes. But every time I want to take care of you, I don't know what to do. If you need someone to talk, just tell me, ok? I'm always here for you."

In fact, Jinhyuk is a nice guy. Very caring, just like a big brother.

But Wooseok is the only child. He doesn't have a brother, a real brother. So he's been keeping things to himself since he was born. And he is used to this.

Thus, he says to Jinhyuk, "I'm fine."

Jinhyuk sighs, "If you are dating someone and you are not happy. That's not right. And it shouldn't affect your normal life, you know?" Jinhyuk releases him and gives him a pat on the back.

Of course, Wooseok knows that. But he feels he has been stuck in a swamp, how can he get out whenever he wants? But as an insecure and private person himself, he doesn't want to say more to Jinhyuk, so he utters with a bitter smile, "Thanks, really. And I think you should take a shower. You stink."

"Ah, sorry." Jinhyuk smiles, embarrassed. He drags himself off the couch and walks into the bathroom. But before closing the door, he shouts again, "If anyone dares to hurt you, let me know."

Wooseok puts a bigger, thankful smile this time. 

And there he is, by himself in the living room again. He decides to send a message to Seungyoun just to tell him that he's home now.

Seungyoun still replies fast, "Good to know." With a heart emoji.

Wooseok stares at that heart, and wonders maybe the two of them actually do not have much problem. Perhaps it's just himself overthinking into this. He's so stupid. He wants Seungyoun to be good, but then maybe he himself is the one who doesn't have a future.

After all, Seungyoun has many choices, many friends, so he has nothing to worry about. Even if he can't debut as an idol, he can shine in any other field. But Wooseok is different; he only has one way to go: debut as an idol, or he will go back to that restrained life under his parents' watch. 

However, Wooseok feels sadder by imaging Seungyoun give up his dream as an idol. He feels lonely, to be exact.

Also, they have this contract that, once any of them debuts, they will break up immediately. Isn't that under the premise that both of them are aiming for being an "idol"? Although Wooseok has been avoiding thinking about "break up" recently, he finally decides to use the idea that "they are going to break up sooner or later anyways" to comfort himself.

He won't be hurt if he detaches a little bit. Wooseok thinks to himself. He's been acting like this for so long throughout his life, but why he starts to forget about it once he meets Seungyoun?

Wooseok goes back to usual practice in the next week. His company will hold an all-company fan meeting on New Year's Eve, so at least the trainees also have a stage to perform. In terms of Seungyoun, he's still in touch with Wooseok, thankfully. They chat on the app every night, actually, not too long, but enough to keep the relationship going. Seungyoun says he's been making music in the company, nothing new, nothing exciting. And he never mentions changing company during this time. Meanwhile, Wooseok tells him that he's busy preparing for the fan meeting so he may not be able to meet Seungyoun any time soon. Seungyoun doesn't complain much and would always send a selfie by the end of the day with a text "I love you," sometimes making a funny face in the photo.

"Ugly." Wooseok would smile at him.

However, even though Seungyoun is saying "I love you" or "I miss you" every day, it still doesn't make Wooseok happy. This makes him confused, and he even starts to wonder if he has ever been happy since he began dating Seungyoun.

_ So why did I like him in the first place? Am I a masochist? _

Wooseok never has an answer. And because of the intense practice schedule, he stops wondering during the days. Only at night, when he puts his cellphone under the pillow and closes his eyes, he would think for a bit. But anyway, it's the end of the year. Just get through it first.

"Hey Wooseok, do you have any plan for Christmas?" One day, Jinhyuk asks him during break.

Wooseok looks at the calendar on the wall and realizes it's only two days before Christmas Eve.

"I don't… think so." He hesitates. Even though he thinks about Seungyoun for a second, since Seungyoun never mentions anything about it, he assumes there's no plan between them.

"Really? You don't need to see your girlfriend?" Jinkyuk whispers in his ear.

Wooseok apparently stuns, and says immediately, "No."

"You guys broke up?" Jinhyuk looks surprised.

"Being busy." Wooseok dodges.

"Well, if you really have no plan, why don't you go with me for a drink? I have a friend whose brother just opened a bar."

Wooseok doesn't expect this from Jinhyuk, because he thinks his roommate knows that he doesn't like to go to bars or parties.

And Jinhyuk suddenly grips Wooseok's shoulder and says, "Don't worry. We can leave a little earlier on that day according to our company's tradition, right? And I'll take care of you at the bar, so don't be afraid."

"Hmm… I'll think about it," Wooseok answers. He actually wants to reject at first, but for some reason, he suddenly craves to break his comfort zone, just for once. He can't think about Cho Seungyoun all the time. He also wants to have something to distract himself. He wants to be happy.

That night, Wooseok calls Seungyoun and asks if he has anything planned for Christmas Eve. As the call connects, Wooseok realizes that they haven't seen each other for more than a week again. 

"Ah, sorry, Wooseokie, my company has a party that night. And it's at our head company's location so we all have to go," Seungyoun says apologetically on the phone.

"That's ok. I was just asking. I have something to do, too." Wooseok says, somewhat relieved.

"You have? Who are you going with?" Seungyoun sounds more than surprised.

"Just… with other trainees." Wooseok answers.

"Oh, I see. Then, take care and keep safe. There will be so many people outside that night."

"I'm not a kid Seungyoun," Wooseok complains, "I won't get lost."

"Haha, but you are my baby," Seungyoun says it so naturally, which makes Wooseok's heart leap.

"Excuse me. You are just a few months older than me."

"Ok, ok," Seungyoun smiles, "So, are we going to meet for the New Year then?"

"My company has a fan meeting on NYE. And then I'm going back home for a few days, I mean, my hometown." Wooseok says blankly.

"Oh… then… we have to meet once before you leave, for sure." Seungyoun lives in Seoul, so it didn't even cross his mind that Wooseok has a "home" to go to.

"Yes," Wooseok says.

"Ok, gotta go. I love you, Wooseok."

"I see," Wooseok says indifferently.

"Hey Wooseok, I said 'I love you,' don't you want to say something back?" Seungyoun inquires.

And now Wooseok realizes that even though he would type "I love you" when they were chatting on the app, he seldom says that out to Seungyoun when they talk.

"My roommate is near. I don't want to say that now." Wooseok makes an excuse. But indeed, Jinhyuk is outside in the living room playing video games.

"But don't you say that to your parents?" Seungyoun insists.

"No, never." Wooseok answers pointedly.

Seungyoun is a little disappointed since he doesn't talk back at once, but then he puts himself together and says, "Ok, then you own me this one. When we meet next time you shall pay me back."

Wooseok just answers "em" and hangs up the phone. He thinks for a while and sends a heart emoji to Seungyoun to make up for what he just did. And he adds, jokingly, "you are unreasonable."

"I'll definitely spend Christmas Eve with you now," Wooseok walks out of his room and talks to Jinhyuk, who is still on the video game.

"What? You sure you're not meeting with your GF?" Jinhyuk pauses the game and tries to confirm.

"No. I don't have a girlfriend anyways."

"Oh c'mon." Jinhyuk says, but he thinks Wooseok is probably just having a breakup or something.

Wooseok rubs his hair while leaning on his room door, looking into the void.

"You know, Wooseok," Jinhyuk continues, "As your hyung, I'm happy that you're willing to take a step forward."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, you've been trying to get out of your comfort zone, right? I can see that."

"Not sure what you are talking about," Wooseok kinda knows, but he decides to end this conversation and goes to take a shower instead.

Jinhyuk restarts the game and shouts to the bathroom, "Anyway, thanks Wooseok, for sharing your precious Christmas Eve with me!"

"You fool," Wooseok shuts the door.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wooseok's confession

In fact, no one wants to practice on Christmas Eve, even the teachers asked for early leave. So the trainees of Wooseok's cohort just go over the program they are going to perform for the fan meeting and then leave for their different destinations for the night. Wooseok realizes that everyone has some kind of plans for Christmas Eve; but for him, if Jinhyuk didn't invite, he would probably just stay in the apartment watching a Christmas themed movie.

Actually, this is a tradition in his family. Before coming to Seoul, Wooseok would spend every Christmas Eve with his parents at home. His mother would buy a cake so after dinner the three of them would sit together, eat cake, and watch a Christmas movie. This seems like an admirable tradition in the eyes of other Korean people, but for Wooseok, it was more like a repetitive task. But at least he could get more pocket money as a gift the next day, so he wouldn't complain.

Christmas Eve in Seoul is quite different from in his hometown. The streets are decorated with colorful lights and flowers, couples take over the business and shopping districts at night, and the traffic is always a mess. Wooseok then starts to sense that Christmas is just a holiday for couples to go shopping and dating so that they can contribute more to the economy. If that's the case, he should have spent the night with Seungyoun then, but Wooseok doesn't like such ceremonial style of dates, that's why he didn't express any disappointment when Seungyoun said he couldn't meet him today. It was actually ok for Wooseok since he doesn't want to look like he's in an overly passive position in this relationship. Now he actually feels more relieved and relaxed. He will just wait for Jinhyuk to take him to the pub.

They leave the apartment around 9pm. The night is young, the streets are still packed with people. At first, they wanted to take a taxi but realized that would make them broke due to the jammed traffic. So they took the subway instead. The pub is located in a newly developed "art village" in the southern suburb of Seoul. Only some artsy, stylish, and nonconforming young people know about it.

After they come out of the subway, they still have to walk about 10 minutes. It is freezing. Wooseok embraces himself while walking in front of Jinhyuk. Since Jinhyuk is also quite tall, he laughed at how tiny Wooseok is, saying that he looks like a hamster squeezing himself and walking alone.

"Is it that cold?" Jinhyuk asks from behind, "I'll lend you my coat, then."

And next, Wooseok feels Jinhyuk's warm padded coat is already on his shoulder. Jinhyuk goes ahead and holds him from behind and grins, "Our Wooseok is really tiny,"

"You wanna die?" Wooseok yells at him, "I know you are saying I'm short."

"Haha, no. I mean, you are cute this way. Isn't it nice to have a hyung like me who can take care of you like this?" Jinhyuk pats Wooseok in the back.

Wooseok doesn't mind being touched by Jinhyuk. They are roommates for almost two years, after all. But at this point, he suddenly thinks about Seungyoun because they are about the same height. If Seunyoun were here, Wooseok wonders, is he going to put his jacket on me when he sees that I'm cold? But Wooseok immediately cuts this thought because Seungyoun wouldn't wear too much in first place.

However, just by thinking about Seungyoun, Wooseok feels a little shy. He lowers his head to look at the ground and imagines if Seungyoun is now being popular and having a good time at his company's Christmas party.

The two finally find the pub. To their surprise, it is actually quite tranquil. Perhaps because it is a new place and the location is far from the city center, people here are mostly very intimate friends who just want to catch up or enjoy the ambiance rather than, say, having a loud Christmas party. 

Jinhyuk sees his friend right after entering the space. That's the good thing about being tall, Wooseok has to admit.

"This is U, my friend from middle school. We came to Seoul together," Jinhyuk introduces enthusiastically, "And this is Kim Wooseok, my roommate, I've told you before."

Wooseok just smiles. He doesn't say much before sitting down with the other two at the bar. Jinhyuk is very outgoing and can handle all kinds of situations, so Wooseok is not worried about whether he has to talk much. 

Wooseok seldom drinks, so he just scans the menu with pictures to choose the one that he likes the most. And then, "sunrise tequila" caught his attention.

After they finished ordering from the bartender, U initiates a conversation with Wooseok.

"By the way, so you are Kim Wooseok! You indeed have a good visual!" The compliment comes quite random, and U is also very loud, so he attracted some attention from a group sitting not far from them. "Jinhyuk told me that you are the most handsome one in your cohort," U continues.

Wooseok feels a little embarrassed. He usually doesn't know how to deal with the social butterfly kind of people. Even though he's been hearing people praising his look a lot, he still feels weird when a person starts a conversation this way.

"Well… do Jinhyuk talk about me to you often?" Wooseok tries not to make the conversation too awkward.

"Haha, don't get nervous. He only said good things about you. He's such a big brother type who wants to spoil the younger ones. He has a younger sibling back home. I think he just treats you as that little boy since he misses him so freaking much."

Wooseok glares at Jinhyuk. Apparently, both of them feel somewhat embarrassed by how flamboyant U is. 

And the drink comes. Wooseok peeks at the pomegranate and orange colors in the glass and is really fond of it. At the moment, his cellphone vibrates, and it is a message from Seungyoun.

"What are you doing now? Hangout with friends?"

_ Hm, rare. He actually checks in on me,  _ Wooseok thinks.

Since Jinhyuk and U are chatting enthusiastically beside him, Wooseok is enjoying his own time. He snaps a photo of his drink and sends it to Seungyoun, "I'm going to drink it now."

"Oh you are in a bar. Nice. Don't drink too much. But judging from what you have ordered, it is quite safe," Seungyoun jokes.

And Wooseok sends an unimpressed emoji.

"I feel so bored. Several CEOs and bosses are here, and they are literally giving speeches, what the hell!" Seungyoun then complains about Yuehua's "party."

"Ok, then you enjoy your time there," Wooseok smiles. He knows how boring that can be.

"Ah, by the way, no one tries to hit on you there, right? Be safe. Protect yourself," Seungyoun reminds Wooseok and adds a wink emoji.

"You idiot," Wooseok sends one last message before putting his phone back to the pocket.

At this point Jinhyuk and U realize that they haven't been talking to Wooseok for a while, so Jinkyuk tries to make up by turning to Wooseok who is sitting on his left, "Hey you know, U was a Yuehua trainee, and then he transferred to his current company."

As soon as the word "Yuehua" comes up in the conversation, Wooseok's eyes brighten.

Jinhyuk, who suddenly remembers, turns to his friend on the right and asks, "Wait, so you must know Cho Seungyoun then?"

"Of course. Who doesn't know Cho? He's quite famous in Yuehua." U's answer doesn't surprise any of them.

"Why?" Wooseok is the one who asks the next question. He just cannot hold when it is about Seungyoun.

"Well… he is talented. And his family is rich. He hangs out with all kinds of people, not just people in the industry, you know what I mean? And I believe he holds some copyrights as he has been making music as well." U looks at the ceiling and counts as if Seungyoun is already a superstar with a long list of achievements.

"Oh… that is… impressive." Wooseok ruminates what he just heard. He knows that Seungyoun likes to go out and party, at least before meeting him, but he doesn't know Seungyoun even holds some songs' copyrights. That's a big deal. That means he's really good at composing.

"And I heard that he almost debuted with the new group? But then there was another guy whose family was more powerful and connected with the government or something, so that guy replaced Seungyoun. Damn, I thought someone as rich as Seungyoun could just buy himself a spot to debut already, haha. So I wonder, maybe he just doesn't care or doesn't want to debut." U says out loud.

"Doesn't want? What do you mean?" Wooseok looks concerned.

"I mean, he's like that, right? He just wants to have fun, and that's all. I wasn't close to him while I was in Yuehua, but I knew he would always party all night or go to different bars. And the company doesn't check on him much because he's been there for so many years. They stopped caring."

Jinhyuk, who sits in between his roommate and his middle school friend, now becomes the one who's left out of the conversation. And he feels weird now: Wooseok seldom shows interest in other people. But when it comes to Seungyoun, he seems triggered. Jinhyuk recalls the time when Wooseok asks him about Seungyoun during the music festival in summer.

"You really know Seungyoun, huh?" Jinhyuk asks Wooseok, just to double-check.

"Well, kinda," Wooseok says, "We are not close though, I was just curious."

Meanwhile, U on the other side of the table seems to have been delving into his memory about Seungyoun, and soon he exclaims, "Oh, and I remembered something! Seungyoun seems to… only be dating guys… Well, my friend told me this, but there are many people who have seen him taking guys home."

"What?" This is from Jinhyuk, who seems the most astonished amongst the three.

"Hm?" And U seems surprised about Jinhyuk's overreaction, so he explains, "So that's it. He is probably gay. But that's ok, I guess," U finishes the alcohol in his glass.

Wooseok has been quiet. He thinks his face might have become red upon hearing the rumor about Seungyoun. But thankfully, it can also be caused by alcohol, so no one should find his nervousness. However, even though he seems calm, his heart is beating really fast now. U has revealed so much about Seungyoun in the past few minutes. "Just want to have fun?" "only dating guys?" So is he really wanting to debut or not? And oh, so he's only been dating other men? How many? Wooseok can't hold back his suspicious thoughts.

Although Wooseok is not surprised to hear that Seungyoun has slept with quite some people, he never expected them all to be men. And for some reason, this is the thing he feels the most uncomfortable. Meanwhile, though U doesn't have evidence, this kind of thing usually does have solid proofs, or it won't just come from nowhere. Wooseok now feels complicated. Maybe a little angry, a little sad. Because Seungyoun has never admitted about his past to him. Wooseok only tried to ask once on that terribly raining day, but Seungyoun dodged the question and even said: "it is unrelated to you." So they ended up having sex for the first time, and Wooseok never asked again. 

At the same time, what has been going on between Wooseok and U is suspicious enough for Jinhyuk to start considering the possibilities. Although it may sound crazy, Jinhyuk actually thinks that he can connect the dots from the past few weeks. The fact that Wooseok has been dating, sent home in a luxurious car, and spent a whole night out and came back with swollen eyes… all seemed to be possible to be connected with Seungyoun. 

A group of people suddenly break the awkward silence among the three, they seem to be U's other friends and they come to ask U to join their table. U gladly takes the offer so only Wooseok and Jinhyuk are left at the bar. They keep being quiet for a while since Wooseok is still thinking about Seungyoun, and Jinhyuk has been observing and trying to raise the ultimate question when the time is ripe. 

"Well, has your girlfriend contacted you?" Jinhyuk finally initiates.

"What?" Wooseok looks surprised, "No, I really don't have a girlfriend."

Jinhyuk tries hard to hold back the urge to ask: "how about a boyfriend?" And instead, he shifts, "Then, do you have someone you like?"

"Are you drunk already?" Wooseok replies. Jinhyuk only had two glasses of some kind of wine, and the way he talks already feels strange to Wooseok. "I never know you like to gossip this much," Wooseok mocks him. 

However, when he realizes how serious Jinhyuk actually looks right now, he compromises a little bit and says, "Isn't it normal to have someone that I really like? Don't you have someone I have a crush on in mind?"

"As your hyung, I just don't want to see you date someone that will hurt you," Jinhyuk continues without answering Wooseok, "You've been acting strange recently. And you cried the other day after spending the whole night outside, didn't you? You never tell me anything. But I'm worried about you. I wonder what if you are being hurt by someone? Or someone is trying to take advantage of you?"

"Come on Jinhyuk, I'm an adult. Why are you worrying like this? You are not my real brother." 

"But I am your roommate. We became trainees together about two years ago. And we will be most likely to debut together. Isn't this enough for me to care about you? Can't you just trust me a little bit more?"

Wooseok looks at Jinhyuk and feels even more unusual. Jinhyuk is definitely drunk because he would not speak like this even though he can be like a parent sometimes. And yes, he's drunk after two shots. But at the same time, Wooseok also wonders maybe Jinhyuk has discovered something about him and Seungyoun. The way he spoke to him just now sounded too indicative and suspicious. 

But for now, Wooseok decides just to pat Jinhyuk's back and says, "I'm not hiding things from you. It's just… nothing."

"Isn't it about Cho Seungyoun?" Abruptly, Jinhyuk spills it. 

And Wooseok's hand on his back suddenly freezes. 

"What?"

"I said, you and Cho Seungyoun. You two have something, right?" Jinhyuk looks at Wooseok in the eyes, and Wooseok finds that his roommate does look drunk, even though also looking determined. 

"What are you talking about? What do I have to do with him?" Wooseok declines. 

"Aren't you two dating right now?" Jinhyuk just lets out all the doubts in his mind.

"No…no way," Wooseok starts to show hesitance, "We are just… friends." He's quite panicky right now, wondering how in the world did Jinhyuk figure everything out?

However, without any sign, Jinhyuk hits his head on the table heavily, completely knocked himself out due to drunkenness. 

Thank god. – Wooseok sighs. 

Since Jinhyuk passes out already, Wooseok decides to sit at the bar for a while just to accompany him. He uses this time to order some other drinks. He never knows how much alcohol he can tolerate, but it seems that although his face gets red, he doesn't feel too bad. Not dizzy, not wanting to throw up. And after a few more glasses, he thinks maybe he has realized the fun of consuming alcohol. It feels like dragging himself away from complicated thoughts. Usually, when he feels bored, he would just check on social media. But with drinking, he can do nothing and doesn't feel bad about it. 

However, he still contemplates, wondering about what U has said about Seungyoun just now. It makes him weak, like falling into a hole, and there is no exit or future. 

_ Maybe Seungyoun doesn't really want to debut? Maybe he just wants to sleep with me for some time?  _ Wooseok ponders. And the more he thinks, the more he feels there's nothing about himself is worthy of Seungyoun's love. Perhaps he has been in a one-sided relationship throughout the time.

Meanwhile, the pub suddenly begins to play Christmas music. The whole atmosphere changes from ambient to festive, which is quite funny. And Wooseok looks around and finds that the pub is actually well decorated; they are surrounded by Christmas trees, lights, and gift boxes. He then looks at his phone again and realizes it's almost midnight. Christmas is coming. 

What a boring Christmas Eve, Wooseok sighs. He thought he would have fun with Jinhyuk, but the latter ends up getting drunk so quickly. Not to mention what he has heard about Seungyoun. See, one shouldn't have expectations. The more you have, the more disappointed you will get. 

"Hey, Jinhyuk, let's go home, shall we?" Wooseok pats Jinhyuk in the back. 

Jinhyuk jabbers, "Emmm… did I sleep for long?"

"Yes, it's midnight already, let's go home," Wooseok says softly.

"Where's my buddy?" Jinhyuk rubs his eyes.

"Nowhere to be seen. He's with other friends, maybe. I didn't know you are this bad at holding your liquor," Wooseok says while dragging Jinhyuk's arm and put it around his own neck. Although Wooseok is small, he does have strength. So it is not hard for him to carry Jinhyuk, who's taller than him but very thin. 

However, as soon as Wooseok stands up, he feels as if some milky fluids are swinging in his head. And he also has an acute pain in his brain. He tries to hold this feeling and continues to walk with the majority of Jinhyuk's weight placed his thin shoulder. But when they finally get out of the door, Wooseok has to put Jinhuyk on a bench near them as he wants to take a rest. It's the climax of the night, no wonder there's no one outside. Wooseok sighs, not sure if he's feeling tired or tipsy. And he asks Jinhyuk: "Hey, are you ok?"

"Yea… I'm fine. Just call a taxi," Jinhyuk says with his eyes shut. Probably he thinks he's talking in a dream.

Wooseok nods and pulls out his phone, trying to find the Uber app. He swipes the screen back and forth but just couldn't find it. 

"What the…" Wooseok pouts. And as he lowers his head to take a closer look at his phone, he almost vomits. This makes him anxious, and his headache intensifies. He scratches his head and swipes the screen again and again with anger. Too bad that nobody can tell him that it is not that he can't find the app, but he's drunk, and he couldn't function properly to see what he's looking for. 

Yet, Wooseok does find the chatting app that he frequently uses. He opens it and calls the first name on the list, his savior. 

"Hello?" Not sure how long does it take, but Seungyoun eventually picks up the phone. 

And upon hearing his voice, Wooseok immediately has an impulse to cry. He feels relieved as someone can save his life now. So he starts to whine. 

"Damn are you drunk?" The voice in the phone sounds worried, "Where are you? Are you alone? Anyone with you? Is it called _The One_ pub?"

"I… I don't know," Wooseok moans as he really cannot control his thoughts now, "Maybe."

The reason that Seungyoun knows the name of the pub is because he saw it on the photo that Wooseok sent him a while ago. He had never heard of it but did a quick search to make sure it was a safe place. And since Wooseok told him that he would go with the other trainees, Seungyoun didn't worry too much.

"Ok fine. I'm coming over. Stay there. Don't leave." Seungyoun shouts to the phone.

"Yea…" Wooseok answers, even though he doesn't really know what he's saying. He leans on Jinhyuk's body and decides to take a nap. 

And next thing, Wooseok wakes up because someone is shaking his body.

"Wooseok! Wooseok! Are you ok?"

_ Oh, Seungyoun is here.  _ Wooseok thinks. But he believes it is a dream. 

"Gosh! How can you be drunk like this? Don't you know how much you can drink?" Seungyoun laments and then notices the other guy next to him, so this is probably Jinhyuk, Wooseok's roommate, he thinks. 

Seungyoun kneels down and holds Wooseok's right hand. It is so cold which makes his heart throbbed. Wooseok must be sitting here for so long. Why didn't he stay inside!

"I'm calling a cab to send you guys home. I didn't drive today." Seungyoun says. 

But suddenly, he feels his wrist is being seized by Wooseok. And then Wooseok slowly opens his eyes and smiles at him, clearly an enthralled face, "Seungyounie, I don't want to go back home tonight."

Wooseok's voice becomes husky, and that grin looks sexy and inviting. Seungyoun's heart skips a beat, but he manages to stay calm and says to Wooseok softly, "Then we need to send your roommate home first."

It's quite a coincidence that Mr. U suddenly comes out from the pub to have a cigarette. And then he sees the two wasted friends of his, plus the long-time-no-see Cho Seungyoun. 

He knows Seungyoun, of course, but Seungyoun obviously doesn't recognize him. Yet at this point, this doesn't really matter. 

"Wow, so you are the only sober one." U says to Seungyoun.

Seungyoun shrugs. 

And then U quickly notices that Seungyoun is holding Wooseok's hand. He immediately puts on an "Ohhh I see" face, which is actually good for Seungyoun since he can just send him a look that apparently says, "yea, I'm taking my bae home but this guy aka Jinhyuk is also here."

U is so familiar with this kind of situation so he decides to give Seungyoun a hand, "Ok, this guy's actually my friend. I'll just get him to my home then. By the way Seungyoun, you owe me this one! I can't believe you can't recognize me!" U complains.

Seungyoun still doesn't recall his name because he just knows too many people in every bar and pub in Seoul. But he shows thankfulness by giving U a sincere look.

A taxi happens to pass by, U stops it and pulls Jinhyuk up from the bench, throwing him into the car. "Drive to this address," he says to the driver, "and here, no change." He then sends a big number bill into the car.

Seungyoun laughs, it seems U is a clear-cut guy who can also be a good drink buddy.

After the car leaves, U just goes back to the bar and continues with his party. And Seungyoun now touches Wooseok's face gently, "Hey, let's go to the bathroom first, shall we?"

"Seungyounie…" Wooseok seems weak and calls Seungyoun's nickname, which he only says in bed so far.

"Yes, I am here."

"Don't go anywhere."

"I'm not going anywhere. I'm here with you," Seungyoun replies lovingly, "but first, let's go to the bathroom and clean you up, ok?"

Seungyoun carries Wooseok to go back inside. Good thing that the bathroom has everything, even toothbrushes and hairdryer. Upon entering the bathroom, Wooseok immediately holds on to a water closet and vomit. This goes on for another ten minutes, and Wooseok goes out and leans on Seungyoun's chest. Seungyoun is thoughtful enough to give him a cup of water to rinse his mouth. And then Wooseok finally feels better, at least more awake than just now and he can talk properly. 

"How much did you drink, really?" Seungyoun stares at him, but actually with a reassuring smile on his face. He has never seen Wooseok drunk, so he thinks it's quite new and fun. 

Wooseok doesn't answer him. He just hit Seungyoun's chest with his head, being clingy. 

"Ok, let's go home then." Seungyoun gives him a hug.

Seungyoun gets Wooseok's coat from the checkroom, helps him put it on, and then holds him tightly and leave the bar. 

"Are you feeling better?" Once they get outside, Seungyoun lowers his head and asks Wooseok, who is now completely in his embrace. 

"Yea," Wooseok says quietly. 

"I mean, how come you are wasted like that? Didn't your friend take care of you?"

"Look how drunk he was, ok?" Wooseok says, "He passed out after two shots, and I stayed to drink more because I was bored."

"Haha, I can't believe this happened," Seungyoun laughs, "but I'm glad you called me. I'm really happy." Seungyoun then walks in front of Wooseok, looking at him in the eyes. His Wooseok is so pretty being drunk like this, with his doe eyes all red and misty.

"I don't want to walk anymore," suddenly, Wooseok protests. 

"I know, that's why I'm calling a taxi now," Seungyoun says while checking on his phone.

"No, I want you to carry me," Wooseok requests. 

Seungyoun is surprised, he knows Wooseok would never say something like this if he's sober. So he actually feels pleasant. He squats down to indicate Wooseok to climb up on his back. 

Wooseok does it without any hesitation, and then Seungyoun carries him and stands up with ease, shaking his butt a bit to get the most comfortable position.

Wooseok feels like he's in the sky now. He rests his chin on Seungyoun's head with satisfaction, and whines naturally, like a purring cat. 

Seungyoun hears it and smiles to himself. He hates the fact that he cannot see Wooseok's face while carrying him this way though. 

There is no one on the road. The art village is so empty and quiet on Christmas night. Seungyoun walks with Wooseok on his back, and he figures he'll just call a taxi once they get out of the main gate.

The temperature is probably below zero, but none of them feel cold as long as they are together. 

"Wooseok-ah, were you happy tonight?" Seungyoun asks gently.

"No. I wasn't happy. How about you?" Wooseok says lazily with his eyes closed. He enjoys being on Seungyoun's warm and robust back. 

"I wasn't happy either. It was like a conference rather than a party." Seungyoun answers with some disappointment. 

"How about now? Are you happy now since you're seeing me?" Wooseok asks.

"Yea, I'm happy now. I've never seen you drunk, and I didn't know how cute you are this way. You know, you are more candid and honest than… when you are awake. Can you do more aegyo to me in the future?" Seungyoun replies tenderly, full of delicacy and love that it almost melts Wooseok's heart.

However, Wooseok doesn't say anything in return.

"What's wrong, babe?" Seungyoun gets worried when Wooseok suddenly being quiet. And then he realizes that Wooseok is actually crying on his back.

"Gosh babe, what happened?" Seungyoun knows it's probably another outcome of him being drunk, so he comforts him by saying, "Ok, ok. You don't need to do aegyo to me. I promise I'll never force you, ok? Now be a good baby and let's go home. We will take a warm bath and go to the comfy bed, ok?" Seungyoun really sounds like he's talking to a baby. 

Wooseok nods his head and wipes his tears on Seungyoun's shoulder. Yes he knows he's still drunk and not completely awake yet. But the lingering questions about Seungyoun, which he heard from U, just strick him all of a sudden. He has so many questions for Seungyoun, maybe too many. And that worries him, frightens him.

"Seungyoun, do you like me?" Wooseok tries to calm down a little and asks from Seungyoun's back.

"Yes, I like you a lot."

"Am I the only one you like?"

"Of course. Have you seen me dating someone else?"

"I don't know," Wooseok murmurs, "But do you love me? Not just 'like,' but 'love' me?"

"Yea sure. I've been saying 'I love you' everyday!" Seungyoun answers as if he's stating a matter of fact.

Nevertheless, after hearing it, Wooseok starts to cry again. The tears flooded Seungyoun's neck. 

"What the hell is 'love'? What about me that is worth your 'love'? I… I have nothing…" Wooseok laments. 

Seungyoun is stunned, and his heart squeezes. He decides to put Wooseok down. 

Once his feet hit the ground, Wooseok bangs his head on Seungyoun's back and embraces him.

"What's wrong with you, Wooseokie? What have you been thinking?" Seungyoun asks, worryingly. 

"Why… why can't you just be mine and mine only?" Wooseok exclaims to Seungyoun's back as if he wants to engrave his words into his boyfriend's body. 

"Hm?" Seungyoun gets lost, the question sounds random, and he's not prepared for it. 

"Why? Why do you have so many secrets that I don't know?" Wooseok continues.

And now, it is Seungyoun's turn to be silent.

"Am I just another guy to you? Like all your previous ones? I'm the same as them! That's why you said that we will break up once either of us debut, right?" Wooseok holds Seungyoun tighter from the back.

_ "But I don't want to break up with you. Cho Seungyoun. I like you. I love you. I don't want to break up with you!!"  _ Wooseok finally screams out, aside from being drunk. 

The streetlight above them beams and shuts off. On this freezing Christmas night, leaving two lonely shadows in the dark. 


	10. Chapter 10

Cho Seungyoun has never received a confession like this.

The most impressive one was probably Ra’s “If I like you, should I try?” However, this time from Wooseok, it feels different. He knows it is he who made Wooseok cry.

Actually, when Seungyoun suggested “we break up when either of us debut,” it was because he was afraid that Wooseok would not accept his pursuit so he made a compromise. However, as days go by, he becomes the one who accepted this proposal, so he decides to stick to this rule. He tells himself that this is the right way to go. Because they should not date after debut, anyways. This rule is good for both of them.

But Wooseok has experienced the opposite. At first, this proposal made him give in. He accepted Seungyoun’s pursuit because he knew they were going to break up anyway. Yet as they spent the fall together and now entering the winter, he realized that he had fallen badly for Seungyoun, but he does not dare to tell him. And only when he becomes drunk can he speaks his heart out, yet at this point, Seungyoun is no longer willing to give him a definite answer.

Timing is important, really.

When they arrive at Seungyoun’s home, it is around 2am. Wooseok has been sleeping on his shoulder during the entire ride home. Seungyoun first puts him in his bed and changes his clothes into his own pajamas, and then he goes out of the bedroom, takes a shower, checks his email, and when he comes back again, he finds that Wooseok is still slumbering in bed and probably hasn’t moved at all. Seungyoun smiles, thinking that Wooseok is such a well-behaved baby when he’s drunk. He would just cry until falling asleep.

Before turning the light off, Seungyoun looks at Wooseok again and wonders: what kind of dream do you have right now? I hope you won’t cry again in your dream.And he whispers, “Thanks Wooseok, for giving me so much love.”

The next morning Wooseok wakes up realizing he’s sleeping on Seungyoun’s arm for god knows how long. He is startled because he doesn’t remember anything from last night and isn’t sure how he ended up being on Seungyoun’s bed again. Did they do anything last night? He quickly looks inside the comforter and feels his body, glad that nothing is weird. He then slowly regains his memory, remembering that he went to a pub and was probably drunk. And then for some reason, Seungyoun showed up, and that’s all.

Seungyoun is still sleeping next to Wooseok, breathing peacefully. Wooseok carefully puts that arm back into the comforter and looking at him affectionately. He realizes that this may be the first time that he wakes up before Seungyoun, and how wonderful it is to just look at your loved one sleeping next to you first thing in the morning. He wishes time could stop now so that he can appreciate this beautiful moment as long as he wants; the moment that only belongs to him, and no one shall take it away.

Wooseok has to admit that his feeling for Seungyoun has become overflown. He loves him, like crazy. His head and mind are full of him. But what can he do? Where does this love lead him to, eventually?

Seungyoun suddenly quivers and then stretches his one arm out to rub his eyes. Wooseok now looks like an excited cat that has been waiting for his master to wake up and feed him. He leans up to Seungyoun’s chest, looking at him from above.

Seungyoun feels the weight on his torso, and without leaving his arm off his eyes, he murmurs, “Wooseokie, are you sober now?”

“What?” Wooseok sounds a little surprised but immediately pulls his thoughts backs and speaks nervously, “Did I… drink too much last night? Did I look bad?”

“Not at all. You were super cute last night,” Seungyoun teases.

“Shut up! I see you are smiling,” Wooseok takes Seungyoun’s hands off of his face, and there, he sees the morning face of his love.

“No, you were really cute, very clingy, and you forced me to take you home,” with his hand gripped by Wooseok, Seungyoun grins softly.

Wooseok blushes and speaks in a low voice like a timid kid, “I don’t know how do I look when I’m drunk. Last night was my first time drunk… Did I, did I say anything weird?”

Seungyoun thinks for a while upon hearing this question. What Wooseok said to him last night was not “weird,” of course, but according to his understanding of Wooseok, that was definitely something that he would not want to reveal when he's awake. Moreover, Seungyoun hasn’t decided how to respond to that heavy love for him, yet.

So he answers, “No, you were just crying. And then you fell asleep, and I took you back here.”

“I see… so I would cry," Wooseok doesn't question anything and just murmurs, "Oh, and where is Jinhyuk?” and he suddenly remembers he was actually going with his roommate.

“He had a friend there who sent him home I believe,” Seungyoun says.

“Oh…” Wooseok ruminates, trying to think who that friend was. But as he’s thinking, Seungyoun suddenly presses a kiss on his lips and smiles like a ray of sunshine.

Wooseok has been used to Seungyoun’s little surprises like this, and since he can no longer hide his feelings for him, he just kisses him back. The two then extends the kiss even longer.

Wooseok doesn’t plan to practice today, so he slowly gets up and goes to the bathroom to take a shower. Meanwhile, Seungyoun orders some breakfast on a delivering app.

“Why don’t you just move here with me?” When Wooseok comes out of the bathroom, Seungyoun says to him casually.

Although Wooseok feels happy to hear this, he is rational enough to realize that it is probably an impulsive thought or even a joke, so he says, “I don’t want to take an hour-long subway to go my company every morning.”

“I can drive you.”

“Are you crazy? You don’t even want to get up that early,” Wooseok smiles, “and I know you were joking. Don’t think about it.”

Seungyoun smirks and takes a sip of coffee.

“But,” Wooseok continues, “Did you say the same thing to your ex-s?”

And that almost choked Seungyoun. He looks at Wooseok, wondering how insecure this person is.

Seeing Seungyoun’s silence, Wooseok tries to get himself out of such embarrassment and says, “Well, it’s ok. I don’t really care. We are gonna break up anyway.”

Now Seungyoun feels that his heart has been split in two: Wooseok was crying, begging him not to break up last night, but now he’s lying to himself, trying to look strong.

“No, you are the first one to whom I said that,” Seungyoun replies, and he’s not lying.

“Really?” a beam of light seems to have flashed in Wooseok’s eyes, but quickly fades.

“It’s true. I’m actually a very private person, maybe you know that.” Seungyoun explains, “But… I mean, you are different. I want to hug you tight every day.”

“Am I your dog or something?” Wooseok wonders. Although he doesn’t know if Seungyoun is telling the truth, he is happy to hear it anyway.

“If a dog is as cute as you, I would have kept one long time ago,” Seungyoun flatters.

Wooseok sighs with a discernible grin on his face. He covers his head with the towel to hide the redness on his face. He then walks around the table and picks up a cherry tomato into his mouth. As he’s about to leave, he is suddenly pulled by Seungyoun and ended up sitting on the taller man’s laps.

“What the…” Wooseok is about to complain, but then Seungyoun leans on his back and sniffs, “You smell so good.”

Wooseok calmly feels the weight of Seungyoun on his back, and somehow he wonders if a married couple would always have a lovely morning like this. But for them, marriage is never going to be a thing. 

“Wooseok-ah,” Seungyoun mumbles in his back, “You know, I’m always here.”

“Yes, I know.”

“Don’t be afraid. I will not let you go.” Seungyoun utters gently.

“I… but why are you saying this now?” Wooseok feels that Seungyoun is a little unusual as if he’s trying to cover something.

“Don't think about the ‘future,’ ok? There is no ‘future’ in this world.”

And now Wooseok gets his point, probably. So he asks, “Then how about ‘past’?” 

“If the ‘past’ is worthwhile to recall, I would not have fallen in love with you,” Seungyoun answers.

And this gets Wooseok, as he can almost feel the butterflies in his stomach, “Ok stop saying this… I know, just stop,” he's embarrassed by Seungyoun's love words.

Realizing that Wooseok is happier than just now, Seungyoun feels relieved, his words worked. He just wants Wooseok to feel happy for now, because he cannot promise him a future, and he’s been escaping the future all this time.

Apparently, the difference between them is that Seungyoun doesn’t like to foresee the future, but Wooseok feels difficult to live at the present.

Seungyoun’s reason is that he has never attained the “future” he had once envisioned. The dream about becoming a soccer player ended dimly. The wish to live together with parents didn’t ever work out. He thought he had made a true friend, but the friendship was easily cut off by the long-distance, and now they are even cut off by heaven and the earth. All these promises and dreams, none of them have ever become tangible for him.

But for Wooseok, he has been living in the “future” all throughout his life. When he was young, his parents would always assign him a goal to work towards. He had to keep achieving things in order to be loved. Therefore, he’s living for the "future," whether that means getting into the best middle school in town or receiving top grades in the class. He follows the path designed by his parents to become a perfect person who holds a perfect “future.” To his understanding, all the beautiful things are in the future. 

_The two of them, one is an optimistic pessimist; the other is a pessimistic optimist._

“You are mine now, and I am yours. Isn’t this enough?” Seungyoun picks another cherry tomato from the plate and feeds to Wooseok’s mouth.

Wooseok takes it and licks Seungyoun’s finger lightly.

And this time Wooseok chews for a long time as if he’s contemplating something. After looking into the void space that Seungyoun couldn’t see for another while, he says: “But I still believe there is ‘future.’ When we all debut, our future will be bright.”

“Oh, and I’m going to my hometown on the 2nd,” Wooseok abruptly changes a topic.

“You’re going back to Daejeon, right? When are you coming back to Seoul?”

“I'll be home just for two days. You? What’s your plan? Are your parents coming here?”

“Hmm… I’m going to Manila to see them actually.” Seungyoun answers.

“Really? This is unexpected,” Wooseok exclaims, he’s happy for Seungyoun, “I mean that's nice. You will finally see them in a long while.”

“Well, yea,” Seungyoun says, reluctantly.

Wooseok nods, and then quietly wishes, “It would be nice if both of us have good news in the new year.”

**

They meet once before heading different ways for the New Year break. It was Wooseok who said he wanted to see Seungyoun off at the airport. 

It is December 30th. Wooseok finished the rehearsal at his company and then sneaked out. However, he was caught by Jinhyuk who was downstairs picking up a package. Actually, when Wooseok went back home from Seungyoun’s after Christmas Day, he was questioned by Jinhyuk about his whereabouts the night before. Since Wooseok was pretty sure that his friend Mr. U had told Jinhyuk everything, he admitted that he was in a relationship with Seungyoun. Jinhyuk didn’t say much after that, but Wooseok had a feeling that he’s really been treating him like a big brother recently.

“Are you going to see him?” Jinhyuk asks at the door.

Wooseok doesn’t say anything. 

Jinhyuk sighs, “But we are not done here.”

“Our program is done though,” Wooseok replies, “So I figured I could leave.”

Jinhyuk looks at him in surprise because Wooseok would never ever leave a rehearsal early before. 

“Seungyoun is making you a bad boy,” Jinhyuk sighs, “Do you have to see him today?”

Wooseok now knows Jinhyuk's prejudice toward Seungyoun. He’s a little upset but doesn’t want to explain anything. So he says, “Yea, he’s going abroad today and I’m seeing him off.” And then he pushes Jinhyuk aside and leaves.

“You know what kind of person is he, don’t you? I don’t want you to be hurt by him.” Jinhyuk yells from behind.

Wooseok stops, thinking, what the hell? What do you know about Seungyoun? 

Honestly, Wooseok doesn’t want to think about this question at all. He doesn’t want to know what kind of person Seungyoun is or how many people has he slept with because he has exhausted himself just trying not to fall completely for him (though that seems hardly a success by now). 

_ If we are going to break up anyway, then just leave me be!  _ He yells to Jinhyuk internally but eventually turns back and says, “I know. Thanks.”

They meet at the airport. Wooseok walks to the check-in counter of the air company of Seungyoun’s flight and immediately sees him, who is wearing a cap and looking downwards at his cellphone. Wooseok sits beside him and asks, “You got your ticket already?”

“Oh gosh,” Seungyoun is stunned by Wooseok’s sudden appearance, and he rushed to put his cellphone away and says, “You scared me but, how was your rehearsal?”

“It was good.”

“You don’t have to come, you know. It takes a long time to come to the airport from your place.” Seungyoun says. But he quickly meets with Wooseok’s squinting eyes as if he’s saying why are you telling me this now that I’m here?

“Ok, I was just kidding,” Seungyoun smiles while embracing Wooseok’s tiny body into his. This action looks normal between two friends actually. But Seungyoun then quickly looks around and kisses Wooseok in the cheek. And then of course, Wooseok is all startled and hits him in the stomach.

“How long are you going to stay in Manila?” Wooseok asks.

“Six days. My company is really giving a long vacation huh?”

“It must be warm there, I’m jealous.” 

“Yea, probably hot. But last time I was there I was only an elementary student. So I don’t remember much about that place. Ah, but I wonder when can we travel together to some warm places. Where do you want to go?”

Wooseok smiles bitterly, “That’s like impossible. We are trainees and we don’t have holidays for travel.”

“If we get married, we will have time for a honeymoon,” Seungyoun teases.

“What?” Wooseok gasps.

“Just kidding,” Seungyoun shows his signature smile with his cute crescent eyes.

Wooseok sighs.

_ Don’t give me hope, Seungyoun. I beg you. _

__

And it’s about time for Seungyoun to go through the security. The two stand up and walk towards the gate. 

“Hey, you haven’t kissed me.” Seungyoun suddenly says on the way.

Wooseok blushes but he does look around, and when there’s no one, he quickly kisses Seungyoun’s cheek.

Seungyoun is surprised that Wooseok would actually do that. But he looks more than happy now.

Actually, Wooseok has sensed something unusual the moment he saw Seungyoun today. He can tell that Seungyoun has something stuck in his mind, probably uncertain about the upcoming trip to Manila. And Wooseok believes that Seungyoun is nervous about seeing his parents since they haven’t met each other in a long time. 

“Why are you glancing at me?” Seungyoun suddenly asks.

“Can’t I? Do I need to pay to look at you?” Wooseok responds, somewhat jokingly.

“It’s ok. I’ll be back to you very soon. And I’ll bring you gifts,” Seungyoun acts like he’s talking to a kid, and he even pats Wooseok on the head.

“Are you… really ok? You look pale,” Wooseok finally decides to address his concern.

Seungyoun spaces out for a second and thinks to himself that, indeed, Wooseok is perhaps the only person in his life who can notice any sign of distress in him.

“Nothing. I’ll be fine, I think.” Seungyoun says thoughtfully.

“Ok. But if you need someone to talk to, just call me.”

“I know. How about I call you every day?” Seungyoun recollects his smile. 

“That’s unnecessary,” Wooseok says, “Just spend some good time with your parents.” He then pushes Seungyoun, indicating the direction of the security gate. 

Seungyoun trips by that push, and when he turns back, he suddenly has an impulse to kiss Wooseok hardly like there’s nobody around. How beautiful are these doe-eyes, and they are staring at him, only Cho Seungyoun himself. He knows that Wooseok is trying to be cool, but there is definitely reluctance, sadness, and love in those eyes, which makes him even cuter. 

“I’m going to fuck you hard first thing I come back.” Seungyoun feels the urge to whisper these shameless words to Wooseok’s ear.

“What the???” Wooseok is stunned and screams, “You crazy fool just get on your plane already!!!” 

Seungyoun lets out an evil but still cute laugh, “Bye Wooseokie. Happy New Year.”

“Ok, safe travels. Happy New Year.”

And as Seungyoun disappears with the crowd, Wooseok murmurs, “Seungyounie, please be happy. I love you.”

This year is Wooseok’s second time spending the NYE at the company. The fan meeting went well, and he even got some gifts from fans, which made him quite excited. 

Every year the trainees will have a rooftop party at the company. They would have a BBQ and play fireworks. 

It seems that Jinhyuk is quite happy that Wooseok is not spending the NYE with Seungyoun, so he doesn’t ask annoying questions anymore. Instead, he’s being everyone’s big brother, busily making and serving food to feed the kids. 

And the New Year comes. Seoul city’s night sky is full of colorful fireworks. Wooseok takes a picture of the purple sky and send it to Seungyoun.

“Happy New Year. But actually, I’m an hour behind you,” Seungyoun replies quickly.

“I want to see you.” It is rare that Wooseok is the one who makes this request this time. Good thing Seungyoun calls back shortly.

Wooseok walks away from the partying crowd and hides behind a wall. He sees Seungyoun on his phone screen, who doesn’t look much different from a day ago. And he is wearing a t-shirt. 

“You already miss me this much? I just left for a day! So, how was the fan meeting?”

Wooseok feels so loved because Seungyoun always remembers his plan for the day as if he keeps a schedule book with all his tasks.

“It was good. And I received some gifts from fans.”

“Wow really?” Seungyoun exclaims, “Congratulations, you have some fans now!”

“I always have, ok?” Wooseok complains. 

“I see. I see. Our Wooseokie will make every girl in the world fall for him in the future,” Seungyoun laughs. 

Wooseok laughs back and says, “That’s unnecessary though.”

_ I just want you to always fall for me. —  _ But this is something that he probably will never say to him.

“So, how’s everything there?” Wooseok changes the topic. 

“Actually, I haven’t met my parents yet. They are in Malaysia right now and will be back tomorrow. I come one day earlier so I need to stay in a hotel tonight.”

“Oh… I see. So, are you alone now? Spending the NYE all by yourself?” Wooseok begins to worry.

“Don’t worry. I’m at a bar. Don’t you see it’s quite lively behind me?” Seungyoun then shows him the environment he’s in. It looks like a rooftop decorated with colorful lights, but not many people. 

“I see nobody,” Wooseok says.

“They are all inside. I just come up here to smoke.”

“I’ve never seen you smoke,” Wooseok is a little surprised. 

“Well yea, I rarely smoke.”

Suddenly, two white males approach Seungyoun and hug him, apparently drunk and high. The image on the phone shakes and Wooseok could hear him speaking English to them excitedly like “Happy New Year” and such. And then the two random guys leave, everything is back to normal. 

“Don’t get drunk,” Wooseok reminds Seungyoun who’s back on the phone again.

“Haha, I won’t. And same to you. I won’t be there to take care of you if you’re drunk tonight.”

“I didn’t drink anything. And… well, nothing.” Wooseok pauses his words because he suddenly worries if Seungyoun will sleep with some random person while he’s away. But then he feels guilty for even considering this.

Yet Seungyoun seems to have guessed Wooseok’s mind, and he grins, “I’ll be very good tonight. I miss you a lot.”

“You miss me only?”

“Of course. Who else would I miss?”

And at this moment Wooseok hears someone’s calling his name, so he tells Seungyoun that he has to go.

“Ok, just hang up. I love you.” Seungyoun says while waving at the camera. 

Wooseok sleeps in on New Year’s Day and then leaves for his hometown in Dajeon the next day. As soon as he gets out of the bus station, he sees his father's car stopping right in front of him. And next, his mother, a short, beautiful woman with black long hair, walks out of the car.

Wooseok approaches her and gives her a big hug. They haven’t seen each other for months, so his mother starts to cry. But actually, she cries every time she sees her son coming back. She would scan Wooseok from hair to toe, commenting that he has lost so much weight and looking tired and stuff. Meanwhile, she would also praise herself for giving birth to such a perfect-looking boy. Wooseok’s father would just be sitting in the driver's seat looking all quiet and intimidating while waiting for the two to get in. That poker face has been scaring Wooseok since he was born. 

But his mother’s spoiling love would not last long, just like their phone calls would always end up in anguish. Unsurprisingly, when the three are eating lunch, his mother’s question comes up:

“So any news about debut?”

And Wooseok’s father quickly gives his wife a knowing glance, clearly expressing the bad timing of this topic. However, Wooseok just answers casually: “Nothing, yet.”

“But you said last time on the phone that there was news?” Mother continues, with a sense of tension.

“If there’s any news I would have told you already. But now there’s really nothing! Nothing from the manager or the boss. Why are you asking me the same question over and over again?”

“Look at you! What is this attitude?” Wooseok’s mom seems surprised and angry because Wooseok seldom talks to her like this. 

“I’m just stating the truth. I will debut. But it needs time. Everyone goes through this.”

“I don’t care about ‘everyone’ else. I just don’t want to leave my son all by himself in Seoul wasting his life! How about his, I’m going to see your boss after this holiday. They begged me to let you join them anyways, and now they are still holding you up not letting you debut. Are they fooling around with me? I only have one son and he should be doing more meaningful things!” Wooseok’s mother becomes so angry that she smashes her chopsticks on the table. And then she looks at her husband, trying to get some affirmative response. Yet he is just focusing on his bowl, obviously trying to avoid the drama at the moment.

Wooseok is a little scared by his mom and regrets his harsh tone from just now which might be the trigger of everything. But he also knows there’s no way back, so he says, “Mom, you’ve been managing me too much. It is not easy in the company.”

“You have no right to say this. Who else should I manage if I don’t manage you? I have given you your life!”

Wooseok sinks in silence. Whenever his mother says this, he becomes desperately helpless. Sometimes he even thinks the best thing about living in Seoul is that he can get away from his controlling mom. 

So the first lunch ends in agony, and Wooseok goes back to his room. 

The room is the same since he left last time, and is very clean and tiny. Obviously, his mother must have got up early to clean everything for him. However, the more he feels his mother’s love, the more stressed he becomes. He wonders if life would be easier if he’s not the only child in the family. Now he’s in this room, which is more like a cage full of unpleasant memories. Even though he has grown up, fallen in love, even got laid by a guy, as long as he comes back to this cage, he returns to an incapable child, and every second feels like drudgery. 

Wooseok laughs at himself for being such a loser who is still shackled by things like this. He lies on his bed and sends a message to Seungyoun. 

“Have you met your parents yet? Everything ok?” He looks at the time and it’s about noon in Manila. He wonders if Seungyoun is eating with his parents or taking a nap.

He simply feels better to have someone that he can send a message to right now. 

However, Seungyoun never replies. The guy who would always reply quickly doesn’t reply to him this time. And there is even no “read” sign on the message. Well, maybe he’s having a good time with his parents, Wooseok comforts himself. 

As bored as he is, he puts his phone aside and closes his eyes. But he soon hears his parents quarreling outside in the dining room, probably about him. Indeed, Wooseok can totally imagine his mother rushing into his company building, banging on the boss’ door, and demanding “justice” for her son. And next thing she would drag him back to Dajeon, forcing him to go back to college, get a degree, and find a prestigious job. If that happens, his life is doomed, and he’ll forever be under his mother's control. 

It takes Wooseok long enough to finally grow up. But once he’s home, he’d be beaten to that powerless kid again. And now he cannot even hear from the only person he loves since that person is not replying to his message. 

Wooseok smiles bitterly: _so this is the start of my new year, huh?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the likes and comments. They really keep me going. :)


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> R18 alert in this chapter...

Wooseok only spends two and a half days at home, and that is enough for him. In fact, Wooseok really didn't want to come home just to quarrel with her, but somehow everything ended up this way. Meanwhile, Seungyoun hasn't contacted him at all. 

But thankfully, there are some relatives and neighbors who came to their home to keep him busy. While talking to them, Wooseok suddenly realizes that the reason his mom is mad at him for not debuting is perhaps that she now has nothing to brag about to others. In other words, her son has made her lost face.

But the third morning before he leaves for Seoul again, his mother's attitude has changed to normal. For example, she would suddenly give Wooseok a hug while doing chores. She would mumble, "Oh, my poor son is going back to suffer in Seoul again…"

Perhaps this is what a family is. After all, they share the bloodline, so no matter how bad their conflict is, when it's time to part, his mother would still be emotional. But for Wooseok, he thinks he's not going back to Seoul to "suffer" but to be relieved from the parental pressure. And thank god, his mother never mentions going to his company and demand justice for him again. 

On his second day at home, he suddenly remembers one thing at the dinner table: he hasn't seen Min yet, the boy who lives next door.

Min is a few years younger than Wooseok, so now he should be a high school student. When Wooseok was young, he would always play with Min because both of them were the only child and felt kind of lonely at home. And last time when Wooseok was home, he heard that Min went to a boarding school, so he didn't have the chance to see him.

"Hasn't Min come home for the New Year?" Wooseok asks while eating.

And suddenly, he feels the atmosphere at the dining table becomes strange. He finds his parents exchanging a look, and then remain silent.

"What happened?" Wooseok insists, realizing there may be something wrong.

"Well… how should I put it," Wooseok's mother hesitates, "I'm not sure how to tell you but this kid… while at school he was dating… a male classmate… and they did something and was discovered by the school staff… Anyways, I heard that Min later wanted to commit suicide but was discovered. But he was suspended from school for now and locked himself at home. We don't want to ask more because we are not sure how his parents feel."

Wooseok's mother lets out a long sigh after vaguely explained everything and then adds, "It's really a pity. Min is such a good boy, and also very handsome and cute. How could he become like this? Doing such ugly things? Did he have any idea how his parents would feel? They must feel devastated."

Wooseok's father coughs, suggesting his wife to stop adding too much drama into this.

However, his mom continues, "Wooseok, you should never do such things. But you're educated by us, so I believe you won't disappoint us in any way." Mom says while feeding Wooseok's bowl with more vegetables, without knowing that her son is in a very complicated mood right now.

"I don't think he did some immoral thing though," Wooseok says, trying to sound neutral.

"Son?" But his sensitive mother seems a little surprised.

"I mean, he was just... dating. And he didn't affect other people's lives, right? But then he must have been pressured and tries to kill himself. How sad! I know he's a good kid." Wooseok explains.

"Ok fine, let's not talk about this," Wooseok's dad suddenly chimes in, ending this conversation.

However, Wooseok's mom apparently feels the urge to eradicate any possibilities, so she says, "If you are like Min, I think I'm going to commit suicide as well."

A subtle smile rises on Wooseok's face, and he says, "I won't," before continuing to finish his plate.

That night, Wooseok lies in his bed and thinks about Min, who was such a cute fluffy kid. Min would chase him around and call him "hyung." Sometimes he would trip himself and cry to get Wooseok's attention. Wooseok loves him so much. And then Min became taller after going to middle school, and also became more handsome. He still smiled a lot and had a good relationship with Wooseok, treating him like a sibling. Wooseok would never imagine a boy like Min would one day commit suicide. He's glad that Min survived, but the case scared him, mainly because it was due to his sexuality. 

Wooseok suddenly realizes that he and Seungyoun are in the same situation in the mainstream culture. They are not going to be approved by the society's dominant values and norms. Maybe Min has taken some stress for him, or even has undertaken the punishment for him? He wonders and feels depressed. He then recalls Jinhyuk: _is he disgusted by me? Or is he forcing himself to treat me nicely knowing that I'm dating a guy?_ Wooseok can't help but think about all these possibilities, and how he's actually being a deviant in society by having a relationship with Seungyoun. 

But he doesn't want to quit, at least before Seungyoun quits him.

Wooseok looks at his phone again and opens the chatting app. He suddenly finds that his previous message to Seungyoun has shown a sign of "read." Yet Seungyoun still hasn't replied to him. 

Wooseok has a special nerve for Seungyoun, meaning that whenever something happens, he would somehow detect it. Right now, Wooseok has an uncalled hit for him, which makes him a little worried if something has happened to Seungyoun already. So he sends another message: "Are you online? Reply!"

But ten minutes have passed, no reply. 

Wooseok then calls, but no one answers.

What could have happened to him though? Wooseok rolls on his bed and thinks. He should still be alive, right? Otherwise, he may already be on the news. So maybe he's just too busy meeting with old friends? Wooseok tries to calm himself down in this way, and finally falling asleep.

The next morning Wooseok seems so ready to leave home. But his mother is emotional again, reminding him to take care of himself and hugging him again and again before finally letting him go. And the last thing she says is: Don't become a bad son!

Wooseok assumes that she's hinting on the thing about Min from last night, but he's not sure. Yet for some reason, he also feels a little excited, as if a good boy finally did something aberrant behind his parents. He attributes this change in him to Seungyoun, who has taught him to be more real and independent towards his true feelings. 

When Wooseok sits on the bus to Seoul, he looks at the chatting window with Seungyoun again. Still, no reply. 

While disappointed, Wooseok also ponders if he's been too reliant on him even though he could survive and do well by himself. However, this is what "love" has brought to him: He becomes helplessly insecure and unconfident. He's not sure if this happens to everyone who's in love; if not, then he's probably a sheer loser. 

And suddenly, the phone vibrates in his hand; it is a message from Jinhyuk. 

"Wooseok, when are you coming back? Get ready to debut!"

Debut??? Wooseok sits up straight on his couch and blinks his eyes to take another look at the message, making sure that he didn't read anything wrong. And as he confirms, he replies, "Who told you that?"

"Our manager. I promise it is true this time. We will debut in Spring."

"I haven't heard anything from him though."

"I'm eating with him right now, do you want to talk to him?" Jinhyuk sends a wink emoji. 

"No. I'll be back soon. Talk to you later."

Although Wooseok has imagined thousands of times about how he would react to the news of debut, at this point, he feels it is too abrupt, which actually makes him feel nothing. His heart is probably beating fast, but it's not because he's happy. It's more like a conditioned reflex or something. 

Wooseok doesn't even remember how he gets back to his apartment. As he sees Jinhyuk sitting on the sofa, he finally feels something real. 

"Debut?" That's the first word he says to Jinhyuk.

And Jinhyuk jumps out of the sofa and gives Wooseok a big hug: "Yes! They are probably going to announce it in February, and then we will make our debut before March. How's that sound? I told you we'll have good news in the new year!"

Being held firmly by Jinhyuk, Wooseok still doesn't know how to respond. Probably there is a door finally opens for him, and yea, that's good. He should be happy about it. 

"Aren't you happy?" Jinhyuk senses the lack of excitement in Wooseok, so he releases him and gazes at him.

"No, I mean, I am happy. Finally!" Wooseok says plainly.

"Come on, smile more!" Jinhyuk pinches his cheeks, "Maybe you are just tired from traveling. Go to take some rest then."

So Wooseok goes back to his room and sits on his bed. He should have been happier, but the moment he saw the word "debut" on the bus, he only thought about another word: "breakup." He's not unprepared for debut, but he is for "breakup."

His phone vibrates again, and the message comes from the person he wants to see the least right now--Cho Seungyoun.

"Hey, I changed my flight. I'll be back tomorrow. Sorry for the lack of contact. Things happened here." The message sounds quite dull. 

It's a relief to know that Seungyoun is still alive, Wooseok thinks. So he tries to pull himself together and replies, "Do you need me to pick you up? I don't have a car though."

"No. But can you wait for me at my home tomorrow? I have left the key under the doormat."

_ What?  _ Wooseok is surprised for a bit, and he suddenly remembers Seungyoun actually said that he would fuck him first thing when he comes back. And now it seems that he's been planning for this all throughout? Wooseok sighs.

And then another message comes: "I have something to tell you. So please, can you wait for me at my place? I'll be home around 6 tomorrow."

And this gets on Wooseok's nerves. _What does he mean by "I have something to tell you"? This doesn't sound good at all._ But then Wooseok realizes that he also has something to tell Seungyoun, since he's about to debut. 

"Are you okay? You are making me nervous," Wooseok texts back. 

"Yes, I am. I just miss you, so I come back earlier. It's quite boring here." Seungyoun replies fast as usual. 

Wooseok feels weak again; he really would accept any request from Seungyoun. He'd do anything for him and he just can't help it. 

"Are you gonna be there? You are, right?" Seungyoun sends another message to beg him.

"Yes," Wooseok says. 

Seungyoun finishes the conversation with another cheesy heart emoji. It soothes both of them, and maybe also functions as an escape. 

***

Of course, Wooseok leaves the company early the next day. He can now tell Jinhyuk with an "I don't give a damn" face that he's going to see Seungyoun. And unsurprisingly, Jinhyuk would say, "Wake up kid. You're about to debut!" And then Wooseok smiles and says, "I know. Don't worry about me."

"Do you mean you are not taking him seriously, or you want to maintain the relationship after debut? Tell me," Jinhyuk insists. 

Wooseok calms him by saying, "It's gonna be fine. We will break up once I debut." And then he waves to Jinhyuk and leaves.

Jinhyuk stands still, wondering what kind of "drug" did Seungyoun give to Wooseok to make him who he is today.

On the subway, Wooseok struggles to decide how to tell Seungyoun about his debut. And he comes to the conclusion that he will not say it today. Since they haven't met in days, the only thing he wants to do is to look at him, ask him what happened in Manila, how he has been... Thus it is not important to talk about debut right now. Also, he will not debut until March, so that leaves them another three months. He shouldn't rush about it. He wants to give all his time to Seungyoun and Seungyoun only, for today.

Wooseok now knows the pin to enter the security door to the apartment. He then reaches the fifth floor, bends at the doormat, and instantly finds the key that Seungyoun has left there. The key has a silicone sleeve in the shape of a cat, which reminds him that Seungyoun would always call him "kitten." This makes his heart skip a bit and wonders if Seungyoun was actually serious when he asked him to move in here a while ago. 

Deep inside Wooseok's heart, he still has the smallest hope that there will be a way to work their relationship out perfectly, that both of them will be happy in the end. But as he looks at the key, he also feels sad because, it must only be a selfish wish of his.

He opens the door and notices the room is quite messy. Papers, magazines, blankets, CDs, everything is lying around on the table, floor, and sofa. Wooseok carefully walks in, trying not to touch anything. And then he opens the window to let the fresh air flow in. He turns on the heat in the end, because it is still winter, and Seoul is extremely cold these days. 

He decides not to clean things for Seungyoun because he remembers him saying that he's a very private person, and perhaps would not like items to be moved by others. Hence, Wooseok just sits down on the sofa and checks his phone. When he looks down, however, a piece of CD on the floor caught his attention. Unlike the other CDs, this one is just a plain white disk with three letters "CSY" written on it. It looks like a new demo of his. Wooseok can't resist the temptation to hear it, so after some inner struggles, he picks it up and puts it into the CD player.

And the music flows out. At first, there is the sound of rain and thunder coming from far away. And then there is the noise of electricity or a broken radio, following it is the sound of things being smashed and papers being tossed. The whole ambiance feels chaotic, just like what Wooseok sees in front of him right now. 

But all these sounds stop abruptly, and next thing, a new melody comes out in a bizarrely lighthearted, _bossa nova_ style. While it is playing, Seungyoun's voice chimes in; he mumbles names of random things and objects, such as the sunshine, table, telephone, airplane, bed, letters, bathtub, flowers... It feels as if he's counting on things or recalling something. 

Strangely, this mixture of everything doesn't make the song bad but extremely attractive. Wooseok is in awe of Seungyoun's creativity. He is indeed a genius, merging genres of _bossa nova_ with _shoegaze_ , and together creating such beautiful work.

Nevertheless, Wooseok also knows that this song is not happy, but absurd. It is a reflection of Seungyoun's state of mind. 

_ Are you crying for help? Who else in the world can understand you? _

As the song ends, Wooseok's phone vibrates at the same time. It is a message from Seungyoun: "I'm downstairs."

_ Is it necessary to send it? _ Wooseok sighs, but he decides to stand by the door and waits for him. Within a minute, he hears the "ding" sound of the elevator, and next, Seungyoun walks out, holding his small luggage, wearing the same cap that he wore at the airport the other day and a hoodie that is definitely too inadequate for today's temperature in Seoul. 

Wooseok still holds the doorknob and stares at Seungyoun. He misses him so much, and for a moment, he doesn't even know what to say. 

"This feels good," Seungyoun speaks first. 

"Hm?" Wooseok stuns.

"Having my wife standing at the door waiting for me to come back home," Seungyoun smirks while walking in.

"Don't tell me that's why you want me to wait for you today," Wooseok says. 

"Can't I? I wanted to try," Seungyoun maintains his delightful grin.

Wooseok is actually flattered, his face turns red so easily when he's in front of Seungyoun. But he manages to act a little upset and complains, "You're a weirdo. And I'm not your wife."

Seungyoun pushes Wooseok into the living room and says, "I know. I was just kidding." But then he looks around the room and asks, "Come on! You didn't prepare any food for me?" 

Wooseok takes it seriously though, now he feels bad that he didn't even think about it. 

"Sorry, I totally forgot. I'll order some food for delivery now. What do you want to eat?"

"No worries. I ate something on the plane." Seungyoun says while pulling off his hoodie, probably about to take a shower. Wooseok looks at his bare back and thinks he has such gorgeous back muscles. 

"I'm so tired," Seungyoun yawns, "Gonna take a shower, wait for me here."

As Seungyoun closes the bathroom door, Wooseok begins to think that he actually looks fine, at least looking content from the trip to Manila. So he opens the delivery app and orders a pizza for him. 

When Seungyoun walks out again, he sees that Wooseok is sitting on the sofa pretending not seeing him.

"I just ordered a pizza," says Wooseok.

Seungyoun is a little surprised, but he walks to the sofa and sits beside Wooseok. He only has a towel wrapped around his waist, which makes the shorter man a little uncomfortable.

"I just asked you to wait for me here. I didn't ask for a pizza."

"I am waiting," Wooseok responds.

"What did I say before I left for Manila, at the airport?" Seungyoun asks teasingly.

And of course Wooseok remembers, he said he wanted to fuck him. But the shy man shakes his head instead, even though his ears are turning red.

"You're cute," Seungyoun grins and kisses Wooseok on the cheek, "I was planning to take you to bed after shower. Now you ordered pizza and ruined it. I don't think the pizza will be as delicious as you."

"Shut up, Cho Seungyoun!" Wooseok yells at him to conceal his embarrassment. 

Since the plan is "ruined," Seungyoun could only touch Wooseok for "fun" at this point. Wooseok tries to protest but ended up being pushed down by Seungyoun and reclining on the sofa. And then Seungyoun's loving kisses come down like raindrops on his longing lips. 

"I miss you," Seungyoun whispers in between their breaths, "Did you miss me in the past few days?"

"Don't mention it, you didn't even reply to my message," Wooseok complains. 

"Ah," Seungyoun gasps, "Ok, let's not talk about it then. You know, I really just want to make love with you now."

"You're crazy!" Wooseok scolds him, but he is, in fact, overjoyed. His body is wholly engulfed by Seungyoun's. He welcomes the mists from Seungyoun's wet hair and torso, as well as the kisses that never seem to be enough for both of them.

It's been a while, Wooseok thinks to himself. They both seem to be searching for the last oasis in the desert. Seungyoun sucks his tongue, twists it, making Wooseok powerless. 

"Did you miss me? Tell me. Did you do anything to yourself while thinking about me at night?" Seungyoun keeps asking shameless questions right beside Wooseok's sensitive ears.

Wooseok feels helpless. He is already about to lose his thoughts when being kissed by Seungyoun, and now he even has to answer those ridiculous questions? Wooseok almost cries, "You are a jerk!" 

Gazing at the tears in Wooseok's eyes, Seungyoun smiles tenderly and releases him. Of course, he knows how much Wooseok loves him; that's why he wants to tease him this way. 

And then the doorbell rings. It's the delivery man. 

"I'll go get it." Wooseok looks at Seungyoun's loose towel around his waist and says. 

Once Wooseok closes the door, Seungyoun is already standing behind him. He takes the pizza box and puts it on the shelf near him, and then pushes Wooseok against the closing door. His move is kind of harsh, but Wooseok feels fine. 

"Can you... just calm down?" Wooseok says grudgingly because Seungyoun has been kissing him from chin to neck, and now he's down to Wooseok' collarbones. "I mean, can we go to bed first?" Wooseok urges. 

When Seungyoun hears the word "bed," he squints at his love's blushed face and decides to follow the idea. 

Wooseok actually has thought about this. He knows that Seungyoun has always been the one who takes the lead in bed, trying to comfort him and making his fear go away. So he thought about whether he should serve him for once. Therefore, he pushes Seungyoun from below and turns their positions around. Now he is on top of Seungyoun, which is something new.

"Hey, what are you doing, babe?" Seungyoun looks surprised. 

"Nothing... just... let me try, ok?" Wooseok mutters nervously. 

"Hmmm... please?" Seungyoun isn't quite sure what he wants to "try," but why not. 

"Can you... turn off the light?" Wooseok asks, still quite timid.

"But I want to look at you," Seungyoun lingers his voice, trying to bargain.

"It's all the same. " Wooseok pushes him. 

And then Seungyoun turns the switch reluctantly, but the light by the bed only becomes dimmer, not entirely shut. 

"Let's just leave it this way, pleeeaase? I can't see you clearly now! I swear to god!" Seungyoun begs. 

Wooseok doesn't want to waste more time on the negotiation, so he nods. And then he starts to unbutton himself while sitting on Seungyoun's body. 

"Holy shit, what did you learn recently?" Seungyoun exclaims, apparently looking excited. 

"What? I was... just... taking off my clothes. Can you please shut up, you are making me nervous." Wooseok answers while looking away.

"Ok, ok." Seungyoun copies, but his expression seems like a happy golden retriever waiting for his treat.

Wooseok takes a deep breath and places his palms on Seungyoun's chest. He then lowers his body and starts to kiss Seungyoun's forehead, eyes, nose, and down to the chin. Wooseok's kiss is so soft and light, like features touching on the surface. However, this has already made the taller man smile. Seungyoun thinks to himself that Wooseok has indeed done so much for him. He's so lucky to have a boyfriend like this, who has been trying so hard to get out of his comfort zone to satisfy him. 

And Wooseok's long and cold fingers start to move on Seungyoun's collarbones, and then he slowly kisses the sink. If he raises his face to look at Seungyoun and finds him also gazing at him in the eyes, he would immediately look away because of shyness. 

"Don't look at me," Wooseok mutters.

As Wooseok circles his fingers on Seungyoun's body, he can almost hear his heartbeats. So he unconsciously leans on the place where Seungyoun's heart locates and listens to it. The feeling of existence, of life, and of love. Wooseok can't help but hugs this body, caressing it with even more kisses.

_ Am I doing this right?  _ He wonders to himself. 

And he continues to move his hands down to Seungyoun's lower body. When he reaches Seungyoun's abdomen, he suddenly hears a tiny moan and feels that the body under him has squeezed slightly. 

Wooseok stops for a bit, realizing that Seungyoun's probably sensitive around here. And when he looks up at him again, he is pushed back by Seungyoun's hand, suggesting him to continue what he's about to do next. 

Wooseok doesn't know why, but he automatically licks Seungyoun's abdomen as if he's trying to tease. And indeed, Seungyoun lets out a deeper moan. Wooseok smiles, while using his tongue to continue tracing that sophisticated gun tattoo. 

Of course, Wooseok is about to reach that half-hard cock next. He thought about giving a blow job, but that still felt too much for him at this point. _Maybe in the future._ He thinks. So instead, he grabs it and gives it a nice and thoughtful massage. In fact, this feeling has almost killed him. He can't believe he's actually doing it. But then he feels Seungyoun's cock is slowly getting hard in his hand, and that reassures him. And as he hears Seungyoun's groan, he knows he's probably doing it right. 

"Ugh... Woo... Wooseokie..." Seungyoun pants, which sounds like he's enjoying it.

"Yes. Does this feel good to you?" Wooseok asks softly.

"Ahh... yes." Seungyoun sighs. He hasn't been served by others for a long time. The unfamiliar and sensual touch makes him relaxed, and he doesn't want to hold his voice. 

At one point Wooseok realizes that Seungyoun's cock in his hand is becoming really hard, and when he stops, it bounces. Wooseok looks at the scene which is completely created by himself and believes that he must be crazy. He can't even look at Seungyoun now. This is too much. 

"Wooseokie, do you want to try yourself? Like, sit on me?" Seungyoun suddenly says.

"What?" Wooseok can't believe what he just heard. He's not going to do that.

"Well, let me help you prepare your hole first, come here, babe." Seunyoun's voice is mellow and inviting, and he pulls Wooseok's arms toward him. Without giving the smaller man time to think, Seungyoun has already extended his arms to reach Wooseok's butts, then putting his fingers into the hole. 

"Nooo!" Wooseok screams because it feels cold. He doesn't know when did Seungyoun put some lubes on his finger. And now, all he can sense is the cooling touch inside of him. He inhales harshly. 

"Relax, we've done this before." Seungyoun encourages him. He stretches and twists his index finger inside Wooseok's hole, and later on adding two more fingers, making latter so wet and available. 

Wooseok bites on his lower lip and holds Seungyoun's body tightly. A while later, he begs, "Ok, Seungyounie, stop, stop... I, I think I am ready."

"Really? You think so? Then try to sit on me, would you?" Seungyoun pulls his fingers out and lightly slaps on Wooseok's butts. 

Wooseok whines; he doesn't know if he is too shameless or afraid. But he nods and murmurs, "I... I will do... if that will make you happy."

"Whatever you do makes me happy," Seungyoun smiles fondly, "but I just figured maybe... you would feel comfortable trying this way. You'll know where your spot is." 

As Wooseok sits up, Seungyoun holds his waist.

Wooseok is shaking, he has never tried this before, of course. And it takes his entire life's courage to finally squats above Seungyoun's lower body and tries to hold that cock pointing to his hole. As soon as he feels the tip, however, he stops, "I can't do this, Seungyounie, I can't."

"Don't be afraid, kitten. I've helped you prepared enough. You're ready for it, trust me. Please, do it for me, will you?"

Upon hearing the words "for me," Wooseok stops whining. He nods again, and slowly inserts the hard cock into his most private spot. He gradually sits on it, tilting himself to find the perfect angle. He bites his lips and keeps going, until feeling the cock growing inside his walls. When he finally sits on the whole thing, tears start to fall down on his delicate face. He looks at Seungyoun, seeing his loving sight is lying on his face, so he closes his eyes and begins to move up and down. 

Seungyoun looks at the whole scene like he's in a dream. Besides feeling satisfied by seeing Wooseok's changing expressions due to his requests, he also feels a little guilty. He has indeed given Wooseok a difficult task. However, he just can't resist the temptation to look at his beautiful baby bouncing on his cock while crying. It is just too beautiful, too erotic. 

And Wooseok finds his spot.

"Ah.... Ugh...." He moans and screams, while pushing Seungyoun's body. And the latter arches up to thrust inside him rhythmically, again and again, harder and deeper. Wooseok can't stop crying because he thinks his body is about to collapse. But all he can feel is that Seungyoun is holding his waist tight and starts another round of invasion. 

The pants and claps fill Wooseok's ears. Wooseok seems lost, but also content. He scratches Seungyoun's skin, probably causing some places to bleed. And he then tries his best to bend down and reaches Seungyoun's face, whispering to him, "Kiss me, Seungyounie. Kiss me."

Seungyoun is still thrusting when hearing this. So instead of a kiss, he basically bites Wooseok's chin, and then his mouth, brutally stretching his tongue inside and making him a mess. 

And there comes the orgasm. Seungyoun cums for several times and letting Wooseok to unload as well. Wooseok completely falls on Seungyoun's body afterward. The two breathe heavily as if a storm has just struck two lonely boats on the sea. And next, they sink together. 

"I love you, Seungyounie. I love you so much. I must be sick," Wooseok murmurs while resting his lips on Seungyoun's throat before he finally closes his eyes. 

"I know, Wooseok, I know." Seungyoun pats the shorter man's back and kisses away the tears lingering on that beautiful face. 


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something from Seungyoun's perspective.

It is 1 a.m. Wooseok opens his eyes and stretches his arm, trying to reach Seungyoun. But he realizes that Seungyoun is not in bed anymore.

"Seung—Youn—" Wooseok calls with a lazy voice. No response. But he could see there is light in the living room.

So he raises his voice and whines again: "Seungyounie, where—are—you—"

Thank god, this time, Seungyoun hears him and comes to the bedroom door. "I'm here," he says.

Wooseok tries to see Seungyoun in the dark. However, because of the backlighting, he could only see a silhouette, which is still enough for him to fetishize.

Wooseok sighs with relief, but quickly, he feels that he has nothing to say.

They just had sex. And if Seungyoun is right beside him now, they may just cuddle without saying a word and still feel comfortable. For Wooseok, as long as he can feel Seungyoun's body and his warmth, he would feel good. But now, there is this distance between them, and no one chooses to turn on the light. This makes Wooseok a little insecure.

"I, I'll take a shower," Wooseok decides to speak first since he really cannot stand this awkward silence anymore.

"Ok, sure." Seungyoun answers, and then he turns around, probably going back to what he was doing just now.

Wooseok grabs a pair of pants from the floor, but the moment his feet touch the ground, he can't help but fall, causing a hasty sound.

Seungyoun hurries back into the room and kneels down, looking worried, "Are you okay? Did you hurt?"

Wooseok actually has no idea that he would fall. Perhaps he is still half-awake. And now he looks at Seungyoun, only feeling sorry and frustrated for how weak and stupid he looks. So he says, apologetically, "It's just… just my waist… It's kinda sore."

While they are both on the floor, Seungyoun decides to give Wooseok a hug. The latter is a little surprised at first but chooses to rest his chin on the former's collarbone. 

However, Wooseok is not sure what this hug means; and for some reason, it doesn't feel right.

And so it comes, Seungyoun's voice passes by his ears: "Let's break up, Wooseok" 

He's still hugging him though.

_Shit, is this what didn't feel right to me?_

Even though Wooseok is shocked, he also manages to be calm at this moment. He knows that he has this weird telepathy with Seungyoun. He has been feeling eerie since he woke up, so this unexpected words from Seungyoun comes more like a proposal than an actual breakup call. 

"Is this what you wanted to talk to me before coming back to Seoul?" Wooseok asks quietly. He remembers that Seungyoun was about to "tell him something" before boarding the plane.

"Yes," Seungyoun nods.

"Did something happen in Manila? Sorry I didn't have a chance to ask you earlier. Did you... did you have some issues with your parents?" Wooseok continues to inquire carefully. Instead of being mad, he wants to talk things through.

"No, it's my problem. Sorry, Wooseok. I'm afraid I can't… complete the promise with you."

Wooseok inhales. He tries to suppress all his emotions at the moment and says, "Are you trying to put all the responsibility onto yourself and then send me away?"

"Sorry, that's not what I meant. I was just…"

"You just don't want to tell me anything about yourself, am I right? You never want to tell me about yourself!" Wooseok's tone becomes a little aggressive. Meanwhile, he is secretly surprised about himself for being stronger than he thinks when facing the current situation.

But of course, he feels wronged. _What the hell? Dumping me after having sex with me? Who am I to you? And I should be the one who initiates the breakup, not you! I am going to debut! Why is the breakup happening right now?_

However, Wooseok stops yelling internally because he feels that Seungyoun is shaking his head bitterly, which makes him soft. Wooseok still believes that Seungyoun is not a heartless guy. If he's really like that, Wooseok would not have fallen in love with him in the first place. He must have his reasons, Wooseok thinks, which means there is still a chance to make things right.

Wooseok pats Seungyoun's back and murmurs, "I'm really worried about you, Seungyoun. I listened to your new song. It made me scared… I think you've been asking for help through your song, but you never tell me anything. Your heart must be so turbulent. So please, just trust me a bit more, tell me, ok?"

It feels like forever before Seungyoun finally responds to Wooseok. He seems to have been drafting the best phrasing in his mind, and then he utters, "Wooseok, do you really think we have something in common? Like we share something internally and spiritually? Are you trying to portray me in your mind in a certain way? Am I already someone else in your notion, and you just believe in whatever you have imagined about me?"

Seungyoun pauses and puts both of his hands on Wooseok's knees: "But we are different. I'm not who you think I am. You have a better image of me, and that makes me very tired."

Wooseok pushes Seungyoun away and stares at him in disbelief. He has imagined many words coming from Seungyoun, but never something this cold, this hurtful.

"Don't you think this is too harsh?" Wooseok holds his tears, "So what was that… just now... in bed?" 

"Sorry I just, I just really missed you." Seungyoun apologizes.

"And you think this will make me forgive you? Seungyoun, honestly, I don't know what to say now." Wooseok speaks in the lowest voice, probably about to cry in any second. He wants to run away, but when he looks around, there is nowhere to hide. He still thinks that Seungyoun is not telling him the truth, but even it is a lie, it still hurts.

"Sorry," Seungyoun says, "Let's just break up."

Wooseok doesn't expect to hear "break up" again and in an even more determined tone. He thought that at least Seungyoun would keep silent, just like he used to do to him, making him worried and guessing around. However, right now, for the first time, Wooseok feels that it is real. And Seungyoun has been planning this breakup for days.

 _So it's all my fault? Is this what you mean, Seungyoun?_ Wooseok wonders bitterly. But he can only kneel on the floor and feels weak even to say anything.

Seungyoun can tell that Wooseok is at the rim of breakdown, but he has to tell him this. Maybe their relationship is not to the extent of breakup, but for him, it's about time. He is emotionally unstable for a while and just wants to escape. He knows both of them are becoming strange, and that is not right for this relationship.

*** 

In fact, it was just a gut feeling for Seungyoun to decide to go to Manila before the New Year. His parents had been bombarding him with emails every day, asking him to go there and have a look at the company. "Maybe you'll like here just like when you were a kid," Mrs. Cho said in the email.

Seungyoun would laugh every time he saw the emails. Of course, he's never going to work for his parents. He'd rather be a beggar in Seoul. He had no memory of living with his parents because he had left behind throughout his life. When he was in elementary school, he got laughed at by classmates for "without parents." He was taken care of by an aunt living next door who got paid every month from his mom to just cook for him. However, that aunt gave birth to a son later, so she had less time caring for Seungyoun. And then Seungyoun told his parents that he wanted to become a professional soccer player. But little did he expect that his parents would directly send him to a place as far as Brazil. For a long time, Seungyoun felt that he was not wanted by his parents. But when he grew up more and came back to Seoul, he realized that he was actually freer than others. His parents would wire him a lot of money every month and later bought him a good car. Moreover, they were not here in Seoul to control him. Therefore, Seungyoun started to make friends from all walks of life, spending countless nights outside in the pubs or karaoke rooms, enjoying his life as a golden bachelor.

And now, his parents want him to go to the Philippines and inherit the company? _My ass._

But when Wooseok said that he would go back to his hometown for the New Year, Seungyoun suddenly came up with the idea that he'd also go to Manila, just to enjoy the warm weather. And perhaps it wouldn't be that bad to see his parents. As time went by, he didn't really hate them. His mother actually came back to Seoul every now and then to do something with their bank account, and Seungyoun just met her about six months ago. He hadn't seen his father for two years though. It was just, feeling strange.

Therefore, he bought the roundtrip ticket that night.

However, the truth was, he shouldn't have had any expectations.

When he got off the plane at the airport in Manila, he received a text message from his mom, who said that they were still in Malaysia and couldn't come back tonight. She asked Seungyoun to find a hotel to spend the night.

Seungyoun sighed. Bathing in the unfamiliar and damp air in Manila, he began to wonder again why he decided to come. His parents weren't even waiting for him--their only son.

Anyways, he found a chic hotel with a nice bar nearby. Also, he talked with Wooseok on the phone later that night, so it was not necessarily bad.

After Wooseok hung up, Seungyoun stayed at the rooftop for another few hours. He smoked a pack of cigarettes, which he hadn't done for a long time. In fact, it was a local brand recommended by a random guy at the bar, and he really liked it.

The next day, Seungyoun finally got a call from his mom at noon. She was already nearby and was about to pick him up from the hotel.

Seungyoun's mother is a beautiful and elegant woman and a good helper to her husband. In Seungyoun's memory, he had never seen his mom got mad at him. However, he also felt that she had given all her love to his father. The kindness to Seungyoun, however, would never last long and would disappear once the couple left for Manila, again and again.

"Where's dad?" Seungyoun asked in the car.

"He's home waiting for you," Mrs. Cho answered.

"Oh ok," Seungyoun nodded and looked out of the window to see the tropical views.

They arrived at an affluent district in the city of Manila. The house looked unnecessarily grand. Seungyoun walked in and found out there was even a housemaid, who was busily bringing dishes to the long table. And then he saw his father, who sat at the other end of the table but did not notice him yet.

Mr. Cho's hair turned grey, but nothing really changed from two years ago. He was even wearing a pair of glasses, which seemed to Seungyoun as a pretentious decoration.

"Hey dad," Seungyoun called first in a relaxed tone.

And then his dad saw him. The 50 something man's face immediately lightened up. He walked toward Seungyoun and gave him a big hug.

"Wow, look at my son! What a handsome young man!" He said proudly.

Seungyoun felt weird. He never remembered his father do such things to him. So for a moment, he was uneasy and embarrassed. He turned around to look at his mother as if asking for help.

But his mother just smiled while looking at the two men over here. She then said to her husband, "Darling, see! I told you that blood is thicker than water. Seungyoun loves you."

Abruptly, Seungyoun felt disgusted by what he just heard.

When the three finally started to eat, Mr. Cho tried very hard to find some topics.

"How are you doing in Seoul? Do you have enough money to spend?" The father asked.

"Yes," Seungyoun answered plainly.

"How's work? Do you have many friends at work?"

Seungyoun thought that perhaps his father didn't even know what kind of "job" he was doing. But he answered, "Good. I have many friends."

"Ok. You should get along well with them," the father said before running out of topics again.

Seungyoun felt quite sorry for him now. He found it funny or even sympathetic that his father would try this hard to talk to him.

"What's your plan for the future?" Finally, another parental question.

"Probably debut as an idol? Or maybe a music producer, I don't know." Seungyoun answered, which was the truth.

"Ok, but are those jobs… stable?" The father looked concerned.

"Yes."

"Have you thought about…"

"No, I will never work for you!" As if he had guessed his father's words, Seungyoun cut him off firmly.

Mr. Cho was noticeably shocked but didn't give up asking more questions. Maybe he just wanted to make up for the last two years being away.

"Do you have a girlfriend in Seoul? I guess it must be quite lonely for you?"

Seungyoun heard this question, and all of a sudden, he had this rebellious idea. So he raised his eyebrow and said, "I like men. I have a boyfriend."

The table was very quiet even with the father and son talking, and now, it almost felt like death.

"What did you just say?" Mrs. Cho reacted first, obviously in shock.

"I said, I like men, any problem?"

"Do you know what you are talking about?" Mrs. Cho was so concerned that she moved her chair closer to her son.

Seungyoun was oddly satisfied now as if he had just done revenge. Even though he didn't think he had too much hate towards his parents, he did want to vent some anger at times.

And then, Mr. Cho suddenly stood up. His big wooden chair made a high-pitched noise while scratching the floor. Seungyoun looked at him, ready to be scolded or maybe receiving something worse. However, his father just left the table and went into another room.

Next, Seungyoun noticed that his mother is staring at him as if he was her ultimate enemy. He had never seen his mother like that. And then she followed her husband into the other room. 

Seungyoun sat by himself in the empty dining room, somehow feeling relieved and funny. He laughed at himself inside, thinking that even he confessed his sexuality, he didn't get much attention at this house.

Nevertheless, things started to go out of control.

Half an hour later, an ambulance arrived in front of their house. The doctors and nurses rushed in and carried Seungyoun's father out on a stretcher. When Mrs. Cho passed Seungyoun, she gave him a look indicating her stunned son to get on the ambulance together.

Mr. Cho was directly sent into the ICU. A few hours later, a doctor told Mrs. Cho and Seungyoun that he had a severe stroke. Good thing that he's saved, but he might need to be in the wheelchair for some time. 

Seungyoun was quiet the entire time when sitting in the waiting room with his mother. It felt so unreal because he never would imagine his healthy and strong-headed father would be sick, not to mention experiencing a stroke.

"Sorry, mom." Seungyoun finally apologized after the doctor had left.

"Actually, yesterday we didn't make it home because your father had an episode at the airport in Malaysia. It was just atrial fibrillation, not fatal, but in case we still went to the hospital."

"What? Why didn't you tell me?" Seungyoun asked.

"We didn't want to make you worry, of course. And your father became better later, so we took the earliest plane to come back here today. He has some heart problems for years, but I didn't expect them to be developed into a stroke…" Mrs. Cho blamed herself. 

"I see," Seungyoun didn't know what to say except this. Of course, he was quite startled about his father's illness. However, he also didn't feel as devastated as he should be. He was… if it's ok to say, calm.

"Seungyoun, mama thought you would have grown up to a mature man…" Mrs. Cho uttered. Apparently, she was about to accuse Seungyoun for the coming out scene at the dinner. 

"But I don't think I did anything wrong. I mean being gay," Seungyoun added.

Mrs. Cho looked at him in astonishment, and then she let out a long sigh and said, "We will go back to Seoul very soon. And we will be staying with you."

"What?" Now it's Seungyoun's turn to be shocked, "Why?"

"Because we are your parents. Can't we live with you?" Mrs. Cho finally showed some anger.

"No, I mean, how about your company here?"

"You think all these years we haven't had enough people to run it for us for a while? And you don't want to inherit the company anyway, so why would you even care? Also, about that… boyfriend thing, you'd better break up with him as soon as possible. You are _killing_ your father!"

Seungyoun inhaled slowly upon hearing this. And then he exhaled and announced coldly, "you have no right to interfere with my relationship. After all, I'm like this today is probably because of you two."

"What? What did you say? Did we teach you to date a man? Don't you know you would catch a disease? You are our only son, why are you doing this to us? Why are you doing things to make us lose face?" His mother almost yelled in the quiet waiting room.

"Oh, thanks. You still see me as your son." Seungyoun replied impatiently and then stood up. Before he left the waiting room, he said, "I'll go back to Seoul tomorrow. Hoping for his speedy recovery then."

***

Wooseok holds his tears. What makes him the saddest is that he keeps telling himself that he cannot give up now, but then realizes that he has already lost in this relationship.

"Am I a joke to you?" He asked Seungyoun, "Am I the only one who was serious about this relationship?"

"Don't say that Wooseok," Seungyoun answers. He looks quite sad.

"I'd rather hear you tell me that you've never loved me. That way, I would feel better. But it doesn't matter now, we are going to break up really soon anyway. Thanks for saying it first." Wooseok bites his lower lip in the dark.

Seungyoun quickly senses some information in Wooseok's words, so he asks, "Wait, do you mean you… you are going to debut soon?"

"Yes, I knew about it yesterday on my way back, and I was so anxious trying to find a way to tell you about it. Then I decided not to tell you yesterday because I didn't want us to be unhappy first thing in the new year. But look at me now, such a fool."

"Congratulations, Wooseok," Seungyoun instinctively tries to grab his hands, but then was shaken off by the smaller man.

"So this is good. Now you initiated the breakup, it's just going to happen sooner than we planned." Wooseok is still trying to hold up his emotions.

"Yes," Seungyoun contemplates, "and this way, I'm not going to chain you anymore."

When hearing the word "chain," Wooseok suddenly becomes angry again, "How in the world did you 'chain' me? Can you have a good look at yourself, Cho Seungyoun!" _You are so good, so talented, you are making me jealous. And now you are saying you've been chaining me??? Aren't I the one who's been chaining you?_ – Wooseok doesn't tell the latter part of his thoughts though.

"I…" Seungyoun looks down and murmurs, "I hate myself."

Wooseok sighs—this is what irritates him the most about Seungyoun, but also what he cares most about him. Wooseok's heart constantly hurts when he sees Seungyoun like this: being self-deprecating.

"I want to go home. I think I can't talk to you normally right now." Wooseok decides to end this conversation.

"But it's midnight. Why don't you stay until morning?" Seungyoun's voice is so low, like a kid who just did something wrong.

"No. I'm leaving. Can you drive me home?" Wooseok doesn't want to be courteous anymore.

Seeing Wooseok like this, Seungyoun agrees. He stands up and leaves the bedroom, leaving him some space.

Wooseok is all by himself in the dark bedroom again. He starts to wear cloths, one layer after another. The bedsheets are still messy, showing the trace of their sex just hours ago. Wooseok's body still hurts. But nothing compares to the pain in his heart right now. He has been so desperate to "save" Seungyoun, but it turned out that Seungyoun didn't even need it and saw through his intentions from the very beginning. Wooseok feels invalid as if he's been a clown all this time. Seungyoun has drilled a hole in his heart and sucked his blood, but the thing is, he can't even hate him. 

Seoul is quiet at 2am. Seungyoun is driving the car, and Wooseok is sitting beside him. Nobody said a word. 

Not sure how long has passed, but both of them find out it starts to snow. It's been a very warm winter, and this is actually the first snow in Seoul.

Winter is Wooseok's favorite season, even his favorite song is about winter. When he was a kid, he would wear his favorite red padding coat and play in the snow. In the beginning, he would only play with himself. But later, Min was born and grew up quickly, so he had a little brother to build a snowman together. This reminds him, does Min have a friend to play with now?

As Wooseok recalls these memories, he feels that he's about to cry. He manages to let the tears running down his face without making any sound. Just like the snowflakes in front of their windshield. Silent. Completely silent.

Seungyoun parks the car outside Wooseok's apartment. He stops the engine and says to him, "Wooseok, I'm sorry. You can hate me, you know."

Wooseok wipes his tears in a hurry, and looks outside of the window and answers, "I don't hate you. Why would I hate you?"

Suddenly, Seungyoun sees someone familiar outside the apartment building. Isn't that Jinhyuk?

"Why is your roommate outside?" Seungyoun taps Wooseok's arm.

Confused, Wooseok looks out of the window on Seungyoun's side. And it is really his roommate Jinhyuk, who is wearing a long padding coat and standing outside as if he's appreciating the snow.

Wooseok opens the door and runs out of the car, shouting at Jinhyuk: "Hey, why are you here?"

Jinhyuk then turns around. He sees Wooseok is standing under a streetlamp. His eyes are red, obviously cried.

"I just came back from the company. I spent a little longer to learn the new dance. And then I saw the snow, so I stayed just to see it. It's so pretty." Jinhyuk looks so softly until he notices the dark blue car behind Wooseok. He immediately realizes everything. 

"How about you? Is Cho Seungyoun in that car?"

Wooseok nods. 

Jinhyuk feels uneasy. He looks at his poor roommate and empathizes with his sorrow. He knows that it is definitely not the first time that Wooseok cries for Seungyoun. Why the hell did Woosoek become like this? Jinhyuk feels as if his beloved little brother has been mistreated by this jerk named Cho Seungyoun. This guy didn't provide Wooseok with happiness and even changed his personality. Wooseok doesn't look as happy as before, and that breaks Jinhyuk's heart.

It happens that Seungyoun steps out of the car with Wooseok's jacket in his hand. Jinhyuk becomes alerted and angry that he approaches Seungyoun and shouts, "Can you leave him alone? I don't care what kind of relationship you two have. Stop taking advantage of him and making him sad! Don't make him cry again!"

"We broke up!" Wooseok suddenly chimes in, "Stop, Jinhyuk. We just broke up."

Jinhyuk looks a little surprised. He turns around to stare at Wooseok and then back at Seungyoun again. Seungyoun also nods his head in silence, and then gives the jacket to Jinhyuk and leaves the scene.

Jinhyuk walks back to Wooseok, putting the jacket on his tiny and cold body and giving him a tender hug, "It's over now? That's good. Now we should focus on our debut."

Wooseok doesn't say anything. He buries his face in the big jacket. Even the kacket is cold. He then takes a deep breath and says to Jinhyuk, "Actually, you didn't have to defend me just now. I could handle everything."

Seeing Wooseok is still trying to be strong in front of him, Jinhyuk pulls out his parental voice and says, "I just don't want to see you cry for him. You have more important things to accomplish. Don't forget that."

"Of course, I know!" Wooseok yells unexpectedly, "How can I forget? I absolutely know!"

It is the first time that Jinhyuk sees Wooseok being this angry. Even though he understands it is totally understandable.

Wooseok feels a little relieved after yelling at Jinhyuk. He looks up into the dark sky and sees the feather-like snow quietly dancing in the air. The entire world feels like sinking. It's so beautiful, so surreal, like a dream.

When he was young, he had never looked at the snow this way. He would only kneel down and hold some snow to make little balls or building a snowman. But now he discerns that the snow is much more beautiful when he looks up at it. It makes him feel small and unimportant, as if his body is going to fall with the flakes as well.

And at this moment he suddenly reminisces, maybe this is not going to end so easily. Him and Cho Seungyoun, they are not going to end like this. Seungyoun is such a deceiver, but he's best at deceiving himself.

The two of them, one is a pessimistic optimist, the other is an optimistic pessimist. Wooseok is the former, and he doesn't want to give up yet.

"Sorry, Jinhyuk, I didn't mean to shout at you." Wooseok apologizes to his roommate.

"You idiot. Of course I know. Now go back to sleep. We will have a meeting tomorrow at the company," Jinhyuk smiles and pats Wooseok's back. The two walk back to the apartment together.

Meanwhile, Seungyoun has no idea how he ended up arriving home. He feels that he was outside Wooseok's apartment the previous second and then back home the next thing he knows. The scene of Jinhyuk standing in between him and Wooseok still flashes in his head, as well as everything he said to him. Yes, Wooseok is going to debut soon. He can't be dating anyone anymore. And him, Cho Seungyoun, has made Wooseok cry too many times.

Jinhyuk was right. Maybe he was indeed taking advantage of Wooseok. He could never be serious or successful, after all. He wanted to play soccer but gave up eventually. He made music for others but never got credited. He has been a trainee for many years but still hasn't debuted. And he has never had any love. Before meeting Wooseok, he just took random people home and slept for a night.

Before meeting Wooseok.

Seungyoun fell on his sofa. He can see the messy bedroom from here. He and Wooseok were there making love just a few hours ago. They were inside each other as if they would never be apart. However, now they broke up, and it is he who didn't explain anything to Wooseok.

 _It serves me right._ Seungyoun thinks to himself. He has never felt worse than he is right now.

It was really not something that he couldn't tell Wooseok. However, he has always been so protective of himself, and he doesn't know what kind of illness it is. He loves and trusts Wooseok, but he just doesn't feel secure and comfortable to tell him more about himself. He's afraid the more he reveals, the less mystery and surprise he can provide to Wooseok, or even to himself. He's fearful that he will own nothing and becomes an empty shell once he confesses too much to another person.

But who can understand him? Does he even want people to understand him? Or it was because Kim Wooseok had already seen through him so accurately that he made him scared and wanted to escape?

Yet since Wooseok is going to debut, Seungyoun thinks that breakup is the only solution. The timing is right, it even helped him justify his selfish breakup.

 _I'm such a jerk._ Seungyoun admits.

Seungyoun yawns, he doesn't want to think anymore, so he grabs one cigarette from the table from the pack that he brought from Manila. However, he immediately feels disgusted and wonders why he liked the taste before. He stands up, throws the whole box away, and turns on the CD player. He forgets what CD is in it, but then he hears the music coming out, which is the one he made a while ago with all the chaos in his mind, and around his life. He suddenly remembers that just now Wooseok said he had listened to it and became worried about him…

_Wooseok was never wrong. But he didn't want Wooseok to know. That's why he treated Wooseok badly and said all those harsh words…_

The song is just insanely chaotic. The sounds from nature in it were recorded in this very home. It was the day when Seungyoun knew that he wasn't going to debut. It was also the day when he met Wooseok at the hospital for the first time, had a brief dinner with him for the first time, received food from him spoon after spoon for the first time.

Besides the happy moments shared with Wooseok, the rest of the day he was all depressed. The moment he saw Wooseok disappearing in the crowd in the subway, he felt lost. And that night when he arrived home, it started to rain heavily. He opened the window, recorded the fierce sound of wind ripping off the curtains and the thunder from far to near; he even recorded himself using that broken arm to hit the wall, to tear the papers, to scratch the lyrics he just wrote the day before…

The second time he opened this recording was when he heard about Ra's death. That day, the storm was even worse than the first time. After receiving the email and the sad news, he had a total breakdown. He sat in the corner of his room, feeling lonely and scared more than ever. He forgot about Wooseok who was on his way here. He listened to the delightful _bossa nova_ beats from Ra but thought he'd better-off die as well. However, Wooseok later appeared in front of him. And he "used" him, he made love with him.

The third time he opened the recording was in his studio at his company. Because he felt guilty of making love with Wooseok to ease his depression, he tried to hide from him for almost two weeks. He locked himself in the studio, making music, trying to mix all kinds of experimental bits and pieces. He recorded himself muttering terms and phrases that could make him feel better, which included all sorts of weird and meaningless names of objects. And then he mixed everything together: the ruthless sound of nature, the delightful _bossa nova,_ and his own desperate call for help. As he finished the whole thing and posted it on the web, he saw Wooseok, who came to find him first. Wooseok was in a yellow coat, squinting at his window from the other side of the street. He came first, he came to save him again. 

Gosh, so that's it. In the past few months, whenever Seungyoun felt depressed and helpless, Wooseok always appeared to rescue him. He would always find him, give him strength. 

However, being an absolute jerk, Seungyoun realized that all these days, he had only paid attention to his own problems, to where he hurt the most…

Seungyoun listened to this grotesque song that he made; every beat could remind him of its exact origin and the feeling that went with it at that specific moment. However, how could he forget that Wooseok has always been there for him? Being his savior in every desperate beat as well?

Seungyoun embraces himself quietly in this room without Wooseok's presence, letting his tears run down his cold face.

_I'm sorry, Wooseok. I am such a horrible person. I don't deserve you. I can't let you fall for me anymore. I should let you go._


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Still more from Seungyoun's perspective.

In order to forget about Wooseok, Seungyoun called his old friends out in the following days. These were his "friends" for partying and drinking only, of course. So even if Seungyoun didn't contact them for a long time, no one really needed him. However, when they got a call from Seungyoun, who was going to treat them, they would gladly show up on time.

These people asked where he had been recently and told him that there was a rumor that he might have committed a crime and hid somewhere overseas. Seungyoun laughed bitterly and scolded them one by one. He told them that he was ok, just spent some time making music.

He still went to his company during the day, but then he would be out drinking all night. He lived like this for a week in a row and only went home when he felt the need to take a shower. But whenever he arrived home and saw his bed, he would think about Wooseok, and then he hated himself even more.

Wooseok confirmed the news about his debut the second day after their breakup. He still wasn't excited. The manager told them that since it would be a leap year, they would debut on February 29. What a day to remember! Wooseok just listened and nodded every now and then at the meeting. He texted his parents afterward and thought that finally, his mother would stop complaining about his company or threaten to come to Seoul and ask for "justice."

Once the debut date was settled, Wooseok, Jinhyuk, and eight other trainees started to practice frantically. In the meantime, the media began to spread the news that T Media would debut a new group. Everyone in the K-pop fandom seemed excited because the company hadn't put out any new group for years.

Among the heated discussions online, the most viral ones were all about Kim Wooseok. More specifically, some fansites posted his photos when he was the back dancers for his sunbae group, and people immediately went crazy for his visual. The tension for this new group thus increased tremendously. People were anticipating a supergroup with incomparable talents and visuals. Some people also said that Wooseok's face would be a national treasure, how come no one ever noticed him before?

Wooseok saw this, of course, and he wondered if it was the girl who gave him a Christmas present at the fan meeting who posted the photos online. But anyway, he didn't spend much time searching his name on Twitter because he was afraid that he would bump into negative comments. Since he was young, he had always been hating to be judged or compared. Because if he lost, his parents would punish him.

One night, Wooseok lies in bed and opens the chatting app. He intuitively looked at the page with Seungyoun, and the last message was still from the day Seungyoun came back from Manila: "I'm downstairs."

Wooseok would always look at this last message at night and then feel the urge to cry. However, he would tell himself to hold it because he needs to get up early for practice, and there will be a lot of new fansites each day waiting outside the company, trying to take photos of him. Moreover, he knows that crying would not solve anything. He needs to find a way to save, save himself, and save Seungyoun again.

Of course, Seungyoun has also noticed Wooseok's growing fame on the Internet, given that he's living on social media most of the time. Sometimes he would sit at the bar owned by his friend and look at his phone for hours. He sees that many fans are excited about Wooseok's visual, he sees the increasing fansites with all kinds of fancy names. Also, he sees many ungrounded TMIs about Wooseok on twitter. As he keeps searching and surfing, sometimes he would suddenly feel like he has never known Wooseok personally and has absolutely no relation with him. And then he would fall asleep at the bar, waking up with a terrible migraine, rushing into the bathroom to vomit, and finally heading home.

Once he hits home, he realizes that he's back to the situation where nobody cares about him. In the past, he was ok with it. He enjoyed living by himself and having some friends to get drunk with every now and then. However, in those cases, no one really cared about what he said and wanted. Only Kim Wooseok, only him, who would come to Seungyoun when he needed someone the most. They would talk, go shopping. Or they could just be quiet and still felt comfortable about the silence.

_What the fuck?_ Seungyoun curses internally. He's the one who dumped Wooseok first, but why is Wooseok's existence in his mind growing stronger every day? Perhaps there was no need to break up in the first place, Seungyoun admits to himself. But at that moment, he was really at a critical point of mental breakdown, due to his parents, himself, all the deaths and lives around him, and the unseen and intangible future... And he just couldn't handle them anymore with Wooseok being by his side. So he said it, asked for a break up. And the moment the hurtful words went out of his mouth, he didn't know why but he felt the necessity to really end the relationship. 

And now, what's the point of recalling all these memories or even being regret? Wooseok is going to debut, and they can never get back together again. Wooseok is going to be "everyone's Wooseok," not his.

On the weekend, Seungyoun finally decides to stay at home and sleeps in. However, he keeps getting phone calls, which drive him crazy. He eventually picks up the phone, and it is his mom.

"Seungyoun, we are arriving in Seoul tonight. Can you come to the airport and pick us up?"

"What?" Seungyoun is still in a sleep mode.

"I said, your father and I are coming to Seoul and staying with you. We need you to come and pick us up. Our flight number is XXXXX."

"Wow, that's unexpected," Seungyoun says.

"Oh, and drive that van. Your father has a wheelchair so we need bigger automobile. Ok I gotta go. See you tonight in Seoul." Mrs. Cho hangs up the phone without Seungyoun even says anything back.

Seungyoun sits in his bed, looking lost and confused. Although he totally gets the situation and remembers that his mother mentioned in Manila that they would be coming to Seoul soon, he still feels too sudden. However, the house is theirs, they paid for everything, they basically feed Seungyoun from abroad every month. So what can't they do? Technically, they can come back whenever they want and do whatever they want to do. Now he feels awaken from the past days' drowsiness and dysfunction. 

When the sun sets, Seungyoun is on his way to the airport. He drives a big SUV which his parents bought for him a while ago in addition to that dark blue sportscar. As he is driving, he feels indifferent. He's been like this for days. So now, even though his parents are coming, he still feels nothing. No excitement, no irritation.

Soon after he enters the arriving hall, he sees his mother. Besides her, there is a group of staff who are helping her move her husband in the wheelchair and carry their luggage. Next, Seungyoun peeks his dad from the crowd. It is his first time seeing him after that episode of stroke. And at this moment, he thinks he really, really wakes up in a long while.

He runs towards his father, staring at this man who looks lifeless in the wheelchair. The staff was stunned by seeing this tall man approaching them, but then Mrs. Cho said, "That's our son."

It appears that Mr. Cho has become facially and physically paralyzed after that stroke, so he can only stay in the wheelchair and cannot talk. He can still see his son though, so he looks back at him, who is standing in front of the wheelchair. Nevertheless, no expression on this rigid man's face could be discerned.

Seungyoun suddenly bursts into tears. The warm fluid is rolling on his face, which makes him turn around immediately to hide his weakness. He says to the others, "I've parked the van over there" and then leads the way.

Mrs. Cho sees the entire scene, and she was about to cry as well. She knows, even though her son looks a little careless and willful, he's never a bad young man. When he was little, he would cry over an animation, become distressed when forgetting to say goodbye to the grandma next door before leaving for kindergarten. Mrs. Cho and her husband had to leave for the Philippines because they wanted to provide Seungyoun with a better life but didn't want him to go to a foreign country at such a young age, so they left without him. Later on, it was Mr. Cho who decided to send him to Brazil. "Since he likes soccer, he should go to the best school in the world"—that was what he said to her. Mrs. Cho was such an obedient wife, even though she didn't want to send her only son to an even farther place, she ended up having no choice but to see him off to Brazil at the age of 12.

Seungyoun is still driving, and Mrs. Cho starts to ask him about his whereabouts recently since they haven't seen each other for about three weeks. However, they soon run out of topics. And Mrs. Cho is smart enough to not mention about her son's sexuality at this moment.

The awkward silence makes Seungyoun turn on the radio. A program talking about the kpop world comes out and it happens to be talking about the new group from T Media, the one that Wooseok is in. The two gossipy hosts tell people about the rumor that the group will debut either by the end of February or the beginning of March. Then, they begin to talk about the visual king, of course.

"Did you see Kim Wooseok's photos? That's insane! He's so good looking and people are reposting those photos everywhere!" One host exclaims.

"I know right! That face! I wonder if he had saved our country in his past life or something! How can T Media hide him so well?" The other one flatters, too.

Seungyoun lets out a "tsk" sound as he absolutely despises these people who only talk about that face. However, as he thinks about Wooseok again, he feels weak. What kind of position does he hold now to even comment on him or how others see him? He sighs internally and turns off the radio.

The family of three returns to the high-end apartment. Seungyoun actually carries his father from the van to the elevator, and then goes back to get all the luggage and the wheelchair up, just like a good filial son. Mrs. Cho is more than happy and proud. She thinks that Seungyoun was probably shocked by seeing his father paralyzed, and now he's doing all this to make up his earlier faults.

When settling everything down in the house, Seungyoun finally feels the awkwardness in the space. He doesn't know how to live with his parents, at all. And it seems that they will be living together for some time from now on. Meanwhile, his mother has made herself at home quite quickly as she is already cleaning the kitchen.

"Did you eat anything? I can order some?" Seungyoun says to his mother clumsily.

"It's unnecessary. I just saw a grocery store downstairs. I can go buy something and let's have a quick and easy meal." Mrs. Cho says with a smile.

"Aren't you tired?"

"You haven't eaten the food I made for so long. Even in Manila… that was cooked by our housemaid." Mrs. Cho looks up at her handsome son and continues, "and I would never feel tired cooking for my only precious son."

Seungyoun doesn't know what to say, and the next thing he knows, his mother is already at the door.

"You know how to get there?" Seungyoun asks.

"Of course, it's not that far." His mother closes the door.

Now the apartment only has Seungyoun and his father. Mr. Cho has been looking at him since he came in and was placed in the wheelchair. He couldn't talk, so he stares at him quietly. Seungyoun feels that intense gaze and decides to avoid it because it reminds him of his awful deeds in Manila. _See, Cho Seungyoun, you are such a horrible person, selfish son. You didn't like your father, but did you have to make him like this now???—_ he blames himself silently.

It just feels too embarrassed, so Seungyoun ends up playing on his phone in the kitchen while waiting for his mother to come back.

Mrs. Cho only spent a few minutes in the grocery store and came back with a lot of foods, mostly vegetables. And within another 30 minutes, she comes up with several traditional Korean dishes. She needs to feed her husband first, so she asks Seungyoun to help himself. Seungyoun eats a few spoons and stops. Actually, this still feels foreign because he hasn't tried his mother's cook for so many years. Maybe never? He doesn't even know. The food does taste good, but as soon as he sees his father being fed by his mother on the other side of the room, he doesn't want to eat anymore.

Good thing the next day is Monday, so Seungyoun can go to work. The family has just spent one night together, and it has already driven him crazy. 

However, while at the company the whole day, Seungyoun receives many text messages from his mom, asking him how to use the hot water, how to turn on the washing machine, etc. And then she urges him to go home for dinner, don't eat out.

_So this is how living as a family is like?_ Seungyoun wonders.

In fact, Seungyoun planned to have a drink with someone after work, but now he decides to go home because his mother just couldn't stop texting him.

As he enters the home, he immediately sees more dishes than last night on the table. It seems that his father has already eaten and now he's watching TV by himself. Seungyoun doesn't know if his father can really take the information in. However, he remembers his mother said that he could still sense stuff, it's just his face and legs couldn't move anymore.

"Seungyoun, you're back!" Mrs. Cho welcomes him in delight, "How's work today?"

Seungyoun thinks, what could go wrong with his work anyways? He's just passing the days in the company trying to find things to do. There is really no point of telling her about it. So he asks her instead, "How was your day? Was it hard taking care of dad?"

Mrs. Cho seems surprised that her son would actually care about this, so she's ecstatic: "Oh my good son, mama is not tired. It is my duty to take care of your dad. And you, you don't need to blame yourself for anything. Your dad... he's been quite weak for more than a year, and that stroke… shouldn't be a big surprise, after all."

"Well, I have some responsibilities, more or less." Seungyoun shrugs and pulls a chair out from under the table. But the two of them decide not to mention the trigger right now.

"This is what a family should be like, you know," Mrs. Cho utters emotionally, "We shouldn't blame each other. We just need to look after each other. Seungyoun, mom always feels sorry that I didn't spend more time with you, so this time since your dad and I are here, we want to make up something for you as a family…"

"No need to feel sorry," Seungyoun cuts her off, "You just said we shouldn't blame anyone," Seungyoun says, and then starts to eat with a pair of silver chopsticks.

Mrs. Cho gazes at him. She feels proud on the one hand and sad on the other hand. She realizes that she hasn't done anything for her son, yet there he is, already a handsome young man knowing what he is doing. The only thing that hasn't changed is his kind heart. Mrs. Cho is confident that her son is a well-behaved and sensible boy for all this time.

"Is dad… going to recover?" Seungyoun suddenly asks.

"Well, the best-case scenario is that he will walk on his feet again. But it's hard to tell. The doctors here in Seoul are better, so let's keep our fingers crossed for him."

"Mom, I think you look happy when you take care of him," Seungyoun says while looking at his father, who's looking at the big TV screen even though it just plays some random ads now.

"Of course, taking care of the loved one is a happy thing," Mrs. Cho answers, "Your dad has worked so hard for half of his life. Everything we have today is the result of his trial and error, you know."

Seungyoun looks at his father again. He still thinks that his father seems unfamiliar, but he also understands what his mother just said and that his mother's love for dad clearly outweighs the amount for him.

_Maybe it's really nice to have a "loved one," because even when bad things happen and hard days come, they will still feel sweet. —_ Seungyoun thinks— _But not for me and Wooseok, not anymore._

**

On the first day of February, T Media promoted the new group's upcoming debut. Within minutes, the news goes viral on all kinds of media platforms. T Media announces that it will reveal one member per day, and the first member is Kim Wooseok.

In fact, the company thought about putting him in the last. However, since he has already gathered some discussion for over a month, the company decided to reveal him first to please the public.

On the same day, Seungyoun is told that Yuehua will debut a girls' group this summer, which means that it has no intention to release another boys' group soon. Thus, Seungyoun will still be jobless indefinitely. Yuehua is a small company with not many trainees. Most of the male trainees are much younger than Seungyoun and amateur, while Seungyoun is apparently too well-trained. Hence, while the company feels awkward about Seungyoun's placement, the manager tells him that he can continue making music and sell them to make money. However, Seungyoun has done this for quite some time. Although he gets money, his name has never been acknowledged publicly. All these things have made him quite depressed and annoyed. So that day he leaves the company early, texts his mom that he'll be home late, and then takes the subway to his favorite shopping district, the one he went with Wooseok the first time they hang out.

However, as he's roaming on the street, he suddenly discovers the huge LED screen on the other side of the road is showing Wooseok's face. He then remembers that T Media said it would promote a member each day. Soon, many passengers gather around the block and look up at that screen together. Some girls are so excited that they scream and take photos of it. Seungyoun stands still and staring at the screen as if it is a nostalgic movie. Indeed, there was once he and Wooseok looked at the same screen and watched an MV from Yuehua's new group, which Seungyoun failed to join. And now, Wooseok is on there, receiving all the lights and attention from the vibrant city.

Seungyoun smiles; he's not sure if he's happy for Wooseok or laughing at his own fate. Wooseok is born to be a star. He is beautiful, having a perfect body, and possessing a somewhat distant but aloof gaze. Of course, he's also good at singing and dancing, which the video has done an excellent job showing to the public.

Seungyoun also takes out his phone and snaps a photo of the screen. He intuitively opens the chatting app and about to send it to Wooseok. However, he pauses abruptly because he sees the message on the screen. It was when he stood outside his apartment on the day he came back from Manila and texted: "I'm downstairs."

He closes the app. _What the hell am I doing now? I initiated the breakup and told him all the hurtful words. How can I contact him now? Based on the "rules," we are legitimately done!_

Seungyoun still looks at that photo for another few seconds though. "The upcoming star Kim Wooseok…" he reads the words on the ad. 

_ Yes, he's leaving; he's going farther and farther away. _

Seungyoun arrives home at 9pm. His father is already in bed, and his mother is waiting for him in the living room. It's been a few days since the three of them lived together, and Seungyoun begins to get used to it. The good thing about his mother being here is that the home is always clean and tiny, and he can have food whenever he needs it. It does feel much more convenient to have a mom at home.

"Did you eat? It's quite late," Mrs. Cho says.

"I ate." He lied.

"Oh, then go to bed soon. You must be tired today. Oh, and I was just wondering, does your company have any plan for you?"

Mrs. Cho seldom asks questions about his "work," so Seungyoun is a little surprised. But then he suddenly has this thought in mind, so he thinks out loud, "I was thinking, maybe there is no plan for me anymore at my current company. So how about if I just pay them the fee for breaching the contract and leave?"

"What?" Mrs. Cho seems unprepared.

"I have other places to go, so don't expect me to go to Manila and take your company there," Seungyoun adds.

His thought of leaving Yuehua is not that random since he was approached by a friend from there a few months ago, who asked if he'd like to join their music production team. However, Seungyoun was still holding onto the dream of becoming an idol, so he declined at the moment. But his friend did say that the door would always be open for him since he really appreciated Seungyoun's talent in composing.

_ Maybe it's about time. _

"The fee for breaching the contract is not going to be high," Seungyoun continues with his mom, "And I've been there for so long, they own me my time, too."

"Oh… ok. If you already have a plan, then go for it. Don't worry about the money." Mrs. Cho is not sure what to say, so she figures it would be nice to make him less concerned about the money, since that's the only thing she could help him with. Also, she really thought for a moment that her son would agree to inherit the company in Manila, but then he was too smart to destroy her hope.

Seungyoun takes a shower and lies in his bed. He pulls out the draft contract from Y Company, which has been in the drawer for months. Y Company is really nice. It's partly state-owned, so there should be no worries about the welfares. The only problem is that the company doesn't produce Kpop groups, so if Seungyoun goes there, he will just make music for the rest of his life, probably. It doesn't sound bad though, he thinks. So he sends a text message to his friend and tells him that he would like to visit Y Company the day after tomorrow.

Meanwhile, Wooseok is feeling extremely stressed in his apartment. He was revealed as the first member of the new group today, and thus people have been talking about him everywhere. Moreover, when he was leaving the company with Jinhyuk, he almost tripped himself because there were so many people--may be his new fans--waiting outside. The flashlights of their cameras nearly blinded him, and he grabbed Jinhyuk's arm, looking frightened.

"What the hell?" He asked Jinhyuk amidst the loud sound of shutters.

"Maybe they are your fansites."

"It's quite late now. Why are they still here?"

"Well, you've seen them taking photos of our sunbaes, haven't you?" Jinhyuk said with a knowing smile.

"So what should we do?" Wooseok looked at the crowds outside the company's glass door. They seemed like they were going to break in at any moment.

"What else shall we do? Just push them aside and run." Jinhyuk said wittingly. And the next thing Wooseok knew, he was grasped by Jinhyuk's hand instead. Jinhyuk is tall, so he easily cracked open a narrow path in the crowd and dragged Wooseok to run with him. The two started to run hectically on the road. While the girls were trying to chase them, they were stopped by the annoyed passengers on the street.

Jinhyuk and Wooseok ran for about 400 meters before they finally stopped. Wooseok was out of breath and complained, "What the heck? Did we have to run that fast?"

Jinhyuk laughed, "Sorry, I was a sprinter before, did you forget?"

"Darn it," Wooseok bent over to catch some breath, "I was so scared, I thought they would step on me or something."

"Well, because they saw your ads today. It seems the ad really had a good outcome."

Wooseok stiffened. For the first time, he realized that he was really going to debut soon.

After he gets home, he takes a shower and opens a website where Seungyoun would always post his new demos or songs. Yes, he still stalks him.

If Seungyoun is online, a green light will be on his profile page; if not, it will just be grey. Whenever he sees the green dot, he feels secure and reassuring. But for a week, he has never seen him online.

He was worried at first because he could tell Seungyoun was having a lot of emotional stress when they broke up. But he did not dare to ask because he's afraid that he would get hurt by Seungyoun's words again. Also, since he had to prepare for debut immediately and was freaking out about the difficulty of the dance, he didn't have time and energy to care about Seungyoun's status. However, he did have some absent-minded moments while practicing; then he would be caught by Jinhyuk, who would ask if he's thinking about that "jerk Cho Seungyoun" again.

Nevertheless, tonight when Wooseok opens that website, he is surprised to see a green dot on Seungyoun's profile page. So they are online at the same time! This makes Wooseok happy, but then he feels sorry for himself: even such little thing can make me happy now.

Wooseok wonders if Seungyoun is going to post a new song. If so, then that means he's doing well recently. So Wooseok starts to refresh the website repeatedly, trying to catch him posting an update. After a while, a new status pops out: 

"Farewell, my trainee days. I'm going to backstage."

_ What?  _

Wooseok sits up in shock. He yells at the screen: "What are you doing Cho Seungyoun???"

And then Jinhyuk, who just finishes shower, comes in upon hearing his shout, What happened? Did that jerk contact you again?"

"No, he just… he quits being an idol!" Wooseok cries.

"He quit?" Jinhyuk repeats, "How'd you know?"

"Eh… nothing." Wooseok calms down and answers, "I was just stalking him."

"Wooseok-ah, is it really that hard to leave him behind?" Jinhyuk says sincerely, "I remembered you said you were just having some fun and would break up. Also, you have many fans now, so don't think about him anymore."

"You are wordy than my mom," Wooseok understands, but he still rolls his eyes just to give Jinhyuk a look.

Jinhyuk laughs. He notices that Wooseok's mood has become much better recently. He's happy for Wooseok and feeling that his dearest little brother is back.

"Ok, then you decide for yourself. I'm going to sleep now. Good night." Jinhyuk pats Wooseok's head before leaving his room.

Wooseok turns off his computer the moment Jinhyuk leaves. Actually, he feels bad, uncomfortable, as if he's been betrayed. He really wants to call Seungyoun and yell at him: "Are you kidding me? You've tried to be an idol for so long! How can you give up so easily!"

However, he also knows that Seungyoun would be a good producer or composer as well. He's just good at everything. If he really goes to Y Company, he will definitely make a fame within a short period of time. But deep inside, Wooseok doesn't want Seungyoun to go on that path. He still remembers when he first saw that contract at Seungyoun's bed, he was so sad and disappointed. He didn't want to walk on a separate journey with him. They got to know each other as trainees. So anyone can give up, but not them.

Wooseok also knows that he's being selfish this way. But he still cannot let this thought sink. He wants to tell Seungyoun: don't change.

Seungyoun covers himself in the quilt and suddenly sneezes. Since his parents come, he always feels cold at home. Maybe parents are all like this: when it's hot out, they hate the room to be too cold. And when it's freezing outside, they keep the heater's temperature low to save some electricity fees (even though they are rich).

Feeling bored in bed, Seungyoun opens Twitter and taps on "search." The first keyword that comes out is "KimWooseok" because he likes to stalk him online by using a private account. Every day he spends quite some time looking at how people comment on Wooseok. And today, people have been posting photos of that promotional video all over. Actually, this makes him a little unhappy, although he's not sure what exactly he is unhappy about, or maybe he refuses to admit what it is. 

But this time, as he clicks on the keyword again, the first thing that comes to him is a photo of Wooseok and another guy's back. Clearly, they are holding hands and running on the street. Seungyoun can immediately tell the other person is Jinhyuk. 

Then, he traces the person's account and finds that it is a ships account for Wooseok and Jinhyuk, which just opened today.

"What the fuck?" Seungyoun sits up in bed, "Are you kidding me?"

Out of curiosity, he goes on to read the comments under the photo. And it seems that everyone is super excited:

"My ship is sailing!"

"What should we call this ship?"

"Look at their height difference! This is too cute I'm soft!"

"I was there! Jinhyuk was holding Wooseok's hand and they ran away. Gosh it was so romantic I wondered if I was watching a k-drama being filmed!"

……

Seungyoun looks at these comments; while he is 99 percent sure that Wooseok would never date Jinhyuk, he is still mad--maybe mad at those passionate fans who knew nothing.

"If you guys know about Jinhyuk's motherly characteristic, you won't like him," Seungyoun leaves a comment childishly.

After hitting "send," however, he begins to laugh at himself. He feels stupid and funny. How come he gets jealous about Wooseok being with Jinhyuk? He throws his phone on the bed and stares at the ceiling. It's been a while since he laughed like this, even though it may not be a thing for him to feel funny about.

And then, he realizes that he is actually quite peaceful now. He even comes up with a hypothesis: Maybe it is his parents who have saved him this time. Otherwise, he would still be drinking all night, getting wasted, never coming home, and becoming more depressed. But now, at least he feels secure at home. He is not alone. And he can even smile at himself. Even though thinking about Wooseok still makes him blue, he believes that he will not collapse easily.

_ I'm doing all this for Wooseok. It's for his good. He will never need a guy like me. – _ Seungyoun tells himself and falls asleep.

However, little did Seungyoun know that Wooseok spent the entire night contemplating. He rolled over in his bed, looking at the chatting app. He wanted to send something to Seungyoun, but failed to gather the courage to do so.


	14. Chapter 14

The next day, T Media introduced Jinhyuk in its promotional campaign. Seungyoun wakes up to the face of Jinhyuk on his twitter timeline and immediately closes it. Maybe he just never liked Jinhyuk because he's Wooseok's roommate. Although Seungyoun thinks Wooseok would not like Jinhyuk as more than a friend, after seeing their photos from the fansite last night, he's been quite irritated. However, he can't let things like this ruin his mood for the day.

Today Seungyoun eats lunch at home, then roams to Yuehua to discuss ending the contract. The manager for trainees almost cries when Seungyoun says he wants to leave because she knows that Yuehua may not find another person as talented as him. However, she also understands his stance, giving that the company has really failed him in the past few years. If she were in Seungyoun's position, she might also want to leave.

The manager knows that money should not be a problem for Seungyoun, so she patiently tells him what to do to finish the process of resignation. When Seungyoun bows to her and repeats thanks, she becomes sad again because she really likes Seungyoun as a delightful person and a mood maker at the company. So she says, "If you ever change your mind this week, feel free to come back."

Seungyoun smiles and says, "thanks," and then heads to the small studio in the company to collect his things. The new song he made is still on the desktop of the computer there. He uploaded it to his music site before, but then deleted it because it was just too personal. He discovered that he was actually not prepared to share this with the rest of the world.

Seungyoun loves music, and this is perhaps the most grateful thing he has attained from knowing Ra. In fact, when he joined the soccer school in Brazil, he immediately realized that this was not a thing for him, and playing soccer would not give him a bright future. There are just too many people playing soccer in this world. But one seldom sees Korean players in the top leagues. Moreover, even the Korean league is so competitive that he wasn't sure if he could eventually get a position when he returned to Korea. This is why he didn't stay in Brazil but went home after graduating from that school. Good thing that he also brought back the love for music to his hometown.

After he returned to Seoul, for a long time, he was just living a careless life and looked quite happy every day. Perhaps it has something to do with his constellation, as a Leo, he would naturally become the center of a crowd. Many of his friends told him that he should be an idol because of his outgoing personality and his excellent singing skills. Thus, it was quite a coincidence that one day, he was found by a scout from Yuehua. Yuehua is a small company but has a quite international vision. As someone who was also quite international, Seungyoun agreed to join without much hesitation. It was good for him for a while because after entering the company, he became more determined about what he wanted to do.

Although the practice was dull, whenever he thought about life after debut, he would become excited. This feeling was further confirmed when he was the back dancer for a debuted group. It made him believe that he needed it: He wanted to be seen by people and be needed by people. In this case, only a stage could offer him what he wanted.

However, the contradiction in his personality is his biggest enemy. Perhaps it has something to do with his childhood. Since he lacked love from parents, he had learned from a young age how to act and speak to make others like him, and that, in turn, could make him feel his importance and the meaning of being alive. But when he went back home, he would only face the empty rooms. No one talked to him, no one cared about him. Even he did well during the day, he would never receive any compliment at home. As time went by, Seungyoun discovered something "weird" about himself: he wanted to be noticed but didn't want people to know what he really thought; he wanted to be free and fearless when he held initiative but wanted to be forgotten by the entire world if he felt passive.

Thus, an idol is such an ideal job for his needs.

One day, he was introduced to music composing in the company and was immediately attracted by it as he had always been a curious young man. More importantly, from people's feedback, he found that he might have some talent in composing, too. Later on, as he got bored by the repetitive classes, he began to spend more time making music. Yuehua also noticed his talent, and thus decided to make use of it. Seungyoun didn't really care if the company was taking advantage of him, because he just wanted to be needed.

So, Y Company actually needs him. Seungyoun thinks. If the road towards an idol is closed, then at least he can go somewhere that needs him.

As he continues to clean his small studio, he has also convinced himself to give up the idol dream. 

When he arrives home with two big boxes, he finds that there is no one at home. Probably his mother has taken father out for a walk in the neighborhood. Seungyoun thus starts to move things out from the boxes and walks back and forth between the living room and his own bedroom. Well, if his parents were not here, he would have just left everything in the living room and never tidy them up.

After finishing all these chores, Seungyoun feels tired and throws himself on the sofa. He starts to feel a little nervous by thinking about going to Y Company tomorrow. Even though his friend told him many times that the company appreciated his works, he still doesn't feel confident enough because Y Company is just too prestigious.

Suddenly, the doorbell rings. Seungyoun stands up slowly, thinking it is the delivery man since his mother should have the key.

He opens the door and instinctively stretches out his hands, ready to receive a package, but the moment he looks up at the person, he is stunned. It is Kim Wooseok!

Seungyoun stiffens, his hands are still in the air. Wooseok, who's right in front of him, is wearing a red jacket. His hair is dyed back to the chocolate color, which is the same when they met for the first time. He seems to be paler than the last time they met, and also… more beautiful, shinier than that upcoming idol in the promotional ad.

Wooseok stares at Seungyoun with his eyes wide open. For one moment, he seems hesitant, but it soon becomes a sense of excitement.

"Sorry, I, I still remember the pin code of your apartment door downstairs," Wooseok utters first, in an apologetic tone.

"Oh, oh, I see. Do you want to come in?" Seungyoun almost forgets how to speak Korean. He feels nervous and immediately regrets what he just said. _Of course he wants to come in. He's already here!_

It is so awkward. The two haven't seen each other for a month, and now they already act like two strangers. However, since they both have something in mind, there is also a discernible tension and expectation in the air.

Wooseok nods and enters Seungyoun's home. He apologizes again, "Sorry, I just showed up randomly."

"Er, it's ok. I was just, very surprised," Seungyoun explains and shows him to the living room. His heart beats really fast now. Even a month ago, at this point they would be hugging and kissing, but right now, Wooseok is just a guest.

Wooseok sits down and looks around, noticing the increased objects and furniture, "Are you… living with someone else now? There seems to be more stuff here…"

"Oh! It's just my parents! They are here to live with me for a while!" Seungyoun quickly explains, fearing that Wooseok would think that he's living with another guy now.

"Really? They are here? That's great! Where are they?" Wooseok secretly feels relieved, and he's also happy for Seungyoun sincerely.

"Ehh actually, my dad had a stroke so they are back to consult better doctors. They are probably taking a walk somewhere now," Seungyoun answers.

"Oh I'm sorry to hear that. But he'll be fine! He must be happy to see you and live with you. That will make him recover faster!" Wooseok encourages Seungyoun, who apparently seems down. In fact, Wooseok is not sure if Seungyoun and his parents have a good relationship because, from their past conversations, Seungyoun seemed to be very cold to his parents. However, they share the bloodline so things should work out once they live together, Wooseok reflects. At the same time, he also feels reassured that this means Seungyoun hasn't been wandering around or hooking up with other people during the past month since his parents are here.

Seungyoun now also sits on the sofa but keeps a little distance from Wooseok. He tries to glance at Wooseok's profile, and Wooseok knows that.

"Aren't you preparing for your debut? Why are you here today?" Seungyoun finally decides to break the silence.

"Ah! Talking about this!" Wooseok's eyes flash and he suddenly faces Seungyoun, which makes the latter even more nervous by sitting up straight. Wooseok continues, "Are you giving up? You don't want to be an idol anymore?"

The question is totally out of nowhere for Seungyoun, but he thinks for a while and nods his head.

"Cho Seungyoun!!!" Wooseok yells his name abruptly, which was something he usually did when he was mad at him, "How can you be like this???"

"Eh… because Yuehua will debut a girls group next and I can't join them?" Seungyoun replies half-jokingly, which is actually him trying to hide his hesitation and disappointment.

Wooseok frowns. He's still mad but this answer makes him want to laugh. And he finally cannot hold it and smiles with his head down.

The stressful air between them is now lifted a little bit.

Seeing him smile, Seungyoun also becomes less nervous. He loves that smile of Wooseok, always a little shy, like a blooming flower in the morning.

"No, I mean. I saw your status on your social media. You said you were going to the backstage. So, are you going to Y Company?" Wooseok fixes his mood and asks Seungyoun again.

"Yes, I may not have a position in Yuehua in a while. I shouldn't be wasting time there…" Seungyoun says with a serious look on his face.

The answer confirms Wooseok's guess, but then he realizes that he hasn't even thought about what to say next.

In fact, Wooseok was super anxious when he arrived at the practice room in the morning because he had been thinking about Seungyoun's change of career plan all night. He really wanted to tell him not to give up; but for one thing, Wooseok didn't know what kind of stance he has now to talk to Seungyoun, and for another, he wasn't sure if Seungyoun actually wanted to be a composer or music producer at the moment. If so, then Wooseok was just being selfish and wanting to see his ex on stage. 

Because of the inner struggle, Wooseok made a lot of mistakes during the dance practice in the morning. And in the afternoon, since there was no teacher, he couldn't help but left his company, heading for Yuehua.

At first, the security guard thought Wooseok was a fan and didn't let him in. However, Seungyoun's manager happened to be passing by the gate and saw Wooseok, whose face has been a national topic recently. So she warmly asked what was going on, and then told him that Seungyoun went back home already.

Wooseok then took the subway to Seungyoun's department. When he was downstairs, he finally realized how crazy he was for coming to this apartment again. They had broken up for a month, never talked to each other again, and now he's here, showing up at his ex's door. Wooseok took some deep breaths and told himself that it would be ok, he was just here to tell Seungyoun that he didn't want to see him giving up his dream.

"So you've already decided?" Wooseok queries again.

"Yea. Y Company is good, isn't it? Much better than Yuehua," Seungyoun shrugs.

"You really don't want to be an idol anymore…" Wooseok repeats himself while his voice becomes lower and lower.

And now Seungyoun knows what Wooseok means. As he looks at Wooseok who is looking down at the floor, he suddenly feels heartbroken. To him, Wooseok is so tiny but has strong determination in that body. But when facing him, Wooseok would always be so careful, trying to think from the taller man's perspectives and not letting him feel pushed. Seungyoun knows, he knows all this.

"I just, I think this may be a better choice for me," Seungyoun explains patiently, "This is going to be an actual 'job'… and see, you are about to debut, so I should work hard, too."

"I—" Wooseok hears the word "debut" coming from Seungyoun's mouth and immediately wants to defend something. However, he doesn't know what to say. Indeed, he's on the position of a soon-to-debut person, so perhaps whatever he says now will mean nothing to Seungyoun. Thus, Wooseok murmurs, "I'm sorry."

"Why do you apologize? Wooseokie, you didn't do anything wrong!" Seungyoun reassures him.

Hearing Seungyoun calling his name again, Wooseok feels soft. He even doesn't know if he's here to talk about important things with him, or just to see him. But he manages to look unaffected and says, "Sorry, I was being too abrupt."

"What do you mean?" Seungyoun seems not to get it.

Wooseok can't apologize for his upcoming debut, even though at this moment, he really wants to do so. It is all because of his debut that everything has changed between them. He used to think nothing was more important than the debut, but now, seeing Seungyoun for the first time after a whole month, he really wants to forget about everything and be with him again. He loves Seungyoun so much, to the point that he has never figured out why.

"I just think, I wonder, maybe you… you enjoy the stage more… but… I mean, you also make good music… but still, it may be a pity that…" Wooseok can't even say things straight. He's been thinking while talking. And he is still a little put off by Seungyoun's words to him on the day they broke up. Seungyoun accused him of assuming his thoughts, which made Wooseok feel shameful and sad.

However, this is something that Wooseok--the sometimes extremely stubborn person--really wants to tell him. So he pulls his courage together and continues, "I know you may hate me for saying this to you, but I think the stage needs you. And you need the stage. I want you to be seen by more people. And you are worthy of their love."

Wooseok finishes, and now he feels like he has used up all his nerve and strength for the day. He falls back to the sofa and covers his eyes. He suddenly feels wronged and wants to cry, because he just did the thing that Seungyoun hated about him again. However, he has to express, because it was Seungyoun who has taught him to be a candid person who is true to his heart. Wooseok wants to protect Seungyoun, wants to see him love himself more, and become happier.

Sensing the silence from Seungyoun, Wooseok apologizes again: "Of course, this is just me making assumptions. I know you don't like me guessing about your thoughts. I'm really sorry." 

Meanwhile, Seungyoun is totally blank after hearing Wooseok's words. He keeps silent for another while and finally says, "But… I'm not good enough. There are so many idols these days. Maybe my turn will never come."

Seeing that Seungyoun is not mad, Wooseok looks at him again. And for some reason, this one glance has given him some strength. Seungyoun looks thinner and paler. He seems full of insecurity and self-doubt. But from what he has said just now, Wooseok has the feeling that he doesn't want to give up being an idol just yet. It's just that he has lost confidence. Ok, this is still the Cho Seungyoun that he knows. Although looking tough on the outside, his inner self is soft and vulnerable, always yearning for others' affirmation.

"Be more optimistic," Wooseok raises his voice after the quick decision that he must save Seungyoun.

And Seungyoun certainly hesitates. Of course, he knows what he wants the most, but he cannot make sure that it will give him a content future. He is happy to see Wooseok debut but also feeling anxious because time is running out for him. If he cannot make any progress, he will fall behind Wooseok farther and farther. Therefore, he thinks going to the production side would be a better way.

Perhaps the Scorpio side of Wooseok emerges in this situation. He decides to test Seungyoun's limits.

"Seungyoun, do you want to be an idol? Or you don't really care? Since you can do everything well, you have different routes of retreat?"

"What do you mean?" Seungyoun looks at Wooseok, confused.

"You feel troubled because you have choices… For me, I don't have other choices, no matter in what situation." _Including the situation where I still love you. –_ but he can't say that.

"Seungyoun, be brave!" Wooseok sits closer to him.

"Am I not?" Seungyoun asks in reply.

"But you need to face your true heart," Wooseok naturally puts his one hand on Seungyoun's and looks up at him. This move makes Seungyoun's heart skip a beat. He realizes that he misses Wooseok, the soft, cute, pet-like Kim Wooseok, whom he'd love to hold tightly in his arms again. 

But he can't.

In such a dangerous state of mind, Seungyoun unexpectedly utters something that doesn't really pass his brain:

"But you didn't either."

"What?" Wooseok looks perplexed.

"On Christmas night, you cried and said that you didn't want to break up with me, but why you seemed like you didn't care afterward?"

And now it's Wooseok's turn to be startled. _What did he just say?_

Seungyoun instantly regrets. _What the hell did I just say? I was the one who said breakup first, did I want him to come back first to ask for make-up?_

"Sorry, forget about it." Seungyoun rubs his hair, "You were drunk that night, so nothing happened."

However, Wooseok realizes everything now, and he can't just forget what Seungyoun said a few seconds ago. He was drunk. He probably said something, and that “something” hurt him.

_So actually my true heart has long been revealed to Seungyoun?_

"Because… according to our' rules,' there was no option of 'not breaking up,' weren't there?" having guessed what had happened, Wooseok releases his hand from Seungyoun’s and falls back to the sofa again.

Seungyoun looks peacefully into the space in front of him and answers, "No."

Suddenly, the door opens, and it is Seoungyoun's parents who have finished their daily walk.

"Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Cho," Wooseok immediately stands up and greets them. And then he sees Seungyoun's father, who is sitting in the wheelchair without much expression on his face. This makes his heart hurts.

"Wow, a friend!" Mrs. Cho seems happy, and she scans at Wooseok from top to toe, "What a beautiful boy! Did Seungyoun cause you a lot of trouble?"

"No, not at all. He's much better than me. It's me who always causes trouble to him actually," Wooseok answers with a perfect smile. And Seungyoun coughs on the sofa unnaturally.

"You should stay for dinner," Mrs. Cho invites. The more she looks at Wooseok, the more she likes him. After all, who doesn't like a good-looking young man?

"Thank you, but I need to go practice now," Wooseok says while pulling his jacket off the coat rack. He bows again to the elders and leaves.

"Come back more often!" Mrs. Cho waves to Wooseok before seeing him entering the elevator.

"Seungyoun, is that your friend from the company?" The excited mother asks while closing the door.

"Kind of."

"You don't look well. Anything happened? Why are you home so early today?" The mother looks at her son, worried.

"Nothing. It's just… I messed up again."

**

Wooseok goes directly back to his company after leaving Seungyoun's home. His thoughts are tangled as he's struggling between self-affirmation and self-hate. Their conversation just now was short and in a hurry. Wooseok believes that he has made himself clear: he doesn't want Seungyoun to change his career. He wants him to become an idol and lives for the stage. On the one hand, Wooseok thinks he has made the right decision; on the other hand, he hates himself for being so selfish. He is not even dating Seungyoun anymore, how could he just show up and try to change his life choices?

But more importantly, Seungyoun's words at the end made him realize that maybe it was him who broke his heart first. Maybe he should have been braver and more honest to tell him that he didn't want a breakup. Seungyoun is actually weaker than he looks. He wants people's affirmation. Wooseok knows this from the very beginning, but he wonders why he hasn't been more available for Seungyoun and walking closer to him before? The more he thinks, the more he feels regretful. Seungyoun has been loving him proactively, yet he just took everything for granted. Maybe he finally made Seungyoun tired, so the latter decided to let go? 

_If only I had done more for him,_ Wooseok thinks.

But it's too late. Just as Seungyoun said, there was no option to "not break up" in their rules from the beginning.

When Wooseok arrives at his company, he sees his fansites are waiting outside again, which makes him realize that his life will probably be changed forever; and such "change" also includes Seungyoun's "let go."

Wooseok sneaks in the building and returns to the practice room. Strangely, no one really wonders where he went. He peeks Jinhyuk, who is teaching another member about his dance moves, and the latter immediately looks at his eyes from the mirror. For some reason, Wooseok immediately thinks that it was Jinhyuk who helped him make an excuse. 

The group stayed to practice for another few hours, and the leader Jinhyuk decided to let them go home earlier tonight.

When everyone leaves, there are only Wooseok and Jinhyuk in the practice room facing the mirror, looking at each other with complicated expressions.

"You don't have to explain anything. I know you went for Seungyoun," Jinhyuk opens up first, "I told everyone that you had some family emergency, and they didn't ask more."

"Thanks," Wooseok murmurs and doesn't deny anything.

"So, why did you go to see him again? Are you really done with him?" Jinhyuk asks. In fact, he really doesn't want to be like an annoying hyung to Wooseok, but he thinks he has no choice. He is the leader of the group and roommate of Wooseok, he needs to make sure that Wooseok is doing okay.

"We are done. I told you last time," Wooseok answers. His finger sweeps through the lines on the wooden floor, and he doesn't look at Jinhyuk now.

Jinhyuk can tell there is something new between them. But when he looks at Wooseok, he feels bad to really scold him, so he changes his tone and says gently: "But you still went to see him. So how are you holding up now?"

"I think he hates me," Wooseok answers quite fast this time, even though his following words are more like self-destruction, "I am mean, selfish, spontaneous, and I'm like a madman. No wonder he hates me."

Jinhyuk is surprised that Wooseok would actually tell him more about what's on his mind since he's always quite reserved when talking about Seungyoun in front of him.

The two roommates have one-meter distance right now. Even not looking up, Jinhyuk can still sense Wooseok's disappointing face and weary eyes. So the taller decides to sit closer to him and puts his long arm around Wooseok's neck, pulling the smaller into his body.

However, Wooseok escapes, and he looks at Jinhyuk like a startled rabbit.

Jinhyuk is a little surprised too. But he immediately notices the complex expression on Wooseok's face right now. More specifically, Wooseok, in his eyes, seems cute.

They are very close now. Jinhyuk can't help but looks into Wooseok's watery eyes, and then the taller is pretty sure that his heart just leaped for a second.

_So this is the Wooseok that Cho Seungyoun normally sees?_

_No wonder. He is dangerous._

Jinhyuk clears his throat awkwardly and says to Wooseok, "I just wanted to comfort you. I hope you and him can really be done this time. I don't want to ask more. Wooseok-ah, you need to learn to grow up, okay?"

Wooseok now feels the aftermath of their actions just now. But his brain has been chaotic for hours, and he just wants to go home and sleep. It would be better that he can forget everything that happened today. Cho Seungyoun's life doesn't need his advice, and yes, he needs to grow up.

That night, some photos of Wooseok and Jinhyuk leaving the company late at night went viral in their ship fandom again.

Meanwhile, Seungyoun and his mother put the sick father to bed and then eat dinner together. Mrs. Cho has been here for a few weeks, and she thinks her son is handsome, filial, obedient, and well-behaved; the only problem is that he doesn't talk as much as when he was a kid. However, Mrs. Cho also thinks that, since he has been growing up all by himself, it's actually nice to develop a calmer and more mature personality. 

Yet, the only topic that they haven't tackled is the thing about "boyfriend."

When the family was together in Manila during the New Year, Seungyoun came out in front of them and said that he had a boyfriend, which probably triggered Mr. Cho's stroke. Thus, Mrs. Cho initially planned to check on her son when she comes to Seoul. However, after living with Seungyoun for a while, she only found out that her son came home every day to have dinner with her and almost had no activities with friends. There was only once that he said he would be home late, but he came back before 10pm and even bought her a new dress. Mrs. Cho thus concluded that her son didn't look like he's in a relationship, not to mention with a guy.

The beautiful boy she saw today at home was the first time that she got to see a friend of Seungyoun. And she just couldn't make any romantic connection between them. Or maybe, for any mother, it is just impossible to imagine her son being in a relationship with another man.

However, the telepathy between a mother and a son may come late, but would never be absent. While they were having dinner, Mrs. Cho looked at her son--who was sending food into his mouth with a blank face--she suddenly engendered a "dangerous" thought. And when she began to recall her son's expression while seeing that boy leave, she felt something strange.

Just as the mother is lost in thoughts, Seungyoun begins to help her cleaning the dishes. In the meantime, he says to his mother, "I told my company that I wanted to leave. It seems easy, I just need to pay them."

"Oh really?" Mrs. Cho answers hastily, "Then how about your new job? Have you found one already?"

"Yes, I'm going to meet someone tomorrow. No need to worry," 

Mrs. Cho has never imagined her son being so independent like this. For a moment, she is so emotional. She wipes her eyes and says, "Seungyoun-ah, mama really hasn't done anything for you in these years…"

But Seungyoun has just turned on the tap and didn't hear what his mother was saying. He is washing the plates and chopsticks with an indifferent face since his mind is still full of Wooseok, who was sitting on the sofa in this very home just a few hours ago. He wonders if everything was just a dream since Wooseok should be busily preparing for his debut. How could he suddenly appear in this house and even persuading him to not give up being an idol? 

Seungyoun lets the tap water keep running on his hands while thinking about Wooseok's beautiful and worrisome eyes. However, he didn't think he had seen "love" in those eyes anymore, only a sense of reassurance when Wooseok knew that he was doing okay. Also, as he ruminates Wooseok's words, he believes they were more like kindness from a regular friend? 

But this is _not_ what he wants.

_How stupid was I to do such a thing to Wooseok?_ _I pushed everything to him. I was so selfish that I initiated the breakup. I knew that Wooseok loved me, relied on me. I was also depressed to death when the drunk Wooseok screamed that he didn't want to break up with me… But why did I give up first?_

Seungyoun hates himself. He hates his complicated personality, hates his cowardness. He thinks he has used Wooseok to make up the empty spot in his heart. However, Wooseok is such a strong individual, even when he's crying, he is still unyielding.

_Cho Seungyoun, this is your karma. Now you have no chance to make up. He will never be "your Wooseok" again. Never._

Mrs. Cho notices that her son is absent-minded while washing plates, so she comes and turns off the tap, asking: "Are you okay, son?"

Seungyoun now comes back to reality. He grins, "Nothing, I was just zoomed out."

Mrs. Cho still cannot hold her curiosity, so she finally asks, "In Manila, you said… you had a boyfriend… Was that true?"

"Why are you asking this all of a sudden?" Seungyoun replies.

"Well, see. Dad and I haven't done enough for you in terms of accompanying you to grow up, teaching you what to do and what not to do. And now I see you being so independent and excellent, I should be happy. However, when I think about the 'boyfriend' thing you mentioned last time, I just think it is so… unacceptable."

Mrs. Cho lets out a sigh after she expressed her thoughts. She then looks up at her son anxiously, waiting for his reaction.

However, the moment Mrs. Cho looks into his eyes, she is astonished to find that her handsome son is smiling bitterly; meanwhile a drop of tear falls down his pale face.

"There's no more' boyfriend.' I lost him." 

Seungyoun says, and then he immediately grabs a bowl that's nearest to him and turns on the tap again to rinse it, even though that bowl has never been used today.

"Son?" Mrs. Cho is in shock, shock about her son's answer, which is both a "yes" and a "no."

"Mom, if possible. I want to marry him. I want to be with him for the rest of my life. I want to have a home with him."

Mrs. Cho is slightly shaking now. She stares at his son in disbelief, thinking that he must be out of his mind. She feels that all these years that she and her husband, who have been working in a foreign country to earn a better life for his son, have become meaningless. Even though she told herself that all the sacrifices were for her son and for the happiness of their home, at this moment she realized that, she has already lost her son a long time ago.

She wants to ask if the "boyfriend" was the boy who came this afternoon, but she knows she's not ready for the answer.

"Seungyoun, mama raises you to become a man, not because I want to see you like this…" Mrs. Cho says with tears in her eyes.

"But you never raised me," Seungyoun cuts her off, "I know I'm a bad son. But I'm also an adult. Can you just… let go of me…"

Seungyoun finishes his words and walks back to his bedroom, locks the door, and lies in his bed.

_So that's what I really want—I want a home, a home with Wooseok._

Meanwhile, Wooseok and Jinhyuk thought they had successfully got rid of the fansites at night. As they reach their apartment building, the snow from a few days ago still hasn't melted yet and even become slippery ice on the ground. Wooseok didn't pay attention and almost fell, thankfully, Jinhyuk was there by his side and grabbed his arm.

"Watch your steps," Jinhyuk reminds him, "Don't get injured before our debut!"

Upon hearing the word "injured," Wooseok remembers one day in fall, when he was taking an injection in the hospital alone, he was "found" by a guy who had a cast on his right arm. Although Wooseok couldn't see clearly, he sensed that this tall and reliable guy had buried all his sorrows and despair, and put up a smile like a ray of sunshine. The moment he gazes into Wooseok's eyes, he seemed to have found his beloved toy, or have seen a future overspread with stars. 

Wooseok stands up by holding Jinhyuk's arm, and suddenly he bursts into tears: "Cho Seungyoun! You Idiot! Where is our future…"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I still cry when I read this chapter's Chinese version. I really wish I could convey the emotion into English but it's been so hard... T_T  
> Also, just want to share sth: I didn't use the name "Jinhyuk" in my Chinese version. I just wrote "L-kun." People were asking me if L-kun was Jinhyuk and I said it's up to their interpretation. The reason that I decided to use "Jinhyuk" in this English version was becoz I found it easier to read than constantly seeing "L-kun." :)


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this chapter makes you feel happier.
> 
> Also, R18 alert in this one.

Jinhyuk feels complicated. Of course, he knows that Wooseok can't just forget about someone who he loved wholeheartedly. But he has to let Wooseok know that he can't be like this anymore. However, at this point, he can do nothing but letting Wooseok cry out in his arms.

"You are still a kid," Jinhyuk sighs: the only child, growing up alone, having no friends, and doesn't how to love. 

That's why his first love almost kills him.

They come back home. Wooseok holds himself on the sofa and still cannot help but sob. Jinhyuk waits patiently until he can finally breathe smoothly. And then he asks, "So what are you gonna do?"

Jinhyuk really doesn't want to be mean like this, because he would hate to be hated by Wooseok. However, he also believes that Wooseok is a grown-up guy, he knows what he should do, and he should be able to understand his roommate's standpoint.

"I'm sorry, Jinhyuk. I'll figure things out. I'll sort my feelings out. That was the last time I'd cry for him. I promise…" Wooseok says, knowing that he did something "wrong."

"I don't know if that was the 'last time' though," Jinhyuk says, "But I really hope you can put yourself together as soon as possible. You know, I can't support you two together. Nobody will. You know that, right?"

"I know…" Wooseok murmurs.

"Everyone needs to grow up and learn to leave a relationship behind. Not to mention _this_ kind of relationship… it deemed to be a breakup. And you have more important things to accomplish. Don't make your hyung sad, ok?" Jinhyuk says sincerely, just like a big brother who really cares about Wooseok, even though in a somewhat pressured way.

Wooseok nods like a good little brother.

Meanwhile, Seungyoun, being sleepless as he is, finally decides to send a text to his friend at Y Company, "I'm truly sorry. I'm afraid I need more time to think about it. I won't be there tomorrow."

Fortunately, that is his long-time friend— one of the more decent ones—who he knew through making music. He is someone who also knows about Seungyoun's complex between being an idol or a composer, so he replies with full understanding: "It's fine. You take your time. Just remember that I'll always leave a spot for you here."

Then Seungyoun text the manager at Yuehua, saying that he may need more time. "But please give me a week off," he adds. 

Unsurprisingly, the manager is more than happy to give him some more time to think.

Moreover, Seungyoun feels that he can't stay at this home anymore. Although he is a little regret about almost causing a heart attack to his mom as well, he just couldn't lie about his sexuality anymore. He has never felt this controlled since his parents came, but because he also "owes" them, he can't really complain. Thus, he has to bear with the intangible pressure and expectation every day, and the fact that his parents may never accept him being gay.

The next morning when Seungyoun gets up, the breakfast is again ready at the table. His mother is working in the kitchen as usual, while his father is sitting on the balcony, enjoying the sunlight.

Seungyoun walks into the kitchen and says, "Mom, sorry about last night."

Mrs. Cho turns around. Her eyes are swollen, apparently cried last night. She couldn't understand her son's sexuality, yet she knows that he is, after all, a good son, as he would even come and apologize like this right now. However, this is precisely what makes Mrs. Cho more heartbroken.

"Maybe your dad and I should leave," Mrs. Cho says in a trembling voice.

"No. This is your house." Seungyoun utters, "I'll stay with my friend for a few days. We all need some time."

Seungyoun leaves home with almost no luggage. Instead of calling a friend, he just booked a room in a high-end hotel. As soon as he opens the curtain in the hotel room, the entire skyline of Seoul spread out in front of him, which makes him feel better. However, when he looks down at the traffic flow, a sense of lost and despair hits him again. _What do I have right now? What is left for me right now?_ He doesn't want to see Wooseok being disappointed at him, so he canceled his plan to join Y Company. But based on their current relation, Seungyoun thinks that he may never even see Wooseok looking at him in disappointment again.

Having no plan at all, Seungyoun just spends the day in the hotel's café on the first floor and spends the evening in the bar on the top floor. Sometimes he would call some friends to come and drink together until he's too drunk and sent back to his room by these friends. 

And then, a week passes, he finally gets tired of staying in the hotel.

He wakes up one day, and it is almost noon. For some reason, he really wants to go to the coffeeshop near Wooseok's company. In fact, that coffeeshop is quite famous and is always being recommended by the lifestyle magazines that he likes to read. That was why he went there once when he and Wooseok first established their relationship. Thus, Seungyoun, the coffee lover, just tells himself that he misses the coffee there so he's going again today. Not because of Wooseok.

It is a weekday afternoon, the coffee shop is empty and quiet. Seungyoun chooses to sit on the same sofa where he sat last time, from where he can also see the T Media building. Compared to the previous time, now many fans are waiting outside the building. Seungyoun thinks that these must all be Wooseok's fansites. He opens his computer and sees the Twitter page which he forgot to close. And the first thing that comes to his eyes is, again, a photo by the fansite for Wooseok and Jinhyuk's ship. Maybe because he has used his trolling account to follow too many fansites, and now contents like this just automatically show up on his front page. However, as he takes a closer look, he almost spills his coffee.

The photo looks similar to the one he saw last time, just the back of Wooseok and Jinhyuk walking together wearing the same padding coats. Nevertheless, as he scrolls down to see the comments, he suddenly sees another, more ambiguous photo with a comment: "I srsly think they are dating. They were hugging outside their apartment building."

The photo was probably taken by sasaeng. It is quite pixelated and from afar, but clear enough for Seungyoun to recognize the people in it. Indeed, he's 100% sure that those two were Wooseok and Jinhyuk, and they were indeed hugging outside their apartment.

Seungyoun now has mixed emotions. Although he constantly tells himself that Wooseok would never date Jinhyuk, now he can't be so sure anymore because maybe Wooseok feels lonely after the breakup and relies on Jinhyuk more than before? Also, Wooseok used to tell him that he didn't like skinship that much, but this hug in the photo just seems so natural. 

More importantly, there are sasaeng at their apartment now??? Seungyoun inhales. Are they going to do more terrible things to Wooseok? Does Wooseok need help??

All kinds of thoughts now swarm in Seungyoun's head, making him irritated.

Meanwhile, he looks out of the window and suddenly finds the girls outside T Media begin to move. Then, a minivan comes, and the girls all start taking photos. A security guard hurries out and scolds at them, trying to make a path for the van to pass. Seungyoun bites on his straw and observes all the chaos. However, he suddenly sees Wooseok getting off the van. It is perhaps just 0.5 seconds, but he sees him. Wooseok is definitely not tall, but he is shiny enough for Seungyoun to find him wherever he is.

Maybe his group just went to film their music video or shoot a magazine? Seungyoun wonders, because everyone looks extremely handsome. And then, among the hectic crowd, Seungyoun notices that Jinhyuk is stretching his arms around Wooseok's shoulder, trying to protect him from being pushed by fans. There must be people screaming at this, because Seungyoun believes that he hears it.

For a second, Seungyoun is beyond angry, so he stands up abruptly. He almost wants to run across the street, push away the crowd, and drag Wooseok away from Jinhyuk. However, he suddenly realizes how stupid he looks right now. How come he's being extremely jealous again? He looks around, seeing a bartender looking at him in wonder. And he smiles politely and sits back.

Seungyoun tells himself to calm down. Jinhyuk and Wooseok are just roommates, well, maybe friends. Jinhyuk's personality is like a mother so no wonder Wooseok would be relying on him. However, the more Seungyoun tries to convince himself, the madder he gets. He still thinks that Jinhyuk is trying to step in since they just broke up, or maybe, he is using Wooseok to create a fake ship to serve the fans. Either way, Jinhyuk sucks! Perhaps Seungyoun can bear all the stress caused by Wooseok, but he can't forgive if Jinhyuk tries to get in at this time!

So Seungyoun makes an impulsive decision to drive to Wooseok's apartment at night. Rather than seeing Wooseok, he actually wants to make sure Jinhyuk is not trying to take Wooseok away.

Right after he parks his car, he sees two girls who are sitting on the chair that is not too far away from the apartment building, looking suspicious. Seungyoun thinks they are probably the sasaeng who took those pictures. Ok then, he comes here to talk to Jinhyuk, but ends up finding sasaeng first? Even though Seungyoun then wonders if his own action is also quite suspicious, he still decides to do a quick search and calls for the security of the area. Then, the security guards come quickly and politely ask the girls to leave. 

Indeed, Wooseok and other members went to shoot their first music video today. When they came back to the company in late afternoon, he heard that most people were yelling his name, which made him quite happy. But when Jinhyuk awkwardly guarded him from the crowd, he also heard louder screams. He knew some fans like this kind of service. So was Jinhyuk doing this for their favor? Wooseok wasn't sure, but he did find that Jinhyuk seemed to like skinship more than before recently.

Meanwhile, seeing the new group's burgeoning popularity, T Media decides to allocate a van to send these boys home every night. Because Wooseok and Jinhyuk's apartment is separated from the rest, the van sends the other eight home first and then drops these two.

As soon as Wooseok gets off the van, he is shocked to find that a familiar dark blue sportscar is parking within his sight. Wooseok intuitively glares at Jinhyuk, and Jinhyuk also sees the car.

"Why is he here?" Jinhyuk asks in suspicion.

"I don't know!" Wooseok answers.

"You want me to deal with him?" Jinhyuk inquires.

For some reason, Wooseok feels Jinhyuk sounds like he's going to deal with a stalker or something, and that scares him. So he follows Jinhyuk and approaches the car.

But as he comes close to the car, he immediately feels soft because Seungyoun is just leaning on the window and sleeping. He opened the window a little bit, the light from the streetlamp sheds on his forehead. He looks so peaceful and gentle, and he's probably here to see him.

So Wooseok runs to the car before Jinhyuk and uses one finger to poke Seungyoun's cheek.

Seungyoun licks his lips and slowly opens his eyes, only realizing that Wooseok's big eyes are staring at him.

_ Woah!  _ Seungyoun is startled and screams.

Wooseok is also surprised and asks in a low voice, "Why are you here?"

Yet before Seungyoun could give an answer, Jinhyuk suddenly leans forward too and says, "I beg you, don't come to see Wooseok again! I thought you two broke up already? Wooseok is about to debut! He is an idol! So can you just leave him alone?"

All these accusations remind Seungyoun of the reason he's here. So he opens the door and steps out: "How about you then? Is it fun to use Wooseok to look like a couple and serve the fans? Leave him alone!"

Jinhyuk is clearly not prepared for this coming from Seungyoun's mouth. He steps back a little. And Wooseok, who's standing next to him, also gets confused. He has never seen Seungyoun speaking in such a serious, even aggressive tone.

"What are you talking about?" Jinhyuk now yells back defensively.

"You don't let him date so that you can date him?" Seungyoun leans on his car and says sarcastically.

"How about you? You are no longer his boyfriend, so why do you even care? Does he need permission from you to be with someone?" Jinhyuk says provocatively and grabs Wooseok's wrist, trying to leave the scene. But then Suengyoun presses Wooseok's shoulder, preventing him from moving.

_ What the hell is this cliché drama???  _ Wooseok can't believe he's in the middle of this. He is so embarrassed right now and he looks around, glad to find there is no one watching. So he yells: "Calm down, you two! What the heck are we doing now???"

Jinhyuk releases his wrist, and Seungyoun also puts his hand away.

"Jinhyuk, can you go home first? I'll talk to him and make everything straight. Trust me." Wooseok first says to his roommate.

There is a palpable disappointment in Jinhyuk's eyes, but he has no other choice but to leave. Wooseok sees him walk until he enters the building, so does Seungyoun.

And now, Wooseok looks back at Seungyoun and scolds: "What did you do? What was that?"

"Sorry, I just don't want to see him treating you like that." Seungyoun looks down like a wronged puppy.

"He's always like that, don't you know already?"

"But you two have been photographed a lot by the fans recently…" Seungyoun continues whining.

"Is this your first day knowing us? He's just my roommate! And his personality…" Wooseok stops because he realizes that he's trying to explain to Seungyoun something that he may not have to explain.

"Come on in, there may be sasaeng around your apartment," Seungyoun suddenly says while opening the car door for Wooseok.

"What?" Wooseok hears the word "sasaeng" as if it is a foreign language.

"You should be more careful. See, Jinhyuk didn't protect you well." Seungyoun says and goes back to the driver's seat.

Wooseok hasn't been sitting in this place for a long time. He takes off his coat and throws it to the back, and then buckles up for himself.

"Hm? You know I'm going to drive you away then?" Seungyoun watches his spontaneous actions and asks jokingly.

And then Wooseok discerns that Seungyoun only asked him to get in, but didn't say he'd drive him anywhere. It was just him being too familiar with the environment as soon as he sat in the same seat. Now he feels awkward, and his face reddens.

Seungyoun smirks, thinking that Wooseok is cute this way. So he says, "It's okay. Let's go for a drive. And you said you'll 'make everything straight,' right?"

The small space in the car always creates a tricky atmosphere. Since they are sitting close but can't see each other face to face, the awkwardness gradually fades away. Seungyoun drives the car onto the beltway around the central city. Wooseok looks at the night view that is flashing outside and blinks his eyes. It really feels like nothing has changed, even though that is just his assumption.

While driving, Seungyoun also tries to glance at Wooseok since he's been quiet. He wonders what he is thinking right now.

"I have nothing with him," Wooseok abruptly utters.

"Hm?" Seungyoun still looks straight ahead.

"I said, Jinhyuk and I. We are not dating." Although there is no need to explain, Wooseok hates to be misunderstood by Seungyoun, especially on something like this.

"You guys were hugging a few nights ago, and someone took a picture. Do you know that?" Seungyoun is being a little mean. He's thankful that they are in the dark car, and none of them can really move; otherwise, he would not say this to Wooseok.

"What?" Wooseok sounds surprised. And then he tries to recollect all the memories from the past few days. And finally, he remembers the night when he had a breakdown after meeting with Seungyoun. So he cried in Jinhyuk's arms before entering the apartment building. Upon recognizing this, Wooseok sighs.

"Now you remember?" Seungyoun notices the little hesitation in Wooseok.

"But I was just… not feeling well that day. And he was comforting me." Wooseok explains.

"I thought you didn't like people touching you like that," Seungyoun continues being picky. Then he gives a glimpse at Wooseok quickly.

"Anyways, don't misunderstand. I will never date him unless I'm out of my mind." Wooseok tries to end the conversation this way. This is just ridiculous. But as he realizes how much Seungyoun actually cares about him and Jinhyuk, he secretly feels nice, so he adds cautiously, "Why do you even care?"

And this question hits Seungyoun right on spot. Of course, he knows he didn't have to start this conversation, but he didn't understand why he was triggered by those photos taken by a fansite so much.

"Because I don't like him." Seungyoun answers, "Isn't that enough?" He's not lying though.

"Oh…" Wooseok replies reluctantly and looks outside of the window again. After a while, he asks, "So where are we going?"

Seungyoun has no idea. He has been driving aimlessly on the beltway so that the two of them can have a longer time together. Meanwhile, he remembers that Wooseok said that he wanted to "make everything straight," so he's also waiting for that content. Maybe he'll say something like, "let's never meet again?" He wonders. Anyway, Seungyoun clears his throat and says, "I don't know. Maybe I'll drive you home when you finish what you wanted to say to me."

Wooseok has to admit that he's a little disappointed after hearing this. Deep inside his heart, he wants Seungyoun to take him away, anywhere, or somewhere only they know. However, he immediately realizes that he is, again, trying to receive things from Seungyoun instead of giving. If he keeps being like this and never be frank to him, their unhealthy relationship will only stay in a circle. Hence, Wooseok decides to give himself more courage. He is thankful that the car is dark so that he will not see Seungyoun's expression. He decides to tell him everything that he's been thinking, and will not care about how Seungyoun will react.

"It's just... Jinhyuk wanted me to be done with you completely. And he asked me to delete all your contact information."

Seungyoun's heart sinks a little. Isn't this obvious enough that Jinhyuk wants to take Wooseok away from him? In the meantime, he also wonders if his last hope is gone. He tries to sound indifferent and asks, "Oh, so did you delete them?"

Wooseok begins to feel sad. Why is he always saying something that he doesn't wish to hear?

"No, why would I?" Wooseok exclaims, "And even if I deleted your contact information, I would always find you."

Seungyoun stuns. He doesn't know why, but what Wooseok just said was so powerful and heart-warming for him. It sounds like Wooseok has given him a promise, a promise that he would never give up on him, no matter where he goes.

In this touching moment, Seungyoun feels reinvigorated. He feels that all the guilt in his mind has suddenly born a pair of wings, trying to fly out of his mind. So he naturally speaks, "I'm sorry, Wooseok. I've been terribly selfish. I've hurt you too many times."

Wooseok looks at him in disbelief, this apology is so unexpected to him.

"You've done so much for me. You've been by my side during my lowest moments. But I just, I just pushed you away, again and again. I'm sorry." Seungyoun continues.

Wooseok can't believe what he just heard. Wasn't that something he planned to tell Seungyoun instead?

"Wait, what are you talking about? It's my fault. I shouldn't have ignored your feelings and imposed mine on you… And last time when I abruptly showed up at your door… I'm sorry about that. You have your life choices and I was just… being selfish. I mean, if you want to be a composer or producer, you should do it…"

"No, no. Wooseok, I'm not going to Y Company!" Seungyoun cuts Wooseok off.

"What?"

"I'm listening to you. I'm not going."

"But, no! You don't have to listen to me…"

"I'm serious. I'll try to debut as an idol."

Wooseok is totally startled now. He quickly goes over their conversation and looks at Seungyoun's profile, asking carefully, "Is it… all because of me?"

"Yes. If you like me that way. Ah, but don't get me wrong. I just want to have a reason to do something. I never really knew what I wanted to do. I am interested in too many things but never stick with one. You were right last time. I have too many choices and routes of retreat, that's why I am lost. But now since you said the stage needs me, I think I should try again." Seungyoun explains determinedly. But what he didn't say was: _If you like the Cho Seungyoun on stage, then I'll be having a reason to continue. I'll become that Cho Seungyoun for you._

"Why do I feel that you sounded so strange?" Wooseok suddenly bursts into laughter, and with some tears in his eyes.

"Hm?" Seungyoun is still driving, but he's also wondering why Wooseok is laughing.

"I mean, you don't feel like yourself today," Wooseok says as he recalls everything that has happened since Seungyoun showed up outside his apartment.

"Really?" Seungyoun questions, meanwhile he steers the wheel to get the car off the beltway and enter the city. There is a red light, so he finally has time to stop and look at Wooseok. He finds that the smaller man is not looking at him though, but gazing straight ahead with a contemplating smile on his face.

The green light then shines, the car keeps moving. And suddenly, Seungyoun hears Wooseok speaking again, "Seungyounie, I was drunk on Christmas Day, and I said that I didn't want to break up with you, right?"

"Hm?" Seungyoun doesn't know what to say.

"Well, that must be the most honest moment of my life. I didn't want to break up with you. I was afraid of the breakup every day when we were together. But I also wanted to debut so bad… I was selfish. This made me feel miserable for so long," Wooseok confesses.

And now Seungyoun feels like his brain isn't functioning. So he parks the car in a small parking lot by the road, looking at Wooseok in astonishment.

"I should have been more honest with you. I didn't know what exactly I was afraid of. Maybe I thought being loved was better than loving someone… I'm sorry, Seungyounie. I made you sad and disappointed, even though that was when I needed you the most… I loved you the most…"

No word is necessary now, Seungyoun pushes Wooseok against the door and kisses him.

Wooseok almost screams the moment he feels Seungyoun's lips, but then he surrenders. He releases the safety belt and stretches his arms to embrace Seungyoun's back in this narrow space. He's been wanting this kiss for too long. And only just now, he realized that it was only a matter of a candid confession.

They kiss like there is no tomorrow. Seungyoun loves to taste Wooseok's puffy lips. The familiar feeling and warmth drive him insane. Even if this is a dream, he wouldn't ask for more. They naturally roll their tongues and explore inside each other's mouth. They exchange satisfying moans and hold each other tighter. Everything seems so natural and automatic. Seungyoun feels as if he's relishing a strawberry. He starts by licking, but in the end, he wants to devour it one bite after another. And Wooseok loves it. He has always loved Seungyoun's affectionate and deep kiss. He would always grab the rim of the taller man's shirt and close his eyes. His eyelashes would tremble like the wings of the butterfly. His face would turn blood red as if it's going to melt Seungyoun's heart.

As the kiss deepens, Seungyoun starts to reach one hand under Wooseok's clothes. His hand is cold, so Wooseok quivers, trying to pull it out of him.

"Can we make out? " Seungyoun can't help but whispering this into Wooseok's ear.

Wooseok holds Seungyoun to sit up. He then rests his chin on the taller man's shoulder, and slightly nods.

Seungyoun moans in satisfaction and starts another round of kiss. From Wooseok's nose to his lips, and then from his cheeks to his earlobes. He keeps getting down, reaching his collarbones.

"Wait, wait. Is it safe?" Wooseok tries to get out of such passionate caress.

"I have condoms here," Seungyoun replies impatiently.

"No!! I mean, we are in a car! This is literally by the street!" Wooseok yells.

"Hm? You don't like it this way?" Seungyoun sniffs Wooseok's collarbone aggressively and says, "Then I'll drive to the underground parking lot. We are close to the hotel where I live now." Seungyoun releases Wooseok and steps on the gas abruptly. Next thing Wooseok knows, the car drifts on the street and makes a violent U-turn on the empty road. Within seconds, it is parked in the underground lot.

Wooseok can't even say a word because he's been scared by Seungyoun's crazy maneuver of the car. He thought at least Seungyoun would find a hotel room or something, but it seems that he can't even wait for one more second.

Seungyoun adjusts the seats back, creating more space in this quite compressed car.

"Ok, ready now?" Seungyoun smiles at Wooseok.

"Wait, I mean. Cho Seungyoun!!!" Wooseok is astonished but he could only yell his name. Without being able to say another word, Wooseok's lips are, again, pressed by Seungyoun's.

Seungyoun's body is completely covering Wooseok now, and he begins to bite the smaller man's throat while his hand is reaching under his clothes again. Wooseok feels itchy, but there is never another moment that he wants Seungyoun this much. He wants Seungyoun to also want him, insanely, in somewhere only they know.

Seungyoun pulls up Wooseok's shirt and begins to massage his torso. He misses this tiny and smooth body every night. He misses the fact that whenever been touched, Wooseok would let out a small and cute whine uncontrollably. The sound is like an aphrodisiac for him, making him more excited and aroused. Wooseok also gets shy when hearing himself, so he turns his head aside, not looking at Seungyoun. However, the taller would grab his chin and pulls his face back, then stabilize him with another deep kiss.

Whenever they kiss, Wooseok would immediately behave, just like a cat being grabbed by the back of its neck.

The space is really small, so it's not that easy for Seungyoun to move. Wooseok circles the bigger man's neck and bites his ear, whispering, "Be quick, Seungyounie… give that to me. I'll help you."

Seungyoun would always be surprised by Wooseok's words when they make love. This good baby is just getting worse each time, and Seungyoun doesn't know where he learned all this. But anyway, Seungyoun loosens his belt and pulls off the pants, he then seizes Wooseok's hand and puts it on his brief shorts, smirking, "So you want this?"

"Yes. I want this." Wooseok feels shy but he says it anyway. The space is filled with arousing hormone so who cares.

"Then say something nice first?" Seungyoun demands.

"What?" Wooseok didn't expect this to happen, "What do you want me to say?"

"Up to you." Seungyoun smiles mischievously.

"I love you, Seungyounie?" Wooseok tries.

"Not enough."

"I love you to the moon and back?" Second try.

"Too cliché."

"Then… let me swallow this, daddy? Pretty please?"

"What the????" Seungyoun is shocked. He would never have expected to hear something like this coming from Wooseok's mouth, "Say again????"

"I said, let me s…" Wooseok doesn't finish; instead, he pushes Seungyoun's chest to be on top of him, and then stares at the hump and bites his lips.

"How come you become like this kitten!!! Are you possessed by aliens???" Seungyoun still can't believe what is happening right now, he touches Wooseok's face and asks, "Tell me, where did you learn?"

"I learned when I was missing you." Wooseok answers vaguely. Meanwhile, his hands reach Seungyoun's shorts and pull that thing out, looking at it carefully. He tries to recall everything he's seen in the "movies" and carefully bends down. He first licks it and then rolls his tongue and covers the tip. Slowly, he puts the whole thing inside his mouth and starts devouring. He tries to reach deep, but when it almost touches his throat, his tears come out naturally. Although this is definitely not the nicest feeling for Wooseok, when he looks up and sees Seungyoun, who is closing his eyes looking comfortable, he knows that everything is worthwhile. Seungyoun is happy, handsome, he is the guy that Wooseok loves the deepest on this Earth.

Seungyoun then lets out some moans and stretches his fingers into Wooseok's hair. What kind of devil is Wooseok? He wonders. How can he give him surprise each time, trying so hard to love him, yet still says that he hasn't done enough?

"Ok, enough babe. Enough." Seungyoun doesn't want Wooseok to continue doing this, nor does he really want to fuck his mouth, so he pulls out a condom from god knows where.

Wooseok waits for him getting prepared while keeps his tearing eyes wide open, just like a well-behaved kitten. And when Seungyoun's done, he impatiently leans on his body again, kisses his neck, and murmurs, "Seungyounie, I'm ready. Come into me, please."

Actually, Wooseok is not sure if he's ready, but he just wants Seungyoun so bad.

"You are getting more and more thirsty each time, you know? Not sure why," Seungyoun teases while kissing the small mole under Wooseok's left ear. Wooseok is now squatting on the seat. He holds Seungyoun, who is handling his own cock and looking for the right place. Wooseok also moves slightly, trying to provide him with easier access. And when their bodies finally match, Wooseok holds Seungyoun's neck, carefully sits down to fully letting his hole devour that hard and spirited object.

"Does it hurt?" Seungyoun hears some rough gasps, so he asks.

"Hurts… no, not hurt… Just go on," Wooseok can't talk orderly. He only senses that his entire body is somehow filled with Seungyoun's existence. He breathes harshly and then uses his arms to squeeze and pull Seungyoun's neck downwards.

Seungyoun realizes that he may want to change a position, so he slowly moves forward so that he is now above Wooseok. His cock is still well inside Wooseok's hole during the move, but during their change of position, it just hits Wooseok's spot right on.

"Ahh, ugh…." Wooseok pants.

"Shhh! There might be people," Seungyoun says playfully.

Wooseok nods, and he starts to cry, even though the tears are just a natural reaction during sex.

Seungyoun wipes his tears using his thumbs, he then starts to move his lower body and advances inside Wooseok. The latter desperately needs to hold onto something, and he ends up finding a hand of Seungyoun's on the side of his seat. While the thrusting is going on, the smaller man closes his eyes and bites his lips, trying not to scream.

But soon he really can't hold it, "No Seung… Seungyounie, I'm dying… Ahh!"

"Now you're not being a good baby. Do you want more? Deeper?"

"Um… Ahh…. Yes, deep…. Deeper…." Wooseok groans. 

"You know how wet you are right now? You haven't been fucking with others recently, have you?" Seungyoun keeps ramming the tiny man's inside while asking some possessive questions.

"No… I… I only had you." Wooseok really can't say things clearly. He's been fucked to death by Seungyoun and now he even has to answer this stupid question.

"That's true. If you have someone else, I may kill that person." Seungyoun mutters.

"No, don't say that. Trust me, Seungyounie, I, I love you."

"Forever?"

"Forever."

Seungyoun suddenly feels a sour in his nose. He looks at the almost unconscious baby under him, and a drop of tear falls down, touching that gorgeous face.

"Me too. I love you. Forever."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> But this is not the end. 😈


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You'll see a very brave Wooseok today. I'm proud of him!  
> Also, I'll try to finish tomorrow.

Wooseok wakes up and finds himself on an unfamiliar bed. He panics at first but then sees Seungyoun, who is sleeping quietly beside him. This reminds him that they made out several times after Seungyoun took him upstairs. Seungyoun wanted more, but Wooseok said he had work in the morning.

It's already 5am, Wooseok has to leave. He gazes at Seungyoun's sleeping face and touches his chin. He then moves closer and kisses his lips. And suddenly, Seungyoun's one arm stretches out and embraces the smaller man tightly. Wooseok giggles, "Let go of me, I need to leave for work."

Seungyoun is only half awake. He knows he's holding Wooseok but feels too tired even to open his eyes. He murmurs, "Leaving so early? I'll drive you then."

"It's ok. You stay here and sleep. It's too early," Wooseok thinks Seungyoun looks like a baby now, "I'll take a taxi. I'll be fine." He kisses Seungyoun again, but it just doesn't feel enough. So he kisses him longer. He is in love with Seungyoun madly.

Seungyoun is indeed very tired. He would never get up this early. Therefore, he just keeps his eyes shut while letting Wooseok kisses him again and again. And when the latter finally willing to leave, Seungyoun whines, "We will never be apart, right?"

"Never," Wooseok answers determinately, even though he has no evidence at all.

Seungyoun holds Wooseok tight upon hearing this and presses a kiss on the smaller's forehead: "Have a nice day. I love you."

Wooseok sneaks into his apartment and realizes that he hasn't thought about how to explain it to Jinhyuk. Jinhyuk is brushing teeth in the bathroom, and he walks out when the door clicks, with a complicated expression on his face. Wooseok avoids to have eye contact with him and walks back to his room.

After a while, Jinhyuk does come into his room and says, "I'm speechless about you, really."

"Sorry, Jinhyuk… I tried, but I can't… I can't give him up. We are back together now."

"Just don't say it anymore," Jinhyuk closes his eyes. He knows how stubborn and unyielding Wooseok could get in some cases. And he also realizes that, since these two had a breakup before and now get back together again, it is evident enough to show how strong their relationship is and how little he can do about it.

However, he still feels uncomfortable.

"Wooseok-ah. Are you really that lonely? You really need a relationship right now? Can't you give it up for the sake of your job?"

Wooseok thinks for a while and answers, "No. I just need him."

Jinhyuk looks at Wooseok's determined eyes and feels sad. Last night when Wooseok asked him to come home first, he already guessed what would happen. So he lay in his bed and thought a lot. To be honest, he doesn't know what kind of feeling he has for Wooseok. Maybe he is just trying to control Wooseok since Wooseok is younger, but he also recognizes that Wooseok is an adult and could do anything without him. However, since when did he begin to enjoy this kind of possessive and controlling feeling? To Jinhyuk, Wooseok is always a pure and naïve kid who sometimes gets capricious but still cute. More importantly, Wooseok seems to have some respect for him, looking up toward him like a big brother. But since Seungyoun appears in his life, Wooseok's respect and adoration for him have all transferred to Seungyoun. "His" Wooseok has been leaving him. This makes Jinhyuk very insecure, as well as jealous. These days, while in the mood of self-loathing, Jinhyuk finally realizes that maybe he is the one who is too reliant on Wooseok. Without Wooseok, he feels useless and has no confidence. It is all because he has this "little brother" who's always giving him affirmation that he feels himself become more complete.

However, it is not Lee Jinhyuk who made Wooseok grown up, but Cho Seungyoun.

Jinhyuk smiles bitterly and asks, "But once we debut, you may have no time to see him."

"But we will never break up again," Wooseok answers cheerfully.

"Then what's the point of having a relationship if you can't see each other?"

"It's not just about 'having a relationship,' it's a promise. I will never leave him again. He needs me. And I need him."

Wooseok seems to always have a strong heart that is ready to be with Seungyoun forever. They both came from loneliness, spent so much time reconciling with their unconfidence and selfishness, and finally, they reconvene at this new destination.

As soon as Jinhyuk hears the word "promise," his heart hurts. He wonders if he has ever made any promise with Wooseok, but there is none…

However, Wooseok suddenly says, "Just like there is also a promise between you and me. We wanted to debut together. And now we made it."

Jinhyuk is amazed. He looks at Wooseok and feels that this tiny boy has really grown up. Or maybe this is what he has always been like, it's just that he has been too arrogant to acknowledge that. Wooseok is independent and smart. Even though he is sometimes reserved, he notices everything with an empathetic heart. Jinhyuk sighs, "You are a good orator; maybe you should be the spokesman for our group."

Wooseok looks confused: "Isn't that your job? I don't want to speak in front of a lot of people."

"Now you know the importance of your leader, huh?" Jinhyuk jokes, "but why you never listened to me?"

"I'll be a good member and assist you. So please, help me keep my secret with Seungyoun, would you?" Wooseok begs with a cute smile on his face.

No one can neglect Wooseok's aegyo, now Jinhyuk really can't say no to him. However, he manages to look serious and says, "I can just keep the secret. But you need to be responsible to yourself. If this is found by others or by the media in the future, you should take full responsibility. I'm not going to stand by your side." Even though Jinhyuk says like this, he knows that he will always protect his little brother. Moreover, he still has the hope that this relationship will not last long. After all, they will all get busy very soon. Or maybe one day, Wooseok will discover something more important than his love for Seungyoun.

That day, Seungyoun finally wakes up at noon. He looks at the ceiling and observes the vast room without Wooseok's existence. But he no longer feels empty and lost, because he knows they will never be apart again.

Maybe all the anxiety and fear in the past few weeks were caused by the notion that "he has lost Wooseok forever," but now, on this brand new day, he feels energized. Seungyoun quickly jumps out of bed and gets ready. He wants to go home asap and tells his parents again that he has found the love of his life. He has no fear and worries, and he's not afraid of losing anything now.

While driving home, Seungyoun contemplates how he should phrase his speech to his parents. Maybe he should start by explaining the rationality of a male-male relationship? He wonders and arrives home in no time.

He rushes into the elevator and gets out on the fifth floor with a beating heart. But the moment he walks out, he sees the door to his home is wide open. Instantly, a lousy feeling hits him; he runs inside and yells, "Mom!!"

Mrs. Cho, who is sitting beside the door, is startled by the sudden shout. She looks at her son, frightenedly. And Seungyoun now notices his father is lying in the wheelchair with his eyes closed, looking lifeless.

"What's wrong with him? What's wrong with my dad???" Seungyoun seizes the hands of his weary mom.

"We are waiting for the ambulance. It's coming, I believe…" Mrs. Cho says.

"How long has he been like this? Why didn't you contact me first?" Seungyoun can't stop shouting, but then he feels regret because he knows he was the one who left them first. His mother must feel distressed to contact him after their conflict, so she wasn't planning to call him even when something like this happened.

Five minutes later, the ambulance comes. Doctors and nurses rush in and take Mr. Cho away. Mrs. Cho and Seungyoun follow them. The scene looks chaotic yet familiar.

Seungyoun realizes that nothing will be what he has planned now. He feels disoriented. And he can do nothing besides breathing the stressful air around the small space in the ambulance.

This is the second time that he and his mother sit together outside the ICU. Compared to last time in Manila, now he feels even worse. He was happy a few hours ago, thinking that everything would be better from now on. But soon he was beaten by the reality to ground zero.

The mother and son do not speak at all. And two hours later, a doctor comes and tells them that if Mr. Cho can live through tonight, he will be fine, otherwise…

Mrs. Cho immediately breaks down and cries desperately. Seungyoun has never seen his mother crying like this. Even when she was sending him to Brazil, she only wiped a few drops of tears outside the custom in Seoul.

Seungyoun gently pats his mother's back. He also feels terrible and blames himself internally. He wonders how hopeless his mother felt about him, that she wouldn't even contact her only son when his father was dying? Maybe she really has no one to rely on in this world anymore...

"I'm sorry, mom." Seungyoun says gently, "I'm a terrible son. I disappointed you."

Mrs. Cho shakes her head fiercely in Seungyoun's chest, "No, don't say that, my son. Don't blame yourself. You are my best son…"

"But I made you cry like this, and I made my dad…" Seungyoun can't continue.

"No, this is deemed to happen someday. I really wanted him to come and spend some time with you before it's too late. I wanted to make you feel we are a 'family.' But perhaps this is too stressful for you…" Mrs. Cho sobs.

Now Seungyoun understands everything. His mother really wanted to make up the lost time for him. How come he didn't even realize, and instead, detesting their precious time together? How can he always put himself on the side of the victim?

"I'm sorry mom. Really. I was so childish… I'm sorry…" He holds his mom tightly. He feels miserable but can't even cry out. 

Mr. Cho didn't make it through that night.

Seungyoun has always believed that he had no emotions or memories of his father. However, when he suddenly loses him, he remembers something. When he visited Manila as a kid, his father would put him on his shoulder and walk along the night market, buying him lobsters as big as his arms. On their flight to Brazil, his father sat next to him, teaching him some basic Portuguese and telling him not to be afraid of the new environment. Even though father left him soon at the gate of the soccer school, Seungyoun now remembers the last words he said was: "I'm looking forward to seeing you become the Ronaldo of Korea!" These fragmented memories race into Seungyoun's head, making him feel strange but nostalgic. Maybe he should accept his mom's favorite saying, "blood is thicker than water," but perhaps he would never hear her saying this again.

And when Seungyoun looks at his mom, for the first time in his life, he understands the meaning of "despair."

It's just a night, Mrs. Cho looks as if she has gained ten years of age. After crying hysterically for hours, she quiets down and becomes silent for an entire day. She would look into the void space and hums while holding Seungyoun's hand.

Seungyoun is worried about his mother being like this. However, he doesn't know what to do besides holding her hands and sometimes giving her a hug.

The family of three has long been fragmented, and now, it will never be complete again.

This is the real karma for him, Seungyoun thinks, this is the result of him being deviant, right?

In the next two days, the mother and son took care of everything from the hospital to the funeral house. Since they had no relatives in Seoul, they did a simple funeral on the third day after Mr. Cho's death. In such a hectic situation, Seungyoun completely forgot about Wooseok, or anything in his life basically. He didn't even check his phone. The moment he looked at it again at the cemetery, the phone had no battery at all.

Seungyoun rushes to charge his phone and opens the chatting app, finding that Wooseok has only sent him three messages:

"Good night Seungyounie."

"I miss you. But I will be super busy these days so I won't be using my phone. I'll work hard!"

"We have a debut showcase on the 29th, you are coming, right? I reserved a seat for you. Just come and tell them your name."

Seungyoun looks at the last message and goes back to check the date. It is today. It's February 29, which comes once every four years. It's the day of Wooseok's debut, and it's also the Memorial Day of his father from now on. How ironic.

He can't be there. He can't.

Seungyoun replies: "Sorry Wooseok. There's some emergency at home so I can't go to the showcase. I'm cheering for you from home. I love you."

Seungyoun and his mother finally arrive home. It feels strange. Even though his father would never talk in this home before, when it really becomes only two people in the same space, it seems much emptier. Seungyoun turns on all the lights and the heat but still feels cold. He doesn't know what to say to his mom, because he thinks he may never feel the same pain as her. This makes him frustrated. He wants to make his mother happier, but he doesn't know how.

"Mom, take some rest." This is the only thing he could say.

"Yea… maybe I should." Mrs. Cho looks at her son wearily, thinking that at least her son is still here, her only son, her filial son.

Wooseok's debut is actually broadcasted online. But Seungyoun doesn't have the mood to watch it. He accompanies his mother by her bed until she falls asleep, and then opens his computer and check the live streaming, although it is almost the end.

Seungyoun looks at Wooseok, he is standing in the center of the stage, looking confident. Seungyoun smiles. Maybe this is the first time he smiles in the past few days. For a second, he even forgets what made him fall in love with Wooseok. But he is satisfied because he knows that his boyfriend is so exceptional and worths all the applauses in the world. Wooseok is shining and swinging freely, like the aurora in the northern sky. And Seungyoun, he has been walking northbound for so long, and finally, he found it.

But the northmost of the world is too cold. And not everyone can see the aurora in their lifetime.

Once in a lifetime, maybe that's enough.

**

Wooseok checks his phone before the showcase begins, only seeing Seungyoun's message that he will not be there.

Although disappointed, Wooseok chooses to understand. He knows the debut stage is the most important thing for him right now. This is the promise between him and Jinhyuk, as well as with eight other members. So he will do his best.

He finally stands on the stage he's been dreaming of. He is no longer the nameless back dancer. The audience is no longer a small crowd with dozens of people. He stands there confidently, singing the songs that belong to his group. He dances and enjoys all the screams, lights, applauses. He knows that his parents are looking at him in the audience too. He has finally been freed from their chains, finally found the gate to his own life. 

After the showcase, he only has a few minutes to talk to his parents before being dragged to another celebration party. There are so many media there, and Wooseok is definitely the visual center among them. That night, he has been taken countless photos and hearing numerous "congratulations." Around midnight, he finds a chance to sneak to the restroom and calls his mom to check if they have arrived at the hotel safely.

"My son, I congratulate you. I'm so proud of you! You are a real adult now."

"I've become one long time ago," Wooseok answers. He thinks to himself that he has spent the past two years trying to prove to his parents that he can find his own way of life. Now he finally achieves it, so he can speak to his mom with such confidence.

"Your dad is sleeping. We will stay in Seoul for a few days. Just do some sightseeing. You don't need to worry about us. Just do the things you have to do."

Indeed, Wooseok has seen the schedule for tomorrow and realizes that he will have no time to do some sightseeing with his parents. And perhaps, there will hardly be any chance in the future.

"Ok. Thank you mom, dad. Thanks for supporting my dream." Wooseok finally says this and hangs up the phone. He hesitated about whether to say it at first, actually. But then he thought since he's already a debuted idol, he should let certain things go.

The van for the newly debuted idols has been waiting for a long time, so do the fansites outside the party venue. The security guards make sure that all of them get into the van safely. And the idols finally have some safe and free time to take a breath, except Wooseok.

He opens the chatting app, excitedly checking the conversation window between him and Seungyoun. However, there is nothing new. 

_Come on, again? Something happened? Is he planning on leaving me again?_ This is Wooseok's first reaction. He feels anxious, but he remembers the last time they had promised each other, so he shouldn't be suspecting anything.

However, he's been quite sensitive when it comes to things about Seungyoun. And now since Seungyoun didn't send him anything, he is quite sure something has happened.

It's almost 2am when Wooseok arrives home. He is not sure if Seungyoun is sleeping, but he sends a message anyways: "Seungyounie, are you ok?"

Of course, Seungyoun is awake. He's just lying in bed, planning on his life again. The second before receiving Wooseok's message, he was actually considering to inherit the family's company in Manila so that he can ease his mother's burden. He was even thankful that he hadn't given Yuehua a final reply yet so that he can still leave without being liable. Indeed, he has many choices. He should be grateful.

When he receives Wooseok's message, the first thing he does is to log out of the app instantly. He hasn't come up with a plan yet. And he doesn't know if he should keep being selfish and causing more trouble to his mom. He feels distressed because he has promised Wooseok many times, but eventually, he's always the one who breaks them. _How can I be such a coward!_ Seungyoun asks himself. But he just can't. This is him. And he can't compromise to himself.

Wooseok sees on the app that his message has been "read," so he knows Seungyoun is still awake. However, he waits for another few minutes and still doesn't hear back from him. Now Wooseok becomes more nervous. He is sure something has happened again. So he immediately calls back.

The call connects for a long time, finally, Seungyoun picks it up.

"Cho Seungyoun! Are you ok?" Wooseok yells at him.

"Ah, Wooseok-ah." Seungyoun's voice is so light. It sounds like he's troubled, or maybe tired.

"What happened? I was worried about you. You said there was an emergency at home. How is everything now?"

"Em." Seungyoun simply replies this way, because he doesn't know how to explain the hectic days he has just experienced.

"You don't sound right. Tell me, what happened? Let me help you!" Wooseok inquires determinately.

"Ah, I forgot to say, congratulations on your debut! I just watched the final part of the showcase online. You look great!" Seungyoun suddenly changes the topic.

But Wooseok has no patience for this right now. He can hear that Seungyoun is not ok. After all, Wooseok knows Seungyoun too well. Usually, Seungyoun is at the edge of breakdown when he's being calm and soft like this.

"Are you home tomorrow night? I'm coming to see you. I have some schedules during the day, but I can come around 8pm." Wooseok says.

"I'm fine. Don't come seriously. I'm just… tired. Maybe I'm sick. So I'm taking some rest at home." Seungyoun answers.

"Shut up! Don't ever try to get rid of me again! We will never be separated again!" Wooseok yells at the phone and then hangs on him angrily.

He doesn't sleep well that night. He just wants to run to Seungyoun's home and see what the hell has happened to him again.

The first day after debut is already busy for Wooseok. They have photos taken by two magazines, interviewed by five media outlets. The questions are all the same, and their answers are designed by the agency already. By the end of the day, Wooseok feels like a robot. He doesn't remember what he's been saying all day. All he knows is that they were all the same.

And when it's a little past 8pm, he finally has free time. So he takes a taxi and heads to Seungyoun's home.

He presses the doorbell, and it is Mrs. Cho, who opens the door.

Mrs. Cho is surprised at first, but then she remembers this is the beautiful friend of her son, who was here a while ago. She tells Wooseok that Seungyoun is taking a shower, and will be out soon.

Wooseok sits on the sofa stiffly. But as he hears the sound of water from the bathroom, he also feels reassured. It's nice that Seungyoun now lives with his parents, at least he knows he's been taken good care of. However, Wooseok soon realizes something different in this home. Where is Seungyoun's dad? Upon noticing this, his heart races. He looks at Mrs. Cho who's boiling water in the kitchen and finds that she seems much more drained than last time.

As he's making the worst presumption, Mrs. Cho comes back with a cup of warm water, "Sorry, we don't have good tea to treat you. We haven't prepared anything since his father's gone."

 _Gone?_ Wooseok opens his eyes wide and asks cautiously, "Is Mr. Cho… passed away?"

Mrs. Cho now seems surprised, "Didn't Seungyoun tell you about this? We buried his dad yesterday…"

"No… we haven't contacted each other in a while… I'm so sorry for your loss Mrs. Cho…" Wooseok says sympathetically.

So that's why. That's why Seungyoun didn't come to his showcase. He buried his father on the same day!

Wooseok can't imagine how painful it was to lose his father. And he blames himself because, during such a difficult time, he was preparing for the debut showcase and couldn't be here with Seungyoun. Suddenly, the feeling of frustration slaps him and makes him want to cry.

The bathroom door opens, Seungyoun walks out only wearing a boxer. He sees Wooseok, who is sitting on the sofa looking at him.

"Your friend is here. Go get changed!" Mrs. Cho says to her son.

"Ok." Seungyoun rubs his wet hair using a big tower. It seems that he has totally forgotten that Wooseok will be here today. Without saying anything to Wooseok, he walks toward his own room.

"Mrs. Cho, I'm going to talk to him. Don't worry about us." Wooseok stands up hurriedly. Before Seungyoun closes his door, Wooseok manages to slide in.

"Why are you coming in?" Seungyoun looks perplexed.

"I can't? You want to get rid of me again?" Wooseok questions.

"No…I mean, I just want to get changed… and I'll come out in a minute."

Wooseok now realizes that he's been overthinking again. His face turns slightly red but he's still angry, "Cho Seungyoun, can you not scaring me like this again?"

"What?" Seungyoun looks at him, still confused, and then he pulls out a t-shirt and puts it on.

"I thought… you would leave me again… You've done that already!" Wooseok says, and the next thing he notices, he's sobbing. He doesn't mean to cry at all. But just now he was so scared that Seungyoun would close his room door before him, as well as close the door to his heart again.

"Why are you crying," Seungyoun walks toward Wooseok and gives him a hug, "It's just… something has happened, and I didn't have time to tell you."

This hug is the best comfort for Wooseok right now. Nevertheless, he soon realizes that, isn't it Seungyoun who needs support the most?

"So how about you? Why don't you tell me… about your father?"

"You were preparing for the debut stage. How could I tell you this to distract you?"

Wooseok quiets. Indeed, he didn't even use his phone during the past week.

"How are you feeling now? I mean, you can rely on me more. I'm always here for you." Wooseok pats Seungyoun's back while being hugged by him.

Seungyoun smiles softly, "I'm fine. Well, I was a little sad at first, but yesterday after we buried him, I felt better."

"Why does it feel like you are consoling me?" Wooseok leaves Seungyoun's embrace and gazes at his face, "You don't look fine."

"Really? I feel ok. Maybe because I didn't sleep well these days."

"Are you sure you are ok?" Wooseok repeats, worryingly.

"Don't worry. Me and my dad… we were not that close anyway…"

Wooseok wanted to say, "but he's your dad!" But he holds that back. After all, Seungyoun must have swallowed all the negativity to himself, if he asks again, it will only cause a secondary damage to his heart. So Wooseok sighs, "I just hope you could trust me more, rely on me more. I told you a million times, I'm here for you. And I want you to treat yourself better, ok?"

Seungyoun nods his head, and then he sits on the bed. Wooseok, who is standing on the opposite side by the wall, senses that he may want to say something.

"You know, I've been thinking…" Seungyoun finally opens up again.

"What?" And Wooseok seems alerted.

"I was thinking, since you are debuted, it will be difficult for us to see each other. And it may be a burden for you to keep a relationship with me. It is also unfair for your fans. Also, Jinhyuk knows our relationship, doesn't he? So basically we are like a time bomb. What if one day the media find out? They will destroy your career…"

Wooseok can't believe what he just heard. How many times does Cho Seungyoun have to repeat this kind of breakup? They've gone through so many difficulties to be together again, and now he's saying something like this??? Wooseok opens his mouth but can't even say a word. He just stares at Seungyoun, waiting for what's next.

"You finally debuted, and I… I don't want to be your burden… And by the way, did you just come here alone? Was there anyone accompanying you? Aren't you going to cause inconvenience…?"

"So what do you want?" Wooseok cuts him off coldly.

"I, I don't know. Maybe both of us were too reckless. Maybe it's better to keep the 'rules' we had in the beginning… Maybe everything has been planned out already. I should have inherited my parents' company, and all these wouldn't happen in the first place, and nobody would get hurt…"

Wooseok feels that his heart is going to explode. He has been so brave and determined to keep this relationship with Seungyoun, what is this now? How can he just overturn the situation again? Wooseok doesn't care if he's being selfish now. How about their love? Is it that pointless for Seungyoun? Wooseok always thinks that Seungyoun is his savior, but is he just a mistake for Seungyoun, after all?

"Cho Seungyoun! Why are you the one who makes the rules?" Wooseok sits beside Seungyoun abruptly and grabs his arm, "Why is it always you who make the decision? Have you ever consulted me?"

"I…" Seungyoun forgets what he wanted to say when he notices Wooseok, who seems beyond furious at the moment, is trying his best to hold the tears.

"Can you just be braver? I told you before, don't worry. I will be by your side. I will accompany you to fulfill your dreams. Because you've been by my side to help me achieve mine! Why is it so hard for me to do something for you???"

Seungyoun keeps silence. And Wooseok continues:

"Let me make the rule for once, ok? Don't undertake everything on your shoulder. I know. I know it all. Even if you say that I'm imposing my thoughts on you. I know! I just know!"

"I was just… worrying about your career," Seungyoun explains desperately.

"If that means I'll lose you. Then fuck my 'career'!" Wooseok shouts.

Seungyoun is shocked. He has never seen Wooseok being this mad, "So... what do you want to do? What rule do you want to make?" 

"I'll come out to my parents tomorrow. And you, you continue being a trainee at Yuehua. On the day you debut, you tell me that we will never ever be apart!"


	17. Chapter 17

Seungyoun is still startled by Wooseok's reaction. Wooseok was really mad, unprecedentedly mad. And this makes Seungyoun scared.

However, Wooseok didn't plan to be this aggressive. In fact, everything he just said was impulsive and unprepared. Until he finished and started to breathe again, he realized that he had dug a big hole for himself. Also, he was loud, so now he isn't sure if Seungyoun's mom heard them or not.

"Anyway, that's the deal." Wooseok makes up his mind and repeats, "Tomorrow, I'm going to tell my parents that we are dating."

"You don't have to do this," Seungyoun says.

"It's fine. I just want to do something that I have been afraid to do. If I can do it, then you should also be brave and be yourself. Don't overthink, ok?"

Seungyoun looks at Wooseok, wondering if he has become more confident now because of his debut. Indeed, Wooseok looks more determinant and candid, as if he has attained a new energy that can help him defeat the world.

For a moment, Seungyoun is ashamed. He looks at the floor and says, "Thanks, Wooseok. Thanks for loving a helpless me."

Wooseok hugs Seungyoun, letting the taller man's head lean on his shoulder. He also feels that he has become braver than before. He is confident that he can help Seungyoun stand up and restore his confidence.

"It was you who pursued me first," Wooseok murmurs, "even though at that time, I was probably already in love with you."

Wooseok walks out of Seungyoun's bedroom. Mrs. Cho looks at him in a somewhat strange way, guarded but also trying to be gentle.

Seungyoun appears after Wooseok and says to his mom: "I'm going to see him off, be back soon."

The two get downstairs and stand by the wall on the first floor. Wooseok suddenly stands on his tiptoes and kisses Seungyoun. He thinks that Seungyoun needs a lot of love right now, and that's the only thing he can offer him.

Seungyoun responds to that kiss naturally. It lasts long because both of them know it would be harder to kiss like this again in a while since Wooseok is going to be busy. In the end, Seungyoun cups Wooseok's cheeks affectionately, "Contact me anytime tomorrow."

Wooseok knows that he's referring to the coming out thing. No one knows what will happen, but since he promised Seungyoun, he is going to do it.

"Ok. I will."

Suddenly, the door on the first-floor unit opens, and that same old man comes out with a trash bag again. The couple exchange a look and holds their laughter. It's just so strange, whenever they are here, they see this man.

"You should go now. The taxi should be here in no time," Wooseok says to Seungyoun, "And treat your mom nicely. I'm not sure if she will ask you… about me."

"I've already told my parents a long time ago, that I have a boyfriend," Seungyoun answers.

"What? Why didn't you tell me?" Wooseok yells, "No wonder your mom looked at me suspiciously."

Seungyoun pats Wooseok's head, "So for a long time, I thought it was my coming out that caused my dad's illness. But perhaps that was not entirely the case… Anyway, don't feel burdened. And, my mom didn't know I was talking about you when I mentioned a boyfriend."

"Shut up, now she must have known!" Wooseok utters.

"It's ok. She likes you. I can tell." Seungyoun keeps comforting the frightened man.

"But that doesn't mean she will accept me." Wooseok insists.

"Alright, enough. Now you should think about how to tell your parents." Seungyoun pushes Wooseok to the outside, "Your taxi is here."

Indeed, after Seungyoun goes back home, he is welcomed by Mrs. Cho's skeptical look. He shrugs, which is obvious enough to admit his relationship with Wooseok. Strangely, he thought about all kinds of ways to explain to his mom about Wooseok, but now it all seems so natural, and he just feels so relieved.

"So this is the 'boyfriend'? You two are dating?" Mrs. Cho asks hesitantly.

"Yes." Seungyoun answers with a grin on his face, "Isn't he nice? Do you like him?"

Mrs. Cho is no longer as resistant as before. In fact, after Mr. Cho's death, her personality has suddenly become much milder.

"You did seem happier when with him," Mrs. Cho says quietly.

"Yes. I will not be the person you see in front of you today if I haven't met him." Seungyoun says honestly. He doesn't plan to explain how much time he had wasted in bars and karaoke rooms before meeting Wooseok.

Mrs. Cho sighs while holding a cup of warm water in her hands, "Maybe… I cannot control you anymore. Now there is only me and you in this house. It may be more difficult for us in the future… So, if there's someone who can accompany you and make you happy… maybe that's better than having no one."

Seungyoun raises his head and looks into his mother's eyes surprisingly.

"But you must stay safe, you know?" Mrs. Cho adds her concern in a quite euphemistic way.

"Yes, mom. I know." Seungyoun totally gets what she means, but since it feels a little awkward, he changes the topic: "So how about the company in Manila?"

"We have some confidants there. The company has been there for many years and we have trusted people to handle it. Or do you want to work there?" Mrs. Cho asks, knowing the answer.

"No no! I mean, I'm relieved then. Also, mom, can I keep pursuing my dream to be an idol?" This is not really a question for his mother, but Seungyoun just feels the urge to say to out. He's happy that he has finally reached some reconciliation with his mom. 

"It's up to you. I just want you to be happy now." Mrs. Cho says in a relaxed tone, even though she still looks quite drained. However, she also thinks that she owns her son a lot. She regrets that she didn't spend more time trying to understand him and instead, making the atmosphere at home uncomfortable. Perhaps they could have had better days as a family. But now it is too late. 

"Mom, love you!" Seungyoun suddenly gives his mom a big hug. His eyes smile like the crescent. And Mrs. Cho looks at her son when finally being released by him. All of a sudden, that genuinely pleasant face reminds her of many years ago when Seungyoun was skill a carefree kid. 

Meanwhile, Wooseok is definitely not as pleasant as his boyfriend. Instead, he lies on the sofa, looks at the ceiling, and screams, "What should I do!!!"

Jinhyuk walks out of the kitchen with a confused face: "What do you mean?"

"I'm going to come out to my parents tomorrow!!! What should I do???"

"What???" Jinhyuk is in shock, "Why in the world would you wanna do that now?"

"I promised Seungyoun that I'm going to tell them."

"Did that jerk force you?"

"No!" Wooseok looks at Jinhyuk defensively, "I proposed the idea. Otherwise, I was afraid he would dump me again."

Jinhyuk has never seen Wooseok being this anxious, so this scene actually makes him want to laugh. However, the cause of Wooseok's anxiety also makes him feel a little annoyed.

"Well, as far as I know, your parents are… hard to deal with, right?" Jinhyuk asks carefully.

"Yes, especially my mom. She will kill me probably. Well, maybe it will be my dad who actually executes it." Wooseok cries, "What should I do? Save me!!!"

Jinhyuk has nothing to say. How can he help? He knows that Wooseok is very afraid of his parents and grows up with a lot of parental pressure. Now he finally becomes an idol and independent, how come he suddenly want to come out? Why adding trouble to himself?

"I'll pray for you," Jinhyuk says half-jokingly, "You got yourself in this anyway."

"Seriously are you still my hyung? Can't you just cheer me up?" Wooseok can't stop yelling.

"You never listened to your hyung, so I've decided I'm no longer your hyung," Jinhyuk says with a smirk.

"Wait, we do have a day off tomorrow, don't we?" Wooseok suddenly wants to double-check.

"Yep."

"So how about you come with me to their hotel? I'll go and tell them, and you just wait for me in the lobby." Wooseok thinks he just needs some moral support.

"Excuse me? Why?" Jinhyuk puzzles.

"Please!!! Hyung!!!" Wooseok begs with a childish tone, he knows this will work for him.

And it does. Jinhyuk shakes his head and agrees.

Next, Wooseok calls his mom and says that he will have some time tomorrow morning to see them. His mom is happy to receive the call because, indeed, they are leaving for Daejeon tomorrow evening. This time she and her husband only saw Wooseok's debut stage but never had a chance to talk to him. 

Wooseok wakes Jinhyuk up super early the next day. Jinhyuk is annoyed, but he just can't leave Wooseok alone to do such a risky thing. The two dress up with masks and hats and take a taxi to Wooseok's parents' hotel around 8am.

"You really don't need me to go up with you?" Jinhyuk asks Wooseok in the lobby for the fifth time. But Wooseok insists that he can handle it. Even though he notices that his hands are actually shaking.

When Wooseok stands in the elevator, he is still a little regret. It was all because of his spontaneity at Seungyoun's home that he has to do this all alone. However, his phone vibrates at this time, and it is a message from Seungyoun. There is no word in the message, just a cheesy heart emoji. This makes Wooseok suddenly remembers that he is not doing this for himself, but for Seungyoun. He must let Seungyoun feel comfortable to pursue his dreams without any disturbance. And he must see Seungyoun debut one day so that Seungyoun can tell him that they will never be apart. 

It is Wooseok's mom who opens the door. Before Wooseok can even say a word, she hugs him tightly: "My son!!!"

Mrs. Kim is so excited and passionate, which reminds Wooseok of the scene when he got No. 1 in class as an elementary school student.

Wooseok smiles uneasily while trying to look inside. He soon catches a glimpse of his father, who is sitting on a chair near the window. Even without saying a word, Wooseok already feels nervous when seeing his unbending father.

"So you don't have work today?" Mrs. Kim asks while leading Wooseok inside.

"Yea, we have a day off. How about you? You two had fun yesterday?"

"It was good. You know, we haven't come to Seoul for a long time. We went shopping and bought many new clothes too." Mrs. Kim says excitedly.

Wooseok sits on the bed and holds his fists. In fact, seeing his mother so happy like this makes him even more anxious because what he's about to say may ruin her mood completely.

"Hey, say something to your son, would you?" Mrs. Kim suddenly turns to her husband, and then explains to the son, "You know, I saw him crying on the day of your debut, ha-ha. Can you imagine that?"

Wooseok smiles awkwardly again. His mom has always been this dramatic, always making a scene. Meanwhile, his dad is quiet and serious. Wooseok never really knows what he is thinking.

But the serious man finally speaks, "It must be very disordered in the entertainment industry. You need to keep being yourself and be careful of the temptations. Now you are an independent man; you need to make careful decisions for your career."

Mrs. Kim nods and adds, "I know you are a good boy. But you never know if someone wants to hurt you in an industry like this. It is not as simple as it seems. So you should pay attention to a lot of things, build good relationships with your superiors. Don't always look so cold because you'll scare people away. I think you did well on stage with a lot of facial expressions, but why when you come off stage, you look indifferent again? Like now, you should look more excited when seeing us! Oh, and I forgot to say, stay away from those pretentious female celebrities. You should focus on your career first before thinking about love. You hear me? Don't make me disappointed!"

_ Ok, here they go again, the lecturing. This is what you get when you have both of your parents as teachers _ . Wooseok sighs internally. He has had enough. Whenever his conversation with his parents end up like this, he feels like he's back to the age of 10. Even though he has left home for more than two years and can totally manage his life without his parents, for them, however, he is still a kid, not knowing how to survive by himself. They always make him feel that he is useless, feel like if he doesn't obey, he would be a loser and be disliked by everyone.

Although Wooseok can choose to ignore these redundant lectures since this is not the first time, for some reason, he just feels to irritated all of a sudden and wants to explode.

"I'm not a kid anymore! Can you please let me be? I know how to be a man living in this world! You are just repeating yourself! How long do you plan to control me?" Wooseok eventually shouts out to his mother.

Mrs. Kim is shocked. This is the first time that she has seen her son being this rebellious. She immediately looks back at her husband. However, Mr. Kim just looks away as if he heard nothing. Now she feels so isolated. Why is her husband not siding with her now? In fact, this is not the first time that she has noticed this. Last month when Wooseok visited home during the New Year holiday, she found that her husband no longer gave her any affirmation when she was commenting on their son.

"Wooseok-ah, why are you talking to me like this? I was just worried about you and giving you some guidance!" Mrs. Cho decides to use a softer approach first. So she sits closer to Wooseok on the edge of the bed.

"You have never treated me as an independent person. If I didn't bring you honor and something to brag about, I have no value to you. Everything I did was to make you proud. But you never know what I really want!" Wooseok continues to yell.

"Wooseok! How can you say this to me!" Now Mrs. Kim gets really mad, "What's wrong with you? Now you have your own career so you can treat your mom like this? Do you have any filial piety for me?"

_ See. The mom who was all happy and loving a moment ago can change to this scary woman in no time. _ Wooseok sighs internally. And she would go ahead and disqualify everything that Wooseok has achieved. However, while seeing his mother becoming like this, Wooseok actually feels good. He has already predicted her reaction because every time it is the same. And the reason that she's mad is because he said everything on point. Just for this once, Wooseok wants to be as mean as he can. He wants to negotiate with his parents and wants them to see him as an actual, independent person.

"Wooseok, apologize to your mom." Suddenly, a calm but compelling voice rises. It is his dad. And this is when Wooseok finally feels nervous again. When Wooseok was young, his dad was always the one who would come out with a belt to hit him when his mom had done scolding. 

"Ok, I apologize." That's why Wooseok immediately lowers his voice, "I shouldn't say those harsh words. However, please treat me like a person, I'm begging you!"

"Is this all you wanna say to us today?" Mrs. Kim is still in rage, "What's wrong? Why are you becoming like this?"

Wooseok keeps silence. Meanwhile, he also notices the unplanned situation right now. He was here to come out to his parents, but now it has become a family drama again.

"Am I losing you, my son??" Mrs. Kim continues being dramatic as her voice is shaky now. But she is soon interrupted by her husband.

"Enough, our son didn't really say anything wrong though. For a long time, we've been treating him like a _thing_ , and never listened to what he wanted. Now he has his own road to go. We need to let him go." Mr. Kim says to his wife.

Now Wooseok is surprised. He looks at his dad and wondering if he is possessed or something. Because this is totally unlike him.

"Ok, enough, son. I need to apologize to you, too. I beat you a lot when you were young. You must have hated us but still did your best on everything. Now just go on your own road. We will say less to you." He then turns to Mrs. Kim again, "And you should also learn to let go. He will eventually leave us. Or actually, he has already left us for his dream. Just trust him more. He is still our good son. And you know that the most."

Mrs. Kim stares at her husband with a complicated expression. Her husband seldom speaks this much when she's giving their son a lesson. But it seems that the reason he's been quite detached recently is because he's been thinking about such things for the family.

"Actually, I didn't mean to come here and quarrel with you two," Wooseok finally says with a reduced voice.

"Of course I know," Mr. Kim responds, "I believe in you. You just wanted to see us and talk, right?"

Wooseok is not sure why his dad suddenly becomes so understanding. Anyway, he decides to go on.

"I, I don't know why it ends up like this…" Wooseok feels calmer, and a bitter smile rises on his face.

"Hey, how about you go downstairs for breakfast now and leave my son and I for a men's talk?" Mr. Kim suddenly asks his wife.

Although Mrs. Kim is still in shock from what just happened between them, she decides to leave the scene for now. "Fine. I'm going to have breakfast." She says with an angry mood and slaps the door.

So far, nothing has happened, according to Wooseok's plan. He looks at his dad, and for some reason, he has this weird feeling that maybe, he has known something already. But how's that even possible?

And just when he is panicking, his dad says something that astonishes him more:

"I met Min the other day. He's back to school."

Min, the boy next door to them back home, who tried to commit suicide after being found gay in high school.

"What? Min? Is he fine now?" Wooseok replies in shock. 

"Yes. His parents were devastated for a while and locked him at home. Remember? But there was this teacher who spent a long time educating Min's parents about the minority culture. And finally, they accepted their son's sexuality. Min's now back to the same school but needs one more year to graduate. I think he is quite brave, don't you think so?"

"Yea, actually he can get quite unyielding and stubborn sometimes," Wooseok reminiscences. Not sure why, but when he thinks about his little brother next door, he begins to feel a bit more relaxed. He smiles and recalls, "He used to call me 'Wooseok hyung' all the time. He knew that I was the first in my class, so he became the first in his. He's a quite determined kid and would not give up easily."

"See. What I want to tell you is, no matter what kind of child you are, parents are always rooting for their children's happiness and health. That's the most important thing. Wooseok, the same goes for our family. As your father, I know I scared you and beat you a lot when you were young. And I do feel bad now. But I want you to know that now I am so proud of you. It is not because you are a 'thing' for us to brag about, but because you seem like you are doing what you really like to do."

Wooseok is startled as well as moved. This is the first time he heard his father talking to him in such a sincere way, and all of a sudden, he bursts out, "Yes. I am happy right now. Really. I love my job, and I have someone I like…"

"Is that someone who can make you a better person, a happier person?" His father is sensitive enough to catch the point.

"Yes. Actually, I come here today because I, I want to tell you something about this person…" He said it. Although still nervous, he also feels happy that he can finally say it out.

"So… is it a 'he'?" The father asks.

And Wooseok looks up in shock again: "How, how did you know?"

"Well, last time when you were home and got mad when your mom talked about Min, I kind of sensed something. Isn't it funny? Dad is becoming more and more sensitive as I get older."

"No, I mean, dad, can you accept that? Don't you want to punish me?" Wooseok is so nervous that he even stands up.

"Don't forget that I'm a professor of sociology," Mr. Kim says, "Although I didn't focus on the field of LGBTQ, I started reading something about it recently. Well, I do hope to have a grandson in the future. But I know your mom and I have been pushing you too hard these years. So now I just want you to continue what you like to do…"

"Dad!" Wooseok feels sore in his nose. He tries to hold his tears but still lets out a few drops. He wipes them off hastily because he has never cried in front of his dad. Even when he was beaten by a belt as a child, he never cried.

"But actually, I started to read those because of Min. I really like that boy. He was the only friend of yours when you were a kid, right? I should thank him." Mr. Kim stands up and looks out of the window, "Now you both have grown up, and we are getting old…"

Wooseok gazes at his father's back. He suddenly feels that his father has aged a lot and looked lonely. Maybe only by looking away can he calm down for this moment. Wooseok thinks, it must be hard for his father, or any father, to quickly understand this sexuality.

"Did mom know?" Wooseok asks. But then he immediately realizes that of course she doesn't know. Otherwise, he could have been killed by now. 

"She doesn't know. And I'll keep it a secret to her for now. You know, I think she may be suffering from menopause syndrome recently, so her temper is unpredictable. And I'll think of a way to tell her someday. However, I want you to promise me, that you will focus on your career first. Work hard as an idol who can bring positivity to people first before enjoying other things in life… Oh wait, am I starting to lecture you again? But anyway, I still believe that you can do well. You are educated by two professors, how can you not excel, right?"

Mr. Kim still looks outside, but every word he said has been engraved in Wooseok's heart. Wooseok suddenly feels a sense of relief. He thinks he is no longer shackled by the memories of being scolded, beaten, and locked in the room. Because all these experiences have shaped him into who he is today. And now, he finally receives understanding from his father, and maybe his mother in the near future.

"Thank you, dad. I will make you prouder."

"Ok, good to hear. Now go find your mother and leave for work. Don't spend too much time on us." Mr. Kim turns around and says.

Wooseok bows to his father and runs out of the room. He feels surreal, as he has just experienced something that was probably the most dramatic in his life. He pulls out his cellphone and text Seungyoun: "I told them. And now you shall never try to get rid of me again!"

As Wooseok enters the elevator, he suddenly remembers that Jinhyuk should still be waiting for him. And when the elevator opens, the first thing that comes into his eyes is his mother and Jinhyuk chatting happily in the lobby.

Mrs. Kim sees Wooseok and immediately grins as if nothing has happened upstairs just now.

"Wooseok, I haven't seen your roommate for a long time. He's so handsome and tall now!" She turns to Jinhyuk again, "Did my son cause you any trouble to you?"

Jinhyuk quickly exchanges a look with Wooseok and says to Mrs. Kim with a charming smile, "Not at all. He is so nice, and we get along well. It must be your wonderful influence that has made him such a good boy! I will take care of him in Seoul, so don't worry."

Wooseok listens to these artificial words from Jinhyuk and feels quite a headache. However, he is thankful that at least he can make his mother happy.

"Ok, Mrs. Kim, we have some work to do, so we need to go. Please let me know when you are coming next time. We should meet again," Jinhyuk says politely while trying to save Wooseok from this situation.

Wooseok holds his smile and thinks Jinhyuk is such a favorite among elderly women.

"Mom, have a safe trip home tonight. We are leaving." Wooseok steps forward and says.

Mrs. Kim, who is apparently still mesmerized in Jinhyuk's warm smile and long legs, waves at his son and says, "Fine. Just behave and don't make us mad again. Now go do your things."

Once Wooseok and Jinhyuk get on a taxi, they burst into laughter together.

Jinhyuk says, "No offense but I realized that your mother is quite vain, so I just tried to say good words to make her happy."

"You're right. She totally is."

"So, did it go well?" Jinhyuk lowers his voice, wondering about the coming out agenda.

"It's a long story. But right now everything should be all right." Wooseok lets out a long sigh, "Well, all the hardships I have experienced in the past are not in vain then."

Jinhyuk doesn't ask more. He looks at the slight smile on Wooseok's face and feels happy for him. He pats Wooseok's head and says, "Well, you are stronger than I thought. It's my pleasure to know you, really."

***

Keeping a relationship after debut is not that easy. When it's time for a comeback, Wooseok and his group have to be on the go for weeks, and he is especially popular to be invited to many entertainment shows. The latter is what causes the most headaches for him. Wooseok is a reserved person, so it takes time for him to get accustomed to a new environment and new people. But the good thing is that everyone liked him so far, even just for his visual, so he managed to perform decently in those shows without looking overly awkward.

Meanwhile, Seungyoun returns to be a trainee. He practices harder than before and gets home quite late every day. Therefore, the two seem to get back to the beginning of their relationship when they only had little time to report to each other about their day. Sometimes Seungyoun would send Wooseok a photo with a funny face, and Wooseok would only have time to reply before bedtime.

As time goes, one day, Jinhyuk asks Wooseok out of curiosity, "Did you guys break up?"

"Of course not!" Wooseok yells.

"I told you that once we become busy, the feeling between you guys will fade." Jinhyuk continues to tease.

And Wooseok actually takes it in. He wonders if they have both become sluggish about this relationship since they have no pressure from their parents. However, Is he too optimistic?

Thus, Wooseok texts Seungyoun immediately and says, "Let's meet this Saturday. My works for this comeback will be done that day and I should have more time."

"Sure. Where do you want to meet?" Seungyoun replies quickly.

This question is hard for Wooseok. Recently, whenever he goes, he would be recognized by people. But if they meet at Seungyoun's home, his mother is there, which is inconvenient.

"How about meeting at that small restaurant behind the hospital? The place where we had our first meal together?" Seungyoun's message comes again.

Wooseok recalls the place. It is really a shady restaurant with no customers. Not sure if it is still the same, but he'd love to see.

"Ok, let's have supper there then. I have a fansign event in the afternoon, so I'll go there from my company." Wooseok replies.

After sending the message, Wooseok says to Jinhyuk with a bragging smile, "See. We are good. I'm going to see him this Saturday."

"You know, you don't have to tell me." Jinhyuk gives him an irritable look.

That fansign event on Saturday is the last one for their comeback. The fans and the group are all sad to see it end. Therefore, Wooseok tries to give as much fan service as possible. In fact, Wooseok is quite good at providing fan service. He thinks that he has a boyfriend so he doesn't have to worry about being too close to the girls. So sometimes he was even more proactive than the fans. Soon, the fandom began to call him "king of fan service."

Also, Wooseok realizes that people really, really like his face. His visual has been continuously mentioned and praised by fans and media. This makes him feel interesting too. Because when he was a trainee, he literally had the same face but was never noticed by people. But now, just because he debuted, everything changed. Hence, he really wants Seungyoun to debut soon because he is sure that Seungyoun will also receive more love and become more confident.

During the fansign, a mom brings her son up on stage. The moment Wooseok sees the little boy, he thinks of Min when he was a baby. The little boy is only about two or three years old. He tries to walk but almost falls immediately. Wooseok is about to melt by such cuteness. So he runs towards the boy and gives him a lot of hugs and kisses.

The fans sitting in the crowd are so excited to see the cute interaction between Wooseok and the baby. They scream and take lots of photos of them like crazy, which also scare Wooseok a bit.

By the end of the day, Wooseok feels tired but satisfied. After returning to the company, he immediately changes clothes and wears a mask, ready to leave for Seungyoun.

"Wait! Don't you know there are many fans downstairs waiting for us?" Jinhyuk stops him.

"I'll go from the backdoor, the one near the kitchen." Wooseok answers.

"It's the same. The fans have found that exit as well."

"Then what should I do? I have to see Seungyoun."

"I'll go with you."

"What?"

Jinhyuk explains patiently, "I mean, I'll walk you out, so people know that we are going somewhere together. And I don't think they will follow our car. So we'll take a taxi to the restaurant, and I'll leave. How about that?"

Wooseok has to admit that Jinhyuk is indeed a very thoughtful leader. He nods, but then adds, "Even if they found Seungyoun and me, they would just think we are ordinary friends."

"Don't take that for granted. I don't know what you guys will do when you meet. I have to prevent those things from happening. Also, if you cause a scene, it will be inconvenient for him as well." Jinhyuk says sternly.

For some reason, Wooseok feels that Jinhyuk has become more accepting of Seungyoun recently. It somehow feels like his "parent" in Seoul has finally recognized this relationship.

Thus, Jinhyuk and Wooseok walked out of the T Media building together. Unsurprisingly, they were caught by fans for a long time before finally getting into a taxi. At one point, Wooseok thought to himself that it is actually helpful that he has this "ship" with Jinhyuk in the group, which can cover his real relationship with Seungyoun.

Wooseok arrives at the restaurant. The place does look the same as last year--empty and shady. He immediately sees Seungyoun, who is sitting there looking at his cellphone. It's already spring, and it's a quite warm day, but Seungyoun still wears his favorite beanie, which makes him super cute to Wooseok.

"Sorry I'm late." Wooseok sits across Seungyoun and apologizes.

Seungyoun raises his head and sees his boyfriend, who is still breathing heavily due to running. He extends his arm and rubs the smaller man's chin.

"Hey, what are you doing!" Wooseok protests, "Have you been waiting for long? Sorry the fans were there so…"

"Oh it's ok. So are you safe now?"

"Yea, Jinhyuk helped me handle it," Wooseok says.

"He came with you?"

"No, he just insisted on sending me here, saying that it's safer. But he's back already."

"I see…" Seungyoun contemplates, "that means later on I'll see more photos of you and him on twitter then."

Wooseok looks at Seungyoun and wonders, "Do you really care that much?"

"No. You guys are just serving the fans. I know." Seungyoun answers quickly and then changes a topic: "So are you tired? Any plan for tonight?"

Wooseok probably knows what he means since they haven't spent a night together for a long time. So he looks down and answers shyly, "No plan, probably."

"Then how about going to my home after this meal?"

"Isn't your mom at home?" Wooseok raises his head again, and Seungyoun notices his reddened face.

"She is in the Philippines dealing with some things at the company," Seungyoun smirks.

They ordered the same foods as the first time. Wooseok glares at the dish with pork and kimchi and remembers the day when he was awkwardly feeding the taller man.

"What are you thinking?" Seungyoun notices the small smile on Wooseok's face.

"Nothing much. I was just thinking about how amazing it is that we have come this far. It started out with me giving you a spoonful of pork and kimchi, really."

"Well, to be honest, that moment when I took the food from your spoon, I suddenly felt like I saw my future wife." Seungyoun teases, though he's not lying.

"Shut up," Wooseok shushes him, "Also, I don't like to be called 'wife.'"

"Ok, then husband?" Seungyoun keeps on teasing him.

"Er… that would be weird, too."

"Right? I think I'm more like a husband."

"Ok, enough said." Wooseok doesn't want to discuss the titles. But he feels thrilled right now.

"So are you going to feed me food again?" Seungyoun asks.

"Sure, if you get injured again… Oh wait, no. Forget about it. I shouldn't have cursed you." Wooseok panics.

Seungyoun laughs and tells him it's ok. He then carefully observes Wooseok's face, thinking that he is just like a doll. Everything about him is so perfect, making him want to caress and love him even more. There will never be another person who can give him the same feeling.

After the meal, Wooseok comes to Seungyoun's home. The space looks much cleaner than before, thanks to Mrs. Cho.

Without even changing shoes, Seungyoun instantly pushes Wooseok against the door and kisses him violently. They haven't acted like this for a while. Wooseok enjoys it and closes his eyes. And in between breaths, he suddenly giggles.

"What are you laughing about?" Seungyoun asks.

"Nothing… I mean, I haven't even told your mom in a more serious occasion that we are dating." Wooseok says.

"But she knows. And why so serious? It's not like we are going to get married soon." Seungyoun says with ease. However, when he hears himself saying the word "married," he adds, "But I do want to."

Wooseok is a little surprised. But again, Seungyoun doesn't give him time to think. Instead, he pushes the smaller man all the way to the bathroom and then into the shower room, pressing him on the glass and kissing him again.

Wooseok almost slides on the slippery floor, but his entire body is in Seungyoun's control right now. Seungyoun helps him take off all the clothes within seconds and then undresses himself as well. Next, he turns on the shower.

"Wait! Seungyoun! Why are you in such a hurry!! I'm not running away!!!" Wooseok screams, "And I'm not going to make out with you in here!!!"

"Ok, I know. I know you like my bed." Seungyoun soothes him, "Then let's get ourselves cleaned and go to bed."

Wooseok sighs with relief, and when he looks down and sees Seungyoun's sophisticated gun tattoo again. For a moment, he suddenly feels an urge to kiss that place.

"You look thirsty. What are you thinking?" Seungyoun smiles evilly.

"No! Nothing!" Wooseok is embarrassed.

When Seungyoun finally throws Wooseok in bed, the latter feels like he's flying above the clouds. He really loves this bed, he loves every moment he has spent on it, and loves the scent of the candles by the bed whenever he wakes up. Seungyoun is now bending over him and looking down affectionately as if he can see through all his secrets. However, these "secrets" are all about Seungyoun anyway.

"You know, I was checking twitter before you came to the restaurant." Staying in this position, Seungyoun suddenly says.

"What?" Wooseok is unprepared for a chat.

"I was looking at the photos that those fansites took of you at the fansign events."

"Oh, ok, then?" Wooseok asks.

"Then, I became jealous," Seungyoun says half-jokingly.

"What do you mean? Those were just fans." Wooseok replies.

"But how could you hug them like that? And you crossed fingers with them like that! I thought it would just be shaking hands and sign your name on the album!?"

Wooseok looks up at Seungyoun innocently and says, "I think it's ok. Just a hug. No big deal. And they were happy about it."

"But you didn't like to hug other people before!" Seungyoun insists, and now he really looks a little upset.

In Wooseok's eyes, Seungyoun is super cute right now. So he reaches the man above him and caresses his face, speaking softly, "Because I already have a boyfriend, so I'm not worried about hugging a girl. It's all fan service. Ok?"

Seungyoun slowly calms down and smiles, "I think I've made you so gay."

"I'll stick with you for the rest of my life. So gay is fine," Wooseok says while pulling Seungyoun's neck downward, and kisses him deeply.

However, the kiss is again interrupted by Seungyoun's sudden recall of a photo.

"What now?" Wooseok asks impatiently.

"I saw another photo of you and a kid," Seungyoun says.

"Excuse me, Seungyoun. How can you be jealous of a kid?"

"No, but you looked cute when you were kissing him."

"Well, because he was so cute and chubby. I can kiss him all day." 

"Then I want that too." Seungyoun requests, "I want you to kiss me like how you kissed him."

"What's wrong with you?" Wooseok holds his laugh. He is not sure why Seungyoun is so clingy today. But that's cute.

Hence, Wooseok pushes the bigger man's chest and exchanges position with him. Now he is above Seungyoun's body, gazing at his face carefully. He first clears away the hair on Seungyoun's face and bends down to kiss his forehead. He then continues to caress the bridge of his nose, cheeks, and chin. Every place just gets one little touch. Finally, he reaches Seungyoun's thin lips and lightly presses them with his own.

"Are you satisfied? I was basically doing this to that kid," Wooseok says and pokes Seungyoun's face teasingly. However, the more he looks at him, the more he wants to kiss him again. So he gives Seungyoun another kiss on the lips.

"Do you love kids?" Seungyoun suddenly asks.

"Of course, I love kids. Since I don't have siblings, I could only play with a little boy next door when I was young. He was so cute." Wooseok again recalls Min and smiles pleasantly.

"How about we make a kid tonight then?"

"What???" Wooseok can't believe what he just heard, "Cho Seungyoun, are you serious? Did you forget to bring your brain home?"

Seungyoun doesn't respond. Instead, he turns over and puts Wooseok under him again. He then reaches the smaller man's ear and whispers into it, "Let's try making a baby tonight."

"Cho Seungyoun! Did you pass your elementary physiology class???" Wooseok screams. He knows Seungyoun is just being silly, but still, he feels the need to punch him or something. However, the taller man is making him itchy by sniffing his neck, so he surrenders very soon.

"Everything that you want, we will have it one day." Seungyoun murmurs into Wooseok's ear again.

_ Then I want you to debut. I want you to receive more love and happiness.  _ Wooseok thinks to himself.

The next day when Wooseok wakes up, it is almost noon. He sees that Seungyoun's one arm is outside the comforter, so he sits up and puts the sheet on him. Meantime, Seungyoun's cellphone beeps at the bedside table. It shows "manager" on the screen.

Seungyoun wakes up by the sound and finds Wooseok is leaning on his body. He smirks and asks, "What are you doing, my little kitten?"

"I, I was just putting the comforter on you!" Wooseok explains bashfully.

Seungyoun pats Wooseok's head with a knowing smile, he then grabs his phone and complains, "Why is she texting me so early? It's Sunday!"

"It's almost noon though," Wooseok says while climbing up to Seungyoun's chest, reading the message with him.

And it reads:

"Seungyoun, are you interested in participating in this year's Produce 101? It's quite competitive, and our company can only send three trainees. I think you will be a good fit. Do you want to have a try?"

-END-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe I actually translated the whole thing... Anyway, thanks for all the readers and comments. I enjoyed the communication a lot! There is actually an after story, I thought about including it in this final chapter but I got too tired translating. So I may add it in the next few days (or tomorrow, who knows).  
> =)


	18. After Story: Let's Get Married!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the end of the main story, Wooseok hasn't really told his mother about Seungyoun yet. So this after story kind of gives an answer to that lingering issue.

Although the public doesn’t know that Seungyoun and Wooseok are a couple, once Seungyoun debuted through PDX, people soon found out that these two are actually good friends.

It all started with a photo. On the day of the PDX finale, T Media posted a picture of the sunbaes cheering for the trainees from T Media together. However, the netizens soon found out that Wooseok was actually pointing at Seungyoun. Since Seungyoun has been popular during the program and Wooseok has always been the visual king in the kpop world, many people began to wonder if they actually knew each other.

“OMG! Do Wooseok and Seungyoun know each other? I love them both!”

“Maybe they knew each other before as trainees? And also, I believe they are the same age.”

“Don’t overthink. Maybe Wooseok was just randomly pointing at someone…”

However, only a few days later, some fans encountered them walking in the shopping district together.

It is a Saturday, Wooseok wants to visit Mrs. Cho and have dinner together. He also wants to use this opportunity to introduce himself as Seungyoun’s boyfriend to Mrs. Cho formally. Meanwhile, since Seungyoun moved into the dorm with the other members right after his debut, he hasn’t visited his mom in a while, too.

Mrs. Cho is beyond happy knowing that they are both coming home and says that she will cook for them instead of going out.

In the afternoon, Wooseok calls Seungyoun out to buy a gift for Mrs. Cho. Wooseok wants to buy a handbag since he thinks this will be a formal occasion, and the present should also be formal. However, Seungyoun doesn’t care at all. He gives totally unhelpful advice and checks on twitter regularly. Later, he sees a viral tweet and suddenly realizes: What the heck! Aren’t these two people Wooseok and I???

The post says: “I saw Kim Wooseok and Cho Seungyoun shopping together. See, they know each other!”

In the comment section, some people are excited. After all, knowing that two popular groups’ famous members know each other would be a thrill for the fans. However, other people are questioning since this photo only showed their backs.

Seungyoun presents the tweet to Wooseok, who is still talking to the saleslady, and Wooseok immediately becomes alerted.

“Well, it’s ok,” seeing Wooseok’s reaction, Seungyoun comforts him, “we are just shopping together.”

Wooseok calms down a little bit. Indeed, they could totally just be friends and being caught by fans. No big deal. But anyway, this episode makes him speed up and finalizes his choice of the bag, and then the two leave the shop from the backdoor quietly.

Luckily, there aren’t fans waiting outside. So they take a taxi and heading Seungyoun’s home. On the way, Seungyoun finds that another photo showing their profiles were also posted by the same person on twitter. Now people are pretty sure that they know each other then. But the good thing is that there aren’t negative comments, most people are just happy to discover their friendship.

“This is because we are not well-known enough,” Seungyoun jokes.

“Anyway, we need to be more careful in the future,” Wooseok says.

“But how? We need to see each other! I think it’s fine just to tell the public that we’ve been good friends for a long time,” Seungyoun says while stretching his arm around Wooseok’s shoulder, “But it will be a problem deciding where to date in the future. Ahh, dating is so hard for idols!”

Wooseok frowns, even though they are in a taxi, they are technically still in public space. He looks into the rearview mirror and sees the driver is indeed looking at them. While being embarrassed, Wooseok thinks this 50 something man definitely doesn’t know who they are. But he still hits Seungyoun with his elbows and complains, “Stop saying nonsense in public!”

They arrive at Seungyoun’s apartment. It’s been a while for both of them to be back here. The first thing they see is a big table full of colorful dishes. Seungyoun notices that Wooseok is a little nervous since his doe eyes are staring at him, apparently looking for some reassurance from his taller boyfriend.

“Why are you so nervous. You’ve met each other before. And my mom accepted that we are dating. She likes you!” Seungyoun consoles Wooseok and then holds his hand to enter the kitchen.

“Mom, we are back!” Seungyoun says.

Mrs. Cho turns around and glares at the two handsome boys. She is actually also nervous. Maybe because this is the first time for her to see Wooseok as her son’s boyfriend after she officially accepted her son’s sexuality.

Wooseok bows and greets, and then shows the gift to Mrs. Cho. However, the latter looks embarrassed because she’s wearing an apron, and her hands are all greasy from cooking. Wooseok realizes that and apologizes, the whole situation just becomes so awkward.

Seungyoun can’t help but laughs, he takes the gift from Wooseok and says to his mother, “Wooseok is so considerate. He asked me about your favorite brand and bought this for you. Isn’t he nice?”

Mrs. Cho seems thankful and delighted, she looks at Wooseok lovingly and says, “My kid, you shouldn’t spend so much money on me.”

“It’s ok. I have a job,” Wooseok smiles, “And thank you, Mrs. Cho, for cooking all these foods for us. You must be very tired.”

The more Mrs. Cho looks at Wooseok, the more she likes him. And when she sees him and Seungyoun stand side by side, she suddenly feels that they actually look good together. Their height difference is perfect. Wooseok has a more cute and feminine side, while her son is just so well built. She appreciates them for another second and says, “I’m so happy to cook for you two. Now you are both celebrities, it must be difficult to eat outside. Also, I’m actually a good cook, I’d like to show off my skills. I just have one more dish to finish. How about you two wait outside in the living room?” The satisfied mother waves to let them leave the occupied kitchen.

Seungyoun pushes Wooseok to the living room and hugs him from behind, “You two were so funny. Why were you both so nervous and awkward?”

“I mean, I’m seeing your mother as your boyfriend!” Wooseok says seriously.

“It will be our life eventually, none of her business,” Seungyoun says by his ear.

Wooseok knows. But maybe because he has been growing up under his repressive parents’ pressure, and he just naturally becomes nervous when seeing the elders.

“Hey, show me to your parents next time,” Seungyoun says abruptly.

“What? Hmm… I think it’s not necessary,” Wooseok rejects immediately, “It’s not safe yet.”

“What do you mean? Didn’t you tell them that we are dating?”

“But I just told my dad, and he said he would tell my mom. However, I never asked him afterward. I recently called them once, and my mom said nothing about it, so I’m pretty sure she still doesn’t know.” Wooseok reveals.

“It’s ok. We will be fine,” Seungyoun says softly.

“Why are you so optimistic all of a sudden?”

And there comes Mrs. Cho with the last dish. She actually saw his son hugging Wooseok when she went out of the kitchen. Though she thinks she still needs some time to adjust to it, she also tells herself that Wooseok is the guy that her only son loves, and she should be happy for them. If her son is not happy, she will not be happy either, especially now they only have each other.

The three had a really nice dinner together. Mrs. Cho cooked some Southeastern Asian style cuisine since she has lived in the Philippines for many years. Wooseok liked the flavor and ate a lot, which made her happy.

After the meal, Wooseok said that he’d take care of the dishes. Mrs. Cho was even happier as if she really gained a daughter-in-law or something. Seungyoun then walked into the kitchen with Wooseok to help and asked his mom to have a rest in the living room.

“See, I told you everything will be alright tonight,” Seungyoun wipes a plate which has just been rinsed by Wooseok.

“Yes, I’m relieved. But didn’t you say that your mom was against us before? She looks totally ok now.”

“Well, maybe she realized that you are better than a real daughter-in-law.” Seungyoun teases and kisses Wooseok’s cheek quickly.

“What are you doing!” Wooseok gasps, “Wipe your plates!”

“Wait, don’t you think we are now like… a real husband and wife? Like this is how we would be when we get married?” Seungyoun asks.

“You are dreaming,” Wooseok says shyly.

“Ahh… now I want to get married! I really want to get married!” Seungyoun whines. He sees that Wooseok’s ears are turning red and finding him cute.

“Are you crazy? I’m satisfied with the way we are now.” Wooseok says, “And what difference would there be when we get married?”

“We can have our own house. And you can wear an apron and make love with me in the kitchen.” Seungyoun teases shamelessly. 

“Shut up!” Wooseok yells. He is so scared of Seungyoun, who sometimes says things like this without any censoring. However, he then realizes that he might be too loud, so he leaves his mouth open and inhales.

Seungyoun’s heart races when seeing such a cute Wooseok, so he leans forward and gives him a kiss to close his cherry-like mouth. The moment he feels the smaller man’s lips, he knows that this kiss is going to last longer than he has planned. Maybe because they haven’t seen each other for a long time, maybe he has already wanted to do this when they were at the dinner table, or maybe because they were caught by fans today, which, for some reason, made him secretly feeling excited for hours.

Wooseok is unprepared for this kiss, he is even holding a plate in hand, and hasn’t turned off the tap yet. However, when Seungyoun’s tongue screws open his mouth, he knows that he likes it. It is good that the running water could cover their kissing sound and little moans. Wooseok closes his eyes and enjoys the kiss to the fullest.

“Ah, darn it. What should I do tonight?!” After the kiss, Seungyoun is so aroused and says half-jokingly.

Wooseok seems to be still immersed in the deep kiss just now. His chest goes up and down and his face is burning. He hurriedly rinses the last plate and turns off the tap before saying anything back to Seungyoun.

If they really get married, he may die of happiness. –this is what Wooseok really thinks right now. He loves Seungyoun so much, enjoys his caress and affection so much, to the point that he may cry at any moment.

“Well, since you insist, if there is a way for us to get married, we can probably do it.” Wooseok murmurs.

“Really?” Seungyoun screams.

“Yea…” Wooseok nods slightly.

“How about let’s fly to the United States one day and get married there?” Seungyoun suddenly gets so excited and holds Wooseok’s waist and turns him around, letting the shorter man facing him.

“Hey, can you calm down! I mean, we are still active idols. How can we just fly to the U.S. and get married? I was just saying.” Wooseok claims.

“Ok, ok. But we need to do that as soon as we can!” Seungyoun’s eyes are sparkling.

Wooseok looks at Seungyoun—who seems so happy that his eyes become crescent—and he feels a warmth rising in his chest. Wooseok thinks that he has made it, he has made Seungyoun happy and loved because of him being by his side.

**

Winter comes again. Seungyoun's group decides to publish a charity ep and donates all the profit to a charity organization for orphans. The headquarter of the organization happens to be located in Daejeon, Wooseok's hometown.

"I'm going to your hometown this weekend," Seungyoun texts Wooseok one day.

Wooseok, who has just finished another comeback and is feeling lost in the practice room, looks at the message and wonders, "why?"

"It's for our new ep. It's for charity, and we are going to an orphanage in your hometown. Ah, this reminds me, should I go to see your parents, by the way?" Seungyoun adds a wink emoji.

"Are you crazy?" Wooseok replies, intuitively. However, after hitting "send," he thinks that it may actually be a good idea for him to go home too since he has free time now after the comeback. Hence, he replies to Seungyoun again, "Well, let me see if I have time. What day exactly are you going there? I can meet you there, then."

Seungyoun is excited and immediately sends their schedule to Wooseok. He then adds a "hurray" emoji and says, "I'll go see your parents, and after that, we can get married! Yay!"

Wooseok holds his smile upon seeing the message but is caught by the sensitive Jinhyuk.

"You guys are so cheesy," Jinhyuk complains.

"What? We haven't even done anything," Wooseok protests.

"Look at your face, okay? You seem like you are about to go marry him already," Jinhyuk rolls his eyes. Honestly, he can't believe that these two are still keeping a heated relationship after all this time. Although they can't see each other very often, Jinhyuk can tell that everything is going well just by looking at Wooseok's expression every day.

"Why are you so gossipy about us these days?" Wooseok says, "But we may get married one day."

"What?" Jinhyuk gasps, "Are you kidding me? It's already unusual for an idol to be in a relationship while still active. And now you're telling me that you're gonna get married? I'm not gonna cover you this time."

"I think it's easy to get married? You just go to a country where gay marriage is permitted and sign some paperwork." 

Jinhyuk does a facepalm.

Wooseok quickly buys a ticket home for the upcoming Sunday, and then he calls his dad to ask if he has told mom about the coming out secret. Not surprisingly, his dad hasn't told her yet.

"I've been preparing her for it though," Mr. Kim explains on the phone, "I would mention the LGBTQ topics when we have dinner as if it's an academic topic."

Wooseok doesn't know what to say about this. But he understands that it would also be difficult for his dad to do this for him.

"I think she can accept it. At least she is very sympathetic with Min these days. She goes to see him very often recently," Mr. Kim adds.

"I still think it's dangerous," Wooseok says. He believes that he's mother would be okay with anything in other people's house, but not their own.

"So I think it's better that you come back and tell her yourself. No matter what, dad will be on your side." Mr. Kim reassures Wooseok.

"Emm… okay. I'll be home this Sunday and… I will bring my… my boyfriend with me, is that okay?" Wooseok says hesitantly.

The line silences for a few seconds, and Mr. Kim says, "Oh, okay, sure! I'll tell your mom that you're coming home."

"No, don't tell her. I'll just show up on Sunday."

"Are you sure?" Mr. Kim asks, and then he seems to understand, "Fine, if you know what you are doing, then I trust your decision."

After hanging up the phone, Wooseok suddenly feels quite surreal. Half a year ago, he would never imagine that he could talk to his dad about his sexuality in such a normal way. After all, he has been so scared of him all his life. But now, he wonders if men's temperament would change as they age since his father seems so understanding and soft these days. But what he needs to think now is how to come out to his mother on Sunday, with Seungyoun being present.

Seungyoun has been busy recently, so Wooseok doesn't tell him much about his plan. Moreover, this is his own family issue, so he needs to deal with it himself.

Sunday morning, Wooseok takes the bus home. He checks on twitter and finds that Seungyoun's group had already arrived in Daejeon yesterday, and they are at an orphanage now. He opens a photo that was posted a while ago on their official account and sees Seungyoun, who is wearing a shiba inu hairband and holding a baby in his arms. The baby looks exactly like him with a crescent smiling eyes. And Seungyoun looks at him with an expression full of love and thoughtfulness. Wooseok doesn't know why but he suddenly blushes after seeing this photo. He bangs his forehead on the chair in front of him and thinks: Is this what Seungyoun will be like if he has his own baby?

However, he soon becomes embarrassed for even thinking about such a thing. A while ago, he was even refusing the idea of marriage, and now he's here secretly thinking of having a son with Seungyoun?

Wooseok told Seungyoun the day before that he would wait for him at the bus station, and then they could walk home together. Since he arrived early, he just sat there thinking random things. It's good that his mother would not show up suddenly though. In fact, his home is really not far from the station, but every time he came back, his mother would come to pick him up. That's just how overprotective she is.

Wooseok waits in the bus station for about an hour, and Seungyoun finally comes. The moment Wooseok sees him, his face reddens again because he recalls that photo of him and the little boy.

"What's wrong? Why are you so red already?" Seungyoun is thrilled to see him like this, but he doesn't know why Wooseok is so shy. Maybe he's being nervous that he's going to show his boyfriend to his parents? Seungyoun wonders and holds Wooseok's hand, "Sorry I'm late. Our event at the orphanage ended later than I thought. And we had to clean up a lot of stuff before leaving."

"I know. It's okay." Wooseok says.

If going to Wooseok's home on foot, they can walk by a river. There are almost no people at the bank of the river and it is quite cold in the late afternoon. Seungyoun holds Wooseok's hand and the two walk side by side, listening to the sound of the running water. They both do not speak much as they decide to enjoy the precious moment in which they can just hold hands and walk on an empty road without being discovered by people. They don't have to wear masks or hats; they can simply walk like a couple. This is such a luxury.

"So did your mom know about us now?" Seungyoun asks.

"No," Wooseok sighs, "But I'll tell her later, don't worry."

"I'm not worrying at all," Seungyoun smiles. He has experienced coming out to his parents, especially to his mom, twice, and now he knows full well the fact that parents are always rooting for their children, if there is true love between them.

"Why are you so relaxed? I really think that my mom will hit me to death or at least kick us out of the house later," Wooseok looks worried.

"Your dad said 'yes' though? Also, even if we are kicked out of the house, we are still together, right?" Seungyoun reassures him.

Wooseok feels better. Indeed, what would be the worst-case scenario? He still has Seungyoun, who has promised him that he will never ever leave him again.

Wooseok knocks on the door nervously, and soon his father opens the door and sees not just his son, but also his son's boyfriend. The rigid man immediately knows that this boyfriend is also an idol, given how tall and good-looking he is. Though the elderly man looks a little stiff to see the "boyfriend" of his son for the first time, he manages to keep his character as a professor by standing straight and looking somewhat judgmental. 

Seungyoun is not nervous at all. He bows to Mr. Kim and says, "Good evening, Professor Kim."

Mr. Kim is apparently surprised that he would actually call him a professor. This has made him quite happy and immediately sheds off his hard look, welcoming the two young men inside.

"Where's mom?" Wooseok asks. And without getting an answer, he sees his mom rushing out from the kitchen and sees him at the door, looking all startled.

"Oh my god, my baby! I didn't expect it's you! Why don't you tell me that you are coming home today?" The woman is as dramatic as usual and hugs Wooseok tightly.

Wooseok can hardly breathe and feels so embarrassed being treated like this in front of Seungyoun. He coughs and answers his mom, "I… I just wanted to… give you a surprise…"

Mrs. Kim gives Wooseok a kiss on the cheek, which makes Wooseok want to kill himself right now. This is too embarrassing, he's definitely like a three-year-old in everyone's eyes right now.

And finally, Mrs. Kim realizes that another person is standing behind her son.

"Wait son, you have a guest? Is this your co-worker? Come on in!" Mrs. Kim is always excited and friendly when seeing young and good-looking men. Although she is a prestigious professor, she loves watching romantic dramas during her spare time, so that explains.

Seungyoun smiles as he immediately gets Mrs. Kim's characteristics. He thinks she is a lovely woman, but he also knows that teachers always treat outsiders friendly, but treat their family members strictly. 

"Mom, this is Cho Seungyoun. My… my friend… who is also an idol," Wooseok introduces, apparently a little hesitantly.

Seungyoun bows to Mrs. Kim as well and presents her with a gift, which is a luxury scarf. This makes Mrs. Kim even more excited. Her face is glowing like a blooming flower. Seungyoun silently exchanges a look with Wooseok, indicating that he thinks he's mother is lovely and that he can handle the situation with her.

Wooseok is also a little surprised that his mother is totally unsuspicious about Seungyoun's presence. But also, it's probably because Seungyoun is good at communicating with the elders. When they start having dinner together, Seungyoun answers every question politely and always makes the parents laugh. At some point, it really feels like the son-in-law is visiting. Meanwhile, Mr. Kim asks a lot of questions about Seungyoun's family since he already knows he's relationship with his son. But Mrs. Kim would complain that her husband shouldn't ask too many personal questions.

As their conversation becomes more relaxed, Wooseok suddenly sees his father's suggestive glare at him. Clearly, it is time to be honest with mom. 

Wooseok clears his throat and raises his voice: "Mom…"

Mrs. Kim, who is happily talking with Seungyoun, looks at her son in surprise, "What's wrong, my baby?"

"Well… actually, I have something to tell you… That's why I come home today." Wooseok blushes without even getting into the point. What should he do? Should he just say that he and Seungyoun are dating? Will his mother have a heart attack and kick Seungyoun out? Will the atmosphere become awkward? Or is she going to beat him in front of everyone? Wooseok pauses and imagines all kinds of possibilities. His heart runs wildly. This is definitely more nerve-wracking than going on stage.

Just when he gets anxious again, Wooseok suddenly feels that his hand under the table is taken by Seungyoun's. Next, Seungyoun's voice comes out first: "Mr. Kim, Mrs. Kim, Wooseok and I are actually dating now. That's why we are here today. We want to tell you about this formally."

_ What?  _

_ Why is Seungyoun telling them now? _

Wooseok raises his head and looks into Seungyoun's eyes in wonder. But Seungyoun still looks nonchalant, and he continues, "We are in a very serious relationship. We've been together for more than a year already. Wooseok has helped me and supported me a lot during this year, and he has saved me from my lowest moment in life. I'm really thankful that you have given him life and taken good care of him so that I can meet him in my life. Please, let me take care of him for you in Seoul."

Wooseok is startled, he still cannot entirely decipher the whole situation that is happening right now. What is this? They haven't rehearsed for it at all!

But more importantly, Wooseok realizes that he should see their parents' reactions now. He looks at his mother, anxiously. Not surprisingly, she seems quite shocked.

However, Mrs. Kim is a professor, so she will not just shout out or make a scene in front of someone outside their family. She tries her best to act calm and keeps her elegant temperament, and then she asks Seungyoun, "Seungyoun-ah, you said you two are dating. Is that like… a boyfriend and girlfriend kind of thing?"

"It's like that, but not exactly," Seungyoun answers serenely, "because both of us are guys. But what we have for each other is definitely 'love,' just like the feeling between you and Mr. Kim."

Mrs. Kim now looks at her husband for help; however, she is surprised to find that her husband seems totally cool with it, and his face clearly says, "Yea, that's it."

"Wait, so you… you already knew?" Mrs. Kim asks her husband.

"Yea… kinda," the father shrugs, "Wooseok told me months ago."

"So that's why you've been talking with me about the legalization of gay marriage and stuff recently? And you said it's for your research?"

"Yep," Mr. Kim answers crisply.

Now Mrs. Kim lets out a long sigh.

Wooseok hasn't said a word from the moment Seungyoun chimed in. Honestly, he doesn't even know if he's still breathing. He feels like he's been removed from the current conversation. Nobody asks him for opinions, and nobody demands his explanation. He can tell that his mom has been in a bind. On the one hand, she is shocked. On the other hand, she doesn't want to lose her disposition. So the entire atmosphere feels weird, and he has no idea what's going to happen next.

Wooseok gives Seungyoun a glance again and sees that he is still smiling politely and calmly. He proceeds: "Mr. and Mrs. Kim, we are just like any other couples in this world, loving each other and caring for each other. It's just that we both happen to be in the same sex. And I'm assuring you that we know what we are doing. So please don't worry and please trust me. There will never be another person in this world that I will love as much as I love your son."

Wooseok's heart skips a beat. He has never heard of Seungyoun confessing such emotional words to him, and now he's hearing it with his parents. So this is how he shows his determination to his parents? This is too heart-warming.

Seungyoun finishes his little speech and holds Wooseok's hand under the table even tighter. At one point, Wooseok thinks this is just like a scene from a romantic drama that his mom loves to watch, except that it happens to her son, and another guy.

Mrs. Kim still seems shocked, but she also doesn't know what to say. Her eyes seem to be blaming her husband for not letting her know beforehand, and now she's like the only one being isolated.

However, the next thing that Wooseok hears is totally outside his expectation because his mom says, "Well, if you both think this is okay. Then that's fine for me."

Wooseok stares at his mother, totally speechless.

"Really? So does that mean you accepted our relationship?" Seungyoun asks.

"His father already said okay. So I guess it's fine for me, too? And… we have a neighbor who… actually has gone through a lot of hardships because of something similar to this…" Mrs. Kim says vaguely, but everyone at the table knows that she's referring to Min.

And now Mr. Kim finally opens up, "Wooseok has been growing up by himself. He has always been lonely and has taken a lot of pressure because of us. Now there is this excellent young man who can accompany him, treating him wholeheartedly, I think it's not bad. They are both young, any kind of relationship should be a good experience, as long as they know what they are doing."

Now, Seungyoun feels that Wooseok is trying to break free of his grip, so he releases his hand. And next, Wooseok covers his face with both hands. He doesn't know how to face everyone at the table. All he knows is that he has been protected by Seungyoun, by his father, and even by Min. Everyone is doing something for him, helping him to get a final affirmation from his mother, helping him to achieve happiness in life. What did he do to deserve all this love and kindness?

"Mom, I'm sure you are disappointed with me," Wooseok says while still hiding his face in his palms.

Seungyoun can tell that Wooseok is about to cry, so he stretches his arm to pat him on the back, passing more strength to him to continue.

"But please trust me, I didn't mean to make you mad or anything. I just… I suddenly fell in love with him. I really love him. I'm serious…"

The parents quietly listen to their only son saying this to them, and both fall into silence. Maybe they have different thoughts in mind, but one thing is shared—that Wooseok has never expressed his emotions in such an honest way to them. Their son has always been reserved and tranquil. So when he can finally open his heart to them this way, that truly means he is determined and serious about this relationship.

"Okay, fine. Mom knows now." Mrs. Kim says, "How about you two go home for today, and give me some time to process all this?"

Seungyoun looks up, and he is met by Mr. Kim's reassuring gaze, which is telling him, "don't worry." He then passes a knowing and thankful smile to the older man, and slightly bows to him across the table.

Wooseok has no strength to look directly into his mom's eyes now. He feels that he has used all his courage in life to say what he just said. He stands up and walks to the door, and Seungyoun holds him from the back, supporting his almost collapsing body. Meanwhile, Wooseok can hear his boyfriend saying to his ear softly: "It's okay. We're fine."

"My dear Wooseok, please know that mama is not mad at you, I just need some time to digest all this information. Don't cry, my son. Go home for tonight and do well with work tomorrow." Mrs. Kim says from their back, and she decides to not seeing them off at the door.

Seungyoun turns around and bows to Mrs. Kim again gratefully and then walks out of the door with Wooseok. However, when they get to the first floor, they realize that Mr. Kim actually follows them downstairs.

"Don't worry, my kids," the professor says, "My wife is like that. She wants to maintain some pride so she will not just accept it right at the scene. However, I've been talking to her a lot recently, and I can tell that she is okay with you guys now. Please take care of yourselves when you get back to Seoul."

Seungyoun nods and bows to Mrs. Kim again, thanking him sincerely.

And Mr. Kim knocks on his son's head and smiles, "Don't cry like a baby."

"I'm not!" Wooseok protests, "I'm not crying!" Even though he is clearly sobbing.

When the couple leaves the house, it is almost 9pm. Wooseok wants to catch the 10pm bus to Seoul, so Seungyoun walks him to the station.

They still hold hands. It is freezing by the riverside at night, even though both of them are wearing padding coats, Wooseok still shivers a bit. Seungyoun thus pulls Wooseok's left hand into his own pocket and says, "See, I told you not to worry. Your mom is actually very understanding. And now we are both still alive."

"Well, yea…" Wooseok replies, "But I still feel a little guilty. Maybe I would feel better if she actually got mad at me."

"Don't say that. Why can't you just accept the good outcome candidly? I think you are quite pessimistic about your own stuff."

"That's because…" Wooseok tries to explain but stops because he really doesn't know why.

"Because you love them. Although you've had some bad memories with them, you still love them. Because they are your parents," Seungyoun says, because he knows. Even though his realization about this had come too late in his family.

"Oh, by the way, I have a gift for you," Seungyoun suddenly remembers and stops Wooseok under a street lamp. He reaches his other hand to the pocket on the left side of his jacket and brings out a grey, velvet box.

Wooseok now leans on the fence and thinks: _Wait. NO WAY!_

Seungyoun grins mischievously as he slowly opens that box. No surprise, there is a black ring with some silver etched lines inside the box. Simple but with an attitude, totally Wooseok's taste.

Seungyoun carefully puts the ring on Wooseok's ring finger on his left hand. It fits just right.

"Wait, is it this finger?" Wooseok finally says something. He looks at Seungyoun with his eyes shining like the brightest stars.

"This is just to praise you for being so brave tonight," Seungyoun answers, "And when we get married, I will give you an even better ring to replace this one." He smiles and pulls Wooseok's hand near his mouth, then kisses it. He then asks, "Do you like it?"

"It's okay." Wooseok almost cries but chooses to be naughty at this moment.

"Wait! Your answer is different from what I had expected!" Seungyoun complains.

"But just now at my home, you were acting totally out of my plan too!" Wooseok suddenly remembers the hassle at the dinner table.

Seungyoun hugs Wooseok. Their heights fit perfectly as the taller man can always rest his jaw on his boyfriend's head, and Wooseok can always hear his boyfriend's heartbeat while being in his arms. Seungyoun then says tenderly, "Of course, how could I leave you to face this all alone? I was the one who pursued you first."

"Then you should tell me earlier about your plan," Wooseok whimpers softly.

"Because I wanted to surprise you, okay? Just know that as long as I'm here, you'll be alright. You've done so much for me, I'm just protecting you on the spot."

Wooseok chuckles, "What do you mean by 'on the spot'?" He totally planned everything.

"Ah, one more thing." Seungyoun releases Wooseok from his arms and looks at him thoughtfully.

"Now what?"

"Are you interested in… assisting a child with me?"

"The one you held in the picture?" For some reason, Wooseok immediately gets what he is referring to.

"Who? Oh, you mean the photo on our twitter? Yes." Seungyoun says.

"Sure. What do I need to do? Just wire him money every month or something?"

"I can pay for him. You don't have to do anything. I just want to put your name and mine together to do some charity. And this way, he'll also have two 'fathers.'"

"Wait? Fathers? But we are not even…" Wooseok suddenly panics.

"No, no, I mean, 'fathers' in parentheses. And I said 'assisting' him. We are not adopting him. I just want to do this with you."

"Oh… I see." Wooseok gets it.

"But if you really want to be a dad, I think we can adopt him someday," Seungyoun says half-jokingly.

Wooseok now grins in the dark. He teases, "You know, you and that kid look quite similar. Maybe people will think that he's really your illegitimate son. You need to be careful about it."

However, it seems that Seungyoun totally missed the point. He suddenly becomes excited and says to Wooseok: "I know, right??? You think so too??? I think he looks like me a lot. I normally don't like kids that much, but the moment I saw him I was totally in love!"

"So isn't he really your son?" Wooseok repeats his point.

"No! I have only slept with guys, how can I have a son?" Seungyoun explains hurriedly without even thinking.

"Only slept with guys, huh?" Wooseok now catches his slip of the tongue, "What do you mean? How many guys have you slept with? You are dead Cho Seungyoun!" Wooseok pretends to be angry.

"Ah!!! I'm so sorry Wooseokie! I didn't mean that! I only sleep with you! I will never look at other guys! Let's go to America and get married tomorrow, shall we?" Seungyoun is clearly having a panic attack.

Wooseok bursts into laughter, "Fine. I will assist that kid with you. But tomorrow I'm back to work, so don't even think about marriage. What marriage?" He says while strides confidently on the empty road, as the bus station is just about a hundred meters away.

"Wait, Wooseokie! You promised me that you will marry me! You will, right?" Seungyoun whines from the back. He doesn't chase him but gazes at the love of his life, who is sprinting happily under the starlight, and then he sheds a tear, full of joy. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I hope this after story has made you happy! And of course, these two will be living happily ever after in this alternate universe. ;)


	19. After Story: Tannie and Mr. Shiba

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, a surprise epilogue of the "Only Sons."  
> Actually, I wrote this together with the last chapter, but I was too tired and lazy to translate it back then. However, since someone recently requested, I decided to translate it today and post it here. Hope you like it. It's just fluff things.  
> And this is really the END of the series. Thanks so much for all the likes and comments. ❤❤❤

After Seungyoun debuted with PDX, he moved to the agency’s dorm with the members. Due to loneliness, his mom soon adopted a puppy. Wooseok heard about it from Seungyoun and always wanted to see it. However, with different schedules, the two couldn’t find a date until the upcoming week-long holiday of Chuseok. The couple immediately decided to spend the Chuseok Eve at Seungyoun’s mom’s place. Of course, Wooseok was super excited. For one thing, he hasn’t seen Mrs. Cho for a long time and missed her a lot, and for another, he could finally see the little puppy. 

On Chuseok Eve, as soon as Mrs. Cho opens the door for them, a black chihuahua runs out and barks at them happily. Wooseok is surprised by how small and cute he is and immediately falls in love with this little creature. In fact, he really wanted to keep a dog when he was a kid. But unsurprisingly, his parents rejected his wish since “keeping a pet will affect your grades.” Thus, there was a period during his elementary school years that he would deliberately make a detour on his way home, just to walk past a pet shop and greet some dogs and cats inside the window. Among them, there was a shiba inu (dog) which seemed especially fond of him. Every time he passed by, the shiba would bark and scratch the window eagerly. One day, the staff at the shop asked Wooseok to come in and play with him. “Our shiba really likes you,” the woman said. However, Wooseok told her that it was impossible for him to adopt it. Moreover, when he went home that day, he was scolded by his parents for arriving home later than usual.

“He’s so cute! What’s his name?” Wooseok asks Mrs. Cho while looking at the black chihuahua affectionately.

“Tan,” Mrs. Cho answers with a satisfying smile. Actually, since she approved her son’s relationship with Wooseok, she started to see Wooseok as her second son and would always call him or send food to his apartment. So she is also very happy to see Wooseok tonight.

“Tan-ah! How about I call you Tannie?” Wooseok uses his finger to tap Tannie’s little chin. However, the puppy suddenly turns around and runs toward Seungyoun, circling around him instead.

Compared to Wooseok’s excitement, Seungyoun seems much indifferent about the chihuahua. He walks into the kitchen and being clingy to his mom, “Mom, I told you that I wanted a shiba, not a chihuahua! How about you adopt another one? A shiba?”

“Nope,” Mrs. Cho rejects, “I just like this kind of smaller breeds. It’s easy to keep and walk around with it. If you want a shiba, go adopt one yourself.”

“Ok, ok, as long as you are happy,” Seungyoun pouts and steals a snack from the plate on the counter. He then walks back to the living room and sits on the sofa. Of course, Tan has never left him during the entire time, he also runs with him and sits on his laps naturally.

Seungyoun hasn’t been home for about a month. Every time he comes back, there are some changes in the living room. Sometimes it’s the flower in the vase, sometimes it’s the color of the table cloths. This time, he also looks around feeling content and reassured that his mom is doing well, until he suddenly notices a sharp sight from Wooseok, who is staring at him angrily while pouting.

“Why does he only like you?” Wooseok points at Tannie and asks Seungyoun.

“Hmm? I don’t know. Maybe it’s because this is the first time that he meets you? Or maybe because you are a kitten?” Seungyoun teases Wooseok and then pats Tannie on his laps.

Wooseok is not happy, he moves closer to sit by Seungyoun and tries to pat the puppy, however, Tannie immediately turns his head away again. Wooseok looks at Seungyoun in shock: “SEE!!! He doesn’t like me!!! How come???!!!”

However, the disappointed and angry Wooseok is definitely cuter than the puppy in Seungyoun’s eyes. He smiles and holds Tan up, letting him face Wooseok, “Come on, Tan, look at your brother’s boyfriend!”

Tan seems to only listen to Seungyoun, as he now gives a fearful glimpse to Wooseok. Seungyoun then tilts the puppy's chin to make him look at Wooseok longer, but the puppy whines to protest. Wooseok catches the chance to pat Tan’s head. Omg! How can Tannie be so cute!!! He can’t help but kisses his forehead again even though Tan doesn't seem like enjoying it.

Seungyoun laughs out loud and says to Wooseok, “You really like this kind of tiny little things, huh? But you are also tiny, and you are more lovely than him.”

Wooseok doesn’t like being called “tiny” so he immediately looks up at Seungyoun and complains, “I’m not tiny! It’s just you are too big! Tan is much cuter than you!”

Now it's Seungyoun's turn to be sulky. He releases Tan and abruptly hugs Wooseok instead, “I thought you liked 'big' people.”

Wooseok cannot move in Seungyoun’s tight embrace. He has to admit that compared to Seungyoun, he is small, so that every time when they hug, he almost disappears in Seungyoun's torso. Like right now, his face is exactly leaning on Seungyoun's chest and he can hear his heartbeat and the wooden scent coming from inside his clothes.

Actually they haven’t seen each other for a week, and before coming home, they didn’t really have a chance to be intimate, so as Seungyoun holds him tight now, Wooseok slowly surrenders and forgets about the little “quarrel” they had just now. At the same time, poor Tan is suddenly being ignored, so he stares at his brother, who is hugging another human being, and blinks his eyes in confusion. Seungyoun happens to see Tan and winks at this little creature as if telling him to go play with “mom” instead of being a "third wheeler" here. Tan is smart, he gets it quickly and runs back into the kitchen.

Seungyoun hugs Wooseok for a long time. He sniffs the smaller man’s hair and murmurs, “My Wooseokie smells like autumn today.”

“Are you a dog, too? It’s just normal shampoo.”

“Yes, I am. I’m a big doggie that you don’t like,” Seungyoun says with a grin on his face.

Wooseok also smiles, he looks up and lays a kiss on Seungyoun’s chin. Seungyoun's mouth then quickly catches his, and gives him a long kiss in return. Wooseok feels so fulfilled. He tastes Seungyoun's tenderness and thinks to himself, “I don’t like big man, I just like him only.”

They finally let each other go when they hear the clanks of bowls and plates from the kitchen. Meanwhile, Tan is running back to them as well. As soon as he sees Seungyoun is “available” now, he jumps onto his laps again and looks at Wooseok, somehow still in fear and doubt.

Wooseok is dying for Tan’s cuteness. He wants to pat him again but Tan still refuses. Seungyoun can’t help but laughs at Wooseok, “Just give up. I guess only big puppies will like you.”

Wooseok sighs with disappointment, and then he suddenly sees that Tan has rolled his eyes. It almost feels like Tan was complaining that he has stolen his brother away or something. Wait, is that why he doesn’t like me? Wooseok wonders.

“Tannie, if you don’t let me pat you, I’m gonna steal your brother away for sure!” Wooseok pouts.

***

After dinner, Wooseok insists on going back to the dorm even though Mrs. Cho really wanted him to stay overnight. Seungyoun drives him home, yet they were soon stuck in the holiday traffic.

“Hey, do you want to see the kid tomorrow?”

“What?” Wooseok is surprised by the sudden question, “What kid?”

“The kid we sponsored. You haven’t seen him yet, right?”

“Oh… I see…” Wooseok now remembers. There is this kid that Seungyoun has been sponsoring financially, and he also put his name on the document later. So to some extent, they are like the “fathers” to this kid? Wooseok wonders and gets a little shy. He never found time to go to the orphanage, but tomorrow, he will finally see this boy.

“So, do you want to go? I’ll drive, it won’t take long.” Seungyoun notices the sudden silence from Wooseok, so he asks again.

“Oh! Of course I will go! So… do I need to prepare anything?”

Seungyoun can clearly tell that Wooseok is nervous, so he says, “Nothing. We just gonna pay a visit and play with him for a while. You don’t need to feel pressured or nervous.”

“Ok… but does he… know me?”

“I’ve told him about you. I told him there will be another brother named Wooseok who will see him in the future.” After Seungyoun answers, the jammed traffic finally starts to move.

Wooseok looks at Seungyoun’s side profile and begins to fantasize. Although Seungyoun looks like he’s not into kids or trivial things, he may actually be a very patient dad? He has such a warm and healing smile and personality, who doesn’t like him? Wooseok thinks and suddenly becomes sulky. Indeed, there must be so many fangirls who love him crazily. Even though he himself is also an idol, for some reason all he can think about right now is that Seungyoun must be so popular among all kinds of people and that makes him jealous.

“Why are you looking at me like this,” Seungyoun senses the gaze even though he’s driving.

“Nothing. I just think it’s nice that there are so many people who love you in this world, but you are mine.” Wooseok raises his voice as if to mark his possession.

“Yes, I’m yours. I’m forever yours.” Seungyoun giggles and answers immediately.

“Good,” Wooseok nods in satisfaction.

The next morning, Seungyoun arrives early and parks the car outside Wooseok’s dorm. He actually changed to a very lowkey car brand so that it won’t draw any attention from the possible paparazzi around the area.

He waits in the car for five minutes and sees Wooseok walking towards this direction with a big bag in his hand.

“I told you that you don’t have to prepare anything,” Seungyoun says when Wooseok enters the passenger’s seat.

“Don’t mind me. So did you eat breakfast?” Wooseok asks.

“No. My mom didn’t wake up early today. I guess she was too happy to see you last night and she talked too much and became tired.”

“Oh good. I mean, good that you haven’t had breakfast, because I made something for you.” Wooseok grabs a plastic bento box from the bag.

Seungyoun is quite surprised. He doesn’t know that Wooseok can cook, so he says, “Did you make this yourself? Then even if I had breakfast at home, I would still taste yours.”

Wooseok blushes. Actually, it will only take a little more than one hour to go to the orphanage in Daejeon, but he got so excited last night because it would be the first time that they travel somewhere together. Hence, he brought a lot of snacks and woke up super early to make some sandwiches. After all, Seungyoun is the one driving and he could get tired, so Wooseok wants to be a good passenger and feeds him well along the way.

“I don’t usually make this kind of food… so if they are not good then you can just leave them there.” Wooseok nervously gives Seungyoun a sandwich. In fact, the two sandwiches in the bento box look quite nice, but only god knows how many times the clumsy Wooseok had tried just to fry a decent egg.

Seungyoun takes a big bite, and his eyes immediately light up: “It’s so good! Really!” He compliments Wooseok without even swallow the food.

“Shut up,” Wooseok blushes again.

“Did you eat? You should eat too! Let me feed you. Ahhh---” Seungyoun holds the sandwich in front of Wooseok, indicating him to bite the other end.

“It’s ok. I already ate. These are all for you.” Indeed, he failed so many times this morning and ate the leftovers already. But of course, he’s not gonna tell Seungyoun about that.

The sceneries along the way to Daejeon is actually quite boring, but Wooseok is excited from the very beginning. He sometimes feeds Seungyoun snacks, sometimes gives him water. Until later Seungyoun begs him to stop because he is really full.

“Don’t just feed me, you should eat more, Wooseokie,” Seungyoun spares one hand to pat Wooseok’s head, “You know, sometimes I think you are like a kid. Why are you so excited about a one-hour trip? I guess when you see Woon, there will be two kids.”

“Who? Woon? Our kid?” Wooseok asks automatically, but then he realizes something weird and corrects, “I mean, the kid we sponsored?”

Seungyoun nods with a smile, “In fact, if you want to say ‘our kid,’ it’s fine, too. But for now, it’s only between us, ok?”

Wooseok looks outside with a reddened face. He secretly mutters “our kid” and then puts a biscuit inside his own mouth to stop this silly and embarrassing action. It excites and also frightens him that the sound of “our kid” is so good. How he wishes to see the day when he and Seungyoun can really have a kid and living under the same roof! But for now, it sounds quite impossible.

An hour later, they arrive at the orphanage. A teacher leads them to Woon's room. The baby boy who’s about 3 years old is sitting in bed looking sleepy. He is also holding a blue quilt tightly in his little hand. Although Wooseok has seen Woon’s photos before, the real one is definitely more lovely than in the image. Moreover, he looks totally like Seungyoun in his kindergarten photos!

The teacher tells them, “There are two kids sharing this room. The other one’s foster parents came earlier and took him to the zoo. Woon is very quiet, he likes to stare into the void when he wakes up. I wonder what he’s thinking about.” The teacher leaves the space to them and walks away. And Seungyoun now holds Wooseok’s hand and approaches Woon.

“Woon-ah, this is Wooseok-hyung. He comes to see you!” Seungyoun whispers to Woon while kneeling down. He then pinches the kid’s round cheeks and smiles gently at him.

Woon is clearly very attached to Seungyoun. Although he looked kind of lost a minute ago, he is now opening his arms asking for a hug from Seungyoun. Seungyoun immediately stands up and holds him up. The two then walks around the room and giggles, “Did you miss me, Woonie?” Seungyoun asks. 

Woon nods, and then nervously glares at Wooseok who is standing by the wall. Wooseok suddenly finds it familiar, isn’t this how Tannie looked at him last night? But he really hopes Woon will like him soon, otherwise, he will be very sad.

“Woon-ah, again, this is your Wooseok-hyung. We come to play with you, ok?” Seungyoun notices the uneasiness on Wooseok’s face, so he holds holds up Woon’s small hand to say “hi” to Wooseok.

Wooseok is a little embarrassed. He used to think that only he likes kids and likes to hug them and shower them with kisses, but looking at how close Seungyoun and Woon are right now, he can totally see a spoiling dad in Seungyoun. How come he said he didn’t like kids before? Liar!

“I’m handing you to Wooseokie, ok?” Seungyoun smirks at Wooseok and passes the kid to him. Wooseok takes the kid with caution but he is weirdly anxious. To be honest, he is afraid that Woon will reject him just like what Tannie did last night. But thank god, the kid is so cute and immediately opens his arms, asking for Wooseok’s hug.

Wooseok has hugged so many kids during his fansign events. He loved every one of them and could play with them with ease. However, the moment he holds Woon in his arms, he suddenly forgets what to do. He instinctively looks at Seungyoun as if he’s not confident and wants some help. However, Woon seems to be surprisingly comfortable and relaxed. He even uses his small hand to play with Wooseok’s hair and giggles. Wooseok becomes calmer by the kid’s softness. He slightly bounces the kid in his arms and says gently, “Did you sleep well? Can I kiss you?” And without hearing anything back, Wooseok has already laid some loving kisses on Woon’s pinky cheeks. They are so soft, so squishy! Wooseok sighs internally. God knows how much he loves kids...

Woon becomes shy when being kissed, so he looks away just like what Tannie did yesterday. Wooseok is not mad at all because he knows too well that when kids are shy, it’s not because they don’t like you, but the other way around. So he pats Woon’s little butts and smiles, then kisses him more.

Seungyoun is sitting on the chair and looking at them with a satisfactory grin on his face. This scene looks so good and healing. He takes out a camera from his bag and presses the shutter to record this moment. Wooseok hears the shutter sound, so he turns around to look at Seungyoun in surprise. And now through the viewfinder, Seungyoun sees Wooseok’s doe eyes and plumpy lips, so plumpy that they may soon be landing on Woon’s cheeks again.

Meanwhile in Wooseok’s eyes, he sees Seungyoun’s crescent, smily eye behind the camera. The autumn sunbeam sheds on his soft hair and his wide shoulder. He seems to be covered by all the gentle love and warmth in the world, and his therapeutic aura extends toward him and Woon. Wooseok also wants to record Seungyoun at this moment—the man who makes his heart race thousands of times, the man who brings him endless smile and sunlight after overcoming the gloomy days, the man who is a little clumsy about his own feelings, but knows full well how to love his boyfriend. 

_Seungyoun, do you know all this? Do you know how precious you are?_ Wooseok thinks and then walks slowly towards his man. He stands on his tiptoes and gives Seungyoun a kiss on the lips.

_Oh, so the kiss that I just saw in the viewfinder was not for Woon, but for me?_ –Seungyoun licks his own lips and smiles.

Wooseok then steps back, still with Woon in his arms. Both of them are looking at Seungyoun, and nobody says a word.

Seungyoun bursts into laughter. This scene is kinda funny because he remembers he just said in the car that when these two get together, there will be two kids. Indeed, sometimes he thinks Wooseok is his “kid,” too. He is so small, so pure, so soft. His eyes are always shining like the brightest stars that Seungyoun wonders how he can get the entire galaxy as a gift to this most precious boy in his life.

But did he convey these feelings to him well?

“Wooseok-ah, I have a plan,” Seungyoun says.

“Really? What a coincidence! Me too.” Wooseok responses.

They both look into each others’ eyes with full affection. They can both tell how dense their feelings are for each other at this very moment.

1, 2, 3.

“I—”

“I want us to fly to America tomorrow. And let’s get married!”

They speak out simultaneously but it is Wooseok who finishes first. 

Seungyoun’s eyes and mouth are now wide open.

“Can we? Sorry for making you wait for so long. We still have a few days of vacation so let’s go to get married! Emm… no, how about the day after tomorrow? Since we may need a day to prepare some luggage.” Wooseok utters.

However, Seungyoun still looks stunned. And the air in the room becomes a little strange.

Wooseok doesn’t like the awkward silence, so he takes a deep breath and adds, “That was my propose to you, Seungyoun. Don’t make me so embarrassed, ok?”

“NO! WAIT! I was gonna say that!!!” Seungyoun finally bursts out. He rubs his hair and puts his hand into his bag. After a few seconds, he pulls out some papers, together with a velvet box.

“Marry me, Kim Wooseok.”

???

It is now Wooseok’s turn to be startled. He walks closer to Seungyoun like a robot and looks inside the velvet box. There are two rings with some words engraved: CSY·KWS.

Then, Woon in his arms stretches his little hands out and grab the papers in Seungyoun’s hands. Wooseok takes a look—they are flight tickets to Las Vegas, TOMORROW.

“Are you crazy? Cho Seungyoun???” Wooseok reads the date on the tickets again and yells.

“No, I'm not. And you just said we could get married tomorrow, too.” Seungyoun explains hurriedly, “I planned this for a while now. Also, I was proposing to you just now, and you haven’t said anything yet…” He now looks super nervous, almost seems like… a big puppy waiting for his owner to send a command?!— Wooseok thinks.

“I do. I do! But I was the one who proposed first!” Wooseok raises his voice and sends Woon to Seungyoun’s arms, “How come you’ve already prepared everything? This is cheating!!!”

“Be… because we finally have a long holiday and I decided to prepare in advance…” Seungyoun lowers his voice.

Wooseok can’t pretend to be angry and hold back his smile anymore, because the way Seungyoun glimpses at him timidly right now suddenly reminds him of that shiba dog that he saw in the pet shop as a kid. The shiba was all excited when Wooseok was outside every day, but when he finally walked in, he became shy and timid.

“So, Mr. Shiba, do you want to marry me? You haven’t answered me yet.”

“I do! Of course I do! I’m forever your Mr. Shiba.”

Wooseok nods contently. He looks at Seungyoun in front of him, as well as the smaller version of him named Woon, and lets out a long and relieved breath.

“Woon-ah, did you hear that? Wooseokie and I are going to get married. And then we will come back and be by your side, watching you grow up together, ok?”

-END-

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this fiction in Chinese originally and I'm translating it into English. The work in Chinese has finished so no worries if I'll leave you hanging:) It's just a pain to translate though, because English is not my second language.  
> I have quite limited vocabulary so please pardon some weird sentences or grammar mistakes. I'm trying to translate and post two chapters each time on AO3 (So there are 34 chapters in Chinese, but 17 chapters here).  
> Still working in progress. ;)
> 
> Update: Since some of you asked, I guess I'll try to translate some R18 content then... Ahh this is hard... 😂
> 
> You can find me on Twi: @meow_62


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